


Azul

by devastating



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Claude von Riegan is a Little Shit, Fade to Black, Glenn Fraldarius Lives, Hubert would totally like sylvain and you can fight me on that, Hurt/Comfort, I promise this will have a happy ending even if I have to rewrite the entire game, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Minor Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Claude von Riegan, Minor Ferdinand von Aegir/Hubert von Vestra, Slow Burn, Soft Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Sylvain Jose Gautier Needs A Hug, Sylvain Jose Gautier's Father's Bad Parenting, in the waaaaay later chapters, khalid Von reigan because I love his actual birth name, listen just read the summary and you’ll be able to understand, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:14:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 166,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23026102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devastating/pseuds/devastating
Summary: Sylvain was raised to be perfect, raised to meet a standard that was too high for anyone to ever be expected to meet. For years he tried to either way, only for him to fall short. All that was left for him now was the hope of being able to keep the one he loved safe and a promise made on the night that carved his fate into stone.~~ ♡ ~~Aka what if Sylvain was the one that was disowned instead of Miklan.[MAJOR SPOILERS]ON HIATUS
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Sylvain Jose Gautier, Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier, Sylvain Jose Gautier & Claude von Riegan, Sylvain Jose Gautier & Hubert von Vestra
Comments: 96
Kudos: 274





	1. Blanco

**Author's Note:**

> Hi so I wrote this because I had a deep desire to find a fic that had sylvain be the one that’s disowned and then I couldn’t find it and I was like oh shit baby this is gonna go down
> 
> Also please be aware I haven’t written in a long time and English isn’t my first language. I apologize in advance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I’m sorry I suck at writing kid conversation

Even at a young age, Sylvain had always known what it felt to keep your emotions in check. You do not grow up with the kind of family that he had without learning this harsh lesson. A mother that expected too much from someone so small. A father that only saw your worth with the accomplishments you have instead of who you truly are. And a brother that saw you as his catalyst for his misery and anger. No, in a family like that, you learn very quickly that emotions are not for a member of the Gautier family. 

And so learn he did. For every time he wished to cry, he would simply laugh. For every scream of rage, he would chose a carefully crafted smile to hide behind. Because that is what a Gautier should do, no, that is what a Gautier must do. 

Pain, fear, anger, and sadness were all a form luxury in the Gautier manor. You had to be give permission to feel these things, and even then, just because you got permission from one family member did not mean that the rest would agree with showing that kind of weakness. And so even when he was given the go ahead to cry, it always ended with more pain than what he had felt initially. He learned quickly that even if he was told it was okay to feel those things, that it never was okay. It never would be okay. 

Even at such a young age, he knew these lessons like the back of his hand. But that did not mean that he was as cruel as his family, no, that was his biggest flaw. His kindness was in all accounts and purposes, his biggest weakness. A spot that could be used to hurt him over and over again. He did not show his emotions through the years of living with his family, but all those years could never take his kindness away from him. This he thought, was his curse. 

A curse, that he could not find hating. Not if it meant being the pillar for those he actually cared about. There were only three people that he found himself giving his kindness to. People that he grew up and learned to love, they were younger than him, and lived far from him. But they were the world to him: Dimitri, Ingrid, and Felix. The three people that he found loving in a world that told him never to do something as foolish as that. 

When he had first met them, he did not care for them in all honesty. He had been told by his father that he was to meet the children of people that he worked with, children of people that were politically important he assumed. And so he was told to “play nice”, as if he did not know what would happen to him if he acted anything but perfect. And so they left their manor and headed towards Fraldarius territory, or that was, at least, what his parents called it. It did not take as long as he thought it was going to, having been to the capitol multiple times, he thought it would take days like it did to ride there. But he was not about to complain about the short trip so he kept that thought to himself. 

Of course, his father upon arriving to this strange manor, acted like the fool that he truly was. Strutting in like if he was the human embodiment of perfect instead of what he truly was, a greedy pig. And it would not be his father, if he did not also force Sylvain to stride alongside him, as he were showcasing his most prized horse. Sylvain knew deep down that he had to get used to that, though at the time, he was still not comfortable with that idea. 

As any young boy, Sylvain did not care much for the interior of the house or even take in any of the detailing of the architecture or his surroundings. No, his eyes immediately locked on to the people before him. He knew one of the men that stood in front of him, his king. He remembered him because upon his first meeting of him he had made the mistake of not bowing deep enough and was thoroughly corrected on that matter once he got home. This time he made sure to even kneel before him without even been told to do so. This brought a smile to his fathers face, a smile that screamed ‘look at how well trained my dog is? Be jealous all of you’ Sylvain did not enjoy that smile. 

He was 7 years old at that time so he was trying his best to keep up with the conversation that was going on between the older men, but his small brain could only decipher the fact that it had to do with their respective territories and how happy they were to all meet up. He sensed that the last part was a lie but again, he kept that thought to himself. He quickly started getting bored with the conversation and hearing his older brother sigh, only meant that he was not alone in that department. And so he finally decided to look around his surroundings. Of course there were the three older men in front of him, he could remember seeing one of these men with the king at some point of his visit to the capital but then again, he was not known for having the best memory. He could however, say without a doubt, that he had never met the third man and he could tell by his outfit that it was most likely because he did not have as much money as his father which in turn meant that his father looked down on him. He was sure this man could also tell that. 

It was during this scanning, that he saw three pairs of eyes looking at him from across the hallway. Small eyes belonging to one blonde boy, one blonde girl, and one smaller boy with black hair. The moment he spotted them the three immediately ran away, Sylvain didn’t really care much for that but he assumed they were the ones he was going to be meeting today. 

“Miklan” his father said motioning towards his older brother. “Duke Fraldarius says Glenn is up stairs so why don’t you join him?”

“Of course” was all Miklan said before walking away. The way his feet moved and his overall posture was enough for Sylvain to know that Miklan was not too pleased with being told what to do. 

“And Sylvain” his father said, making him snap his head back towards him in attention. “Why don’t you follow the nice lady and she’ll take you to meet the kids that I told you about.”

And there it was. That smile. The smile that told him to watch himself, Sylvain knew that smile and that was the one he hated more than anything because it meant that he was being tested as of now, and if he failed? May the goddess show him mercy. 

“Yes father” he said quietly before walking over to one of the maids that quickly led him down the hallway. She did not talk to him or even acknowledge his presence but Sylvain had learned that that was something to be happy about. 

“This is where the young masters are” the lady spoke once they entered a room, the three kids he had seen previously were sitting down on the floor with cards all around them. “Why don’t the three of you come here so I can introduce you all?”

They quickly got on their feet and stood in front of him, clearly nervous of his presence. All except the small boy with black hair, he was simply vibrating with what Sylvain could only hope was excitement. 

“Everyone, this is Sylvain and he’ll be staying here for the night with all of you. Sylvain, let me introduce them to you” the lady said before motioning to the blonde boy. “This is the crown prince Dimitri.”

“Pleasure meeting you” the boy squeaked out. Sylvain instantly knew that he was just coping what he had probably heard a grown up say. 

“And this lovely lady is Ingrid.”

“It’s a pleasure too!” She mimicked the other boy. 

“And this is Felix” she said as she motioned to the smaller boy. 

Instead of replying like the other two, the boy simply walked up to him and looked up at him. Sylvain merely stayed still knowing that the boy was trying to figure out if he was worth something or not, this was not the first time he had been looked over after all. Weirdly enough though, the boy just looked up at him and smiled, a smile so big and wide that Sylvain instantly felt his heart beat faster. And he knew, in that exact moment, just how precious this boy was. 

“I like you!” The boy said before grabbing his hand and dragging him towards the room. “He’s mine from now on!” 

“Hey no fair Felix” Ingrid immediately exclaimed and ran after the both, Dimitri slowly following behind as he laughed at his two friends. 

And in that moment, Sylvain smiled a true genuine smile. One that he had not smiled in a very long time despite his young age. And he knew, right there, that he was not going to have to pretend to enjoy himself when he was with them. That he did not have to fake his smiles or his laughs. No, he knew in that moment, just how happy these three were going to make him.


	2. Blanco

Sylvain quickly learned that, one, he was much older than his three friends, it was only a two year gap but at their age that meant a lot. Without even realizing it, he suddenly became in charge of the three of them (despite the fact that Dimitri would one day become his king). This, he found, he did not mind. He did not mind being the peace maker or the one to take blame when things went bad for them. Did not even mind being the one that was constantly being the one getting attacked by the three of them whenever they wished to brawl or have a snowball fight. No, because for the first time in his whole life, he was enough. He was actually worth something to someone’s eyes. And that was enough for him. 

He was the strong pillar in their group, the one to keep things stable and controlled. But of course, he had one weakness when it came to their friend group and that weakness was called Felix. He was not kidding when he had exclaimed to everyone when he said he belonged to him now because almost instantly Sylvain was wrapped in his finger. Sylvain found himself doing everything for Felix. And that was not an understatement. 

Why he loved Felix was a mystery to him. He was in every kind of way, a bit of a brat. He cried whenever he did not get what he wanted, yelled whenever he got slightly upset and even threw tantrums whenever his emotions got too much for him to handle. He displayed all his emotions like an open book, no one was ever wondering what Felix felt, he was a ball of raw emotions and Sylvain desperately loved that about him. He was so used to the numb fake emotions that were in his home that Felix was a treasure to him. A small boy with some much emotions that he couldn’t hide them, something Sylvain never knew could exist and now desperately wanted to protect.

He would see Felix dad sometimes tell him to manage his feelings and it angered Sylvain more than he would ever admit. He hated that anyone would ever want Felix to do anything but show his feelings with pride. Felix would yell and laugh and scream and cry without fear of any consequences. That was something Sylvain loved more and more each day. And he let Felix know that he loved how expressive he was, let him know that Sylvain admired that and cherished that. Would even encourage that from him. This of course, had its “consequences”.

It was a normal occurrence for Dimitri or Ingrid, of even Felix’s older brother Glenn, to do something that upset Felix. And so there went Felix, crying his little heart out to the one person that would not push him away when he felt too much, to Sylvain he went so that he could fix all of his problems for him. So that he could mend him back up, and Sylvain did it without hesitation. Opening up his arms for him and wrapping him up in the tightest hug he could give and telling him sweet nothings until the small boy would start smiling again. It was so normal in fact, that there were even nights when Felix would sneak into Sylvain’s room at night so that he could sleep in his arms. Felix became everything to Sylvain. 

And so, it was not rare for Sylvain to take a trip to the Fraldarius manor whenever he could over the years, it was his own haven, his personal place of happiness. And so after a particularly cruel attack from his brother, their parents let him visit the estate for a couple of days. Not out of guilt of course, but because this way they could “handle” his older brother while he was away. 

“Sylvain, welcome back” Duke Fraldarius said as he opened the front door to him. 

Sylvain had learned that he was a kind man, terrifying in his own way don’t get him wrong, but kind. He was patient and more reserved than his father. Sylvain sometimes wondered what it would be like to have him as a father, but quickly squashed those thoughts in hopes of not upsetting himself. No use thinking of what ifs after all. 

“Thank you for having me sir” Sylvain said with a smile as he stepped inside. 

“So you’re here” Sylvain heard Glenn say from his right side, “good, because Felix has been crying nonstop all morning.”

“What happened” Sylvain instantly asked. 

“Something about Dimitri and Ingrid who knows” Glenn said as he walked up to him, the Duke taking this as his queue to leave said a small goodbye before walking away. “He’s been extra sensitive for a while now, you really should stop babying him.”

“Haha, but it’s so hard not to” Sylvain said with a smile, though he knew it was the truth. He on many occasions, would immediately give in to Felix’s demands and spoil him with praises and even sometimes, gifts . And although he knew it was wrong, he couldn’t bring himself to really care all too much.

“He’s too cute not to spoil a little” Sylvain continued. 

“Hhmmm you’re right… but still…” Glenn whispered. 

As much as Glenn tried to act tough and try to scold Sylvain on spoiling Felix and telling Felix that he needed to control his emotions and stop crying all the time. Sylvain knew that Glenn did just the same as him. Maybe not to the same degree as him, but still to the point that Felix was not dying from the lack of praises and hugs while Sylvain was away. 

“Oh Sylvain” he heard Dimitri say before running up to him. “I didn’t know you were going to be here! I thought it was only Ingrid and I visiting!”

“Hi Dimi” Sylvain said as he messed up the blonde boys hair, earning him a scowl. 

“I’m not a little boy anymore” Dimitri mumbled as he tried to fix his hair, a small blush on his nose and cheeks. 

“Ah yes, I’m sorry, you are the old age of 8 years old now I’m sorry” Sylvain said with a giggle which earned him another frown. 

“Where’s Felix” Glenn asked. 

“Oh…he ran to his room, he got mad because Ingrid and I weren’t playing with him. I told him that we would after we finished practicing with you” Dimitri said not looking up at Glenn. 

It was no secrete to anyone, that Ingrid, Dimitri, and Felix all looked up to Glenn. He was a few steps away from becoming a certified knight, and was smart and strong. Kind where it was needed and harsh when push came to shove. He was in all accounts the perfect brother, and perfect role model. This of course would not be a problem if not for the fact that as the three had gotten older, Dimitri and Ingrid whenever they came to visit the Fraldarius estate, would instead prefer to spend time with Glenn instead of Felix. It was a never ending war between the four and it would only end with either Felix crying himself to sleep or Sylvain coming to the rescue. 

Now, Sylvain did look up to Glenn in some sort of way, more out of respect than anything, but he could not believe that he was as perfect as they all said. He was an older brother after all, they were the cruelest in his experience. And of course he knew Glenn was not as cruel as Miklan but he couldn’t take any chances. That, mixed with his undying love for Felix, and well, you got the perfect solution to their problem at hand. 

“His room it is” Sylvain said with a smile before walking away from them. “I’ll be down to tell Ingrid hi in a bit!” 

“Don’t spoil him too much” Glenn called out as Sylvain disappeared into the second floor. 

At the beginning, Sylvain had found it awkward to be allowed to walk wherever he wished. This wasn’t his house after all and even back at his house there were rooms he wasn’t allowed in and he would be stupid to walk the halls at night for fear of being caught in the dark with his brother. Nut slowly he came to think of this house as a place worth more to him than his own home. And so it took absolutely no time to find Felix’s room in the midst of all the hallways and rooms. He quickly snuck into his room, closing the door behind him. 

“Go away Dimi” Felix mumbled, his voice clearly showing signs that he had been crying. Curled up in his bed, hidden in furs, his hair the only things that showed that he was even inside that small bundle. 

“But what if I’m not Dimi, do I still have to go away” Sylvain said with a smile. Instantly Felix jumped out of his small bundle to turn and look at him, a smile plastered on his face. 

“Syl!” He shouted before jumping off the bed and running to him, slamming himself on his chest as he wrapped him in a tight hug. 

“Hi Fe” Sylvain said as he hugged him back.

“I missed you” Felix mumbled into his chest as he held him tighter. “I missed you.”

Sylvain let out a small chuckle. “Fe I was gone for two weeks.”

“And that was too long” Felix said as he looked up to him, with a frown on his face. 

“Okay okay, I’ll come back sooner next time” Sylvain said as he leaned down and gave Felix a kiss on his forehead. “Now why were you crying?” 

“Stupid Dimi” Felix said before shoving his face back into Sylvain’s chest. “And stupid Ingrid.”

“Wow that bad?” Sylvain said as he slowly started moving them back to the bed, so they could sit more comfortably.

“They don’t want to be my friends anymore” Felix whispered as Sylvain brought him onto the bed and had he sit besides him. 

“Whoa hey, no they still want to be your friends” Sylvain. 

“No they don’t! They never play with me anymore! They only play with me when you’re here! They only come here for Glenn and when I ask them to play with me, they won’t, they just want Glenn! They only come here for Glenn! They all come here just for Glenn!” Felix said as he looked up to Sylvain, tears pouring down his face once more. It took everything in Sylvain not to let his heart break at the sight. For as much as Felix cried it still killed Sylvain inside whenever he saw it. 

“I’m not here for Glenn” Sylvain said finding his voice. “I’m never here for Glenn, he’s cool but I’m here for you. And…I know that Dimi and Ingrid really like Glenn-“

“They love him!”

“But you do too don’t you? You love him a lot but you also love Dimi and Ingrid right?”

Felix only nodded.

“I know they’re dumb because they don’t play with you but they still love you Felix, just like you love them” Sylvain said with a smile. 

“They’re the dumbest…” Felix mumbled as he tried to wipe away his tears. 

“They are, but hey I’m here now, I’ll play with you” Sylvain said as he brought Felix closer to him and hugged him. “I’ll always play with you Felix.”

“You don’t want Glenn…” he whispered. 

“Nope, I want you. I will always want you” Sylvain said before laying a small kiss on the top of Felix’s head. 

The remaining days were spent with Felix never leaving his side, desperately holding onto his hand as they played, even sleeping with him in his bed and doing everything possible to be with him. Somewhere in between Sylvain was finally able to hang out with Dimitri and Ingrid, and being able to pull them to the side and tell them to stop being mean to Felix while he was away, it was not a threat of course, but Sylvain still said it with the air of someone that was trying to protect something precious to him and would not hesitate to do everything to keep him safe and happy. This did not go unnoticed to Ingrid or Dimtri, but they didn’t care to mention it.


	3. Rosado

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvain has an accident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay okay, that’s all the chapters I’m posting today, I have more already written but wanted to post these ones all at the same time so that y’all can get a feel of how this story will be like.

While the Fraldarius estate was Sylvain’s heaven, you could say that Gautier was his hell. At first Sylvain just thought that because he was now given a look into what it would be like to live in a home where there was no violence, a home were it was void of all coldness and pain, that now going back to his own home it was harder on him. And so when the yelling got worse and the punches got harder, he just reminded himself that this was normal. This was the Gautier version of normal at least. 

He found that it got harder to make himself believe that. His one and only ally in that house, his mother, suddenly turned on him he felt. He was not sure what had caused this, by this time Sylvain was now 13 and so he was more aware of the whispers in the night but even then this baffled him. It was not that his mother had loved him before, no a Gautier was incapable of ever loving anyone, but his mother had never been cruel to him. Yes, she would occasionally yell at him and yes, she held him in the same high expectations his father did. But cruel? No she had never been cruel. That was a job for his father and brother to do. 

But slowly, oh so slowly, he found that the cruelness of his mother was far worse than the others. It started out small, simple gestures of looking away whenever she would notice her husband would grab Sylvain a little too hard. Then it would turn to her simply singing louder whenever she was in the kitchen and could hear Sylvain crying and screaming for help while his brother let his aggression out on him. But Sylvain thought, that was it. She just simply did not want to get involve and he could not blame her. After all, he knew he also did not go to help Miklan whenever their father took his anger out in him. And so time went on. 

It was not until winter time did Sylvain learn of his mother’s cruelty. That day he had been with his father most of the morning, it had been another one of those days where the Margrave was testing Sylvain to see if he was any worth. And now that he was older, to see if he was suited to be wed of to someone else. He was not the heir, that title went to his brother after all, and so Sylvain was merely going to be married off for political gain, this Sylvain already knew. 

Over the past few years, that was all Sylvain was worth because after all, he had failed them. Miklan was now much older and his crest had not sprouted yet. It was different for everyone, some were born with their crest present and some their crest developed over time, but it was a rule of thumb that by the time you reached 16, if you did not have a crest, then you would never get one. His brothers time had been up for some time, Miklan did not inherit the Gautier crest. However, Sylvain was now 13 and he also did not have a crest. This did not mean there wasn’t a chance for him to get one, but, in his fathers eyes he had already failed him. This brought joy to Miklan. 

And so Sylvain had been reduced to nothing but a show pony that which his father will sell off to the highest bidder when the time came. Because of this, Sylvain now often had to go with him to all his political affairs to meet the other nobles and their daughters, to try and snake himself into their lives and their daughters beds. It was his punishment for failing his father after all, but this he thought, was not the reason his mother was now cruel to him. After all, she was not cruel to Miklan and he, like him, had failed to inherit the crest of Gautier too. 

And so Sylvain headed back to Gautier alongside his father, enjoying the small ride back. His family not a fan of carriages and instead believing riding on horseback was more fit for them. This was something that Sylvain did not mind of course, being that horses were the few creatures in the Gautier estate that did not treat him cruelly. 

“Sylvain, take the horses to the back, I have things to do” his father said as they rode up to the estate. 

“yes father” Sylvain replied as he watched his dad dismount his horse.

Sylvain quickly followed suit and grabbed both the horses reins and started leading them towards the stables. It was snowing like it always did this time of the year which is something that Sylvain actually enjoyed. He loved winter, it usually meant that whenever he would go to Fraldarius estate that he could have a snow ball fight with Dimitri, Ingrid, and Felix. Or if the ice was thick enough, they could ice skate in the pond near the estate. So in general, Sylvain liked winter.

“see you’re back early” he heard the familiar growl of his brother. Sylvain’s hair immediately stood and goosebumps littered his skin. He could tell by the way that his voice were slurred that his brother had been drinking. This was never a good sign. 

“hi Miklan” Sylvain responded as he started caring for the horses. Brushing them and taking the reins and saddles off. Even going as far as giving them some treats, anything to not look behind him and be caught in a conversation with Miklan. It was at this time that he noticed one of the horse had a low amount of water and so he quickly grabbed a bucket and walked towards the well, thanking the goddess for giving him the excuse to run away from his brother. 

But Sylvain underestimated his brothers cruelty. Thought that things were like before, that maybe because he too was a failure like Miklan, that he would be spared. 

“where the hell do you think you’re going” Miklan screamed out as he ran over to him and forced him to look back at him. His hold would certainly leave bruises, that he was sure of. “Don’t you know it’s rude to not face the person you’re talking to?”

“I’m getting water for the horses” Sylvain said, trying to tug his arm out of Miklan’s grasp. 

“you really are pathetic you know that? Can’t even learn proper manners, no wonder dads given up on someone like you” Miklan said as his grip got tighter making Sylvain hiss in pain. “Then again, we can’t expect a failure like yourself to be able to do basic things like that can we?”

“you and I both failed!” and the minute those words left Sylvain’s mouth, he knew exactly how horrible things were going to get. Knew that he was about to experience the worst kind of pain that he had ever experienced. 

Immediately, he tried to pull away from him, begging Miklan for forgiveness and mercy doing anything to try and get away from what would come. It was during this that he managed to look up and found himself looking at his mother as she stood behind them, simply watching. He called out to her in hopes that she would help him, after all how could she ignore this? How could she pretend this was not happening? 

But instead of helping, she simply sighed, like if this was bothersome to her. Like if this was a chore for her to handle. And then turned around and walked away. Walked away from what she must have known was a dangerous situation for Sylvain. Walked away and leaving Sylvain to deal with his brothers fury and cruelty. Walked away from what she knew would turn into drunken anger on Miklan’s part. 

Walked away from Sylvain. 

Sylvain could hear Miklan yelling, he was sure that he was yelling, but all Sylvain could do was watch as the figure out his mother got smaller and smaller, stuck in a haze of disbelief. Before he knew it however, he felt Miklan push on his chest and felt his feet give out on him. Felt his knees hit a hard surface and felt himself fall, his hands trying to grip anything and everything, and yet he continued to fall. The entire time, he could hear himself screaming, but everything did not feel like it was real. Like if he was stuck in the worse dream possible.

He landed after what felt like forever, the pain was nothing like he had ever felt before. His head was throbbing and the water in well was ice cold. He tried to prop himself up but quickly realized that he could not move his arm. He also could not move his leg. Panic set as he tried to get up, to sit up so his face was not mere centimeters from the water, but panic left him to flail around, his breathing ragged and his mind hazy from the fall. It took all the strength in him to finally manage to sit and to look up. Only to find his brother smiling down at him one last time before he too walked away. 

And Sylvain screamed. A guttural scream, a scream that had been brewing inside of him his entire life. He screamed at the pain he felt. He screamed at the fear that was inside of him, knowing that no one would come to safe him. Screamed at his brother for having done this to him. Screamed at his mother for walking away. Screamed because his father had deemed him a failure despite being just thirteen He screamed at the life that he had been given. 

Sylvain was unconscious by the time they found him. He didn’t know who it was exactly that found him, nor did he care at this point. There was a fire that burned inside him now, it was not a big fire, no more than a candles flame, but it burned with the heat of a thousand suns. That much, Sylvain knew. 

Miklan was of course, punished, but he did not suffer as much as Sylvain had that day. A broken shoulder, a broken ankle, concussion, bruised ribs, broken finger nails, and a little hypothermia to throw into the mix (after all it was winter and he had been in knee deep water the entire time). This of course did not take into account the multiple other bruises in his body, the cuts that weren’t too deep for stitches but would surely leave scars. He was was of course forced to be on bed rest, with injuries like that, there was no hope for him to be able to do anything but sleep. And sleep he did.

It must have been days of sleeping, only waking up to go to the bathroom and to eat. Sleep was the only time that he could feel the small fire inside of him calm down, because every time he thought of that day it would leave him in a fit of anger that he could only cope with by crying. And so that is all he did, sleep and cry. It was two weeks into this cruel cycle, that his father came into his room and woke him up, a deep scowl on his face. 

“Your friends are here to visit, they’re very worried that you acquired such a horrible injury after being thrown off your horse” his father spoke. “It would be best that you reassure them that you’re okay.”

Of course, Sylvain thought, of course the truth had to be hidden. Can’t let the world know that the Gautier heir pushed his little brother down a well. No one can know just how cruel things truly are in the Gautier estate after all. Think about how badly that would hurt our image. 

“I will father” Sylvain whispered, the fire inside of him burning stronger with each word.

“good, then let me get them for you” he said before walking back out of the room. 

Sylvain took a couple of deep breathes. The show must go on after all, and he would be damned if his friends saw him in the broken state that he had been the past few days. He was of course, the pillar, and a cracked pillar is worth nothing. 

Sylvain heard the door slowly open and instantly opened up his eyes and put his best smile on. And in came Ingrid and Dimitri, both immediately stopping and looking mortified when they saw the condition he was in. 

“aw come on guys, I’m not that ugly” Sylvain said with a chuckle. 

“Sylvain….” Ingrid only manage to whisper before her eyes started to tear up. 

“I’m so glad you’re okay Sylvain we were so worried” Dimitri said as he walked over to Sylvain and grabbed his hand. It was then that Sylvain noticed, he was also tearing up.

“there’s no need for crying you two, I’m fine now, nothing a few days f sleep won’t fix. I’ll be fine before you know it” Sylvain said, giving Dimitris hand a squeeze. 

“Sylvain! This is not fine!” Ingrid cried out. “Your injuries they…this isn’t something to laugh about Sylvain you could’ve been killed.”

But before he could say anything, Sylvain watched as the door pushed open a little more to reveal Felix. His eyes red and puffy, his hair a mess, and his skin paler than it was the last time he saw him. Glenn was kneeled down besides him, his hand on Felix’s back and a warm reassuring smile on his face.

“Look see, he’s fine Felix. Look he’s fine” Glenn said as he looked over to Sylvain. 

Instantly his heart broke in a thousand pieces, and the fire inside of him vanished into thin air as his worry for Felix soon replaced it. He could tell now that he was shaking and he knew in that instant that Felix had been crying for what must have been days now. Crying because Sylvain had gotten hurt and he couldn’t go to him, because he was so scared and everything in Sylvain yelled out in pain knowing that Felix had cried for him. 

“Fe come here” Sylvain quickly said extending out his good arm to him, desperately wanting nothing more than to have him in his arms. If his voice was shaking, and if his eyes had gotten watery, he did not care. No, all he cared about was Felix. 

Felix immediately ran to him, wrapping his arms around his chest. Crying harder than Sylvain had ever heard him cry. His body shaking violently as he desperately held on to every part of Sylvain. In return Sylvain held him. Tighter than he ever had before and with a pain in his chest that he had never experienced in his life. This pain was nothing like the pain he felt from his family, no this was a hollow pain that came from deep within him. 

“I’m okay Fe, I’m okay. I’m here I’m right here” Sylvain said, trying to keep himself stable. To keep himself from breaking any more. 

But Felix still cried, holding to him like if he was so scared that Sylvain would die if he let go. And so all Sylvain could do was hold him and tell him that he was okay and that he was here. That he was going to be okay. That everything was fine and that he didn’t need to cry for him. He found his voice was stable and calm but deep inside him he was begging the goddess herself to make Felix not cry anymore. Not because of someone like him, he should not be hurting over someone like Sylvain. He was not worth Felix’s tears. 

It took a long time to be able to calm Felix down, between Sylvain and Glenn they managed to get the boy to not breakdown any further, eventually his body was so exhausted that he ended up falling asleep in Sylvain’s arms. 

“he’s been crying since we found out about your accident” Dimitri whispered as he sat in a chair beside Sylvain’s bed, Ingrid right next to him. “I was at his house and so was Ingrid, we were sparring when his dad came up to us and told us that you had an accident and that you had been seriously injured… his dad wasn’t even able to finish telling us that you were okay when Felix became hysterical…”

“Glenn’s been able to keep him calm for the most part, get him to eat and sleep but… it didn’t help that your dad was saying that you needed to heal more before we could visit you” Ingrid continued. 

“how long have you all known?” Sylvain asked.

“about five days now” Dimitri said. “We’ve all been so worried about you, we knew you would be okay because you’re strong, stronger than us and so whatever injury you got we knew you were strong enough to get through it…but Felix wasn’t really thinking like we were..”

“I’m glad though, that you’re okay. We all are”Ingrid said with a smile. “Though I don’t know how you fell off your horse…you’re usually so good with them…”

And the show continues. 

“haha yeah well, as good as I am, kind of hard to stay on the horse when it gets spooked” Sylvain said with a smile that did not reach his eyes. A smile he knew his friends would be able to tell is fake but wouldn’t be able to call him out on. 

“yeah I guess so…” Ingrid said, unsure of his response. 

“hey you two” Glenn said as he entered Sylvain’s room. “Come on, Sylvain still needs to rest and we’re staying here for the night so we should get to bed.”

“oh yes I’m sorry Sylvain you must be tired” Dimitri quickly said as he got up and walked over to the door. “We’ll talk more tomorrow though.”

“yeah sleep well.” Ingrid said as she walked off with Dimitri. 

“…I can take him if you want” Glenn said as he pointed to Felix who was curled up next to Sylvain in his bed. 

“oh no it’s fine, I heard you’ve been dealing with him so it’s my turn to have him” Sylvain said with a chuckle. Knowing deep down that that was not the truth, that Sylvain would rather cut his arm off than hand Felix over to anyone right now. 

“I see….” Glenn said, his eyes looking elsewhere. Sylvain could tell that he was thinking of something. That he wanted to say something but wasn’t sure how to word it. 

“um thank you for making sure he’s okay” Sylvain said, trying to fill in the air. He was not used to being left alone with Glenn so this was new territory for him and he found that he really disliked it. 

“I know you didn’t fall off your horse” Glenn said suddenly as he walked into the room and closed the door. “I’ve seen you around horses, I know that they love you and trust you, and that even if they got spooked you wouldn’t have fallen.” 

“ah well I was caught-“

“and I also know what Miklan is capable of” Glenn said as he looked up to Sylvain, catching him in his gaze. “I’ve been forced to hang out with him enough times to know just how cruel he can be.”

And Sylvain suddenly had no idea what to do. Had no idea whether he should look away, or if he should laugh or smile. All his years, learning how to fake his conversations and feelings and yet he was suddenly so unsure of what he should do. 

“just know” Glenn said as he turned around and headed to the door. “Just know that you can always ask for help.” 

And with that he was gone. And for some reason, the fire inside of him started to burn once more. At that time Sylvain thought it was merely because he was feeling too many things at once. It would only be until later that he would come to learn that the fire was burning because he had asked for help before and no one had helped him. Because even if he didn’t ask, Glenn knew what had happened and was demanding him to ask for help instead of simply helping. 

That day Sylvain learned how cruel Glenn could be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also please know I genuinely love Glenn just feel that just like Felix, he sucks at helping people aha. Runs in the family


	4. Fresa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tragedy hits

Growing up in Faerghus had made Sylvain be able to predict when a storm was coming. The shape of the clouds, the smell of the air, and even the anxious energy coming off of the animals around him. To be caught in a storm unprepared as a man from Faerghus, now that was more dishonorable than anything. 

But this storm came suddenly and without warning, the happy spring day that was before him, shattered into a million pieces. How careless of him to not have been prepared for something like this. How careless of him to be caught in it with nothing to help him survive it. And yet, there he was. Having been summoned into his fathers study alongside Miklan only to be told of the tragedy that had occurred earlier that day. 

The King and Queen were dead. 

It is such a small phrase and yet with it came the dread and fear of a thousand battles. Sylvain did not have to be as old as his father or even Miklan to understand just how horrifying this ordeal truly was. And yet, his father spoke about the incident with carefully crafted words. The calmness of a man that had known war and loss, and yet in his eyes, for the first time in Sylvain’s life, he saw fear and worry. For even he had never known a life where his king and queen had been killed. 

An assassination ploy is what his father said. An attack that was unwarranted and ruthless in all regards. Countless of men died that day trying to protect the king and even then, he fell. Sylvain could do nothing but stand as his father explained the incident and the people that had been involved in it. Could do nothing but just let the words run through his mind and process the fact that his life would be changing whether he liked it or not.

“Thankfully, the crown prince survived, he is badly injured and I am sure doing even worse emotionally, but he lives. Faerghus has not lost everything yet” his father finished. 

“He’s alive” sylvain whispered, being able to release the breath he didn’t even know he had been holding. Not that he had not considered Dimitri, but being given so much information at once had overwhelmed him tremendously and he was not even thinking that his dear friend could have possibly been involved. A naive thought of course. 

“Yes, thankfully. I was told that Glenn Fraldarius put himself between the crown prince and an assailant, that act was enough to get the other knights to grab the prince and take him away to safety” his father continued. 

“Wait Glenn? Is he- wha-“ sylvain quickly found himself unable to say what he was thinking. He knew what he wanted ask and deep down he was terrified to ask but he did not want the answer. He did not want to know because he wasn’t sure if he knew he could handle that right now. 

“He is under care right now though I doubt he will make it till tomorrow morning. But that is a small price to pay for saving our prince” his father said. 

And the warm familiar feeling once again started to burn inside him. A small price? As if a life was not in the midst of being lost? Talking about Glenn as if all his worth equaled to being a knight and not a living person. Sylvain would be the first to admit that he was not close to Glenn, had even gone out of his way to stay away from him ever since he had claimed he knew what happened to sylvain. And yet, he could not bring himself to just stand there and let his father claim that he, the boy that had taken care of Sylvaim and the others multiple times, the boy that everyone admired and loved, the boy that cared for people so much that he trained to be strong enough to protect them. That that boy was nothing but a small price to pay in the grand scheme of life. 

It took everything in Sylvain to not explode and yell at his father for caring so little. To try and defend Glenn, to try and make Glenn not be seem as a statistic and instead of a person. Sylvain had to bite his lip to try and keep himself composed. He knew that Glenn was only one of many of the people that were injured, hell, at least he was alive right now while some were less fortunate. Even his king and queen were not so lucky. But Sylvain was not stupid, he could not say any of these things out loud no, if he did he was sure he would be spending another day inside that well or in a far worse place. 

“He has been transported to the Fraldarius estate and so has the crown prince per the Dukes orders so they will be in capable hands” his father continue. “As for us, we must secure our border and will also be sending out troops to aid the kingdom capital of any further attacks. We can assume our enemies will take this situation as an opportunity to strike us down after all.” 

And his father continued issuing orders but Sylvain’s brain had come to a screeching halt. Glenn and Dimitri were in the Fraldarius estate. That meant that Felix was there dealing with this. Yes, he had his father and he was sure that between his father and the other staff members that they would be there to calm Felix down, to stabilize him and keep him from breaking. But Sylvain could only imagine the state Felix was in. He had apparently cried for days when Sylvain had gotten injured, and it was no fatal injuries at that, so he could imagine how he was now that his best friend and his older brother were both in intensive care. That his brother could possibly pass away any moment. He knew for a fact that Felix was on the verge of breaking. 

“I have to go to Fraldarius” Sylvain blurted out, not having realized that his father had been speaking the entire time. 

“Everything is being taken care of there by the Duke there is no need for that. Once things get settled I’m sure you will be able to go and visit Dimitri but for now there are more pressing matters” his father spoke, his voice taking in that tone that he got when he was on the verge of lashing out at Sylvain. A tone that Sylvain knew that he should not push his father but in that moment, Sylvain could not stop thinking about Felix and mix that with the fire that was still screaming inside of him, Sylvain for the first time, felt no hint of self preservation. 

“I have to go now” he said, looking at his father, their gaze locking onto one another. Sylvain had spent his whole life looking anywhere but his fathers eyes, knew it was better to hang his head low and deal with what would come with his tail in between his legs. But this fire inside of him did not let him do that, no, this fire demanded that he get what he wants, even if it meant challenging his father for the first time in his life. Even if it meant putting himself in danger.

“You have a responsibility as a Gautier to carry out your duties. You are old enough to know that I would hope” his father said, his voice low enough to sound like a growl. “You will go when I tell you that you can go. And right now, you will stay here with your mother as Miklan and I head to the capital. If assistance is needed in the border then you will give yourself to them. You are a Gautier first and then you are whatever the hell thing you have become. Have I made myself clear?”

Miklan sneered at Sylvain, taking too much joy at what was happening between him and his father. And that only caused the fire within him to burn even hotter, but he was no fool, he knew to take deep breaths for a couple of seconds and reel himself back in. Taking both of them on right now would be suicide. He might not be as strong as his brother, or have the experience of his dad. But Sylvain had always been the smarter one out of the three, hell, even the smarter one out of his friend group. Years of having to learn how to avoid Miklan in his own home and countless hours spent playing battle tactic games had taught him how to form strategies that would lead to success with the least amount of damage. Yes, Sylvain had learned how to get out of a situation and still come out without injuries. 

“Yes father” he said before turning around and heading towards his room. Leaving his father to continue planning whatever it was that he had to plan before heading to the capital. Sylvain could care less at this point, the fire was burning stronger than it had ever burned before and his mind was going a thousand miles an hour. 

Ever since the accident that left him in the well, Sylvain had learned his lesson. No one would help him, it was up to him to get himself out of problems. The only one he could trust was himself and himself alone. He oh so quickly learned how to lace his words with poison, with a poison that manipulated others into siding with him. The poison was not strong enough to take a hold on his family, but slowly Sylvain had worked his way into the staff and gotten them to favor him over his family. Slowly the poison started spreading outside his manor as well. Ingrid criticized him for being a womanizer, Dimitri deemed it unnoble like to get men and women to fall for his “charms” as he called it. 

He knew to his friend all he was doing was messing around and becoming a playboy, but of course that was only a win in Sylvain’s eyes. He could not bare the thought of his friends realizing that he was slowly growing to be as cruel as his family. He wanted them to still think of him the same way they always had. A friendly face with a smile, ready to joke around and make life fun. Nothing but a jester in the court of their world, and Sylvain gladly danced to their tune. But deep down he knew what he was doing. Every girl he charmed, and every man he buttered up to was just a way for him to get a better grip on his surroundings. Yes, Sylvain knew he was using people, he knew that on multiple occasions he had caused girls to cry and even had made relationships shatter into pieces because of his influences. But well, he was Gautier after all Sylvain thought. 

Sylvain was not much for planning, he was reckless, he knew that better than anyone else. But everything he did was always to set up a foundation for other things. What things? Even he wouldn’t know what they were, but having a foundation was better than no foundation he thought. And now as he walked into his room and started packing clothes and things into his bag he was more than happy for this foundation that he had built for himself. 

He waited of course, until he heard his father and his brother leave until he started doing what was necessary. Walking down to the kitchen, finding that his mother had gone to sleep, he went and walked into the kitchen where he knew the head maid would surely be. After all, he often allowed himself to sit with her and listen to her ramble on about her days when she was much younger and Sylvain ever the pleasant boy, would sweeten the mood with just the right amount of compliments. Getting her to prefer him over everyone else in family had felt like one of his biggest success if he would be honest. A maid for the Gautier estate for well over 38 years and yet her loyalty was not with his father but with him. 

And so the curtain rises and it was now time for the show to begin. 

Sylvain quickly walked in, hysterically crying and doing everything possible to seem absolutely broken. The head maid immediately ran to him and asked him what was wrong. This was, of course, the first time she had ever seen him cry. That was when Sylvain began to tell her how Glenn was his best friend and that he wanted to be with him in case he ever passed. That he would not be able to live with himself if he was not by his side. If he could not at least say one more final good bye to him that he was doomed to live a life of regret and misery. 

Instantly the head maid started trying to comfort him, telling him that he would be fine but Sylvain persisted. His crying loud enough that even the other aids and some butlers came to see what was happening. The show playing perfectly for an audience that was all to ready to believe him. 

He cried and cried. Begging that he wanted to see his best friend, that he didn’t want to loose him. It only took a couple of minutes before they were all giving each other’s looks with hidden meanings. They of course had heard his father when he told Sylvain that he couldn’t go, and even if they hadn’t heard they had all worked at Gautier long enough to know how the Margrave was. Knew just what the Margrave had ordered Sylvain to do but with all the tears and pleading, they couldn’t bring themselves to hurt Sylvain like that. 

It was the head butler that eventually caved in, a very loyal man and a man with a few words. Of course Sylvain had thought he would be very difficult to get him to adore him but was pleasantly surprised to find out that the older gentleman had a soft spot for anyone willing to play chess with him. This of course, Sylvain gladly did being that he also loved chess and of course, head butler and head maid on his team? He couldn’t give up that kind of opportunity at all. 

It was the head butler that came up with the plan to sneak Sylvain out of the house, that Sylvain should ride to Fraldarius territory for tonight and then come back before his father would arrive back from the capital. That they would fake that he was overcome with grief and relay this to his mother, who even if he was dying of an illness would never check up on him, would surely believe them. They of course were hesitant about letting Sylvain ride out alone at night to Fraldarius territory but Sylvain ever the most persistent, assured them that he was strong enough for that ride. That he would get there without a problem. 

It took a lot more persuasion than Sylvain had thought, but I’m the end he was able to mount his horse and ride off. Yes, Sylvain knew that if his father found out that not only would he most likely suffer pain that he could only ever imagine, but that the staff would also suffer. And yes, part of him did not wish for that to happen, after all he might be a selfish Gautier, but those people were truly kind to him and he did truly like them. They made living at his house more manageable so he often would not force them to do anything, but he could not stand by. 

No, he had to go see Felix. He had to make sure he was okay with his own two eyes. He knew that he was, he was with family of course. Yes his father was cold but he was not cruel, no, never cruel. And by this time he knew that Ingrid would be there as well. After all, she had recently become engage with Glenn, something that she was extremely happy for and that left a sour taste in Sylvain’s mouth. Now of course she knew she liked Glenn, admired him more than even Dimitri, but it was still an arranged marriage, just because she willingly was getting married didn’t mean this wasn’t being forced. And he knew for a fact that Glenn cared more about being a knight than being the kind of husband Ingrid deserved. But of course, Ingrid was also obsessed with being a knight so Sylvain thought in a way that maybe this was not as bad as it could be. He still hated that she was being sold off, maybe it hit too close to home for him. 

And so Felix was fine, is what Sylvain told himself. He had his father there with him and Ingrid there as well. Of course the two will also still be upset and Ingrid most likely crying. But it’s always better to cry with someone else than to be left alone to grief sylvain thought. 

It took a couple of hours to get to Fraldarius territory, no matter how fast he made his horse run, there was still a great bit of land between his and Fraldarius manor. But even then, Sylvain arrived in record breaking time and rode up to the manors entrance. Luckily for him, the guards there recognized him immediately and took his horse and let him inside. 

It was quiet. Dead quiet, he really hated that. Sylvain quickly ran to what he knew was the Dukes study, knowing that as a political man that he would be there just like his father had been. Thankfully he was right in this assumption, the Duke was in all accounts and purposes, looking absolutely defeated. His face sunken in and his eyes clearly tired and strained. The usual air of power and grace he was surrounded with was now replaced with that of a tired broken man. He was speaking with some other knights when he spotted sylvain. 

“Sylvain…I was not expecting you” the Duke said, his voice hoarse and unsteady. “Dimitri is resting right now and Glenn is only allowed one visitor for now. Ingrid is already with him I’m afraid.” 

And the fire disappeared and instead a dawning realization hit him. Hit him harder than he could brace himself for. The familiar feeling of pain and worry crept into his chest, crawled down his throat and suffocated his heart. A feeling he had felt when he had seen Felix crying when he had gotten injured, but this feeling? This was stronger. And then the fire started burning again, hotter and bigger the smoke wrapping around his throat, leaving him to gasp for air. Burning his skin and leaving him to feel like he was raw and torched. 

They had left Felix alone. No one was with Felix. 

He did not even wait for the Duke to say anything more, did not even care to respond to him. He knew even if he had wanted to all that would have come out of his mouth would’ve been venom and hatred. Hatred for leaving his son alone when he needed someone the most. Hatred for focusing on his job instead of his one son that was still here with him, Glenn could die any minute and instead of being with Felix to be there to lessen the hurt, he was down here talking to soldiers. Not once had Felix’s name even left his mouth this night, not once had he probably thought of him, Sylvain was sure. 

Sylvain found himself running to Felix’s room, not caring if he was making any noise. Not caring about anyone else in the world right now. No, all he cared about was his best friend and how he knew he had been alone all this time. Sylvain practically slammed Felix’s door open when he entered the room only to feel his heart shatter. Felix was curled tightly into a ball, asleep but even then he could hear sniffling and murmuring. He was sure Felix had cried himself to sleep and the fact that he was alone and so defenseless struck sylvain, leaving a cut deep enough to have him bleed out. 

He made sure to close the room door before going to him, placing kneeling down in front of him only to find that Felix’s eyes were red and puffy, his skin pale and his hair hanging down in front of his face. He looked broken was the only thing Sylvain could think of. 

“Fe” Sylvain whispered as he ran his fingers through his hair, gently waking the smaller boy up. “I’m here Fe, I’m right here.”

Felix slowly woke up, his eyelids heavy from exhaustion. He looked up to Sylvain and realization hit him that he was there. That he was right there in front of him and without a second longer started crying. Sylvain immediately got up onto the bed and wrapped his arms around him, bringing Felix’s body close to his chest and holding him tightly. Their was a deep unhinged pain in Felix’s cries, he did not speak any words to him but with his screaming and crying Sylvain knew just how much he was hurting. All Sylvain could do was hold onto him, hold him close and keep him grounded. 

At some point during the night Felix stopped crying and his breathing started to even out. But he held onto Sylvain with a tight grip, tight enough for Sylvain to know that he wasn’t asleep, no, he was just exhausted. Tired from everything that was happening in his life, and Sylvain felt so helpless. Had no idea what to do or what to say to him. Because what was there to say? That everything would be okay? Even sylvain wasn’t so cruel to promise something like that. No, not at least now that he knew the kind of world Felix was living in. A world where his father cared so little for him, a world where he was left alone to grieve while everyone else was more occupied with his brother.

A world where he was so small and yet Sylvain could see Felix as so strong. Had he been living like this his whole life? Sylvain could only wonder, if so, then Felix was so much stronger than anyone in his friend group he knew that for sure. To be able to live that life and still stay so very much like Felix. To still stay smiling and laughing. To keep his emotions out and open despite the world turning away from him. To go about his day with so much confidence and excited. A small part of him envied Felix, because he hadn’t let the cruelty of the world break him, meanwhile Sylvain had become the very thing he had hated most. It only made him love Felix even more. 

Truly love him. 

It was because of this love and this admiration that he didn’t know what to say to him now that he was in so much pain. He wanted to take the pain away, if he could, he would take all of his pain and anger and suffer through it for Felix’s sake. 

“Sylvain” Felix whispered, snapping Sylvain out of his thoughts. 

“Yeah?” 

“Glenn’s going to die isn’t he?”

He knew that that was going to come, Felix was never one to beat around the bush and yet Sylvain felt as if his tongue was heavier than ever before. He didn’t know what to say to that, he was older and smarter yes, but he was only 15, how could he ever hope to know what to say in this kind of situation?

“He’s strong Fe…he’ll get through this I’m sure he will” sylvain said, knowing that part of him had to lie to Felix killed him, but part of him thought that he could be hopeful after all, they weren’t sure if Glenn was actually going to die or not. 

“What if he’s not? Then he’ll die and…” Felix said as his voice started trembling again. Sylvain tightened his grip and him and brought him closer. 

“It’ll be okay Felix, I promise.”

“You can’t promise that!” Felix yelled as he looked up at Sylvain, tears streaming down his face. “What if he dies? And then all I have left is you Dimitri and Ingrid… Dimitri almost died tonight too! You’re all going to leave me-“

“Hey hey no hey ssshhh” Sylvain said as he brought his hand up to cup the side of Felix face, Felix leaning into the touch. “We’re not going to leave you Fe, we won’t die. I-at least I won’t leave you Felix. I won’t die, that I can promise you without a doubt.”

“Promise?”

“Yes, I wont die but you have to promise me you won’t die either. If we die we die together” sylvain said, the words burning into his skin. Knowing full well that maybe to Felix this was nothing but his sweet talking, but to Sylvain. He now realized that that was how he truly felt deep down and it terrified him. 

“I promise.” 

Glenn survived that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen man I couldn’t kill Glenn I’m sorry I thought about it but then like no. This already such an angsty story I couldn’t do that too. Like my boy too much


	5. Sangre

Things only got worse, Glenn had survived but had lost his arm and suffered other injuries that were too many to list. He survived however, and this was something that brought relief and joy to Felix which in turn, was also brought to Sylvain. But, the storm was only just starting Sylvain realized. Soon after Glenn woke up and everyone could breath a sigh of relief, the peace they had for mere seconds was shattered. Shattered beyond repair. 

Sylvain was forced to return to his home by the next night, knowing that Glenn would be okay, he felt like he could leave Felix’s side. Even then, that was easier said than done. Now that Sylvain knew how little everyone else had cared about Felix compared to him, he wanted nothing more than to stay with him. And invisible rope tying him to Felix’s wrist where he could lead Sylvain wherever he wanted to go and he would follow without complain. And that was what Felix deserved, Sylvain thought. 

But he knew he had to leave, knew he had to return to his estate and be forced to be away from Felix even if it was only for a few days. Even then, it did not help when he said this and Felix immediately got upset by this. Demanding to know why Sylvain had to leave, why he could t stay any longer, given the circumstances it would be okay for him to stay as long as needed. But sylvain couldn’t tell him, he could never lie to Felix but that did not mean he couldn’t keep things from him. And so with a smile here and a laugh there, he left. 

He hugged Felix and Felix in return did the same. It was safe with him, it was heaven. And Sylvain knew that he would miss it, even if it was just for a few days but what could he say? He was attached. And so he rode off, a bittersweet taste in his mouth at the thought of seeing Felix so upset that he had to leave. He knew Felix needed him right now and that he would miss him, even if he was going to return soon, and the thought that someone could miss him, it brought a smile to his face.

The smile faded once he got settled into his home, quickly learning that his father would be back that same day. From heaven into hell Sylvain went but that was fine. It would all be fine. He had to endure this for a few days and that was all, after all, his family had not found out that he had sneaked off to the Fraldarius estate and so they would eventually give in to his demands to go see his friends. Sylvain gave it maybe three or four days before he was riding back into Fraldarius. 

At least, that was the plan. But it was now two weeks later and he was on his horse riding alongside his father and brother to the Sreng border. His father having insisted that as a Gautier, he be forced to fight the war his ancestor has started with the neighboring country. Sylvain thought this was ridiculous at first, but that was until he found out that the whole country was up in arms. The king had been murdered and someone had to pay for the blood that had been spilled. 

He was glad, however, to find out that the Fraldarius name had not been brought up to any war meeting he had attended. From what he had gathered, they were standing down as a shield to protect the prince instead of going on the offensive. Of course he knew that would change soon enough, after all, Duke Fraldarius was a loyal man. Surely he would seek revenge for his fallen king. 

But for now, it was all the other lords and dukes that took arms and began their descend into a revenge full battle and House Gautier just happened to be one of them. Of course, Sylvain did not experience as much as those on the front lines, his father was a horrible man but he couldn’t let his show horse be hurt and have his value be lowered. However, this also did not mean that he wasn’t about to give up the opportunity to make Sylvain into “a man”. Battle experience was of course, an attractive trait in many people’s eyes. And so Sylvain rode with them, forced to be a pawn in this game. 

It was not hell, but only because Sylvain had gone numb. Killing your first man does that to you after all, but it was expected, all of this was expected. He was a Gautier after all, perhaps this is the first time many lords had had their knights go into battle and kill but as a Gautier you are always fighting. You do not have a hundred year old war with a neighboring country without blood being spilled. Sylvain knew this, but this did not mean that he was not haunted by the man he claimed as his first kill. This did not mean that he did not shake with fear when he had to ride into battle. 

Sylvain had been battle trained his whole life, not only that but Gautier had a reputation to uphold. Everyone knew Gautier for their paladins and cavaliers, and so heaven be damned if the sons of Margrave Gautier fought on anything but a horse. This of course was extremely hard, Sylvain was only 15 after all, he knew how to wield his lance and knew how to ride a horse, but mixing them both was not done so easily. So he was wounded on multiple occasions and failed in other ones but his fathers threats were enough for Sylvain to keep getting back on his horse. It was only after his horse fell during a skirmish that his father relented, if only for a couple of days until Sylvain was given a new one and back on the field he went. 

This went on for another week before they finally returned to Gautier. By then, Sylvain was more than happy to be back into the place he called a prison, this hell at least, was a lot quieter than the one he just left. 

“Welcome back” his mother greeted them at the door, not making any motion to greet her husband in a warm embrace, this was normal for Sylvain. ”I would like to speak with you dear.” That was not. 

“What is it” his father scoffed. 

And with that, Sylvain took that as his queue to leave to his room. Wanting nothing more than to spend some time by himself, solitude was something he rarely wished for, being alone with your thoughts after all, was not a good thing in the slightest. However, while on the field, solitude was a luxury only generals could afford and so it had been weeks since Sylvain was able to spend some time without anyone near him. And so with this in mind he did not think about the lingering feeling he had in his chest, or the way his mother had looked at him when he had walked into the manor. 

However as he opened his bedroom door he found the head maid in his room, running in circles as she gathered his things into a bag. She was frantic with her actions and once she realized that Sylvain was in the room she looked at him with pure fear in her eyes as she ran to him as if she was going to say something to him but before she could even get a word out Sylvain heard his father yell for him, the yell sounded closer to a demonic beasts howl than a man calling for his son. The head maid immediately launched forward to grab Sylvain’s arm. 

“Young master,” she began to say and it was only now that sylvain noticed she was shaking, but before she could continue another yell came from downstairs. 

“SYLVAIN!”

“At edge of the woods one of our stable boys will be there waiting for you, run please, this is no time to fight” she said before she started pushing him out of his room. The entire time Sylvain’s mind had gone into autopilot unsure of what was going on or what to do. 

It was this auto pilot that led him to walk back down stairs and into his fathers study and Sylvain had never felt more afraid. The anger that was in his fathers eyes was something he had never seen in his life. It did not help that Miklan was standing at the edge of the room looking at him with pity, there was even a kind of softness in his eyes. No hatred in them and Sylvain cant think of when was the last time Miklan had ever looked at him without wishing he was dead. 

“15 years I have given you a life of luxury. I have put a roof over your head, bought you the things that you wished and spent my time training you to become the perfect knight and now you do this to me” his father muttered. 

“Fa-“

“QUIET BOY. You do not speak to me, you do not say a single word unless I give you permission to” his father yelled, taking a couple of steps closer to Sylvain. “I have known for a very long time now that you have been nothing but a failure to me, but this, even this I will not stand by for.”

His father turned his back on him and walked over to his desk and sat down. Sylvain could only stand there and wait, he had no clue as to why his father was this upset at him. Had no idea why he felt so afraid right now either. 

“Answer me this boy. Where you at the Fraldarius estate last month” his father spoke with the calmness that brought Sylvain’s body to shiver. 

Sylvain knew better than to lie to his father. Knew better than to try and explain himself too. He might be a failure like his father claims, but he’s not an idiot. He knew damn well that this was something he couldn’t talk his way out of after all he disobeyed a direct order and snuck out. No, this was something he’ll just have to face head on. 

“Yes.”

With that his father looked down and Sylvain could see that he started shaking, at first Sylvain thought that his father was laughing hell, maybe even crying, but no, he quickly realized that his father was shaking from anger. Pure unfiltered anger. 

“And tell me this then. Why am I being told that you snuck into the dukes sons room and stayed there till the morning? Tell me, why everyone in this god forsaken kingdom has found out about you bedding that Fraldarius boy!”

Sylvain stood frozen in place, his mind couldn’t calm itself down enough to provide an answer to his father. To simply explain that yes he had slept in the same bed as him, but it was out comfort for his grieving friend and not another one of his exploits. That he would never be able to treat Felix the same way he treated all the other girls he had snuck into his arms, that Felix was different and that this wasn’t another one of his conquests. 

“I have looked passed all your games Sylvain. Stood by and watched you whore yourself out to all the girls I bring for you to meet but now, now I’m beginning to wonder if it was not their fathers that you had been seducing this entire time. To think, that my own son would be this. To not only be a failure but absolute filth” his father said, each word spat at him. 

“No father I-“

“Did I not say you will not speak unless I tell you to?!” His father roared, even at this Sylvain saw Miklan flinch. “I have given you everything, been nothing but a great father to you and yet… and yet you did this. Everyone in the entire kingdom knows now that I have a faggot for a son, nothing but a slut! The Gautier name is being spoken as nothing more than a sinful fucken word all thanks to you. It will be a miracle if I can fix our reputation!” 

Sylvain stood silently. He could not even bring himself to look up at his father at this point, a deep shame settling into his bones. A shame that he had never experienced before in his life. He felt himself getting cold at that. 

“You will not ever see that Fraldarius boy ever again.” 

And at that, Sylvain’s world froze over, his father continued speaking but nothing else registered in his mind. His mind was trying to cope with the fact that he will be forced to live a life without Felix, a life where he would be alone in this hell. A life where he will not be able to look into heaven once more. He felt his breathing quicken and he could hear his father continue speaking but Sylvain was already two steps away from hyperventilating. No, he could not live without Felix, he couldn’t do that, he. He depended on him, as wrong and as selfish as that was, he depended on Felix to be able to keep his strength to keep living this hellish life. He couldn’t do that. No. He wouldn’t do that, Sylvain thought as his skin set ablaze. 

“No” Sylvain said, cutting his father off, even the frightened look Miklan gave him, almost as if he was begging Sylvain to stand down and just do as he said, was not enough to make him stand down. 

“What did you say” his father snarled. 

“I will see Felix again, you can’t keep him from me” Sylvain said as he looked up at his father and for the first time in his life he knew, he knew that if his father walked over to him that Sylvain would retaliate with the same violence and pain that his father had subjected him to for all these years. 

And it seemed like his father saw that. Saw that Sylvain was not going to bend to his will with the same ease he had all these years. And for a second, for a small second, Sylvain felt that things would be okay that he would be able to walk away from this as the winner. But then his father smiled and suddenly, Sylvain understood why Miklan had been so scared. 

“Do you really think it will be that hard to keep him from you? All it takes is the right amount of money in the right hands, and he will be gone. Do not think, that I will not take care of him myself. Sylvain.” His father said.

“Felix is the Dukes son you ca-“

“I can do anything that I want, the king is gone and the dukes heir is injured. The Duke is busy taking care of the prince as well, tell me Sylvain, do you think anyone would notice if he went missing?”

And that was the final blow that shattered Sylvain into a million pieces. He hated his father, wanted nothing more than to run up to him and use this rage he felt inside of him to bash his fathers skull in. Use this fire that burned within him to set this whole estate to flames. But he was right. That was what he hated the most about him, he was right. Felix had been alone when Sylvain had gone to check on him, he was alone and no one had checked on him for hours. It was only him that went to check on him, only him that noticed he needed help. No one else had. 

“Get anywhere near him again, and I will not hesitate” his father spoke, a smile on his face because he knew that he had won. He knew that he had hit Sylvain where it hurt most. All Sylvain could do was stand his ground and glare at his father, imagining every way that he could kill this man that stood in front of him. He felt like he was suffocating, that his anger and fear was so strong that he was loosing himself in it. And for one second, for one second he actually twitched towards his father, fully intended on killing him where he stood. 

“What makes you think I won’t go and tell the Duke about this” Sylvain asked, his final life line. 

“Why would anyone believe a boy with no status or home to speak of” his father asked and suddenly Sylvain’s world shattered into a million pieces. “Take him away. Get rid of him” his father ordered Miklan. 

And Sylvain did nothing. Did nothing as Miklan walked up to him and grabbed him by his arm and practically carried him out of the estate. Did nothing as he watched his life be stripped from him. It was only once he was outside and felt the rain that had began to pour, hit his face that he was able to wake himself up from this shock like state he was in. 

“Down south, past Gaspard there is a band of mercenaries that I once worked with on a mission. They won’t take you in because they won’t benefit from someone like you that and they work with the nobles there, but they’ll help you get into the Adrestian empire if you tell them I sent you. Get away from here, trust me on that” Miklan started saying before pushing Sylvain away from him and then taking his cloak off and throwing it to him. 

“Why, why are you-“

“Because as much as I hate you, and as much as I want you dead... Let’s just say… even this, doesn’t sit right with me” Miklan said without looking at him and before Sylvain could reply he turned around and walked away. Leaving Sylvain alone in the rain. 

Sylvain stood frozen in place for what must have been maybe a couple of minutes but to him it felt like hours, trying to understand what had just happened to him. What his life had now become. Even then, Sylvain thought an eternity could pass and he wouldn’t be able to come to terms with what was going on. It wasn’t until he felt someone touch his shoulder that he snapped back into reality. 

“Here, we were able to get you your horse, clothes and your weapon, some food and money. It’s not so much but… we couldn’t stand by and watch” Sylvain turned and found one of the stable boys speaking to him, behind him was his horse, loaded and ready for travel. 

“Thank you” Sylvain whispered, unable to say anything more. 

“Take care sir…may the goddess keep you safe” the boy said before running back in the direction of the manor and Sylvain couldn’t help but laugh. If anyone was to blame for the shit life that Sylvain had been given, it would be the goddess herself.

And so he laughed. 

But before he knew it his laughter turned into yelling and crying. He was mad, he was livid beyond belief but most of all he was hurt and in pain. He had been disowned and thrown out like a dog, given nothing by his father and the few things he had were given to him out of pity. He felt his heart bleed with each scream that he let out and half way through he started realizing that his screams didn’t sound very human to him. Something in him was breaking but he couldn’t care to fix it. 

This was his life now, he thought bitterly, to live like a dog only surviving off of the scraps people gave him, the worst of all was that he wouldn’t be able to see Felix after all. He knew now what the head maid had meant when she said not to fight, but he had been so foolish, so stupid to think that he could actually do something against his dad. Had let his anger take over and made him retaliate. Made him think that at any point of that conversation, he had had a chance to win. And so he screamed. 

His father would kill Felix, and he had made sure that Sylvain had no way to be able to stop him. Stripped him of everything he had and made him nothing more than a dog abandoned, weak and useless. His screams turned into wails and he did not care that he was standing in the pouring rain, in the moment he was nothing but a broken boy, mad at the life that had been given to him. 

Eventually the rain stopped and he was left to stand there wet and broken and for the first time in what felt like years, he felt cold and numb. And the numbness didn’t leave as he finally got the strength to get onto his horse. He didn’t get warmer as the sun came out and dried him from last nights rain. No, he simply watched as the world around him continue as if nothing had happened and Sylvain could do nothing more but ride on. 

He thought about stopping, about ending it all and dying in some far off ditch but deep down he couldn’t bring himself to do that. A silly promise spoken in the night that had ruined his life. A silly promise made for a boy that will soon find out that he will not be returning back to him. But that promise was the last thing he had, the only thing that he could make himself keep. And so instead, Sylvain rode on. 

He was thankful for one thing though. The path to Gaspard did not make Sylvain cross into Fraldarius territory. It was already so hard for Sylvain to simply ride on and not run to Felix, to ask for help for the first time in his life. But his fathers threat laid heavy on his back and so he knew better than to head to Fraldarius. Just kept on with what he hoped was the right direction. At the current moment Sylvain wasn’t thinking about the future, if he was being honest, wasn’t thinking about how Miklan hadn’t really given much detail about the mercenary group, or about how he was going to make a living or if going to the Adrestian Empire was even the right call. 

Part of him thought maybe to head to Galatea and ask for help from Ingrid since his father hadn’t threatened her life, but he knew she would end up letting Felix know about his situation and quickly squashed that thought. He also knew Dimitri would be no help either. What with his family getting murdered. No, all he had was Miklan’s advice, and even that was vague and full of holes that Sylvain couldn’t bring himself to even care about. He was on auto pilot, he had a morbid thought that he would probably be on auto pilot for the rest of his life if he was being honest with himself.

But it was thanks to this autopilot that he was able to ride down to Gaspard, he wasn’t sure how many days had passed in all honesty, they had all melted together. It was all routine. Ride down south, eat a few of his rations, hunt down a squirrel or two. Stop at a river to eat his lunch while his horse rested, then get back up and keep riding until the sun started to set and he found the nearest shelter he could and sleep a dreamless rest until he woke up the next day and repeated it all. He hadn’t let himself really think about anything, let his mind wander. He had cried enough he told himself, his voice was still hoarse from all the yelling he had done that night after all. 

He made it Gaspard though, and suddenly he regretted not thinking even a little bit about what he was going to do because now he could see the village in the distance and had no idea what the next step was. So he rode on and for the first time in a long time, let his mind actually work and try to come up with what he should do. What he could do. Sadly for him, that was cut short as a group of guys walked up to him, standing in front of his horse, all of them carrying weapons. 

Bandits. 

Weird that it took this long for him to deal with that, Sylvain thought. 

“Look kid, lets just make things easy for all of us involved” one of the guys spoke as he brought his sword down. “Just give us what you have and we won’t hurt you.”

Sylvain laughed. 

“Sorry, but I don’t have anything. Used up my money already, have a couple of apples and ate my last squirrel this morning. All I have is my clothes and the horse, even my lance has seen better days” Sylvain said with a shrug. And with that some of the bandits started putting their weapons down and looking at each other and back to Sylvain, their eyes no longer had that dangerous glare they had a few seconds ago. 

“Kid, where are you from” the guy asked. 

Great, even bandits are pitying me, I must be breaking a world record at this point, Sylvain thought. 

“Doesn’t matter, not wanted there anyways” Sylvain answered. “Just here trying to get passage to the empire, that’s all.” 

With that the bandits all turned to look at each, as if they were having a conversation with one another without words. Sylvain had seen that happened many times now, it’s something people that have fought with each other for many years are able to do. Something you can do with someone you trust with your life and more. 

“Let’s make a deal then kid” the guy said as he turned to him, sheathing his sword. “We’ll get you across the border but you have to work for us once we’re there. Until you can pay us back for us helping you.” 

Well, it’s not like there’s anything else for me to do anyways, Sylvain thought. 

And he quickly found out that being a bandit was not as horrible as he thought it would. For one he was sleeping in an actual bed and was given actual food instead of just squirrels. And secondly, the company wasn’t bad at all. After all, everyone single person here was not a bandit by choice, so they could all bond over being fucked over by life. 

Of course it wasn’t perfect either, Sylvain was basically deemed the odd jobs guy in their group so whenever the other guys were relaxing or drinking, Sylvain was polishing armor, cleaning, cooking, caring for the horses, and so forth. The bandits had no idea who Sylvain was or that he was probably a better fighter than them, but Sylvain wasn’t about to put that bit of information out there. No, for now, he’s just some random boy that was kicked out of his house and that’s all. 

Crossing the border to the empire also was very anticlimactic in his opinion. The bandits told him that there was some political storms brewing in the empire as much as it was in the kingdom and so the borders were a mess. No one really caring about who was crossing it, but also still pretending that they did. But that was something Sylvain couldn’t bring himself to care for. 

If he was honest, Sylvain didn’t care for much these past couple of months. It was now 6 months since he was disowned, and in that entire time frame Sylvain had just given up. Yes he was still surviving but it wasn’t like he had anything to live for, or any kind of responsibilities. No, he had quickly gotten used to living day to day and he was thankful for that. There was no stress about the future, no expectation or goals to reach. Just simply living. 

That would have been paradise to Sylvain maybe a year ago but as of now, it was more of an empty kind of life. After all, he didn’t dare try to think about anything or try to let himself show any kind of emotions apart form the fake smiles and laughs he shared with the bandits. No, he couldn’t afford something like that. He knew where his thoughts would lead him and he wasn’t about to destroy this life he had now, as empty as it was at least it was calm, Sylvain thought. 

So Sylvain didn’t care and continued to live day by day. Lost in the routine he had set himself up, lost in the alcohol he shared with his group, and lost in his own way. But the goddess truly does hate him, he thought. That or she must really think she’s funny. 

It was just suppose to be a simple take down. Just a couple of guys riding up with fancy looking horses, and fancier clothes. Perfect at the time since they had no money left and hadn’t eaten a proper meal for a while. It was 12 against 4, statistically they should have won. And yet Sylvain watched as each of the men he had been living with the past couple of months was being cut down one by one. 

It came out of pure instinct when he reached down to grab a lance that one of the guys had dropped. He had made it a point to not fight whenever they did their whole bandit thing. And it wasn’t like they knew he could fight anyways so they only expected him to stand by, not really participate. Didn’t even give him a weapon, that was how little was expected of him. 

And yet he found himself alone and about to get cut down. Found himself lifting the lance and getting into a proper stance that had been carved into his bones. Did not matter that it had been months since he last had a weapon in his hand. He was a Gautier, he was born for battle. 

The nobles had paid him no attention at first and so when he was suddenly charging at one of them, it had left the opening that he had needed to be able to jab at him, not a fatal wound but enough for Sylvain to get the upper hand. But this noble had experience fighting and was probably as trained or even more trained than Sylvain and so he quickly started pushing back. 

And then it happened. Like a tree falling down, like the thunder that accompanied a heavy storm, like the force of all his ancestors pushing him on. Sylvain struck, and in front of him, the Minor crest of Gautier revealed itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay okay I PROMISE the next chapter won’t be just “fuck you Sylvain you’re gonna have a shitty time”, it will get better for him I swear!


	6. Granate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvain makes friends!

Sylvian came to the conclusion that his life was pretty funny. He fell in love with his best friend only for that love to be the reason he was disowned and thrown out of his home. He failed his father in becoming a proper heir and respectable son only for him to inherit the very crest his father had been hoping for. Really, it was quite funny, he thought. At the beginning of all these things going on he was pretty fucken pissed. Hell the minute his crest activated he actually yelled out with so much anger that the people he had been fighting got concerned for him. Of course he was able to run away and live to see another day thanks to that crest but he would be lying if he said that he didn’t proceed to try and bash his head on the nearest tree trunk because holy shit. If he had known he had a crest he would have for sure never been disowned and hell, he would have had the power to stroll up to remove his dad from his position and maybe even kill him. But no, of course he finds out about his crest once he’s in an entirely different country because of course, why not? 

But now, 3 years later, Sylvain thinks his life is pretty fucken funny. Really, who would have thought that the son of Margrave Gautier was now quietly trying to get himself dressed before whatever guy he managed to sweet talk the night before would wake up. That’s all his life had come to, just some random guy traveling from village to village, doing odd jobs, drinking in random bars, and sleeping with whatever person gave him a warm bed that he didn’t have to pay for. A small part of him wished that it was more than this, that he could, in theory, BE more than this, but Sylvian had just about given up around 2 years ago. 

Another part of him just didn’t know what he could do anyways. He lived in the Adrestian empire, with barely any money for food, no reputation to boost him up, and no friends he could turn to for help. All he had was his horse, and at that the poor thing was starting to get older by the day, she was still a strong and sturdy girl, the only woman Sylvian found that he could love, but alas. She was just a horse. 

And so this was all Sylvain was at the moment, a random guy jumping out of a window and running away from the responsibility of a relationship. He didn’t constantly have sex, after all, being disowned made it so that he no longer had to force himself to get in a loveless relationship and he had the free will to deny whoever he wanted. (Also helped that no one knew he had a crest or a noble so he wasn’t sought out for like some baby making machine). But Sylvian was only human and in a lonely life like his, human touch was craved for, even if the touch was from strangers he never bothered to remember. But that was fine, better than being married off to some random noble girl, he thought. 

He had spent about 4 days in this village now which meant that, if he stayed to his usual routine, he would be leaving by tomorrow morning. Today he would simply go to the market, get whatever he needed with the money he had earned and ride on. It was business as usual. Except half way through walking towards the market he felt lingering eyes on him. Sylvain might not be the best fighter around nor does he have the experience of a war general, but he had been fighting… a lot. He wasn’t a mercenary but if he went to a village and the only job they had was to kill some bandits or a demonic beast. Well, money is money after all. 

His skills in fighting were born from necessity and were more akin to an animal than a well trained soldier, rough around the edges and not graceful in the slightest but it got the job done. It was for this reason that he was able to catch on to the fact that he was being followed, that animal part in him yelling for him to run or fight. It wasn’t very obvious at first but now that he realized it, it deeply unsettled him. No one knew who he was here in the empire, so it wasn’t like his father had sent an assassin out here to come kill him off. And he hasn’t pissed off anyone seriously enough to try and kill him. Maybe a stalker then? Well if they were a stalker they were a pretty fucken good one because he had no idea where they were watching him from. 

With this in mind, Sylvain threw his routine out the window and decided to leave the village. If it was a stalker they were probably some girl or guy from this village that has started liking him. The fact that they weren’t following him before today probably meant it wasn’t something super big anyways but he still loathes having to deal with anyone that was not “over him” in a way so goodbye random village, it is. He made his way to the stables that was keeping his horse, trying to keep himself calm and not reveal to whoever was following him that he knew they were there. 

He was so caught up in trying to act normal and trying to get his horse saddled that he failed to realize the man that had made his way into the stables, or how he was  
walking up to him the way a predator would his prey. It was only once Sylvain turned to grab one of his bags that he made direct eye contact with the man. 

Threatening would be an understatement. If a demonic beast turned into a human, Sylvian was sure this is how it would look like. Sharp jaw, deep black hair and green eyes that pierced right into his soul. And yet, a small very very stupid part of Sylvain immediately thought: tall, dark and brooding…I could get with that. And with that Sylvain threw caution to the wind. 

“Well hello there” Sylvain said as he leaned on one of the stable walls. “Were you enjoying the view?” 

The man immediately scoffed. 

“I see you’re as stupid as you look” the man said with a deep voice. And once again Sylvain thought, yeah I could get with that. And almost as if he had read his mind the man continued, “I’m not here to be one of your partners. I’ll make this quick. I know who you are.”

Ah.

“Huh. Really now” Sylvain asked, slipping into a perfect fake smile to hide the fact that he was currently trying to think of how quickly he could reach for his lance to kill this guy. 

“Sylvain Jose Gautier. Second son of Margrave Gautier. Disowned 4 years ago, the official statement was due to...personal affairs, but the real reason was because of the alleged affair you had with Duke Fraldarius second son” the man said, each word sounded more like a threat than the one before. “Oh, and yes I forgot. You’re also the man that inherited the crest of Gautier, first witnessed during a fight you had with a couple of nobles a while back.” 

And just like that Sylvain’s mask fell. Even the man before him was shaken by how quickly Sylvain had gone from friendly to deadly, he almost wanted to applaud him for that. It was rare for someone to unsettle him and yet Sylvains glare had done just that. 

“What do you want,” Sylvain asked, all friendliness gone from his voice. 

“Your aid. And your man power. I work for someone that wishes to make a change, in order to do that she needs people like you. People that hate the way this world is and have the power to fight for it. You have known first hand how corrupt this country is, not only that, but you are a very great fighter. You’re strong. I've seen you take down demonic beasts by yourself and mix that with your crest, you would be a great soldier for our cause” the man explained. 

“So you want to use me,” Sylvain said as he crossed his arms. 

“Just as much as you will use us. We’ll help you get back at your father, help you get whatever you want. Help us and we’ll help you” He replied. 

“And if I say no?”

“Then I will have to kill you.”

And Sylvain laughed. The man had said it so matter of fact that he couldn’t help himself. Part of him worried if he had finally gone insane while another part of him was starting to weigh his choices. This man clearly knew who he was and his history, probably has been tracking him for a while since he knew he could take on demonic beasts, and he didn’t doubt that this man had the skill to kill him either. And a deeper part of him, a more sinister part of him, was wanting to take this man's offer to get back at his dear old father. How great it would be to walk up to him, crest and all, and kill him with his own hands. Yes a very big part of him wishes for that, had dreamed of that. Usually sylvain kept those thoughts at bay, not wanting to go down a bloody path, but he would be lying if he said he wouldn’t mind losing himself if it meant killing his dad. 

Yes, revenge sounded very nice now that he was letting himself think about it. Of course, changing the world for the better is also a good thing but Sylvain was too much of a selfish man to do things just for the good of the people. No, revenge, that was the reason why he was considering this man's offer. If he could make his father pay then he would be able to have his life back, take back what was stolen from him. That thought brought a kind of warmth inside of him that he hadn’t felt in a long time. 

“Well then you’re in luck, I’m kind of known as the odd jobs guy around here. Pay me well enough and I’ll do whatever you want” Sylvain said as he slipped back his mask and winked at the guy. 

“I’m glad” the man said as he smiled back at him. “Then head to Enbarr, I will meet you there and we can talk more about what you will be doing.” 

“Meet you where in Enbarr?”

“Don’t worry, once you’re there I’ll know about it” the man said before turning around and walking off. 

“Wait, at least tell me your name since you do know me so well” Sylvain called out, making the man stop and turn to him. 

“Hubert,” he responded before disappearing into the shadows. 

Tall, dark and brooding….with a bit of deadly in him….not usually his type but he could still have fun with this, Sylvain thought. 

~ X ~

Hubert was a man of his word because the minute Sylvain made it to Enbarr he felt the familiar feeling of being stalked. He hadn’t even had the time to take his horses saddle off before he felt a hand grab his shoulder and then the air around him twisted and bent as he felt himself be warped away. By the time his mind stopped being foggy he realized he was now in a room with a couple of chairs and a table. He could smell tea in the air and it was only once he looked to the side that he saw that Hubert was there but so was another girl with white hair. She was beautiful in a deadly kind of way, Sylvain thought. Two deadly people, both attractive in their own ways, if Sylvain thought that maybe all of Adrestia could be labeled like that at this point. 

“You know I do love being swept off my feet by a tall man as much as the next person, but I do wish you had let me get my horse comfortable before you did that” Sylvain sighed.

“I apologize for Huberts actions, but due to the nature of things, it would be best that not many people know about you being here in Enbarr” the girl spoke with a soft smile. “My name is Edelgard Von Hresvelg.“

“Holy shit you’re the imperial princess” Sylvain gawked. “My apologies princess, if I had known I would be in your company I would’ve bought you flowers, certainly made myself more presentable.”

“I see you’re as sociable as Hubert had mentioned” Edelgard responded. 

“Aw Hubert, you talking about me, I knew there was a connection between the two of us,” Sylvian said with a smirk. 

“I would rather drink poison than entertain the thought of us together” Hubert replied instantly, which in turn caused Edelgard to stifle a laughter. 

“You wound me Hubhub and here I’ve been helplessly in love with you since the minute I laid eyes on your tall lanky self” Sylvain cooed. 

“Don’t ever call me that again.” 

“Huehue?”

“No.”

“How about Berty?”

“Negative.”

“Then how about-“

“Call me anything but Hubert and I will cut your tongue off and-“

“HUBIE. Oh I am definitely calling you Hubie.”

“That is actually what I call him sometimes” Edelgard said with a playful smile. 

“Lady Edelgard please-“

“Oh yeah, Hubie I am never calling you anything other than that ever again” Sylvain said with a smile as he watched Hubert go through what must be the 5 stages of grief. 

“We have gotten off topic, we are here to discuss very serious matters” Hubert groaned, desperately trying to change the subject. 

“Yes my apologies please have a seat, we have much to talk about” Edelgard said. 

“Don’t mind if I do,” Sylvain replied. “So, Hubie here tells me you want me to work for you.”

“For fucks sake” Hubert mumbled at the nickname. 

“Yes, I cannot share many things with you Sylvain though I’m sure you’re smart enough to understand why. But I do need your help with what I am planning. Someone as skilled as you and with your background will be beneficial to our cause. Not to mention that as Hubert told you, we can help you as well. I cannot share much but I will tell you this. I plan on creating a place where people will not be hurt the same way you were by your father. That is as much as I can tell you” Edelgard said. 

And sylvain now realized he had two options, one he can let that bullshit explanation slide and just take the pay and do her bidding. Or he can put worth to his name and make her explain more than that, after all, he had a suspicion that he will be risking his life for her so if he didn’t know what he was doing that for then why even bother? Yes revenge sounds fun and all but sylvain could easily do that himself if he really wanted to. And so Sylvain decided, that just for one second, to be completely honest and real with the imperial princess, what’s the worst that can happen? (Hubert can kill him but then again Sylvain was just the right amount of suicidal to not really go ahead and kill himself but be crazy enough to put his life in danger and not care for the consequences.)

“Yeah Hubert mentioned something like that,” Sylvian said as he leaned back on his chair and let the smile slip from his face. “And I will be blunt with you princess, I am not as stupid as I let on. Whatever you’re planning, I know is something big, you talk about changing things but something tells me that includes more than the empire… right? If not then why recruit a man from Faerghus and tell him things will change for the better? I’m not an idiot princess. I know you probably have very big ambitions, why else go through all the trouble to not only find me, but then recruit me? So yes maybe you can’t tell me everything that you’re planning, but princess, I’m going to need a lot more than just, we’re here to change the world for the better when it’s so obvious that there’s so much more to this than you’re letting on. So instead of dancing around each other, let’s just get right into it. I mean I really am only here because of the promise to make my old man get a piece of the hell he's given me all my life, so I’m not here to better the world, at least not in the vague kind of way you’re talking about. I might have been trained to become a knight my whole life but I’m not so chivalrous to put my neck on the line just for the good of the people. So you can tell me what you’re planning or you can let me go.”

“Hubert was right… the kingdom was foolish in letting someone like you leave” Edelgard mused. 

To that Sylvain smiled. 

“I take it then, that the empire will take me in?” Sylvain asked. 

~ X ~

There was a lot to take in if he was completely honest with himself. He had known that Edelgard had been planning something big but a couple cups of tea, and a lot more cups of coffee, Sylvain had the overall gist of what the little princess was planning. It was a lot, and a big part of him wanted to grab the princesses hand and tell her that she was being stupid for even thinking that she can succeed in doing this. But the way she spoke and the fire that was in her eyes made Sylvain foolishly think that maybe, just maybe, she could actually do this. 

Yeah maybe declaring war on the church and the kingdom AND the Leicester alliance will lead to just about everyone involved in this plan getting killed but inside something told him to try. Maybe it was the sentimental part of him that I wanted to do this, a part of him that looked back at the scared and pained child that he once was and wished that someone, anyone, had helped him. Had made his life so much easier to live. Yes, Sylvian wasn’t a chivalrous kind of guy, but he would be lying if he said that he didn’t want to make a world where no one ever had to go through what he went through. 

And so, Sylvian pledged his allegiance to Edelgard, a princess from a country he was not born from. A princess that had no one to help her but Hubert and now hi, all alone to fight this war she would be starting. And yet, to Sylvain, she was stronger than anyone he had ever met before. He wasn’t blindly following her like Hubert, but he still found himself trusting her. Also helped that she in return, began to trust him. Hell even dear old Hubie did not hate him entirely, didn’t trust him that much, but then again, that man couldn’t even trust his own shadow so Sylvian didn’t take offense to that. 

For now though, they were just making preparations to get the ball metaphorically rolling. Sylvain was sent here and there but for the most part he was told to stay low, because according to Edelgard, he was her trump card. No one in the Adrestian empire knew who he was, and Those Who Slither In The Dark (or ‘the bastard’ as he so proudly called them once he found out who they were and what they had been doing) also didn’t know about him or that he was involved with Edelgard. They knew of his existence but to them he was some noble brat that got disowned, crestless and worthless. 

Sylvain quickly found himself having to learn some subterfuge skills, something he was apparently a natural at. According to Hubert, he lied so much throughout his life that being undercover was just natural to him. Sylvian considered that a compliment. Of course he wasn’t a spy who was infiltrating peoples homes and such, but he was gathering information here and there. Sneaking into some houses a handful of times but for the most part, he learned those skills simply to keep himself hidden and as a “worst case scenario” kind of way. Hubert did all the “dirty” work after all. Sylvian, on the other hand, was gathering information in more social kinder ways, figuring out gossip and how to get the people to love them (and later their cause). 

And so at first, all Sylvain had to do was stand by, gather some information and that was all. But then, during one of his visits with Edelgard, the little princess found out that Sylvain was actually really skilled at battle tactics and basically anything concerning military warfare due to his upbringing and love for tactical games and suddenly Sylvain found himself mapping out the best way to make certain attacks or scoping out landscapes that in the future will be the place for potential battles. 

It was in one of those trips that has led him to travel into the Leicester alliance, he had traveled into here a couple of times since he had been on his own but Sylvain had found that he wasn’t much of a fan. The people were either annoyingly prideful or closed off and the weather was changing by the hour. One minute it was raining the next it was hot as all hell and the next week there was snow. It was annoying. Oh so annoying. But they needed to figure out ways to get into the country once war broke and so here he was. In this annoying country, having to push back all his complaints as he sweet talked the locals to figure out how the people here worked and how they thought. Figured out all the places that “everyone should visit while you’re here!” And which nobles were liked and which were not. It was not the most tiresome work he has ever done and yet he still found himself crashing on his bed without taking off his clothes when he entered his room in the first inn he found. 

“I take that you’ve been busy.” 

“HOLY FUCKEN SHIT! By the goddess Hubert don’t fucken scare me like that” Sylvain said as he tried to calm himself down, his heart practically beating out his chest. “I’m buying you a fucken bell for you to hang around your neck. Goddess help me, i almost had a fucken heart attack. Oh my goddess.”

“I am not a cat.”

“Hubie you might as well be one with just how much you fucken stalk me” Sylvain groaned. 

“Consider it payment for continuing to call me by that god forsaken nickname” Hubert said as he sat down on one of the chairs in the room. 

“Why are you here? I haven’t been here long enough to have a report” Sylvain said as he sat up and walked over to the water he had managed to heat up beforehand. “Coffee?” 

“Yes thanks. And I know, and I wouldn’t have come over here for a simple report either. I’m here to inform you that Lady Edelgard and I will be attending Garreg Mach Monastery in a couple of weeks” Hubert responded. 

“The Officers academy...sounds fun” Sylvain said as he turned around and gave Hubert his coffee. “So things are finally going to kick off aren’t they?” 

“Yes, and because we will be there we won’t be able to have as much freedom as we wish so lady Edelgard will depend on you to be her eyes and ears” Hubert said. 

“Will do” Sylvain said as he grabbed some sugar and practically smothered his coffee in it.

“That’s disgusting.”

“Only to an old bitter rat like you” Sylvain answered, completely used to Huberts ways now that he had known him for months. “So once you’re in the officers academy what will be the first order of business?”

“That is to be decided but I will be keeping in contact with you. Lady Edelgard will be busy dealing with what is going on in the academy so we can’t expect her to have to babysit you while she’s there too. So you will be dealing with me if you don’t behave.”

“Oh Hubie and will you punish me if I don’t?”

“One day. One day is all I ask from you to not be like this. Just. One.” 

“Alright alright, I get it. Will there be anyone of interest in the academy that you want me to maybe dig some dirt on” Sylvain asked. 

Hubert stayed quiet and took a sip of his coffee. Considering how to word his next request as best as possible without making Sylvain explode, Hubert and Edelgard had learned the hard way to not piss Sylvain off. He was far scarier than either had expected and much more calm and collected, that was what had unsettled them the most. 

“Yes, for our benefit. And for our goal...it would be best to know as much as we can about the Faerghus nobles” Hubert said calmly. 

Sylvain stayed quiet, looking away from Hubert and taking a sip of his coffee. 

“Who’s attending the academy” Sylvain said, the words were more of a command than a question.

“The crown prince, Ingrid Galatea…and of course so will Felix Fraldarius” Hubert answered. 

Sylvain stayed quiet. Too quiet for Huberts taste. He and Edelgard had discussed multiple times how to tackle the problem that was dealing with Sylvain and how he copes with Faerghus too many times to count. Each time however, they came to the conclusion that it was not Faerghus that was the problem for Sylvain, no, it was the reason he got disowned, the very thing that no matter how many times he or Edelgard had alluded to, Sylvian would not speak of. That was the problem that they could not find the answer to yet. A problem that was getting nearer and nearer and couldn’t be avoided. 

“I see” Sylvian said as he finally turned to look at Hubert, the fake smile back on his face. “Then ask away.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sylvain: come on say it, you love me don’t you?  
> Hubert: I would sell you for one corn chip don’t test me Gautier 
> 
> You can @ me but Hubert and sylvain would totally be friends because they’re both cynical and bond over tactical games. You can fight me on that. I don’t care if I’m the only one that thinks that I will continue and no I will not stop. It’s happening. Better strap in folks because the Hubert and Sylvain friendship train is leaving!


	7. Púrpura

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! There is depictions of gore (it’s a dream but still!) and also accidental self injuries/ harm! Just be warned and tread with caution

Everything was so warm. It was summer judging from the fact that there was no snow on the ground and the sun was beating down on him. There’s birds singing and Sylvain can hear the distinct sounds of water. There’s a haze to his view though and it’s enough to make Sylvain realize that he’s dreaming but even then he can’t control his actions. Just an audience member in his own mind. 

He’s standing up and walking down the hallway, now he realizes that this is the Fraldarius estate and Sylvain nearly chokes once he reaches that conclusion. How long has it been since he’s been in here? God it feels just as welcoming and warm is it did all those years. Everything is just how it was, there's armor statues decorating the hallway, portraits of past Fraldarius dukes. The carpet is the same deep burgundy and the walls decorated with gold and blue curtains. So many times did Sylvain and the others play hide and seek in these halls. He even remembered distinctly that if Felix was the one looking he would always hide behind the curtains so that he could find him first and they could look for the others together, spend those few moments alone. These halls had so many memories. 

And then Sylvain was walking down the stairs and he could hear the distinct clunking of armor. Was he wearing armor? Why would he? He couldn’t even check all he could do was look forward. And he keeps walking.The downstairs area looks exactly the same too, and Sylvain is starting to wonder now if this entire dream is just going to be him walking down these halls that he once called paradise. The halls of what was probably his only true home. There’s a deep longing inside of him that he hadn’t let himself feel for so many years, a longing to go back to this place. To go back to the life he once had. 

And then he hears muffled crying. It’s a girl's voice and in the back of his mind, he knows who it is but it isn’t until he walks into the same room that he was taken to so many years ago. The room where he met the very people that mattered the most to him, that he knows now who is crying. Ingrid is sitting on the floor, she’s small and young, from the looks of it she’s maybe 6 years old. But she’s sitting with her back turned to him and there’s blood all over the room and she’s clutching someone in her arms. A small body, a small body that’s bleeding profusely and Sylvain can do nothing but watch. 

But then he starts walking and the sound jolts her to turn to look at him and she’s so terrified. She had never looked at him like this and it’s breaking every single piece of Sylvains heart. Now that she’s turned however he can see that the body she was holding was Dimitri, he’s so small and defenseless. Covered in blood and dangerously pale, it’s in that moment that Sylvain realizes that that’s because he’s dead. He’s dead and Sylvian is barely coping with this fact before he watches as Ingrid shuffles back, she’s crying now and screaming for help. But why? Why is she screaming when it’s just me?

‘It’s just me Ing. I’m here to help, I’m here. I’m always here, remember? I always help you. I always will help you’ is what he wants to desperately scream but all he can do is watch as he walks closer and closer to her and now she has her back to the wall and she’s screaming. Begging for help and for mercy but Sylvain can’t do anything. And then he moves his arm and it’s only now that he realizes that he’s been holding a lance in his hand this whole time. But this lance, this god forsaken lance was the one thing he hated most, what brought him so much pain. He looks down and sees the lance of ruin glow. Activated by his blood and ready to bring him even more pain into this world. And Ingrid is screaming so loud now that Sylvain knows he’ll never be able to forget these sounds. She looks so scared and defenseless and all Sylvian wants to do is hug her and tell here that it’s okay...Instead he swings his lance and watches as he cleanly slices her throat. Watches as she looks up at him with fear and bleeds out in front of him. Sylvian wants to scream but he can’t. He can only watch as her blood now joins Dimitris and her body slides down to lay by his feet. 

And everything is mind numbingly cold and Sylvain would be screaming now if he could. But instead he looks up and finds two eyes looking at him, tears rolling down cheeks that he has kissed so many times. Felix is watching him, silently crying, and Sylvain feels himself break in every possible way because he knows he’s the reason why he’s crying and he wants to run to him and comfort him the same way he always did but instead he stands there and let’s Felix cry. Let’s him cry knowing that he’s the reason for those tears despite promising that he would never be the reason for that ever since that day in that well. 

“You always helped us. Why? Why are you killing us now” Felix asks so quietly. His voice is so small and Sylvain can feel himself going insane because he wants to scream to stop this madness but all he can do is watch as he walks up to Felix. 

From the corner of his eye he catches his reflection on one of the shields hanging on the wall and he sees that he’s not the young Sylvian that used to hug and play with Felix. No, he’s so much older and he wears the Adrestian colors in his armor. He’s so much taller and bigger and Sylvain realizes for one horrifying second that his eyes look like his fathers and Miklans. But he turns his head and he’s now looking down at Felix, and he’s crying still and he looks so innocent and weak. And that’s when Sylvain lifts his arm and strikes. 

Sylvain jolts up screaming. There’s tears rolling down his cheeks and he’s violently shaking. He’s breathing heavy and can’t bring himself to focus on the room that he’s in, desperately trying to get rid of the image of the dream he just had. But he can’t seem to control his breathing and every part of his body hurts so much. His head is beating and he distinctly feels someone calling out to him trying to bring him back to reality but he can’t stop screaming and crying. He’s desperately clawing at his eyes now trying to get rid of that image, because the image of Felix dying is breaking him so painfully that he would much rather go blind than ever see that again. It isn’t until he feels hands wrap around his wrists and a voice trying to calm him down that he’s slowly coming back to reality. Slowly he tries to bring his breathing back to normal and he’s shivering so violently that he feels his whole body start to ache. 

“It’s okay Sylvian it’s just a dream it’s just a dream” Edelgard voice seems so distant. But it’s the anchor that he needs to be able to start to regain his footing. Edelgard is crouched in front of him with his wrists in his hands and Hubert is besides her. That’s right, they had had one last meeting before they had to head to the academy. They had been playing board games hadn’t they? When did he fall asleep? 

“Breath Sylvain” her voice is so calm and soothing but he can see how worried she is by the way she looks at him. All he can do is nod his head as his body starts to relax. By this point Hubert has stepped away to grab something from Edelgards desk.

“ ‘m sorry” is all he can manage to say as he sits up but even then Edelgard doesn’t remove her hands from his wrist, if anything her grip only gets tighter. 

“Do not apologize Sylvain. You did nothing wrong” she says and her voice is stern but so soft. The softest Sylvain has ever heard it. 

Sylvain doesn’t respond to that and by then Hubert came back holding a first aid kit and for a split second Sylvain is extremely confused as to why he would bring that. But then Edelgard grabs a cotton ball , covers it in some vulnary and begins to dab it on Sylvains face and a cold shock runs through him. That’s right, Sylvain thinks, I tried to scratch my eyes out didn’t I? 

“Hope I didn’t ruin my good looks,” Sylvain said with a smile. 

Edelgard looks up at him and that softness that was there before was now replaced with sadness and Sylvain can’t possibly guess as to why that change occurred. Didn’t help that when he looked up, Hubert had the same look on his face too. 

“It’s fine princess,” Sylvain says as he places a hand on Edelgards hand, taking the cotton ball from her. “No need to take care of me, like you said it was nothing but a bad dream. I can handle this.” 

And Sylvian can see the exact moment when she wanted to say something but then bit back her tongue. She knew after all, that no matter what she had just witnessed that Sylvian wouldn’t talk about what had just happened. Would laugh it off and pretend that everything was okay. And so she let him stand back up. Let him give a half ass lie as to why he had to be excused for the night. And let him walk away to deal with this on his own. 

“He was screaming for them…” Edelgard finally said once he was gone.

“I will make sure that he’s okay my lady, for now, you should rest as well” Hubert replied.

Luckily, Sylvain thought, Edelgard and Hubert left the next morning to make their way to Garreg Mach. If they had stayed Sylvain knew they would question him about last night, especially since despite having said everything was okay, he still had cuts and scratches on his face. They would fade, he was sure of that. But they were there as a reminder of what he had seen. What he wished he had never seen. He hadn’t slept again after he left Edelgards office, had simply stayed up all night polishing his armor and trying to get those images out of his mind. But he knew, he knew deep down that they were ingrained into his mind now.

Did not help that the night after he had the same dream. Or the night after that. Or the night after that. He had that dream every night now, it would change occasionally, sometimes Dimitri wasn’t already dead and he had to kill him too. Other times he would kill Glenn and make Felix watch as he did that. Every time though, he would wake up once he killed Felix. To say that this dream was affecting him was an understatement. He looked closer to death's door each morning. Did not help that for some god forsaken reason his instant reaction to the dream was to hurt himself, he often scratched his face the same way he did the first night, however without Edelgard to stop him the end result was far far worse. Other times however, he would scratch at his hands and wrists, trying to wipe away his friend's blood that he swore was still on him despite it having been just a dream. Those scratches were deeper and took longer to fade out. Thankfully, a vulnary or two would do just the trick and he was back to looking healthy and normal by the end of breakfast. 

Slowly, Sylvain thought he was getting better. The dreams were spaced out and he plunged head first into work. Even tried to cut down on alcohol and sleeping around since 1. Alcohol made his dreams be so much worse and 2. He couldn’t exactly wake up screaming with some poor unfortunate person next to him. So in a way he was getting better. And then he got a letter from Hubert explaining how Edelgard had hired some bandits to hopefully wipe out the other two house leaders on their next mission and the nightmares started right back up. It was horrible to say the least. 

Which is what led Sylvian to be in the current situation he was now in. He knew that he should not be here. If Edelgard or Hubert found out that he was here they would immediately have him skinned. Well maybe not Edelgard but dear old Hubie definitely would. But even still, Sylvain was now crouched low to the ground and watching all of this unfold. 

He knew why Edelgard had hired the bandits to try and kill the other house leaders, and understood that if you cut the head off the snake that it can’t bite anymore and therefore not be a threat. Even then though, Sylvain had been plagued with nothing but dreams of Dimitri, small little Dimitri that he grew up with, looking up at him with those beautiful blue eyes. Looking up at him with the biggest smile only for him and talking to him the same way he always did only for him to start bleeding from his chest. Happiness morphing into pain and his voice now turning into screams of agony. Each time Sylvain would wake up in cold sweat, shivering violently, and on multiple occasions even having to run to the restroom to throw up. 

He knew now why his dreams depicted what they did. Knew that joining Edelgard meant that he was turning his back in the kingdom, he knew that and had accepted that actually, but that didn’t mean that he was ready to hurt his former friends. He had chosen to ignore that fact for many many months but now that Dimitri could be potentially killed. Well. He wasn’t coping with this very well, if he was even coping with it to begin with. And so, despite being told that he should focus on other tasks, Sylvain was now hiding in some dingy forest with no idea why he was there. To save Dimitri? To watch him die? To try and justify himself to his old friend? He had no idea but he was here nonetheless. 

He knew this was where the supposed attack was going to happen, and so he had hid far enough that he wouldn't be spotted but close enough to interfere if he had to. Huberts lessons in spying were finally being put to good use, Sylvain thought. It was at this awkward angle that he first spotted Dimitri. It was anticlimactic really, Dimitri was just running and besides him was, who Sylvain would guess, the Leicester Alliance heir, Claude Von Reigan. 

Dimitri aged well, and that was an understatement. He had always been cute in Sylvains eyes but now he was the perfect embodiment of Prince Charming. And he had grown taller and wider, pubert finally adjusting his lanky proportions. Sylvain found himself smiling, he was happy and proud. Dimitri grew up so well and he couldn’t help but be relieved that he had. After everything he went through he was okay and for a split second Sylvain forgot that he was here because Edelgard had hired bandits to kill his friend. 

Only a split second because before he knew it arrows started flying and he watched as Dimitri took his lance out and started to fight. It was shocking to say the least, Sylvain knew Dimitri was a good fighter even before he had been kicked out but this was on a different level. He was easily beating these guys and swinging his lance like it was light as a feather and not the massive steel weapon that it actually was. He had forgotten that Dimitris crest came with an unnatural strength that he could not wrap his head around. It was breathtaking really, watching his childhood friend who once had screamed at the top of his lungs when a frog jumped on his face now grab a man and throw him across the field with ease. It was also terrifying if he was being honest. 

He was in such shock at Dimitris strength that he did not notice Edelgard had come into view, had not noticed how they were now winning or even how there was a mysterious person behind her that he had never seen in his life nor read up on reports. By the time Sylvain registered what was actually going on however, the battle was over and Dimitri lived. He had had to hold himself back when he saw the bandit try to throw his weapon at Edelgard, nearly blowing his cover by running out to block the attack. Luckily for him, this new stranger protected her instead and Sylvain remained hidden. 

He was too far away to hear what they were saying to one another, but he couldn’t risk getting nearer and so he instead decided to study his old friend. Maybe take a few minutes to walk down memory lane and recall a time before he found out the world was cruel. Replace the image of Dimitri he had been dreaming these past few weeks with the now much older and smiling Dimitri. 

“You should not be here.”

Sylvain was not a person you could easily startle, he also wasn’t the kind of person to scream when he got scared. No, if you managed to catch him off guard he was the kind of person that would jump and practically levitate 3 yards off the ground. Which is fine in most cases, however when you’re crouched down and you have nothing but a gigantic tree branch over your head, well what ensues in a sad display of one red head bashing his head and then desperately trying not to cry out in pain. 

“Shut up before you get us spotted” Hubert hissed as he grabbed Sylvains arm and hauled him off. 

“Well if you stopped sneaking up on me this wouldn’t be a problem” Sylvain responded before Hubert and him finally stopped at clearing. 

“Why are you here Sylvain?” Hubert demanded, crossing his arms. 

“To check on things” Sylvain said, he’d learn that you could not lie to Hubert, that was nearly impossible, what you could do, however, was tell him half truths. 

“You mean to check on Dimitri,” Hubert answered.

“Maybe. I don’t know, you’re expecting a lot from someone that probably has a concussion if you ask me.”

“You do not have a concussion,” Hubert snapped. “I told you to stay away from here. Did you really think that you could get away with this?” 

Silence.

“Would you believe me if I said I didn’t really think about that,” Sylvain answered with a shy smile.

Silence.

“Look, I was just watching, I wasn't really planning on doing anything. So there’s no harm done in me being here” Sylvain answered. 

“You still did exactly what I told you not to do.”

“Oh loosen up Hubie, I’ll buy you something to make up for this. I don’t know, what do you even like?...Besides torturing the souls of the innocent of course.” 

“There should be a limit to how irresponsible you can be.”

“You will find out very quickly that I infact, do not, so then what will it be Hubie? Alcohol? Food? Women? A special night with yours truly?” Sylvain asked. 

“Why is it that every redhead I meet they are the most infuriating, insufferable, absolute worthless, pathetic, bile pieces of-“

“Wait, you know other redheads?” 

“That is besides the point” Hubert snarled but then immediately sighed, taking a couple of seconds to compose himself. “Come, we’re leaving. Now that that mysterious person is there, there is nothing for us to do after all.” 

With that Hubert walked up to Sylvain and before he could protest they were warped away. Once everything rearranged itself, Sylvain found himself in a street market. And he was about to ask Hubert where they were exactly but his companion was already walking with the speed of a mad man and Sylvian had to practically run to him. 

Sylvian stayed quiet, knew better than to try and joke around with Hubert now that he had managed to properly piss him off. And so they walked side by side in silence, Sylvian occasionally waving and winking at whoever he caught eyeing him, though the amount of people was far lower than he was used to and he was going to blame the spider of a man besides him for that one. Even then, it was weirdly peaceful to just walk around a village in silence, and he found himself letting his mind wander back to Dimitri. He wondered what he would have done if Hubert hadn’t showed up. Would he have taken the risk and revealed himself to his friend? No, Edelgard was there and it would only make things more difficult. Maybe if he had found Dimitri alone then? No, he was too much of a coward. He wouldn’t even know what to say to him to excuse his absence in the man's life. 

“We’re here,” Hubert said, breaking Sylvains train of thought. 

“Uh..” was all Sylvain managed to say as he stood in place. They were now standing in front of what looked like very fancy stables filled with very fancy looking horses. There was an older gentleman standing to the side dealing with some equipment but he still looked up and smiled at them with a small wave. 

“Why are we-“

“You’re getting a horse,” Hubert answered before Sylvian could finish. 

“Wait what?” Sylvian nearly yelled as he watched Hubert walk towards the stables, face void of emotion. 

“A horse. You need a new one anyways” Hubert answered, slightly getting annoyed. 

“Okay I uh. Okay. Um I don’t have the money for a horse at least not these fancy one’s, plus my current horse is just fine really I mean-“

“I’m buying the horse. Just choose one before I choose it and trust me when I say that I will not hesitate to get you a pony” Hubert said, his eyebrows in a deep frown. 

“Alright alright, no need to get annoyed,” Sylvain said as he walked past Hubert and started looking at the horses. 

Leave it to Hubert to just expect Sylvain to choose a horse like if he was choosing a new shirt. Clearly the man had no idea what picking a new companion meant or the actual preparation that entailed. Probably didn’t realize that he had to gage the horse's personality, take some time to bond and see if they can do well with one another. Even see what kind of horse would be best for a cavalier like Sylvain or which ones were trained to be actual war horses and not just the kind of horse you take on a ride. No, Hubert probably expected Sylvian to walk up to the first pretty horse he saw and go “I want that one!” And that they would take it back with them that very day. Even then, for his sake, Sylvain tried to not take that long as he saw each of them. They were extremely high quality, and from the looks of some of them, very well trained. Their sizes varied and so did their coats and Sylvain found that even though he wanted to make this process fast for Huberts sake… it was sadly not something that was possible. 

Half way through him looking, the man that was selling the horses walked up to Sylvain to talk to him about the horses. Clearly knowing that Hubert was not the one to try and butter up to. Even then, the man was pleasant to talk to, especially once he found out that Sylvain actually knew a thing or two about horses and was a “soldier” (no need for him to find out that he was more of a bandit than a royal knight). This led to him pointing out which horses had been trained for combat and which were more used to magic and which were simple riding horses. Sylvain wasn't a mage but he also knew that it was easier to train a horse to be okay with weapons clashing next to you than fireballs hurling right at them. 

And so after a lot more talking and more horse watching, Sylvain chose a beautiful black stallion. Pitch black and bigger than any horse he had ever ridden but he was well tempered and had taken a liking to Sylvain. He was young enough that Sylvain will still have things to train him on but old enough to be considered a proper war horse that he could take on missions. Mix that with the fact that he was definitely a showstopper with his long main and silky coat. Well, Sylvain had come as close to falling in love as he possibly could. 

“I will have him ready for you come tomorrow morning” the man said as he finished up whatever dealings he had been doing with Hubert as Sylvain took some time to bond with his new companion. 

“Thank you, I will be sure to come get him then” Sylvain said with a smile. 

With that he gave the horse one last scratch on his neck before walking away with Hubert by his side. Sylvain was in all honesty, very giddy and extremely happy, happier than he had been the past couple of weeks (one could even argue the last couple of months). He had never gotten to choose his own horse before, his father had always just assigned him a horse and although he had loved every single one that he had had in the past. They had never been truly HIS, they were Gautier horses not Sylvain horses (even the one he had now had actually been Miklans and the stable boy had not realized that at the time). So yes, Sylvain was very happy that he was now a proud owner of his very own horse even if the whole purchasing ordeal had been rushed and that there was going to be a lot of work ahead of him to care for said horse. 

“Thank you for that,” Sylvain said as he turned to Hubert, who the entire time had silently watched the entire affair. 

“You needed a new one anyways so consider this a new weapon you will use to aid Lady Edelgards mission” Hubert responded. 

“Still, that’s the first time anyone’s ever bought me a horse so thank you” Sylvain continued. 

“...Then you’re welcome, hope now that you have it you can use it as a way to distract yourself from whatever is upsetting you” Hubert said with a sigh. 

“Oh? Hubie did you buy me a horse to cheer me up” Sylvain asked as a smirk started to spread across his face.

“Lady Edelgard simply stated that she was worried about you and being that horses are maybe the only thing that you like that I can condone, I did what was necessary.” Hubert said, making Sylvain laugh. 

“So getting me a horse was what you came up with? I mean I’m not complaining, it's really touching. But I will warn you, keep this up and I’m going to have to marry you so that you can keep showering me with gifts” Sylvain said, sending Hubert a wink. 

“I would rather die than ever marry you.”

“Ah yes, i forget, another red head has stolen your heart.”

“Why you-”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hubert: Lady Edelgard I have taken care of the problem concerning Sylvain 
> 
> Edelgard: that’s great! You got him to talk about his repressed issues and traumas and worked them out with him in a healthy and considerate way? 
> 
> Hubert:........I got him a horse
> 
> Edelgard: you got him a what?


	8. Violeta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A gift from a dear friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy am I happy that you all like the Sylvain and Hubert friendship because i have way too many ideas for them, and yes maybe Hubert is a little ooc but listen listen....what if...this is what Hubert deserves? Just food for thought

Sylvain had come to learn four very important things recently. One, the strange person that had saved Dimitri was now apparently a professor in the academy because the church just doesn’t care about qualifications. Secondly, Edelgard can be very petty and jealous, and apparently got very upset about the fact that said professor did not chose to teach her class and is now talking about the professor like if she was just a shitty ex, so sylvain was told not “bother” with the professor like he thought he would have to (this of course does not mean that Hubert isn’t looking into them, the man is too paranoid to not “bother”). Thirdly, he now has to stand down when it comes to anything involving “the flame emperor” so as to not have “the bastards” find him out, so all he has to do now is just sit there and look pretty while Edelgard and Hubert do their thing. 

And lastly, to his greatest pleasure, he has come to learn that dear old Hubie sucks at the one thing Sylvain excels at, that of course is: flirting. To say that Sylvain nearly pissed his pants when he found out that not only does Hubert refuse to acknowledge that he has a crush on someone, but that he has now proceeded to continuously insult said crush in an attempt of self preservation. Well. Sylvain has been taking a lot of pleasure in the man's current love endeavors and that is an understatement. 

Now Sylvain doesn’t have much to do, yes he does have his new horse that he has to care for and train, which he gladly named Bergamont because Hubert once complained about a certain someone naming a horse after a tea blend and that that was the stupidest thing anyone could do and so really was there any other option here? Redheads gotta have each other’s backs! This angered Hubert. 

And so yeah, he did have his horse, but he also could piss Hubert off and that sounded waaaaay more enjoyable. It had been far too long since Sylvain had been able to have the kind of friendship that was strong enough that you could piss each other off and it wouldn’t destroy it, the last group of friends he had like that, well. That was something Sylvain put conscious effort into not thinking about most days. And yes, Edelgard was nice and cute (and sylvain would have flirted with her if it wasn’t for the fact that he was 100% sure that she was swinging for the other team) but at the end of the day she was practically his boss, no, she was his boss and future emperor and so he couldn’t have the kind of friendship that would allow you to make fun of one another. 

However, he could have that kind of friendship with Mr. Dark and Lanky. Yes, it WAS at the cost of him MAYBE one day being killed by dear old Hubie, but that was a sacrifice Sylvain was willing to make. It was much too easy to tease him too so that didn’t help his case. Apparently no one that is sane willingly pisses off an assassin or so Sylvian has been told. Because of this, Hubert is not used to teasing… at all, and he doesn’t get flustered in the cute way (this made Sylvain very sad when he found that out), no, he’s the type to immediately go off and try to explain himself or the situation which in turn is digging his grave even further. Really, all Sylvain has to say sometimes is “Ferdinand” and immediately proceed to listen to Hubert go off for hours. Which really makes his days go by faster.

It was even more fun when he could tease Hubert via letters, because of course Hubert is a student and he does technically have to attend classes and missions and such. So he can’t come and talk to Sylvain one on one all the time, though sometimes at ungodly hours Hubert will show up in Sylvains room seething with rage (more like sexual frustration but to each their own) and just go off about life. No, Hubert can’t just appear all the time and so letters are sent most of the time (encrypted of course because again Hubert is a paranoid man) and it brings Sylvain so much joy when they do write each other because Hubert has two kinds of letters he will send Sylvain. One: formal and very short letters that usually explain what’s going on, what Sylvian should do, any updates on “the bastards” or if there’s anything going on with Edelgard. The second letter, and Sylvains personal favorite, is usually pages long, messily written and just dripping with so much emotion that Sylvain could put that bad boy as a replacement for a shitty opera score.

And how exactly do you get the second kind of letter? Well to Sylvains great discovery, it is actually very very easy. All it takes is for Hubert to send his formal letter detailing something about class work or a mission and ending it with “the black eagles are very formidable and Lady Edelgard sees them as great allies.” And all Sylvain has to do is reply with, “That's great! Can’t wait to meet them, though I’m sure Von Aegir will probably be my favorite. ♡” 

And just like that, Sylvain is assured to get a 20 page letter explaining that not only is Von Aegir not a great ally (usually has to do with his father or he’s a rich noble that was handed everything to him, most times it's just: he’s a brat) but! Ferdinand would be caught dead before ever humoring Sylvain in his flirting. Because of course Hubert would be weirdly possessive and jealous about a man he claims to hate, it just makes sense if you think about it. It also helps that Hubert is fully aware of the fact that Sylvain can actually seduce and charm a lot of people without trying so his “threat” is not to be taken lightly. Of course Sylvain would never actually flirt with that man, he sounds absolutely dreadful and waaaay too full of himself but leave it to Hubert to go for someone with such an “odd” personality.

However, Sylvain never pushed Hubert too much, again, he might not be the sanest person but he doesn’t actually want to die just yet. And also, Hubert was kind of his only friend at the moment and Sylvain really did not want to go back to the life he had after he got disowned. He’ll gladly take this awkward spider for a friend before going back to that kind of life. That and as horribly boring and dutiful as Hubert actually is (sometimes Sylvain forgets they’re technically the same age), he is a good guy deep deep deeeeeeep down. Yes he’ll kill you and your family if you simply look at Lady Edelgard the wrong way, but he’ll also buy you a horse and think that’s enough to cure your depression and really it’s the thought that counts. 

And yes, Hubert has on some occasions slipped poison into Sylvains teas to “build up immunity if anyone ever attempts to kill you”. And yes he’s also snuck into his room, held a dagger at his throat and then proceeded to tell him to stop leaving his windows unlocked because the next time he will plunge into his throat. And YES, Hubert has randomly hit him with a Misma spell so that he can get used to the pain of dark magic and still be able to get back up and fight, maybe even be able to sense it in the air and doge in time. So yeah, Hubert has on many occasions tried to kill him, but it’s all with good intentions (or at least that’s how Edelgard explained it the first time Hubert launched dark spikes at him while he was just sitting under a tree and Sylvain promptly went to tattle tell on him). 

And so maybe Hubert has tried to kill him, but it’s for his own good. He would never willingly cause Sylvain true pain and so maybe that’s why the two had ended up so close. Because despite everything, Hubert still cared. He was still there for him when no one else was and was even willing to humor him most days. He was someone Sylvain could see care about him and in some ways understood him. So maybe that's why he had sent a letter to Hubert to ask to talk to him. Maybe that’s why he now sat in front of him unsure on how to process the request that Sylvain had thrown at him. 

“You want to go back to Gautier” his voice came out as a whisper, the same tone you would use on a scared animal. 

“Yes, well actually even if you didn’t want me to do this I still will. Because….well I have unfinished business but I just thought you should know” Sylvain responded with a smile. 

“And what will you do once you’re there?” Hubert asked. 

And what was he going to do in Gautier? The thought had come to him one night, one random night four days ago. He had been drinking at the tavern near his inn and had been enjoying his time with a pretty little blonde when out of the corner of his eye he had spotted someone with red hair, the same shade of red as his older brother and suddenly the peaceful night had shattered. Even once the man had turned and Sylvain could see that it was not Miklan, he was still left shaking. 

He had come up with some random excuse to leave the girl in the bar and practically ran to his room. By the time the door had shut, Sylvain was violently shaking and hyperventilating. He had been plagued by dreams of his childhood friends for so long now that it had been rare for him to dream of his family. Had repressed his memories so far down that he had been able to live without being constantly in fear. But all it took was the right shade of red and now he was like this. Back to being scared despite how many years had passed. Despite the fact that he had changed so much since the last time he had seen them. 

And Sylvain was alone on this. Alone with this problem because he refused to ask for help because the few times he had no one had given it to him. Because letting people know how weak he truly was only meant that they could use it against him. This was something that Sylvain needed to do on his own. To overcome this part of his life in a way. But Sylvain knew he wasn’t strong enough to do it, he wasn’t a little boy anymore but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t still weak. All his training and all his work was for nothing when it came to his family. 

When it came to confronting his dad because the bitter taste of defeat was still engraved into his bones. He had tried to fight, to stand his ground and look where that led him? Yes he was older, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t scared. That he hadn’t had nightmares of his father and brother. That he couldn’t be anywhere near a well without panicking. That he didn’t flinch whenever someone raised their hand too fast. No, he was older, but he was still the same scared little boy. 

He cried that night, plagued with memories of his brother's violence and his father's remarks. Cried because he was so fucken scared but knew that this was a problem that would never leave him. That if he wanted to move forward, to get closer to a world where he would be free from this hell that he had to do something about this. But he still cried, cried until he had no more tears left in him. Until his eyes grew heavy and he let himself rest. 

That night, he did not dream of Felix and the others. No. He was instead in his home, in his old bedroom. It was dark and raining like it had that day so many years ago and in front of him sat a smaller version of himself. He was 8 years old and was covered in bandages with bruises all over his face. But he was smiling, the same smile that Sylvain has worn even to this day. And he looked up at him, tears in his eyes, and he asked him why? Why was his life like this? What had he done to deserve this? Why didn’t no one help him?

And he turned around and looked out the window, it was storming now, lightning flashing across the sky and the thunder was so loud it shook the entire house. And then he turned back to Sylvain, on his lap the Lance of Ruin glowed, his smile gone and all that was left were tears and anger. And he looked up at him, holding the lance to him in his small hands. And his voice rang above the thunder, the words carving themselves into his heart. “Avenge me.” 

Sylvain stood from the table turning his back on Hubert and looking at himself in the mirror, behind him a shadow of his younger self looking up at him. And suddenly all Sylvain wanted was to take back what was owed to him. Bruises and tears were for the younger boy behind him, all he had left were scars and hatred. And if fear and obedience had not been enough to save him, then anger and revenge will do just fine.

“The Lance of Ruin. I’m going to take it” he said before turning back to face Hubert. “My father owes me for all he put me through, for making my life a living hell, for threatening to kill the person I loved, and making an enemy out of me. There is a price that needs to be paid, Hubert, and I intend on making him pay for it.”

Hubert stayed silent, frozen by the sight that was before him. He had seen Sylvain four days ago. Four days ago Sylvain had been fine and happy, had even been teasing him the same way he always did and yet now… The man that stood in front of him was not the same one that called him Hubie and joked around with him. No, the man that stood in front of him had the same eyes of a beast, blood thirsty and demanding revenge. 

“Doing this will reveal yourself to not only those who slither but to the whole world. Stealing a relic is not something that can be done discreetly” Hubert answered carefully.

“Then the world will know about me and what my family has done.”

Hubert wanted to desperately grab Sylvain and shake him until he went back to how he was before. Until he snapped out of this revenge driven state and looked more human than beast. But he knew that wasn’t the right thing to do, knew that sooner than later this was going to come up and that they would have to deal with this. After all, he had promised Sylvain revenge when they first met. And he knew that Sylvain needed this, had come to know the man enough to realize this much. That in order for him to get better he had to get past this and that in a way, him telling him this, letting him see him like this, was already a big step in the right direction. But as his friend, he would be lying if he said it wasn’t painful to watch. 

“Very well. I will let Lady Edelgard know and if you need any assistance we will give it to you” Hubert said.

“Thank you.”

~ X ~

In the end, Sylvain was given a small battalion of bandits that Hubert had hired for him. The ride to Gautier was quiet and Sylvain didn’t bother even learning their names, he knew what stealing a relic would intel, knew that he wasn’t going to get away with this without a fight. He also knew the church would most likely get involved and that their knights were stronger than these bandits. And he was sure Hubert knew this too because before he left he made sure to teach Sylvain how to warp, that was the only condition he gave him. He needed to master that spell before doing this. 

It took longer than Sylvain had wanted, what with him not being a mage and that being a high level spell but he knew why Hubert was doing this. Knew that this was necessary so that he didn’t die a pointless death, and in a way he knew that by giving him this battalion that was Huberts way of saying “sacrifice them to give yourself time to escape if necessary” he didn’t know how to feel about that. But deep down he knew it was what needed to be done and so Sylvain didn’t bother speaking with the battalion. 

It had been years since he had stepped foot in Faerghus, the last time he was here he had been a broken and defeated boy. He still made sure to wear a cloak and keep the hood up so he could hide his hair, after all, his red hair was a Gautier signature and everyone in Faerghus could spot it. They stopped only when they needed and camped out in the woods instead of staying in rooms, they could afford it but the less they interacted with people the higher chance of being able to sneak into Gautier. 

The kingdom had changed, the air was the same freezing cold and the forests still called out to Sylvain, but there was something unsettling about the kingdom. Sylvain wasn’t sure if it was because of his history with this country or because of the tragedy. Either way, Sylvain found himself hating being here more and more. It wasn’t welcoming, it was threatening and Sylvain desperately missed the Adrestian Empire. 

It took them 15 days to arrive in Gautier lands and by then Sylvain was visibly shaken. All his men stayed away from him because they could see that he was clearly not okay. It wasn’t that Sylvain was snapping at them or treating them cruelly, if anything he still laughed and smiled at them. But it was in his eyes and the way that he would look into the distance that unsettled his men. Some even swore that they had heard him talking to himself at night. Plagued by the ghost of his younger self demanding to be avenged. 

These woods were familiar, so were the creaks and the sky. They were a part of Sylvain, his ancestors roamed this land and so had he. This was Gautier land, and Sylvain knew it like the back of his hand. Remember all the times that he would come out here to hunt or to explore. Remembered riding his horse down this path and climbing that tree. This forest was his temporary heaven whenever he couldn’t go to the Fraldarius estate. And it welcomed him back with open arms, having not changed in all the years he’d been away. 

It was too easy, Sylvain thought. Too easy how he was able to make his way to the estate. How he was able to find a place to hide out for the day before he snuck into the place he once called home. There was a part of him that would start shaking, thinking about entering that hell. Remembering all the pain and tears that had been shed inside those walls, but all he had to do was turn around to find his younger self looking at him and the fear disappeared. What he felt instead was hatred and anger. 

He had remembered feeling those things when he was younger but now. Now it was different, now the anger was tamed, controlled. He has shaped it to be his weapon, sharp and deadly. A way to strengthen itself instead of being his undoing. This anger reminded him of the cold he felt that night, alone in the rain and mourning for his innocence. Had seeped into his bones the way the rain clung to his clothes. 

“I will be entering the manor alone, I know this place better than you all do and it’ll be easier if I sneak in alone” Sylvain whispered to his men. “Stand by, if there is any commotion then attack but other than that. Don’t move.” And his men didn’t object, how could they when Sylvain was looking at them with those eyes? 

When night came Sylvain gathered his things, replacing his usual armor with leather armor, quieter but still there to use as protection. He carried his lance and a dagger that was given to him by Hubert, laced with poison in case things got ugly. With one final look at his men, he walked forward. Sneaking into his old home wasn’t hard, he had lost count how many times he had done just that after all. Whenever Miklan would leave him stranded in the woods and he would have to quietly go back to his room unless he wanted to wake his father up and suffer the consequences for that. 

He snuck in through the kitchen, and once he entered he found that everything looked exactly the same. Stuck in time, Sylvain had to pinch himself to make sure this wasn’t one of his fucked up dreams but upon realizing that it wasn’t, part of him wanted to laugh. His life had changed so drastically and yet this place was the same. His banishment having done nothing to change this hell. 

He slowly and carefully made his way out of the kitchen and into the manors hallways. He knew where his father left the relic, and judging by the fact that everything was still the same, he was sure it was still there. In his father's study, the room where he had been officially disowned in. How fitting, Sylvain thought. 

There was one thing that has changed, he couldn’t see any maids or butlers and part of him thought maybe his father had gotten rid of everyone that had helped him sneak into Fraldarius that night, or he found out that they had helped him when he got disowned. For a split second he felt guilty for that, but that guilt quickly died and became fuel for his anger. Of course his father would betray the very people that had served Gautier for years simply because they didn’t bend to his will. Well, serves him right because now there’s no one here to tell him that his dear son is back. 

Making it to his father's study was once again, too easy. It was almost hilarious how all Sylvain had to do was push the door open to let himself in. And he took a moment to look, this room had also changed. Drastically actually. The once neat and organized room was now cluttered and messy. Stacks of papers and books everywhere. Maps pinned to the wall with messy notes scribbled onto them. From what he could see, his father wasn’t doing all that great with the way he was managing his land, then again, it’s what he deserves Sylvain thinks as he makes his way into the room, carefully stepping over all the papers and books. Walking until he reaches the back of the room and standing in front of what he had come all this way for. His price for having endured everything that he had. 

The Lance of Ruin.

And it humned for him. Called out to him, the crest stone glowing red welcoming his arrival. The intricate bones moving and swaying, reaching out to him. A smile spread across Sylvain's face, yes, this is what he’s here for and it so desperately wants him to take it. He slowly and carefully reached out to it, the bones creaking and swaying faster, excited that he was here. Excited to have a new master. And as Sylvains hand wrapped around it the glow of the crest stone grew brighter and brighter, and he could feel his crest merging with the relic. The low thundering of his heart getting louder and syncing with the pulsing of the bones. And as he brought it to his chest, holding it with his two hands and looking down at it. Sylvain thinks, for the first time in his life, that The Lance of Ruin is beautiful. 

“Sylvain” a small whisper breaks him out of his thoughts and Sylvain looks up to find his father looking at him. Standing at the doorway with his mouth hanging down and his eyes wide open and Sylvain smiles, a cruel and dark smile. 

“Hello father,” Sylvain says. “It’s rather late isn’t it?” 

“What are you doing here?” he father asks and Sylvain can’t help but find pleasure in the fact that his voice was shaking. 

“I’m here to take this,” Sylvain answered as he swung the relic down. “After all, those who have the crest of Gautier have the right to own this isn’t that right?” 

And Sylvain couldn’t help but laugh out loud when he saw the realization hit his father. How his face contorted into pain and regret. The way he took a step back, visibly shaking. Unable to cope with the fact that the very son that he disowned now stood in front of him with the very crest he had prayed the goddess to give to his sons. 

“You-You did not have a crest,” his father whispered.

“I didn’t but now I do” Sylvain practically purred, enjoying how much pain this was bringing his father. 

And for a split second, Sylvain thinks about taking just a handful of steps and ending his father's miserable life. To bring the Lance of Ruin down on his neck and killing him. To then walk up stairs and kill his mother and brother too, to make them pay for what they did to him. To end it all. But no, that’s not enough his younger self whispers into his ear. That’s too easy. They need to feel the same pain he felt all those years. 

“As much as I want to stay here and catch up with you, I must leave” Sylvain says with the calmness in his voice only granted to him through years of pent up rage. 

“If you think you can leave this place-“ his father yelled, finally snapping out of his shock, and trying to walk up to Sylvain only to stop once Sylvain lifted the lance and pointed it at him, aiming directly at his heart. 

“I can leave this place and I will. And I will take this with me and I will watch as everything you have built and worked on dies by your own hands. Watch as the whole world finds out that you disowned the only son that inherited your crest. And I will laugh alongside everyone else that mocks you for being so foolish as to have done something like that. And you will do nothing because you can’t do anything. You will simply watch and maybe if I’m lucky, maybe you’ll kill yourself and then the world won’t have to put up with you anymore” Sylvain said with a smirk. “Goodbye father.” 

And with that Sylvain used the one spell his dear friend gifted him so many days ago and warped away with the Lance of Ruin in his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also WOW I really took Sylvains support with the professor and ran with it huh? But hey, good news! Next chapter Felix finally makes an appearance (◕‿◕✿) wowies it’s about time huh? what with this being a Sylvix fanfic and all


	9. Morado

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle at Conan Tower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! There is gore depictions in this chapter as well as a small section that briefly has some suicidal thoughts. Read carefully!
> 
> Also i did not mean for this chapter to be this long and i know that I could’ve edited so it was two separate chapters but I promised Felix and so yeah. Long chapter this time folks

Sylvain was clearly not okay, this of course was to be expected. He had just walked into his childhood home and talked with the man that had brought him so much pain all of his life, of course, he would not be okay. It did not help that he was now forced to hide out in Conand Tower, an old fort in Fraldarius territory, abandoned but still good enough to work as a shelter. Sylvain had come to this tower many times as a kid, Glenn often bringing them here to try and teach them battle tactics and how to fight inside a tower (since it required different motions due to the narrow hallways and staircases.) Those lessons were now coming into use thanks to Sylvains current situation. A part of him was shaken by the thought that he was in Fraldarius territory, that for some god forsaken reason he instinctively ran to this place because in his mind this was the safest place to be in. He wanted to desperately run to the Fraldarius estate and beg for help, for protection, but he knew that would never be possible. He had stolen the Lance of Ruin, basically waged war against Gautier and in a sense that was also waging war against any noble in Faerghus. There would be no allies for him in this kingdom now, all bridges had been burned the day he was disowned. So Conan Tower would be a good enough place to fight the knights of Seiros. Blood would be shed today, Sylvain knew that, and maybe that was why he was shaking. 

But another part of him knew that he wasn't okay for a completely different reason: the Lance of Ruin. Sylvain could swear that it was speaking to him, demanding things from him. His younger self was also screaming at him, begging to go and run back to Felix now that he was so close to what used to be his heaven. And Sylvain couldn't help but laugh at the realization that he had finally gone insane. He was barely 20 years old and he was for all intents and purposes, insane. He knew this, knew that what he was hearing or seeing wasn’t real but that didn’t make it stop. Didn’t make anything stop. Sylvain had thought that if he stole the lance that he would appease his younger self and that all of this would be over. He would be able to go back to normal (or his version of normal at least) but no it was so much worse. The relic wanted him to kill, to hurt, to burn down all of Faerghus for making him suffer like he had. And his younger self was mourning and crying and Sylvain wanted to scream. 

But he had to push those thoughts down, had to ignore the screaming and pretend to be okay. Pretend to be a leader as he gave orders to his men as to what positions to take and what to do. Had to make himself think of this as nothing but a chess game because if he stopped and thought about the fact that he was willingly putting “sacrificial” pawns on certain spots of the board he would throw up. But even if he did want to throw up he couldn’t, didn’t have any time because a scout had come and told him that the knights were here and Sylvain was now putting on his armor and realizing for the first time in his life, that this armor was going to become his second skin from now on. That if things progressed the way that Edelgard hoped, this would be his first fight out of many. 

He had positioned himself at the top of the tower, (he had his warp spell as his trump card after all). Placed as many fighters to try and pick down the knights of Seiros and then once they finally reached the top Sylvain could decide whether to continue fighting or run away. It was a cruel and selfish strategy, but it was born out of necessity and self preservation so he could not dwell on it for too much. And then the first scream came, and the sound of weapons clashing began. Sylvain ordered his remaining men down and stayed alone at the top of the tower. 

The Lance of Ruin was glowing, begging Sylvain to go down there and spill blood. And Sylvain found himself shaking more, not out of fear, he knew that. He had killed before and he knew that he would not die today, but yet he was still shaking. Was it anticipation? Anxiety? He had no clue but the sound of weapons was coming closer and the screaming was getting louder and Sylvain was having trouble hiding his shaking hands. 

“Sir” one of his men came running upstairs, blood on his arm and his ax chipped and broken. “They aren’t the knights of Seiros sir, they are students from the officers academy, being led by the Leicester Alliance heir and they have Duke Fraldarius oldest son with them.” 

Sylvain cursed. Of course it would be more than just knights, of course this would involve someone as high profile as the Leicester heir, but no, he cursed because for one second he had actually considered the Fraldarius family to be his allies. He stupidly thought all those years he spent in their home and all the birthday and holiday parties they had had to mean something but of course it didn’t. Maybe that was why he had been shaking, deep down his body had already known he would have to fight the closest thing he had to a family. Sylvain suddenly felt very underprepared and for the first time today, feared that he had planned incorrectly. Fraldarius men were strong and smart and the upper advantage he had had with knowing Conan Tower was now irrelevant. 

“Thank you, tell all those that can to retreat, there’s no need for anyone to fight a battle that we have no hope in winning. Retreat.” Sylvain said but he knew deep down there was no way for any of his men to be able to run away now. 

With that the other man ran back down to clashing swords and screams. Sylvain had two choices to make now it seemed. Run away. Or stay and fight. He desperately wanted to run away, to warp away to a save location and avoid all of this madness. But a part of him also couldn’t handle leaving his men here to die, he knew it was the logical thing to do. That was why he even had them to begin with but he couldn’t just leave them, he wasn’t the kind of person to run away and leave everyone behind. He wasn’t so heartless to do something like that. 

And in his desperation he hoped that maybe he could find a way for things to end peacefully, for lives to be spared. He had heard so many things about this Leicester Heir and something inside him told him that maybe violence wasn’t the way to handle someone like him. A war will be waged soon enough but maybe enemies could be allies. They could work together and his younger self was begging him to stay and try that, to try and get back at least some kind of peace, some way to not spill the blood of someone he once saw as family. But the Lance, that fucken lance kept screaming; screaming for blood and Sylvain could feel his mind breaking. Torn between fighting and peace. 

Then the sword clashes were right by his ear and Sylvain turned to finally catch a glimpse of the people here to fight him, bracing himself to see his men. Instead his mind cracked and the Lance of Ruin glowed. Miklan was here, fighting, unaware that Sylvain could see him now. But that wouldn’t have been enough to break him, no, it’s who stood behind him. Raven hair, strong and imposing even when he was missing an arm and fighting with magic instead of his signature sword, the same man he once saw as a protector. Glenn Fraldarius. 

Sylvain could only watch. Watch as his brother, his abuser, his torturer, was now fighting side by side with the man that he admired so desperately. He could hear his younger self crying, screaming the same way he had that night in the rain. And the Lance of Ruin glowed, thirsty for blood. And coldness washed over him, Sylvain felt himself go numb, his mind no longer racing, no longer hesitating. He walked towards the center of the room, the relic thrashing around his hand like a rabid beast. He was no longer shaking. And he no longer wanted peace. 

Sylvain almost found it comical how the man he had once hoped would save him was now fighting side by side with Miklan. Watched him even protect Miklan from oncoming attacks and Sylvain felt himself smile the most broken and hollow smile of his life. This is really what his life had come to? It was absolutely comical, he thought, absolutely absurd. All this time he had been crying at the thought of hurting the people he once loved and yet there was Glenn. Helping the person that hurt him, the person that was responsible for so much pain, and Glenn was one of the only people in this world that knew what Miklan had done to him. And yet he was fighting alongside him with no thought or hesitation, he stood by his side. He must have known that it was him who stole the lance and yet he still decided to choose Miklan over him. 

And then Sylvain watched as the last of his men fell and he watched as one by one, all the people that had come to fight him looked up to find him in the center. Dressed in his knights armor, Lance of Ruin in his hand, a cold hollow smile on his face. Watched as people most likely his age came inside the floor and stood in shock at his appearance. He can’t help but laugh, what a ridiculous reaction to have. To be shocked by his presence. It was him that they were going to fight after all, why pretend to act surprised by what they saw? But Sylvain found his eyes wandering to his right, to where Glenn stood, hand lowering to the ground and his face broken and sad and Sylvain had to remind himself that he deserved to feel bad for what he was doing, to feel the pain Sylvain felt. That he chose to betray him and to fight alongside his brother. 

“Sylvain” Glenn whispered.

“The one and only” Sylvain answered, his voice colder than he had ever heard it be. And in that moment, he finally decided to glance to the side and immediately felt his blood boil at the sight of his brother, acting shocked to see him standing there. 

He was clearly worn down by the progression of time. A scar across his face that hadn’t been there before and he held himself with the air of someone that has been forced to fight for so many years and was tired of it. And Sylvain had a shocking discovery: he no longer feared Miklan. He was no longer as imposing and threatening. The monster that he saw once as a child was nothing more than a tired worn down man. 

“Miklan, it’s been a while hasn’t it” Sylvain says, swinging the lance in a fluid circle, twirling it around as easy as a feather. “Can’t say I’m surprised dad sent you though, fitting for you to be the one here to beat me don’t you think?” 

“Sylvain,” Miklan said, cautious, scared, Sylvain realizes. Oh how the tables have turned. 

“What?” Sylvain asked as he took a step forward, immediately he saw the person he knew to be the infamous professor, step forward, sword in hand. 

“Sylvain you’re..you’re alive” Glenn rasped out. He took a step forward, as if he wanted to reach out and hug Sylvain. 

“Alive?” And before he could help himself, Sylvain was laughing. “Please, just drop the act. As if you didn’t know you were here to kill me. What? Having second thoughts now? Don’t have the heart to do what you were sent here to do?” 

Sylvain stalked forward, close enough not to initiate the fight, but close enough that he watched as the rest of the group lifted their weapons. Well not all of them, the Leicester Heir, Claude, stayed frozen, calculating what would be the best next move to make. His mind working on a different million strategies. 

“Tell me Miklan, did father tell you the wonderful news?” Sylvain asked, stepping back from them and bringing the Lance of Ruin up for all of them to see. And with a smile he sliced down to the side, activating his crest. The crest, making a loud thunderous sound as the force shocked the wall that Sylvain had aimed at. And he watched, watched as Miklan’s face crumbled, eyes wide open and mouth agape. 

“The crest of Gautier, but you… you didn't have a crest before” Miklan whispered, taking a couple of steps away from Sylvain. 

“Yeah, that was the same thing dad said too… It's funny don't you think? All this time I was nothing but a failure in your eyes, thrown out like nothing more than a dog. And yet, here I am, the heir of the crest of Gautier” Sylvain said. “Bet dad regrets it too. Regrets throwing me away and for what? To keep his precious image? Bet that’s why he sent you here, in hopes that you can get rid of me now before the world finds out about me. About what being a Gautier really means.” 

Miklan didn't speak, he merely took another step back, it was then that Sylvain noticed that he had been making his way towards him. His body moving to him, pulled by the need to get revenge. By the satisfaction of having Miklan be scared of him for once instead of how it usually was before. 

“What Miklan? Scared” Sylvain asked. “Should i show you the same kindness that you showed me when we were little? Or maybe, I should give you the same mercy you showed me that day by the well.” 

And with that Sylvain struck, his movements fast and unpredictable. Miklan was barely able to block the attack. It was at that moment that the professor and the rest of the group moved, arrows and spells pointed at him but Sylvain was too fast. And for one horrifying moment, the professor couldn't help but compare him to a wild beast. It wasn't until the professor himself blocked Sylvain that everything finally slowed down. The both relics glowing and hissing as they crashed. And the professor took one second to look at him, and for a moment they could see the broken boy that was inside him, but it was their mistake to ever see him as a boy because they suddenly felt their chest be hit with a dark spike spell, propelling them back. One did not live with Hubert for as long as you did without learning some dark magic after all. 

“Don't get in my way” Sylvain snarled before turning his attention back to Miklan. The magical attack clearly shocked everyone and Sylvain took that as an opening. But before he could raise his lance at him again he saw from his side, an arrow aimed at his head. And Sylvain couldn't help but let out a low growl as he saw who was at the end of the arrow. 

“Lets not do this, let's take a moment okay” Claude said, his voice calm and steady as he stepped between him and Miklan. “We can talk this out.” 

“Talk” Sylvain laughed, but his face quickly fell back to a snarl. “Please, the minute you chose to protect that monster you gave up your right to talk to me.” 

And with that Sylvain struck, but Claude quickly jumped away. He was fast, faster than Sylvain and his fighting style utilized that. But he was also predictable in the way he fought, his movements mimicking what they taught you about fighting against someone with a lance and Sylvain well, he had long adapted his fighting style to be more rugged, wild, untamed was once what Hubert called it. And Sylvain wasn’t opposed to playing dirty either, changing from fighting with a lance to magic to grappling. It's how he had survived so far and it's what his body was used to. But he quickly found out that Claude was very similar to him, and suddenly his fighting style changed from the prim and proper technique to a technique he had never seen before. Foreign in how he shuffled his feet and how he used his bow and aimed at him. 

“stand down dammit” Claude hissed as he fired another arrow at him but missed. 

And before Sylvain could reply he saw a thoron spell coming at him and dodged in time. Looking up to find Glenn preparing another spell, his face hesitant and his eyes pleading but yet he still fired once more. And then a lance came down on him, Sylvain quickly turned around and found himself face to face with Miklan. His eyes weren't scared though, something had changed, because now he was looking at him the same way he had all those years ago. Sylvain immediately pushed back and put some distance between him and the others, careful to not get overwhelmed despite knowing full well that he no longer had the upper hand.

“Look at you, you’re nothing but a damn beast now” Miklan growled as he stepped closer to Sylvain. “No wonder dad decided to say that you were dead instead of letting the world know what you’ve become. Look at you, you don’t even look human.” 

“And who’s fault do you think that is?!” Sylvain snapped. The way everyone was positioned had forced Sylvain back into a corner and he could feel his control slipping. He could tell that Claude was trying to tell everyone to change the formation to not be as threatening, still clinging on to hope that they could talk things through but everyone was weary of Sylvain now, even the professor had their sword up to protect their students from him. 

“You can blame dad and I all you want Sylvain but you can’t run from the truth! That you and are cut from the same cloth” Miklan laughed out. 

“Miklan that’s enough,” Glenn warned but Sylvain felt more claustrophobic than before, his brain reminding him of all the times that Miklan would corner him and the pain that came afterwards. 

“You used to call me a monster when we were younger, used to cry and shake whenever we were alone. But look at you now Sylvain! You say you want everyone to know what being a Gautier actually means well here’s your audience” Miklan yelled out as he stepped forward and pointed towards the others behind him. “So go on then! Show them what Gautiers are best at!” 

And Sylvain snapped. Launching himself at Miklan, he could hear himself scream but it was so quiet compared to the other screams inside his mind. And he felt like he was standing on the sidelines, watching as his movement became more animalistic, his yells more like howls, and the lance finally making contact with Miklans skin. The lance dragged across his stomach, and Sylvain watched as he gutted his own brother. Tears of anger were now streaming down his face but he couldn't stop himself from taking a step back and then plunging the lance into Miklans heart. Watched as Miklan merely looked up at him, and for the first time in Sylvains life, he smiled at him. A warm peaceful smile. And Sylvain watched as his brother’s life faded before him, his body falling before him. 

“Sylvain” he heard Glenn gasp and only then did he look up from his brother to see everyone else. They were afraid, that was the first thing that Sylvain realized. They were all very afraid of him. And all Sylvain could do was stand up to meet Glenns eyes, knowing that Miklan was right, he had just proved him right. He wasn’t human in anyone’s eyes anymore. 

The professor immediately stepped forward, relic in hand, their hand motioning their stupid to stay down and away from him. Using their body to shield them the same way a mother bear protects her cubs. But Claude didn't listen to their signal, and didn't hesitate to take a step closer to Sylvain, the closest out of all of them. His eyes were the only ones that weren't afraid of him. 

“Lets calm down Sylvain, no need to do this anymore” Claude spoke, his voice wavered for just a second. “If you don’t want to talk that’s fine. You can just listen for now.” 

Sylvain instinctively brought the lance up and pointed it at him, immediately Claude put his hands up in a sign of peace. “I don’t want to fight you” Claude said as he slowly kneeled down to drop his bow to the ground. His voice was desperate and even in Sylvains state he could hear that, but he couldn’t figure out why Claude was so desperate to talk to him. So desperate to avoid anymore fighting, especially given the fact that everyone else wanted nothing more than to kill him right now. 

“Sylvain,” Glenn finally spoke up, the magic in his fingers disappearing. “Put the lance down. We’re not here to hurt you okay? You know that I wouldn’t hurt you.” 

“Bullshit” Sylvain yelled out, the relic glowing once more and Claude looked to Glenn, pleading him to stop talking but Glenn was stubborn, that trait ran in his family. 

“I mean that Sylvain. If I had known it was you who had stolen the relic I would have never let Miklan join us in this mission. I would’ve never even let anyone near the tower, neither my father and I would’ve let anyone fight against you” Glenn continued. 

“You expect me to believe that you didn't know? That my father wouldn’t have told you about me?!” Sylvain asked as his shoulders tensed and black magic seeped from his fingertips. 

“Stay back” Claude whispered to Glenn but that was quickly ignored. 

“After we found out you were disowned my father practically ended relations with your father because of it. Saying that you had been there to comfort Felix and not for whatever other reason he thought and that he was a fool to do something like that. Felix and I looked for you everywhere but then your father told us that they had found your body two years ago. That you had been killed by bandits” Glenn explained as he took another step forward. “You had a funeral Sylvain.” 

“You’re lying! You’re fucken lying” Sylvain yelled out, everything was starting to be too much for him. He could hear screaming and he wasn’t sure if he was the one screaming or if it was the voices in his head. “You expect me to believe that you would have helped me?! When all those years ago you never did?!” 

Glenn physically flinched at that, knowing deep down what Sylvain was referencing to. But Glenn couldn’t stand down now, not when he could see Sylvain in front of him, when he was right there after all those years of looking for him. Felix had begged everyone to believe him when he said that there was no way that Sylvian had died and had practically destroyed all his relationships with everyone when they told him that he needed to give up on Sylvain. Glenn knew now that he should’ve believed his little brother. 

“Sylvain please” Glenn pleaded. “Let me help you now.” 

“Get the hell away from me,” Sylvain growled, pointing the relic to Glenn, giving him one last chance to stand down. It would hurt, but Sylvain knew that he could kill Glenn if it came down to that. 

“Stand down” Claude begged as he tried to get the Fraldarius man to go away, to just let him handle this because this was going to end up hurting Sylvain more than helping him. 

“I know that everything’s been hard and I should’ve been there for you Sylvain. I should’ve stopped him from hurting you, should’ve helped you all those years ago and i can never do anything to make it up to you but let me help you now. You don’t have to be alone anymore. If you don’t want my help then at least let Felix help you.” 

“Don’t you dare bring him into this” Sylvain warned, his breathing becoming unsteady and his mind breaking. 

“You once told me that you were willing to do anything for him. That you would make sure he was okay no matter what. Then do this for him. Stand down and let me take you to him” Glenn continued and Sylvain was shaking now. 

He desperately wanted everything that Glenn was saying to be true. That all this time Felix had been looking for him and that everyone in Fraldarius was in fact on his side. Wanted to drop his weapon and let himself be taken away to the comfort of a home he missed so much. To once again have the heaven he so desperately wanted, but that was too perfect to be true. Because even if Glenn was saying the truth, even if everyone he cared for still loved him. His father was still alive, he was still alive which meant that his threat so many years ago was still there too. 

“I can’t” Sylvain whispered, he could feel tears forming in his eyes and he could hear his younger self screaming. Yes, he wanted everything that he was saying to be true but it also hurt so much. Even if it was true he still couldn’t have that life, he still couldn’t go back to how things were and his younger self kept screaming. Screaming and begging for Felix, for the only family he had ever had, but he couldn’t go to them for the same reason he didn't go to them that night in the rain. And the screaming got louder, the same grief he felt that night overwhelming him now. 

“Why can't you Sylvain? Why can’t you come back to us” Glenn asked, a hint of fear in his voice. He had always wondered why Sylvain had decided to run away instead of asking for help. He knew that Sylvain tended to want to deal with his problems on his own but being disowned and kicked out wasn’t something that anyone would willingly do on their own. Glenn had often told his father that there must be more to the story than they knew and he desperately wanted to grab Sylvain and just ask him what he was so afraid of. What was stopping him from getting help. 

“Leave, just fucken get away from me” Sylvain screamed out, his mind switching back to the offensive. He didn't want to get hurt anymore he had enough pain to last him a lifetime. He didn't want to get hurt anymore and he would do anything necessary to stop that from happening. Sylvain was losing control of himself and that was evident in how he was letting his magic see out of him freely, merging with the power of the relic causing black energy to surround Sylvain. He could feel the relic pulsing in his grip, telling him to just give in and kill everyone. To give in to his blood thirst and end it all. After all, how could he get hurt by someone that was dead?

It was then that Claude grabbed Glenn and pushed him behind him, enough was enough and he knew that because of what Glenn had been saying that talking to Sylvain would be near impossible now. But not entirely so, if he could just get Sylvain to focus on anything else, to ignore everything that was going on right now, and just listen to him that he would be able to talk to Sylvain. 

Claude wanted Sylvain as an ally, knew deep down that when he had overheard Felix and Glenn talking with one another two days ago that there was more to the Lance of Ruin story than was being told. Didn’t take long to find out about Sylvain, and it took even less to come to the conclusion that Margrave Gautier had lied about his death just so that relations with Frauldarius could go back to normal. Sylvain was probably the only person in all of Fodland that would listen to Claude's hopes and ambitions and understand them instead of laughing them off; this was why he was so desperate to just get him to talk. 

“If you want him gone then he can leave” Claude said quickly. “If you want everyone to leave then i can do that too, but only if you talk to me.” 

“Claude” the professor warned, they, like everyone else, had no idea why Claude was trying so hard to end this peacefully. It wasn’t that they were cold blooded and only wanted violence, but even this was an extreme. For him to willingly put himself in harm's way for a stranger was unlike Claude. 

“Just you and me. We can talk just the two of us okay” Claude continued, noticing how Sylvains magic was not as hysterical as it was before. 

“There’s nothing to talk about” Sylvain growled, but he sounded tired and Claude took that as a step in the right direction. 

“Then just listen while I do all the talking” Claude answered. 

“No, no” Sylvain shook his head, he could still hear screaming and it was getting harder and harder to stay focused on what was real and what wasn’t. The stress was breaking him little by little and he knew it wouldn’t be long before he gave in and let himself do what his relic was begging him to do. To let himself become the monster his brother said he was. 

“I know you're overwhelmed. I know there’s a lot going on right now” Claude continued as he took a couple of steps forward, ignoring how everyone behind him called out to him to stop. “I’m not going to ask you what happened, I won't talk about anything that you don’t want to talk about. We don’t have to fight.” 

“I’m sorry I’m sorry” Sylvain whispered though he meant it more to his younger self that was now silently crying, defeated by his harsh reality. Grieving at the fact that he would never be able to have the life he dreamed, and that the revenge he had wished for all this time was nothing but another cut in his already injured body. Nothing Sylvain could do would ever help, nothing he ever did would make it all go away. 

“Sylvain” Glenn whispered, and that was enough for Sylvain to look up and realize that he wanted it all to end, that he couldn’t do this anymore. Didn’t want to do this anymore, and he saw as Glenn pleaded for him to talk to let him get help but Sylvain could only look as he gathered the remaining magic he had left and used it to warp himself away from the tower. Away from it all. 

~ X ~

Sylvain was still not okay, it had been four days now and he was still not okay. Hubert and Edelgard had come to visit him after they had found out that he had been able to escape but he didn't talk to them. Couldn’t bring himself to say anything to them, his mind still trying to cope with what had happened. Trying to cope with the fact that apart from seeing his younger self, he now saw Miklan too. He no longer could hear his relic but that didn't matter when Miklan had taken his spot and was making everything so much harder on Sylvain.

Edelgard had tried her best to help him, to fix him, but everything she said was only making things worse and Sylvain ended up snapping at her to get away from him. That if she didn't have anything for him to do then to get the hell away from him. It had startled her, for the first words that Sylvain spoke to be so cold, but she knew it was the pain that caused him to act like this. And so she and Hubert left, telling him that they would be away for a while because of a mission that they had been assigned to, that it could last until next week even. 

But Sylvain didn't care. Could care less about anything that they were doing. The taste of blood never leaving his mouth, he hated this. Hated the fact that so many people died because of his selfish need to get revenge, hated that he had killed his brother and that the sick bastard had smiled at him despite everything they had gone through together. Hated that Glenn had been there, speaking pretty lies that kept him up at night and were driving him insane. 

There were moments at night when he considered just ending it all. He had gone insane so there was no longer any way for him to be saved anyways. Even if Edelgard managed to create this perfect world, Sylvain couldn’t find it in himself to see how he could be happy with that life. He would never do anything, too much of a coward to actually do anything about the emptiness that he felt inside never left. And he wanted someone, anyone, to just tell him what to do about this. He had tried to get Edelgard to tell him to do something, to assign him a mission. Even begged Hubert to let him take on some of his “underground” work, but they both refused. Telling him it was best that he took some time for himself, even went as far as to stop telling him anything. He was in the dark and the only people that could help him out were letting him stay in it. 

Then his mind remembered a certain someone who had been desperate to talk to him. Desperate to get Sylvain to listen to what he wanted to say, and maybe it was desperation, or maybe it was his body's way of trying to cope with everything. To instead ignore the obvious problems he was having and instead focus on another thing that was less important, but that was what led him to sneak into Garreg Mach, leaving the relic behind in a safe place in case he were to get captured (though he doubted that since a Vestra himself had taught him how to go anywhere undetected). 

Garreg Mach was beautiful, and Sylvain for one second let himself imagine what it would be like if he had become a student here. If his life had been different. What kind of student would he be? What places would be his favorite? Who would he have befriended? It was a dangerous trail of thought but he let himself go down it anyway. Much better than the thoughts he had late at night. 

He let himself wander through the shadows, luckily for him it was the evening, the sun was setting but it wasn’t entirely dark so people were still wandering around but there were enough shadows to let him sneak around freely. It took longer than he had hoped for but eventually he saw a familiar yellow and trailed after him, making sure to keep a safe distance away from the Leicester man but close enough that he would be able to swoop in and talk to the man when he had the chance to. But Sylvain quickly found out that the man was a social butterfly and everywhere he went, someone was there to try and talk to him. There was never a moment of solitude for this man and he was getting extremely annoyed that this guy couldn’t get a second to breath, to just be alone and not be bombarded by questions from just about everyone. 

“Oh Claude there you are” and Sylvain flinched. Dimitri. Of course it would be fucken Dimitri. 

“Hey there your princeliness, anything I can help you with” Claude asked as he leaned on the wall, his back was to Sylvain so he couldn’t see his face but he was sure he was smiling. 

“Yes… i spoke with Glenn before he had to leave back to Faerghus with his father” Dimitri sighed, it looked like he hadn't slept for a while. “And he ended up mentioning how you had tried your best to try and talk with Sylvain despite everything and I just wanted to thank you for that.” 

“No need to thank me,” Claude answered. “Really, it's not like I succeeded anyways.” 

“...Maybe, but you still tried to help and that is more than many people have done for him” Dimitri whispered. 

“Hey don’t go feeling guilty, I don’t know much about the history behind all of that but you were kids right” Claude asked as he placed his hand on Dimitris shoulder. 

“And so was he Claude” Dimitri answered as he shook Claude's hand off. “As the prince of Faerghus it's my duty to protect those that need protecting… but as his friend… i should have been there to help him, should have noticed that he needed help… anyways I just wanted to thank you for what you did for him.” 

“No problem” Claude answered and Sylvain could tell in Claude's tone that he wanted to say more but was choosing to let the conversation end there. 

“Your highness” a deep voice called out and a man with dark skin and white hair came up behind Dimitri. Instantly Sylvain noticed that he was a man from Duscur. 

“Oh Dedue i am sorry, i was merely talking with Claude,” Dimitri explained as he turned to smile at the Duscur man. 

“That is okay your highness, i wanted to let you know that Felix finally left his room” the man explained and Sylvain could feel his chest getting tighter. 

“How is he?” Dimitri immediately asked. 

“I am not sure, he is still refusing to talk to anyone.” 

“I see, well I will still try and talk to him. I promised Rodrigue that I would keep an eye on him after all, thank you again for everything Claude” Dimitri said before walking away with the Duscur man behind him. 

And then Sylvain did the very stupid thing of following them instead of Claude. He could find him later on he told himself. But the reality was that now all his brain was telling him to do was to go and make sure that Felix was okay because apparently he wasn’t and Sylvain couldn’t bring himself to turn away. Not now at least; he still knew that he couldn’t get close to him but at least he could see him. One last time is what Sylvain told himself. See him one last time and that would be it. 

He followed the two until they entered a building Sylvain had yet to go into but that didn't stop him from being able to quickly sneak inside and find the best place to lay low and watch. This was obviously the training grounds what with it being filled with training dummies and weapons racked all around the walls. There were a few people here but Dimitri immediately walked to the one person that was alone, swinging a sword down with deadly precision. 

Sylvain felt his heart stop beating and everything freeze. He knew that raven hair, he knew that stance and those eyes. His face was sharper and harsher but he knew it too. Had laid kisses on that skin once before, ran his fingers through that hair and braided it countless times. Had looked into those eyes and promised his life away to this man. Had held this man and let himself fall for him time and time again. 

“Felix” Dimitri called out but Felix continued his assault on the training dummy. “Please Felix we need to talk.” 

“I have nothing to say to you boar” Felix spat out in a voice so much deeper and raspier than it had been before. 

Dimitri sighed, “Felix i know that you are troubled with what occurred in Conan Tower-“

“Shut up just fucken shut the hell up” Felix snapped as he turned to look at Dimitri, his eyes glaring daggers into the blonde. “You and everyone else have no fucken right to talk to me right now.” 

“Felix… i have apologized already for not having believed you before, we all have-“

“What can your stupid apologies do for him?! What good does your guilt do for him” Felix yelled. “For years he’s been alone all because you idiots decided to believe the man that disowned him! For years you have decided to live your life like if nothing ever happened. Like if he didn't matter to you.” 

“That is not true and you know that” Dimitri replied, his voice growing louder. At this point everyone else in the training hall had their eyes on the two. “I cared for him as much you did. I grieved for him all the same and have missed him just as much as you have.”

“You lying sack of shit! You cared about him as much as I did?! Dont fuck with me boar! You say you cared and yet you stopped looking for him! You and everyone else just pretended to care, to actually give a single shit about him when in reality you couldn’t be bothered to actually help” Felix yelled. “You, Ingrid, Glenn, every single one of you just stood back and continued to live on with your lives. To act as if everything was okay instead of doing anything about it! Then again that’s expected isn’t it? After all, you never gave a single shit about him.” 

“I always cared for him! Always. I admit that i didn't help him as much as i should have but neither did you” Dimitri snapped back making Felix flinch away from him. Dimitri immediately looked away from Felix, his hands tightening into a fist, breathing in slowly and then exhaling slowly until he relaxed himself. “We were kids Felix. We did all we could.” 

“Being a kid didn't stop you from killing all those rebels” Felix answered, his voice cold and harsh. “Face it boar, the only reason you never looked for him was because you were too busy focusing on your bloodlust. Everyone else might believe you when you say that shit but not me. I know you and everyone else had no excuse to stop looking. To accept his death so easily. You chose to do that, so live with the consequences of that choice.” 

Felix quickly turned around, slamming the training sword back on the weapon rack and then barging out of the room. Leaving Dimitri to stand in the middle of the room, eyes closed and shoulders tensed. The Duscur man walked over to him to whisper something in his ear but that wasn’t enough for Dimitri who simply turned around, head lowered as he left the room. The others in the room began whispering and murmuring about what had just happened but Sylvain could only lean back and close his eyes. A sour taste in his mouth. 

Dimitri and Felix had been so close. Had been best friends even, yes Sylvain was, as Felix called him, his favorite person, but Dimitri was his best friend. They both hung out with one another the most and therefore were inseparable. They trusted and cared for one another more than Sylvain could explain. And yet now… what had happened to them? 

“Pretty tough to watch huh.” 

And if it wasn’t for the fact that Sylvain knew he was in literal enemy territory, he would’ve yelled. He certainly did jump though, certainly did feel how his heart had been two seconds away from going into shock. Once recovered he quickly reached for his waist to pull out a dagger, turning to look and find Claude kneeling next to him, his hands up in a sign of peace. 

“Whoa there buddy I’m not here to fight” Claude whispered as his eyes locked onto the dagger that was in Sylvains hand. “Just here to talk… that is why you’re here right?”

Sylvain sighed. He understood now why Hubert was so wary of this man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really am out here laying the foundation for Sylvain to be a dark knight purely based on the fact that i think that armor is *chef's kiss* Le magnifique 
> 
> If none of you have ever seen Sylvain in dark knights armor please look it up, it’s good for the soul. I promise.


	10. Purpureo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvain and Claude get closer!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh this chapter um... this chapter is that one chapter that bridges one plot point with the next so its essential but also like.... yah know.... So because of that I went the selfish route and added a totally unnecessary thing to this chapter like absolutely unnecessary to the story or plot but it made me happy when I thought about it so I did it to spice up the chapter (You’ll know what I mean once you get to that point, you’ll know). We talking true selfish hours my guys and like it was just suppose to be a small little selfish tidbit and then my dumbass made this chapter actually important to the plot and the small dumb thing actually essential and like....@ myself this why we can’t have nice things

“Excuse the mess” Claude said as he let Sylvain into his room. “Messy brain equals messy place haha.”

That was a giant understatement Sylvain thought. He had never in his life thought that there could be anyone that could be messier than Ingrid - who used to go out in the mud and then walk into the house without a care in the world about the mud trailing behind her, but he was surely mistaken. There were books and maps scattered all over the place, none of them on the desk or on the bookshelves, no those had other knick knacks or tools on them. There was also a random table covered in potions and elixirs and even the floor was not spared from the chaos that was Claude. Clothes and papers sprawled over the entire floor as if it was a rug and even the poor bed was covered in more clothes and weapons, except for the small corner on the bed that was cleared out mostly so that Claude could actually sleep in it. 

“Please let me clean your room” Sylvain whispered but was already picking up clothes off the floor. 

Sylvain had always been a very...clean kid. He hated mess and hated anything out or order to the point that the only times he had ever gotten into an argument with Felix was whenever Felix would purposely move things on his bookshelves or mess with the way a room looked. It wasn’t that Sylvain was obsessive about cleaning (though Ingrid and Felix certainly thought so) but he just liked things to be in order. If things were hectic then his mind would be hectic and that would drive him up the wall. Sometimes even that wasn’t enough though, Sylvain could remember being little and staying out in the stables for hours trying to make sure his horses hair was braided properly and that each braid was the same width and length...then Felix came and undid the braids because “she looks better with her hair down Syl!”....And that was the first time Sylvain ever yelled at Felix. 

“No need for that, you're a guest, just sit down and I'll make you some tea” Claude reassured. 

“No thanks” Sylvain said as he had managed to pick up all the clothes off the floor and piled them in a corner of Claude's closet and was now moving to tackle the desk. “Won’t be able to talk with all this here” Sylvain mumbled. 

Claude smiled, “You’re just like Dimitri, whenever he comes to visit he always says it's hard to concentrate here haha.” 

“Dimitri always hated messes too” Sylvain mumbled as he carefully bookmarked all the books on the table and started stacking them, careful to stack the larger ones on the bottom of the piles and the smaller ones on the top. “He used to not care so much about them but then one time he woke up to a rat on his bed and ever since then he cleans.” 

“A rat?” 

“Yeah, told him to stop eating in his room but Felix and Ingrid told him it was fine. Should’ve listened to me” Sylvain explained as he was now rolling up the maps (or laying the ones that had pins more neatly on the desk). 

“That explains why Dimitri hates eating outside of the dining hall” Claude mused, taking note of how Sylvain had a habit of always returning to the place he had just cleared out to make sure that everything was exactly lined up. “Just thought it was out of manners not because of a rat.” 

“Both, though when he was younger he wasn’t that focused on manners that came later” Sylvain mumbled, now moving to mess with the bookshelf. “I remember one day, once we got older, he came up to me and called me sir, it was the weirdest thing. I teased him for days about it but I knew deep down it was because his dad had told him to call anyone older than him sir.” 

“Oh how old are you?” Claude asked, taking a seat on the bed. He would offer to help clean since this was his room but judging by how methodical Sylvain was with cleaning he knew he would just make things worse. 

“Twenty, two years older than Dimitri technically, not much of an age gap but big enough that I guess Dimitri thought he should be more respectful towards me” Sylvain explained. “What are in these bottles?” 

“Poisons.”

“Hhmm I’ll organize them by size unless you can tell me the ingredients in these so i can organize them by toxicity” Sylvian added. 

“Oh? You’re familiar with poison making” Claude asked, genuinely intrigued. 

“Some, I have a friend who...enjoys the hobby” Sylvain answers hesitantly. Enjoys was an understatement when explaining Huberts obsession with poison. 

“If you want I can organize those since some have a high enough toxicity that just skin contact alone can cause a problem” Claude said as he started to stand up but immediately Sylvain waved him away as he started organizing the vials. 

“No need, I’m immune to most common poisons” Sylvain said nonchalantly and boy was that a can of worms Claude wanted to desperately dissect. 

“Must be handy” Claude simply answered despite the fact that he wanted to bombard him with questions as to why the hell he had made himself immune to most common poisons and who was giving him the poisons to begin with. And why did he think someone would poison him when everyone thought he was dead?! 

“Hmm yeah I mean, I haven’t died yet, though I only ever get poisoned by my friend” Sylvain answered as he was now moving to tackle the bed. He worked fast but it was more out of desperation to fix this room before it irked him too much. 

“I- …like accidentally?” Claude asked. Yes he had on many occasions slipped certain elixirs into his friend’s food or other classmates' food but never poison. That was a line he had yet to cross and was sure no one in their right mind would ever actually cross. 

“Oh no, never. He’s too methodical to do anything by accident,” Sylvain explained. “Works out in the end though, I gain immunity to poisons and he gets to test out anything new he’s created. It’s a win win.” 

Claude was immediately concerned. 

“Anyways” Sylvain said as he finished folding the clothes on the bed and looked around the much MUCH cleaner room. “Still not organized but at least it’s better than before.” 

“This is as clean as it ever will be, i can assure you that.” 

Sylvain cringed, “hate that” he mumbled before sitting down on the chair and looking at Claude. “You wanted to talk to me..right? And please, don't bother beating around the bush with me, given my...situation. It’s just easier for the both of us if we’re honest with one another.” 

“Honest? Well i won't tell you all my secrets but i can be honest” Claude replied as he looked up, carefully considering his next words. “Gautier... is near the Sreng border right? Have you ever been in Sreng?” 

“Yes, my dad had me fight some battles there, had me come for some negations even, though not so often that I can remember too many things” Sylvain answered hesitantly. 

“Do you know a lot about Sreng?”

“Yes again, my dad always wanted the upper hand so it was tradition that all Gautier members know about Sreng. So I know about their cultures, practices and battle tactics” Sylvain answered, still confused. 

“What about their language?” Claude asked, willing himself to not sound too excited or hopeful, to stay calm because this could go both ways very quickly. 

“...yes I know enough to be able to talk to them, even more than I should have….as embarrassing as it is I always dreamed of being able to do some trade negotiations with them or even make peace with them. Course that was a stupid dream from when I was like 12 and you know, not diswoened” Sylvain added bitterly. “Claude what does Sreng have to do with any of this?” 

But by this point Claude had stopped listening, stuck on the words ‘make peace with them. Claude wasn’t the kind of person that would immediately jump to conclusions and celebrate before a battle had been won. Had known better than to count his chickens before they were hatched but in this moment he couldn’t help the smile that broke his face. His instincts had been right: Sylvain would help him. He would be the best person Claude could ever hope to have as an ally not only because his dreams aligned with his, but because he knew Sreng, knew enough that he could help make the relationship with Fodland and Sreng better. He was exactly what Claude needed in the world he wanted to create. 

But Claude also knew better than to show all of his cards, knew that even if he was excited and happy to find someone he knew deep down would help him with his dream that he couldn’t just lay everything out. Knew that Sylvain was still a stranger and that although he felt that with the both of them allying, that things would get better, that didn't mean that Sylvain would think the same thing too. That and Sylvain had the most massive baggage full of issues and traumas that would eventually cause things to be a problem for Claude picture perfect plan if he did join him. 

“You know I had a similar dream too, growing up. To be able to make peace with people that aren’t so similar to me. Where I come from though, people simply laughed at me, said I was foolish to think like that” Claude said. 

“Where you come from?” Sylvain asked. 

“Tell me Sylvain, if you could inherit back Gautier, would you still try to make peace with Sreng?” Claude asked as he looked up to Sylvain, eyes meeting his, anxiously waiting for his reply. 

“Yes. I would owe it to my younger self to at least try” Sylvain answered slowly as he finally started piecing everything together. “Claude…. Where are you from?” 

“You know, i don't think I ever properly introduced myself” Claude said, desperately trying to calm his excitement down though he knew the smile on his face must be giving him away. “My name is Khalid, and I am from Almyra.” 

~ X ~

Claude and Sylvain started hanging out more after that. Whenever Sylvain had to meet up with him it was always in the village near Garreg Mach since it was safer for Sylvain. Usually Claude would rent a room in some nearby inn and they would spend that entire night talking to each other about whatever came to mind, though sooner or later the subject always came back to the dream Claude had about breaking down all the borders in Fodland. At first, Sylvain wanted to laugh at the dream, not out of mockery but because again, Sylvain had thought about that same scenario and had learned very quickly that that could never happen. So the need to laugh was more out of shock that someone was as stupidly crazy as him, if not more than him since he hadn’t given that dream up yet. 

Despite that, Sylvain quickly found himself enjoying his chats with Claude even with the ridiculous (near impossible) dream he had. He found that their hang outs were very similar to playing chess but instead of a board, it was a conversation, and instead of pawns it was subjects. They both had their secrets and they both wanted to figure each other out but refused to be completely open about everything. That resulted in idle chatter most of the time but idle chatter was better than none in a way. Not to say that they hadn’t figured anything out about each other, for one Sylvain knew the basics of Claude (that he was from Almyra and that he had come to the alliance only two years ago). In return Claude knew about Sylvains relationship with Ingrid, and Dimitri (rarely did he speak about Felix, that was the one way Claude learned that Sylvain would shut him out for the rest of the night). It was a safe topic, it brought up bad feelings at times but it was safe enough that Sylvain wasn’t giving away too much about himself but also enough to make Claude think that he was opening up to him (which frighteningly was actually the case to Sylvains surprise). 

But it soon became a problem for Claude to be constantly sneaking out of Garreg Mach to go to some inn, rumors began spreading and since Claude had an image to maintain they had to figure out another way to be able to continue talking to one another. At this point, Claude was the only one that was talking to Sylvain, Hubert basically falling off the edge of the world and not being anywhere to be found. So, Sylvain was desperate to continue to have someone he could talk to, if he was left alone for too long then that’s when the voices started speaking again and he was not about to let himself go down that hole now that he was finally starting to climb out of it. 

So, Sylvain did all he could do. He barged right into one of Huberts hideouts, stole one of his espionage books, and looked for a spell that would allow him to make himself unnoticeable so that he could sneak into Garreg Mach more safely. He did not find such a spell but he did instead find a spell that would allow him to disguise himself to look like someone else and that was a whole lot better than what he had come here to look for!

And so in the best, most hopeful mood he had been all day, he waltzed his way to Garreg Mach and performed the spell, having knocked out a guard in preparation to steal his uniform so that no one questioned him. Had even gone the extra mile of making sure to learn said guards name so that if anyone recognized the armor he could play along. It was a perfect plan!!

Or so he thought. 

One spell later, and a surprisingly dizzying sensation, Sylvain was looking up and found that everything looked a whole lot taller than it should. The stairs were higher, the buildings looked like monsters and it wasn’t until he tried to walk that he realized that something was… off…One look to his right, at his reflection that was showing on the guards armor answered his question and Sylvain had not felt this stupid and fucked in a WHILE. 

Dog. He was a stupid fucken dog. 

Somewhere along the spell incantation, or maybe his magical abilities were not as good as he had hoped but he was now a red furred canine, and maybe he could redeem himself and be an elegant and majestic hound dog but no. Instead he looked like a miniature wolf with stupid floppy ears and fur that was way too long for the heat of Garreg Mach. Sylvain was two seconds from having a mental breakdown. He tried to scream but that only came out as a very loud and pathetic howl.

In a way, yes, this was a perfect disguise and no one would ever suspect a thing but also...he was truly fucked. What the hell was he supposed to do as a dog?! He hated this. Hated everything about this. Hated this especially because he knew that the only way to fix this was to either hope the spell would wear off (which could be a WHILE since Sylvain had made sure to try the spell that would last for at least a week because since he would still be human he could still perform magic and undo the spell without the fear of it wearing off....) or he could find the one mage he knew would know how to break this espionage spell….and Sylvain wasn’t sure if Hubert would rather hurl him across the room than help him. 

So, in a fit of frustration he started howling. As a child he was never allowed to throw temper tantrums so fuck it, he’ll throw one now that he’s a dog. No one can stop him from that anyways! So if he walked out to the open howling his little dog heart out, it was purely because Sylvain was entirely annoyed and pissed off. 

“Oh are you okay” he heard a girl say and instantly Sylvian froze until he turned to look at her. She had long blonde hair and looked like an actual angel and Sylvain had to remind himself that no he was not dead (maybe once Hubert finds out that’ll change) but in fact just a dog. 

“Oh Mercie he’s so fluffy” another girl came into view, orange hair in pigtails. “I’ve never seen this one around the monastery!” 

“I think he might have been separated from his owner” the girl, apparently called Mercie answered. 

_Haha no, not looking for my owner. I’m just being dramatic_

“Poor puppy! Oh! We should help him find his owner! Yeah, maybe Ashe would know” the orange hair girl said, way too excited about this dog operation she was planning. 

“Yes, I think we should do that,” Mercie said, before extending her hand to Sylvain. “Come on sweetie, i won’t hurt you.” 

_You know what? If I’m going to die by Huberts hands later tonight, might as well let myself be pampered by cute girls._

Hesitantly, Sylvain walked over and let her lead him. She was extremely gentle with him and once he was by her side, she and the girl immediately started petting him and cooing sweet words at him. Now of course, this was still a shit situation, but Sylvain would be lying if he wasn’t touched and attention starved so if he started wagging his tail that was no one's business but his own. 

They walked across Garreg Mach with him, talking about random things and trying to guess where his “owner” had run off to. Eventually they made it into what Sylvain assumed was the dinning hall based on the fact that the air smelled absolutely delicious even before they entered. Once inside, yup a dinning hall, if the smell of food didn’t give it away then all the noise of talking and eating sure did. Sylvain didn't mind it though, again, better than silence and also the food smelled absolutely amazing. 

“Oh hello Mercedes” and right on cue, because every time someone has to show up whenever Sylvain is in this fucken academy, it has to be him - Dimitri walked towards them, the Duscur man, Dedue, if Sylvain remembered correctly, walking besides him. “Hello Annette.” 

_Ah, that’s her name okay._

“Hello your highness, I hope you're enjoying yourself” Mercie, or Mercedes, said with a smile. “Hope you're enjoying yourself too, Dedue.” 

“Yes thank you” Dimitri said before looking down to make direct eye contact with Sylvain and Sylvain nearly jumped into Mercedes arms, the instinct to hide trying to over power him. He had to remind himself that he was a dog, he does not know that it is me. 

“Oh you have a dog” Dedue answered as Dimitri was still looking at Sylvain, he seemed like he was analyzing him, lost in thought. 

“Yes we found him near the entrance” Annette answered. 

“Dimitri?” Mercedes asked, snapping Dimitri out of his thoughts. 

“Oh I apologize, it’s just… he reminded me of someone that was very dear to me once” Dimitri answered, a small, very sad smile that broke Sylvains heart into a million pieces on his face. 

“Would you like to pet him?” Mercedes asked hesitantly but her voice was still soft and supportive. 

“No no, I’m not- I’m not very good with small things. But thank you” Dimitri replied, but he still looked way too sad for Sylvains liking, and so taking advantage that this was most likely going to be the only time that he could without guilt or fear of danger, be with his friend. Sylvain immediately ran up to Dimitri, jumping up at him until Dimitri eventually caught him in the air. The entire time Sylvain did what any dog would do to try and comfort someone. He was yelping and howling, wagging his tail with a stupid amount of force and once Dimitri had carried him, he started licking his face and barking happily.

“Aaaw he likes you” Annette squealed, the biggest smile on her face. 

“I am so sorry your highness i didn't know he was going to jump you” Mercedes quickly said as she reached forward to try and take the dog from him. 

“No it’s fine don't worry about it” Dimitri said as he smiled down at Sylvain and pet him. Acting as if Sylvain was a small thing to carry when in fact he was a whole adult sized dog that probably weighed 100 pounds. 

If Sylvain could, he would be smiling. He loved Dimitri and having not been able to do anything to help him the past few times he had seen him was torturous. That and well it has been years since he could be with his friend, years of solitude, anger, and sadness, years of grieving over his friend. So now that he could “hug” him and be with him, well Sylvain’s tail wagging was genuine. He was so lost in the happiness that it was to be in the arms of someone that he held dear to his heart that he didn't even notice the others start talking and certainly did not notice when Mercedes tried to pick him up from Dimitris arms. 

A sense of true panic set in, this was the only time he would ever have with Dimitri and it was being cut so short, so quickly already?! This could be the last time in his life that he could spend time with him. To be able to have one day where he was genuinely happy, a day that was like how it used to be before things got so incredibly bad for him. And so Sylvain panicked, and growled at Mercedes, claws digging into Dimitris gauntlets, doing his best to not let anyone rip him from his arms. Going as far as to turn and snap at Dedues hands once he tried to pry him away from Dimitri. 

“Okay okay he really does not want to be taken away from Dimitri” Annette said as Sylvain was still growling at them. 

“I apologize for all of this your highness we just wanted to help him look for his owner” Mercedes said. 

“His owner” Dimitri asked, weirdly enough, he also had a strong grip on Sylvain as if he too didn't want to let him go. 

“Yes that’s why we came here to ask Ashe if he had seen anyone with a dog that looked like him since he was howling for someone when we found him” Annette answered. 

“I apologize but I do not think he has an owner” Dedue said. “With the way his fur is and how he looks I would assume he’s a stray or even a wild dog. He was most likely howling because he was lost or hunting for food.” 

“Oh dear” Mercedes said.

“Oh no then that means we just took him from whatever he was doing” Annette said, clearly upset that Sylvain was not looking for his “owner”. 

“That is perfectly fine,” Dimitri reassured. “He might have just been hungry or lost. Though it seems he’s okay now.” 

_Yeah as long as they don’t cut this moment short again, I will be._

“Yes he seems to no be growling anymore” Dedue added as he looked at Sylvain disapprovingly which Sylvain did not enjoy at all! 

“If you want, I can take care of him for now,” Dimitri said as he scratched Sylvains head. “I do not have anything to do for today and it seems that he likes me. I’m sure come night time he’ll be on his way anyways.” 

“A-are you sure you highness we didn't mean to put you in charge of him” Annette asked. 

“That is okay,” Dimitri said with a smile. “Like i said, he reminds me of someone I once knew so you can also consider this as a little selfish request.” 

“Okay, but if you need any help please do come to us” Mercedes said with a smile. 

“I’ll be sure to do that,” Dimitri said before stopping and looking down at Sylvain for a couple of seconds then looking back up at them. “Do you by any chance know where Ingrid is?” 

“Oh I saw her near the stables, I think she was taking care of her horse,” Annette answered. 

“Thank you, and I’ll be sure to come to you if i need any help” Dimitri said before giving them one last smile and walking away with Sylvain in tow (not putting Sylvain down despite his size and the fact that he was a fully grown dog but Sylvain wasn’t complaining, he enjoyed being carried). 

Dedue immediately followed and stayed quiet by Dimitris' side. The two never spoke as Dimitri made his way to the stables. Dedue knew who Dimitri was referring to when he said that this dog reminded him of someone, he had personally never met Sylvain but he knew about him. Had even seen childhood paintings of him so he could see how this red furred dog could remind Dimtri of him. Part of Dedue wanted to ask Dimitri about it but he also knew that this, in a way, was a more healthy way to cope with the Sylvain situation. Way more healthy than what his highness usually ended up doing when he started thinking about the past and the people he has lost. So despite the fact that this was a dog, he would be sure to keep the dog safe as long as it made Dimitri happy. 

It didn't take long before they were by the stables, and Sylvain felt incredibly jealous for anyone that was allowed to keep their horses here. It was ridiculously nice, big and spacious and all the horses looked pampered as all hell, Bergamont would absolutely kill to have a spot in these stables instead of the dingy barn Sylvain had stuffed him in. 

“Ingrid” Dimitri called out as he peered into one of the stables and Sylvain let out a bark. 

Ingrid. She was so much prettier now and stronger. She wasn’t that awkward messy girl he had come to love. No she was prim and proper but still held the air of someone that could stand her ground. Sylvain felt like a proud older brother just looking at her, if he could he would tell her as such actually. Tell her how she had grown to be so pretty and that he was proud that she hadn’t let the fire inside of her be blown away. 

“Oh your highness is there something that you need?” Ingrid asked as she turned to look at him. 

“Nothing like that Ingrid I just. Well as silly as this sounds i wanted to show you this dog” Dimitri said before lifting Sylvain up so she could have a better look at him. 

Ingrid looked at him for a couple of seconds, her eyes wide open and her face in shock. Her eyes meeting Sylvains and Sylvain put all his heart and love into one simple bark for her, his eyes slowly blinking at her to try and convey that he was so happy to see her. Instantly Ingrid fell to her knees and started crying. 

“I-Ingrid?!” Dimitri quickly asked as he rushed over to her.

Sylvain took that as his opportunity to jump out of his arms and onto Ingrid's lap. Standing up on his hind legs and putting his front paws on her shoulders. Barking softly at her and licking her cheek. She immediately wrapped her arms around him and hugged him, her tears making his fur wet but he didnt care. He didn't care when he was finally able to hug the only girl he truly actually loved and cared for. 

“He looks like him. He looks just like him” Ingrid said in between sobs. 

“Yeah, I know,” Dimitri said as he put his arm around her shoulder and pulling her into a hug. “That’s what I thought too.” 

Sylvain simply kept barking and licking her cheek. How he wished that he could just make the spell disappear and be able to hug the both properly. To bring them close to him and tell them how happy he was that they were there. How he loved them and had never stopped loving them for even a second and that he was so proud of them. He wanted to scream it at them and cry with them but all he could do was bark and lick, but that was fine because at least he could do that.. 

“Where did you find him?” Ingrid asked once she was able to calm herself down and stop crying. She still held Sylvain close to her chest. 

“Annette and Mercedes found him near the entrance, and said he was howling. I ran into them in the dinning hall and he ended up jumping into my arms and wouldn’t let anyone else touch him or get near him” Dimitri explained as he leaned forward and started scratching his head. 

“So he’s just a stray?” Ingrid asked. 

“Yeah that’s what I was told” Dimitri answered as he smiled down at Sylvain.

“When I saw him… I couldn’t help but compare him to him. I mean, he has the same eyes and I swear this is the exact shade of red that his hair was.” Ingrid said, stifling back a cry. “For a second I felt as if he really was him.” 

“I know” Dimitri whispered. “I thought so too.” 

“I miss him so much” Ingrid whispered and Sylvain immediately barked at her and rubbed himself against her until she smiled down at him. 

“I miss him too” Dimitri whispered back. 

The three of them ended up spending most of the day sitting on the stable floor. For the most part Dimitri and Ingrid just spoke about random things, school, training, the weather. They never once spoke again about Sylvain or anything that was very deep and sentimental but Sylvain was okay with that. Relished in the normalcy that it was to just be with them as they spoke about things that didn’t matter. Just being able to waste away his day with them was enough for him to eventually allow himself to take a nap on Ingrid’s lap. For the first time in a while, he didn’t have any nightmares. 

Eventually he was woken up as Dimitri scooping him up, bringing him close to his chest as Ingrid stood up (still choosing to carry him which was honestly cute in Sylvain opinion). It was darker now, most likely around dinner time, Sylvain guessed. And guess correctly he did because he was soon being carried into the dinning hall, it was a lot more packed and Sylvain could see that most of the tables were crowded and filled with students. 

“I will grab both of your dinners, please just take a seat your highness” Dedue said before walking away. 

Dimitri simply kept walking towards a table, Ingrid still by his side, occasionally reaching over to pet Sylvain. The two looked happier, more at peace than they had earlier that day. 

“Oh who is this” a boy with white hair and freckles asked as Dimitri and Ingrid took a seat at the table. Mercedes and Annette sitting in front of them. 

“It’s a dog that we found,” Annette answered with a smile. “He’s super cute right?” 

“Yes, I’ve never seen him around here” the boy said. 

“He’s really attached to Dimitri,” Mercedes said with a smile.

“He also really likes Ingrid,” Dimitri immediately added as he scratched Sylvains head, at this point Dedue was walking up to them with plates of food. “But I am afraid we have to eat so I will have to put you down.” 

And ever so gently, Dimitri lowered Sylvain onto the ground before looking up and thanking Dedue for getting the food. Sylvain did not enjoy being on the floor, it felt…. weird. All he could see were ankles and shoes and although he could still hear the others talking it felt like he was an outsider (which he was but still). So if Sylvain let out a whine it was purely because he had committed to the whole dramatic puppy bit. Immediately he felt a hand scratch his head and looked up to find Ingrid smiling at him, but just as quickly as she looked down at him she looked away and back to the conversation they were having. 

Sylvain was just about to really throw the biggest tantrum known to dog kind before his eyes landed on Felix as he was walking into the dining hall. He looked pissed off and tired but even then, Sylvain couldn’t stop his tail from wagging. And because Sylvain had already selfishly spent the whole day with Ingrid and Dimitri, he decided to let his greed take over just this time. He immediately got up and ran to Felix, practically pouncing on him when he reached him. 

“What the fuck” Felix grunted before pushing Sylvain off, but Sylvain was way too excited to care and was back to jumping up and down, barking at him. “Fuck off you stupid mutt-“ 

And this time when Sylvain was pushed away he actually stopped jumping to look at Felix, tail wagging uncontrollably. But his happiness slowly died down when he looked up at Felix’s face, it wasn’t happy and it wasn’t angry either. No he was pained and in shock, like if Sylvain had just gone up to him and stabbed him. And Sylvain instantly whined and walked up to him but Felix quickly turned around and walked away. Sylvain immediately ran after him, barking at him to stop, to turn around, to let him do something about the pain, anything. 

“Get the hell away from me” Felix yelled as he turned around to face him. “Go! Get away from me!!” 

Any other dog would have immediately put their ears down, tail between their legs, and ran away. Any other dog would have been scared by Felix's yelling or how genuinely angry his voice sounded but Sylvain wasn’t any other dog. Sylvain was probably the only person on this planet to know that whenever Felix turned to anger it was to hide the pain he was feeling. 

“Felix” Ingrid called out. “There’s no need to be so mean to him, he’s just a dog!” 

“Is this stupid thing yours” Felix spat out, his eyes glaring. “Because if it is, it’s in poor fucken taste.” 

“I-no, Mercedes and Annette found him” Ingrid tried to explain. 

“Then get rid of him” Felix hissed before turning around to walk away. 

But Sylvain wasn’t going to let that happen, wasn’t going to let him just lock himself away from this. So he did what he could and ran to him and bit the edge of his pants and pulled until Felix fell back with a curse. Immediately Sylvain jumped to land on his chest before Felix could think about getting up. 

“Get him off me before I skin him” Felix threatened and immediately both Ingrid and Dimitri (who was apparently there; for how long, Sylvain had no idea) tried to pick him up. And Sylvain growled, a way fiercer growl than he had done earlier that day. His hair on his back stood up and his teeth bared, if they picked him up now and Felix ran away then that would mean that Felix would have to deal with whatever pain he was feeling by himself and as much as he loved Dimitri and Ingrid he would not hesitate to bite them to stop that from happening. 

“Hey it’s okay” Ingrid tried to say to calm him down but Sylvain continued to growl, it wasn’t until both Dimtri and her stopped trying to move towards him that he finally looked down at Felix. Felix was understandably, not in a good mood and was very tense to have a dog as big as Sylvain on top of him growling. But there was still that pain written on his face that Sylvain hated. 

Sylvain angled himself so that he was looking at him directly into his eyes, he knew Felix hated eye contact more than anything but he couldn’t really speak so all he could do was try to convey to him that he just wanted to be there for him. That he was Sylvain, the one person that always helped him no matter what. For a couple of seconds that was all he did before he whined and lowered himself until his snout was near his neck and then he laid down on top of him. Nuzzling his head into the crook of Felix’s neck, hearing Felix gasp lowly, he whined again and then turned his head to lick his cheek. 

“Sylvain” Felix whispered so quietly that Sylvain knew neither Dimitri or Ingrid had heard him. 

And before Sylvain could decide whether or not to come clean right here right now. To admit to the fact that he was indeed Sylvain and be able to finally truly reunite with Felix, he heard footsteps behind him. 

“Oh shit I am so sorry about that,” Claude's voice broke the silence, immediately Sylvain looked over to find him running to them. “That’s my dog. Sorry, if he hurt you.” 

“Wait, he's your dog,” Dimitri asked. 

“Yeah sorry, I left my room door open this morning and he snuck out” Claude explained as he walked up to them. “I adopted him recently, he was in a pretty rough shape when I found him so i was actually taking care of him in secret because I could only imagine what Seteth would do if he found out.” 

“Oh is that why you’ve been sneaking out to the town” Ingrid asked. 

“Yeah” Claude immediately lied and Sylvain was amazed how perfect everything was fitting together. “Again, i didn’t want anyone to find out so i had to sneak out to be able to take him to a vet. He’s fine now though!” 

“I am glad. I apologize, if I had known he was yours I would’ve told you that he was with me, we’ve spent most of the day together after all” Dimitri admitted. 

“No need, I’m sure he enjoyed his time with you all” Claude said before looking over to Sylvain who was now sitting on the grass instead of on Felix. “Now come on boy, you’ve caused enough trouble for today.

Immediately Sylvain felt arms wrap around him and was pulled until he was pressed up on Felix’s chest, his heart was beating a thousand miles and hour and his hands were shaking slightly. Not enough for anyone to notice but since he was being held by those hands, Sylvain could feel it. 

“He’s staying with me,” Felix said. 

“Don’t be ridiculous Felix” Ingrid huffed. “Not even a minute ago you were threatening to skin him!” Felix merely tightened his grip on him, glaring daggers into Ingrid. Claude immediately sighed before sitting down on the grass next to Felix. 

“He’s kind of cute isn’t he? A pain in the ass because I never know what he’s going to do next” Claude said as he “playfully” flicked Sylvains nose. “Really, this flea bag owes me so much. He’s horrible, really, a real pain. Then again, he’s from Faerghus and if there’s something I’ve learned about you Faerghans are that you are all incredibly stubborn and free spirited.” 

“He’s from Faerghus” Dimitri asked completely ignoring the whole stubborn and free spirited part. 

“Yup, hence why he has such a thick coat. The punk is built for snow, probably likes it too like the little shit that he is. Come summer I’m gonna shave him” Claude said and Sylvain immediately grunted.

“Please don’t shave him,” Dimitri said a little too seriously. 

Claude laughed, “why not? He’ll look cute!” 

“Please don’t,” Dimtri begged, this time entirely serious in his pleas. 

“Then I’ll give him a nice hair cut” Claude said, having way too fun teasing Dimitri. 

“Claude” Dimitri grunted at this point everyone was relaxing and Sylvain found that Claude really was amazing when it came to handling people. Terrifyingly amazing if he was honest with himself. 

Well almost everyone was relaxed, Felix still held him with an iron grip. So Sylvain, deeming this unexcusable, wiggled himself until he had clear access to Felix cheek and then proceeded to attack him with as many licks as possible, his tail wagging so strongly that it was more of a full body wiggle than anything. Felix did try to push him off but Sylvain was a man on a mission and would not stop until he found a smile on his face, no, would not stop until he laughed. 

“You stupid-” Felix started saying, putting his hands up to try and stop the assault but Sylvain was a pretty big dog and quickly overpowered him and pushed to the floor. He was barking and whining now, nuzzling himself closer to him. He was completely on top of Felix, and was wiggling his way closer to his face by the time that he saw a smile form on Felix’s face. It was only once he put his snout near Felix’s ear (where he had always been ticklish, Sylvain knew this by heart because you could never hope to whisper anything to Felix’s before he blew his cover and laugh when they were younger). True to form it only took two puffs of air before Felix let out a small laugh. 

“Fuck right OFF” Felix said as he finally managed to loop his arm out of Sylvains massive body and push him, smile still on his face but that quickly vanished once he realized that everyone was watching and instead put on his signature scowl. “The hell are you all staring at?” 

“N-Nothing it has just been a while since I’ve heard you laugh” Dimitri admitted. 

“Go fuck yourself boar” Felix immediately spat out which led to Sylvain nipping his arm (gently mind you because he could never actually hurt him). 

_Would it kill you to be nice?_

Felix glared at him but his eyes immediately softened and as he scratched Sylvain behind his ear. Sylvain immediately leaned into the touch and wiggled his way back onto Felix’s lap, and if he was giving Felix puppy dog eyes so that he could show him more affection, well again. That was nobody's business. 

“He likes you a whole lot doesn’t he? Fucken clingy little shit” Claude said as he was very smugly looking at Sylvain. Sylvain huffed at him before pawing at Felix to keep scratching him. Not his business whether he was clingy or not. 

“Yes, he was affectionate towards me and Ingrid but he seems to like Felix more” Dimitri said as he was now sitting on the grass, Ingrid looked stuck on whether to sit down or not but ultimately decided to join them.

“Where did you find him,” Ingrid asked and Sylvain saw the exact moment where Claude was deciding Sylvains fate. 

“Found him in Fraldarius actually.” 

_Khalid you sick son of a bitch!_

“Wait what” Dimitri asked. 

“Yeah after my mission I saw him far away, he was tailing us for a bit but no one else but me really noticed him. At night I tried to get him to come closer to me but he refused to come anywhere near, I think he didn't like that there were so many people you know? And then the next day I didn't see him again. It wasn't until I was back here and I went into town to look for some things that I saw him in the outskirts again. Guess the little guy followed me all the way from there to here” Claude said with a smile and Sylvain was seriously considering maiming him. “Once i was all alone he didn't mind coming up to me and letting me help him.” 

_You’re so dead. Fuck your dream, you are dying tonight. I will use these very paws to strangle you Khalid, I swear to the goddess you will die by my hands._

There was a silence between them now. Sylvain knew why, he knew that spells of someone changing into an animal weren’t unheard of, extremely uncommon, but not unheard of. Sylvain knew that his friends werent idiots, once you word it the way that Claude had then it only took one very risky step and you would reach the conclusion that Sylvain when he had warped away had disguised himself as a dog and had followed Claude and was now, in front of the three of them. 

“Thought he needed the help so I kept him with me” Claude added after a while, placing his hands behind him and leaning back to look up at the sky. “Though i will say he has a really bad habit that i personally hate so much. The other day I put blankets on the floor for him to lay on and he would not stop moving the blankets around until they were perfect” Claude said with an over exaggerated grunt. “Took like five hours for the little bastard to deem the bed good enough to sleep on. If something isn’t organized he loses his shit I swear. Call me crazy but this dog hates messes.” 

_Maybe i should pee on him. Maybe if i do that he’ll shut the hell up!_

“But I guess it’s getting pretty late and I have to take him out for a walk so he can take care of his business,” Claude said, finally looking back at them. 

“C-Claude can i ask you something?” Ingrid asked almost hurriedly, her voice had a hint of desperation behind it. 

“Shoot.” 

“In Conan Tower, did Sylvain ever mention why he didn't get help?” Ingrid asked quietly and instantly Sylvain felt Felix tense up, Dimitri also tensed and looked to the floor. 

“Yes and no” Claude quickly answered, he knew of course that one of the three would end up walking off and Claude desperately needed them all to hear him right now. At least together while Sylvain was here. 

“What do you mean?” Ingrid asked. 

“Well when Glenn asked him to come back with him, when he offered him help, Sylvain told him that he couldn’t go back to him… he sounded scared like if there was a reason as to why he couldn’t go with him. Like if something would happen if he did that” Claude said, his voice cautious. “To me it sounded like… like he might have been threatened. Or more like someone he cared about would be in danger if he went back.” 

“What do you mean” Dimitri asked, his eyes narrowed and brows furrowed. 

“Just a hunch. Sylvain did not come off to me as someone that would care if his life was being threatened but well” Claude said, hesitating if he would be pushing too far by saying this but at this point his main opinion had been laid out but he also thought this would be necessary to hear even if it did probably lead to him overstepping some boundaries. 

“Well” Felix asked, his voice was cold and Sylvain nearly flinched with how much hatred was in it. 

Claude looked over to Felix, making sure to look directly at him before saying this. “Sylvain immediately panicked when your brother mentioned you. When your brother mentioned helping him he was angry but when your brother mentioned you helping him that was when he started saying that he couldn’t do that. Told him to not bring you up but it didn't sound mad, it sounded defensive. Scared - Scared for you.” 

Sylvain growled, he hadn’t meant to but he did. Immediately they all looked down at him but at this point he was glaring at Claude. There was a limit to the game he was playing but saying those things would lead to Felix being in danger and that was something he was not okay with. That was something that he would kill for. It was horrible, how quickly Sylvain became okay with the idea of killing Claude if it meant protecting Felix. It was unhealthy and probably really fucked up of him but that didn't matter, not right now. Not when Claude was basically threatening Felix. 

“Don’t like this conversation do you” Claude whispered to him. 

By then, the other three were looking down at Sylvain and he couldn’t handle this. Couldn’t handle them figuring things out just yet. Not when he couldn’t be assured that Felix would be safe, when his father was still alive and in a position to be able to hire as many assassins as he wanted to kill Felix. 

_You win this round Khalid._

Sylvain quickly got up and ran off, he could hear the four of them yell something out but he was sprinting and a dog is a much faster runner than a human so he quickly was far away from them. By the time he had tired himself out and turned to look behind him, no one was following him but that would soon change, he knew that. He needed to find Hubert and have him change him back, but he hadn’t seen him all day; too busy with Dimitri and Ingrid to have actually done the thing he should have and it was too late now. Most people had already made their way back to their dorms so it wasn’t like he could just hope to run into Hubert. 

_Think Sylvain, where would an angsty spider hide?!_

But he couldn’t come up with anything. And was left to wander around the academy, scared of being found but also hoping for anyone to take pity and help him out. He eventually made it back to the dormitory and let a whine out of defeat. 

“Sylvain,” instinctively he turned to whoever called him; it was only once he was looking directly at Claude that he let out a small growl. Claude sighed. “Yeah I know, I deserve that one.” Claude said as he walked over to him and then kneeled in front of him. “I understand completely if you bite me. I get it. I pushed too far and I’m sorry.” 

_Sorry doesn’t cut it you son of a bitch!_

“I know you're cursing at me, might not be able to hear you but I know you are,” Claude said before chuckling. “Now come on, if you stay out here they’ll find you and maybe Dimitri and Ingrid will think it's too much of a reach that you are who you are but well… you know.” 

Sylvain sighed. He knew. He knew damn well that there was someone that had figured it out even before Claude had decided to run his mouth. That had taken one look at him and had most likely known immediately that it was him. But even if he hadn’t, everything added up enough for him to know now, and Sylvain knew Felix was crazy enough to hunt him down and lock him up in his room until the spell wore off. 

“Come on, you've had a long day” Claude said before the two snuck back into the dormitory and into Claude’s room. Claude did end up putting blankets on the floor for him to sleep on, and Sylvain being the petty asshole that he was, did proceed to mess with the blankets for a stupid long time. And even when Claude grunted at Sylvain moving and scratching, all Sylvain had to do was look directly into Claude's eyes before walking over to a stack of books and lifting his leg. Not peeing, but the threat was there. Claude immediately relented and held all complaints to himself for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dimitri: what do you mean you don’t carry all dogs? So what if he’s big Ingrid, he’s still a puppy and puppies deserve to be carried!


	11. Zafiro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might feel a little rushed and I’m sorry about that but i have my reasons

Sylvain was throwing a full blown tantrum, we’re talking howling and whining, rolling on his back and throwing his head back and forth dramatically. Even kicking whatever was near him and huffing and growling when he deemed it necessary for the theatrics. 

“It’s not my fault I have to leave right now on this mission,” Claude sighed as he continued to pack his bag. 

_What the hell am I supposed to do while you’re gone? I’m going to be so fucken bored! And hungry!_

“Listen I know that we haven’t really figured out a spell yet to change you back to a human and that it’s already been like 6 days now since you’ve been stuck as a dog but I can’t just not go on my missions to stay here hiding with you, this is apparently really fucken important,” Claude explained. 

_Then take me with you!_

“And no, before you start another fit, I cannot take you with me. You’re a dog Sylvain I can’t do that” Claude said as Sylvain then proceeded to up the theatrics of his fit. 

“Look I get it, it’s annoying but I have to do this. I’ll be back soon enough and hey maybe by then the spell will wear off. That or I’ll finally finish the book you gave me and figure out how to undo the spell” Claude said before picking up his bag and throwing it over his shoulder. “Till then, just please behave and don’t pee on my books.” 

With that Claude opened his door to try and leave but by this point Sylvain had ran up to him and tackled him, knocking the archer to the floor. Instantly Claude grunted as his face hit the floor, Sylvain towering over him and it wasn’t until he heard footsteps approaching him that he looked up to find a pink haired girl and a blue haired girl running up to Claude. 

“That sounded like it hurt” the pink hair girl responded, not moving an inch to help Claude once they had reached them. 

“I-Is that a dog,” the blue-haired girl asked, Sylvain barked in reply to her question. 

“Thank you Hilda, for helping me.” Claude grunted before throwing Sylvain off of him. 

“That’s what I’m here for” the pink haired girl replied with a wink. 

“And yes Marianne, this is a dog. I’ve been taking care of him recently” Claude explained. “Though now I’m considering skinning him and making myself a nice rug.” 

“P-Please dont” Marianne replied. 

“Don’t worry Mari, he's just being dramatic because a dog is stronger than him” Hilda said with a smirk. 

“Hilda you truly are a joy to be around” Claude grunted as he finally stood back up and threw his bag over his shoulder. “Anyways go back inside Syl, go! I can't take you with me, I already told you!” 

_Khalid for one second just think about what you want me to do. You want me to go into your room and stay there for the next two days? With no food or water or a restroom?! Why the hell would that be something I would want to do!?_

What instead came out was more barking and huffing. 

“Go! Don’t argue with me on this” Claude grunted to which Sylvain immediately barked back at him. “Don’t fucken talk back to me!” 

Hilda immediately started laughing to which Claude looked to her as if she had just killed his first born child, “Hilda!” He exclaimed. 

“I’m sorry I just have never seen someone seriously argue with a dog,” Hilda snorted. 

“Um Claude, who’s going to be taking care of him while we’re away” Marianne asked. “To feed him and take him out to potty.” 

_That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!_

“Well you see he’s not really good with other people, he tried to bite Dedue and even growled at Mercedes actually. So I left him some food in my room and some rugs on the floor. He can pee on that, I’ll just throw the rugs away when I come back” Claude answered. 

_What food?!_

“Oh I see, it’s a shame he can't come with us but I guess we don't have time to really figure anything more for him” Marianne responded though she sounded genuinely upset that Sylvain was being left in a room while they were away. 

“It’s fine Marie, we’ll be back soon enough” Hilda reassured. “Now come on leader man we have to go now.” 

“Yeah yeah I will” Claude said before grabbing Sylvain and pushing him back into the room. Sylvain immediately growled in protest. 

“Look, I’ll be right back” Claude whispered. “I can let you free but I doubt you want Felix to find you right? So just stay, I doubt we’ll be gone for the whole two days anyways.” 

Sylvain huffed but ultimately let Claude close the door on him and stayed behind. It was incredibly boring being left in the room. Claude did actually leave food and water for him but Sylvain wasn’t really comfortable with the idea of taking a shit on a rug so he decided to wait on that, it wasn’t like it was hard for him to go a day without eating so he decided to do the next best thing and that was sleep. 

It had been 6 days now since he was hiding in Claude's room and sleeping had become the main thing he had started doing because of it. Claude did offer to let him come with him to classes or out to the monastery but Sylvain did not want to run into Felix or Dimitri or even Ingrid. He had his one selfish day to spend with them and that was it, if he pushed his luck too much it would end up biting him in the ass and so Sylvain was used to staying in the room, but Claude had been nice to him and stayed with him all those days so this...was boring and lonely. So he slept to ignore those emotions. 

But then he was suddenly woken up by extreme pain on his back and shoulders. He groaned as he started opening his eyes, his entire body felt like if rocks had fallen on top of him and he was in absolute agony! It wasn’t until he was sitting up and he noticed that he was rubbing his face not with a paw but with a hand that he realized why he was in so much pain...the spell had worn off and his body was not enjoying the transition. 

_Well at least that answers how long it takes for the spell to wear off._

Sylvain grunted and looked outside, noticing that it was now night time which meant that a whole day had passed now since Claude had left. He had slept through most of the day but weirdly enough Sylvain still felt exhausted, it must be because of the spell wearing off and his body was trying to cope with having its usual form again. Before Sylvain could really think about anything, he was collapsing onto Claude's bed and was out. Sleep and exhaustion overtaking him. 

The next time he was waking up it was once again, very late at night and this time the reason for waking up was the growling from his stomach. He grunted and walked over to where Claude had left some food, taking a while because his body was still in a lot of pain and walking was suddenly the hardest thing he had done. His head was still spinning and his body felt extremely sore. He kept grunting as he chewed on the jerky, if he had known his body would feel like this after the spell he would’ve never tried it! (Then again if he had known he would end up turning into a dog he would’ve never tried it either). 

He was mindlessly working on an apple when he heard footsteps approaching Claude’s rooms and hushed whispers outside the door. Sylvain (despite how much his body hurt) quickly ran over to the closet and closed the door, willing his breathing to calm down and not be so loud. Sylvain could hear the door unlocking and then opening. 

“Hey Hilda, if you..if you need anything or if you know anyone that needs anything. You know I’m always here for you all” Claude said, his voice was tired and almost sounded as if it was defeated. 

Then the door was closed and Sylvain could hear Claude sighing before the bed creaked. Sylvain waited a couple of more seconds before finally opening the closet door to find Claude laying on the bed, his arms covering his face and he looked exactly how Sylvain felt. 

“Hey, I see the spell finally wore off” Claude whispered without looking at him. 

“Khalid.. what’s wrong” Sylvain whispered before walking towards him. Genuinely concerned because this was the first time he had ever seen him sound and look so genuinely defeated. 

“Remire Village...it wasn’t- it was horrible” Claude whispered. “People were killing each other Sylvain, it was as if they were possessed by something… innocent people were dying and being killed by their own family and friends- Sylvain I-I had to kill innocent people” Claude's voice wavered. 

Sylvain immediately sat down next to him and grabbed his hand and held it, Claude was shaking, he wasn’t crying but he was shaking and Sylvain knew the only reason he wasn’t crying was because Claude didn't want to look weak. Didn’t want anyone to see him so vulnerable. 

“They were all innocent” Claude whispered. “And we had to kill them because if we didn't they would’ve killed the others that weren’t being affected- and- it was all some sick fucken experiment.” 

“Experiment?” 

Claude laughed bitterly, “the fucken librarian was in on it. Turned them all into monsters. So was the fucken Death Knight and the Flame Emperor. They all did this. Made all those people die Sylvain, it was like a fucken nightmare.” 

Sylvain felt his blood boil. The Flame Emperor? Edelgard? She had been part of this? That didn't sound right, no, she wouldn't have just sacrificed innocent people. She was trying to save people, to liberate Fodland. Why would she do something like this?!

“Apparently the librarian wasn’t called Thomas, that was his alias, his real name is Solon” Claude whispered and his voice was shaking not from fear but from anger. “Solon and that fucken Flame Emperor were there, both of them were there and did this. Made innocent people kill each other and made us kill them. They were screaming and crying and I swear I can still hear it.” 

Sylvain’s head was spinning. He knew Solon, never met him obviously, but knew the name. He was a high profile figure from Those Who Slither In The Dark. He was one of the people Edelgard had said she was going to kill so why the hell was she with him?! What was going on? Why were they working together now? Was this why they hadn’t told Sylvain anything anymore? Because they were allied now with the very people that were causing so much pain and hurt to those in Fodland. 

Sylvain understood the need to ally yourself with others in order to defeat a strong enemy and the church was exactly that but then why not ally themselves with the Alliance or the Kingdom? Why the people that have now killed innocent people and for what? To do some fucked up experiment?! 

“Syvain” Claude asked and it was only then that Sylvain realized that he was shaking and was holding on to him a little too tightly. 

“I’ll be back,” Sylvain whispered before standing up, he could hear screaming in his head, it had been a long time since the screaming had stopped, but now it was back. Back because of Edelgard.

“Where are you going?” Claude asked. 

“...I need to figure out something,” Sylvain whispered. “I’ll be back. You shouldn’t stay alone though. Go find someone to be with you even if they're just there to distract you. Actually go get all of your class, none of you should be alone tonight.” 

With that Sylvain warped away. It took a while to be able to find Hubert and Edelgard, having so many hideouts across the country did that. Did not help that whenever Sylvain tried to contact them neither of them would reply to his letters. It took a total of 6 days before Sylvain finally managed to find them in a hideout near the Empire. By then Sylvain had gone through every stage of anger and betrayal he possibly could. He had trusted them to do the right thing, trusted them to do what was good for the people of Fodland and part of him wanted to bite their heads off for betraying that trust. But he was still loyal to them to some degree, still holding onto hope that they weren’t actually allied with Those who slither and that this was just a big misunderstanding. After all, he had spent two years now with them, helped them with this cause, he knew them, he had laughed with them and lived with them. They were his friends, they were good people! But by the time he was slamming the door open and found them both staring at him with guilt in their eyes, he knew it was foolish for him to have hoped that this was all a misunderstanding. 

“Why” was all Sylvain could ask without exploding. 

“Sylvain, what are you doing here?” Edelgard asked, though she was hesitant to step towards him when he was looking at her the way he was. 

“Why did you decide to side with the very people you told me you wanted to kill?” Sylvain asked, his voice wavering from how badly he wanted to yell. “Why have you sided with the people that did what they did to the people of Remire village?” 

“How do you know about Remire village?” Hubert asked. 

Sylvain scoffed, “that doesn’t matter. You aren’t answering my fucken question.” 

“Sylvain, if I had known that they were planning on doing that to the people of Remire village, I promise you that I would have stopped them,” Edelgard explained, trying to keep her voice calm enough that it would soothe Sylvain down from his anger. 

“You still haven’t answered my damn question” Sylvain growled. “Why have you sided with them?” 

Edelgard could only look down, unable to properly word her response. To properly explain to Sylvain why she had decided to side with the people that had caused her so much pain. And why she had been so weak to stop them from hurting so many innocent people. 

“It was necessary to ensure our success when the war came” Hubert responded instead. 

“Out of all the fucken people you could ally yourself with, you ally yourself with them? Explain to me please, how the hell they were the best option out of everyone else” Sylvain begged. “Because i don’t see it. I don't see how they can help create peace throughout Fodland. I don't see how they are a more valuable ally than the people that you are waging a war against.” 

Hubert tensed, “The church has to be brought down above all else, they are corrupt-“ 

“They are not the ones I’m talking about! Why are you willing to fight alongside those that caused you so much fucken pain and yet you aren’t even fucken willing to humor the fact that maybe other leaders of this country could become your allies. That they could want the same thing you want” Sylvain begged as he looked directly at Edelgard. 

“The alliance that I have with those who slither in the dark is temporary. If i could have it any other way i would. But they are the only option I have, no one else can be trusted. If their views align with mine then they will join my side once war has been waged” Edelgard explained. 

“Once war has been waged you will force everyone to fight” Sylvain added. “You will give them no chance to try and become your ally. When war is waged you will have voided any chance of ever having people hear your plight.” 

“If they do not join my side, then they are not an ally to the empire. I wish talking could be an option, but it’s not. Not in a world where no one is willing to listen” Edelgard answered. 

And Sylvain realized that no matter Edelgards reason, nothing would ever excuse what she was doing. He was blinded by the fact that she had helped him, shown him kindness when no one else had. Had brought him out of the darkness he had been in and gave him a reason to live. So blind that he never stopped and realized just how wrong all of this was. How wrong she was. 

“How can you expect to become a just ruler if you can’t even stop to consider that talking with others is an option?! You’ve convinced yourself into thinking that everyone is against you! That everyone can’t be trusted and because of that you have now allied yourself with the very people that tortured and tested you! Because you have so little faith in the good of people you’re going to wage a war that will cost hundreds of lives all because you can’t fathom the fact that anyone could ever be worth trusting” Sylvain yelled out. 

“You watch your mouth” Hubert yelled out. “Do not think that you can ever raise your voice to Lady Edelgard! Or that you can stand there and pretend to know why we are taking the actions that we are taking, they are all necessary for the world Lady Edelgard wishes to build.” 

“A world built on blood will sooner crumble than find peace” Sylvain gasped. “You say that I can’t understand why you are doing what you are doing but fail to realize that I have been by your side for 2 years now! Two years I have shown you my loyalty and given you valuable input and information; and yet you refuse to hear me out on this?! Thinking of me as nothing more than some warhorse you can send off to battle whenever the horns of war inevitably blow! Do you not realize all that I have given up for this?!” 

“As if the small amount of things you had were worth anything” Hubert growled and for a split second, remorse fell on him as the weight of his words landed on him. But it was too late, the remaining bit of care that was between the two had snapped with the breath of those words. 

“You’re right. They weren’t worth a damn were they?” Sylvain said, his eyes losing the small amount of fondness he often showed them. “But that’s fine, means that I didn’t lose much to this war you claim is for peace.” 

“Sylvain” Edelgard whispered, a warning on her tone. 

“You're blinded by your past and blinded by your pain. I once thought that that was what brought us all together, what made us get so close to one another… I see now that I was foolish to think that you ever thought of me as anything more than a tool for your revenge. I see now that you are not an emperor that is fighting for the freedom of Fodland. No. You’re nothing but a bloodthirsty tyrant” Sylvain spat.

“I will not hesitate to rid this world of your insignificant existence” Hubert growled. 

“Stand down Hubert” Edelgard spoke up, now on her feet, her eyes pained but face stone cold. “Sylvain, you are either with us. Or against us.” 

And Sylvain looked up at her, the girl he had sworn his loyalty, the girl that at one point he would've killed even his own happiness for. The girl who once tended to his wounds and comforted him out of his own nightmares. A girl he had hoped would build the world that he had dreamed of. But that was not the same girl that stood before him now. What he saw now was nothing less than a monster. 

“I will not kill anyone that can be saved; if that makes me your enemy then so be it” Sylvain answered before Hubert launched at him, knife at Sylvains throat, close enough to draw blood. Huberts eyes locked onto Sylvains, black magic seeping out from his fingers and yet, Sylvain was alive. The knife had stopped a hair short from actually killing him. 

“Think wisely Gautier, you do not want me as your enemy” Hubert warned. 

“Go on then Hubert. Kill me. Do it. Go on now. Kill me!” Sylvain yelled out as he grabbed Huberts wrist and brought the knife closer to his neck and in that exact moment he saw the hesitation in Hubert’s eyes and Sylvain could only laugh at the man he had once actually considered calling his best friend. 

“If you cannot kill me then what makes you think that you have the right to go through with this war? You’re nothing but a coward! You claim you’re ready to spill all the blood necessary to forge a new path and yet you can’t plunge this knife into my throat? I thought I was nothing but a tool Hubert, just someone that could never hope to understand what you are doing. So then why hesitate? Huh?!” Sylvain spat as the blood was now slowly dripping out of the cut on his neck. “I’ll tell you why you wont kill me. It’s because you’re both nothing but empty promises. You both can pretend to be saviors as long as you want but you’re nothing but selfish killers, blinded by hatred! Kids that demand loyalty and allegiance but can't be bothered with doing the same in return. You expect everyone to trust you but refuse to let anyone in! How can you possibly ever hope to build a world without trust?!” 

And with that Sylvain pushed Hubert off of him and took one last look at Edelgard who’s eyes were wide open and face contorted in pain and sadness. 

“The path you’re going down will lead to only more pain and I’ve dealt with enough of that in my life already.” Sylvain said as he took one last look at her. “Good bye Edelgard.” 

~ X ~ 

“Hey Khlalid- shit sorry i think i just broke your window” Sylvain whispered as he snuck into Claude's room only to find him looking at him with his eyes wide open, shirtless, hair a complete mess, and panic written all over his face. 

“Huh Claude did you say something?”

Never in his life has Sylvain dropped to the floor so quickly and so quietly, desperately trying to force himself to merge into the floor in hopes that he couldn’t be seen. 

“Oh uh I just mumbled something sorry Dima didn't mean to wake you” Claude immediately whispered back. “Go back to sleep, I’m fine.” 

Dimitri only grunted in response and Sylvain could only look up to find Claude on his side looking down at him questionably. Sylvain immediately mouthed ‘sorry’ and then lifted his eyebrow, wondering why the hell Dimitri was sleeping in Claude bed, though Sylvain wasn’t an idiot, he clearly knew WHY but that didnt stop his mind from reeling at the fact that he just walked in on his childhood friend post sex. 

“What are you doing here” Claude hissed, his voice so low Sylvain had to basically read his lips to make out most of his words. 

“I’m going to die,” Sylvain whispered back. 

“What?” 

“I’m going to die.” 

“What do you- Wait is that the Lance of Ruin” Claude hissed as he barely noticed that yes, Sylvain did in fact have the relic with him at that exact moment. 

“Yes, I need it so that I don't get killed,” Sylvain responded. 

“By who” Claude hissed. 

“Hubert.” 

“Hubert?!” 

Instantly Claude slammed his hand on his mouth but the damage had been done, Sylvain could hear Dimitri stirring and in a moment of desperation, he forced his armored self and the relic to squeeze under Claude’s bed. It was incredibly uncomfortable and Sylvain could barely breathe. 

“Sorry Dima i think i just saw Hubert outside my window” Claude immediately lied, the bed creaking as he shifted himself. 

“What?” Dimitri asked, his voice groggy with sleep. 

“Nothing, I think I just need to sleep, you really tired me out after all” Claude cooed, Sylvain wanted to puke. 

“C-Claude” Dimitri exclaimed and Sylvain could here someone (most likely Claude) kiss someone else (Dimitri). 

“You're cute Dima” Claude added before sighing, “Comfortable too.” 

“Hmm, go back to sleep” Dimitri added, though his words were slurred so he most likely was falling asleep already. 

“Yeah yeah, good night” Claude whispered and then they were both quiet. 

Sylvain then proceeded to spend the rest of the night, with his armor practically cooking him, the Lance of Ruin stabbing him on the side, his nose pressed dangerously close to the mattress, and his back killing him. It was his fate apparently, to never be able to walk into Garreg Mach without running into Dimitri and feeling some kind of uncomfortable sensation on his body. Sylvain sighed quietly, eventually he heard someone snore but at this point he knew that Claude wouldn't risk coming down here to talk to him, not until Dimitri left. So the floor was his bed for tonight, which was fine because weirdly enough this place was safe enough for him to hide since he was now going to be hunted down by the man that literally knew every shadow in Fodland so the floor was okay in Sylvains book. 

Didn’t mean he slept much though, by the time the sun came out he had maybe gotten around 4 hours of sleep and that of course was spread out over the night in 30 minute increments. Luckily for him, Dimitri had always been an early riser so it didn't take long for him to hear movement up in the bed and mumbling. Eventually he saw Dimitris foot hit the floor and watched as he gathered his clothes and dressed. Claude hadn’t said anything so Sylvain was guessing that he was still asleep which was not surprising since it looked like it was still really early in the morning and if Sylvain had learned something from his dog days was that Claude _hated_ mornings (which was a terrible arrangement for the two of them since Sylvain was also an early riser and always needed to pee right at 6 am). 

Eventually, Dimitri walked back to the bed, fully dressed (or what Sylvain assumed was fully dressed), and whispered a small goodbye before exiting the room; the entire time Claude had never spoken a single word. It wasn’t until Sylvain was sure that Dimitri was out of the room that he slowly (and painfully because his entire body was SORE), got out from underneath the bed and yeah sure enough, Claude was out. He was for lack of a better word, a mess. His hair stuck out in every direction possibly, blankets wrapped around his body in what must be incredibly suffocating, and his mouth was wide open and drooling all over the pillow. It was cute…. maybe…. if you really REALLY looked hard, maybe, it was… cute. 

Sylvain let out a loud grunt, once he was finally able to sit up, his armor clanking and that was finally enough to wake Claude up. Immediately jumping up and looking around the room in a daze, not clearly being able to understand what was going on for a couple of seconds.

Then his eyes landed on Sylvain and they grew as wide as they had last night, “YOU.” 

“Morning buttercup, sleep alright” Sylvain grunted as he tried to stretch out his legs. 

“I have so many questions for you” Claude said, his tone almost demanding. 

“Yeah, kind of figured,” Sylvain answered. “But how about you wake up properly before that, you look like you’re still not fully here… then again i guess Dimitri and you must have-“

And a pillow hit Sylvains face instantly, he could hear Claude mumble something under his breath before standing up to go fix his hair. Sylvain took this as the perfect opportunity for him to change his sitting arrangement and move up to the bed. Deciding that he had enough of his armor and also taking that off, he was of course, a little grossed out that he found he was covered in sweat but he can’t really do much about that right now. 

“What do you mean Hubert is going to kill you. Like Hubert Von Vestra?” Claude finally asked. 

“That’s the one.” 

“How did you even meet Hubert?” 

“‘Cause of Edelgard.” 

“Edel- You know her too?! Hold on hold on” Claude quickly said before turning back to look at Sylvain in the eyes. “Why do you know the two of them? And where have you been this whole time?! It’s been 10 days!” 

“So uh, yeah about that, you remember how you told me that if i told you everything you would tell me everything? Yeah…. is that deal still available?” 

It took a really long time to try and explain to Claude how he had been working for Edelgard this entire time, and that Hubert and him had actually been close friends (that took a long time to convince Claude about; apparently Hubert just isn’t the type to have friends besides Edelgard here in the academy). And once that was cleared out Sylvain tried his best to explain to Claude that Edelgard was going to wage war on all of Fodland. He wasn’t able to fully explain everything though because Claude, inevitably, had to go to class. Saying that if he just skipped class that it would cause Dimitri to worry that something had happened and that he would, without hesitation, break Claude’s door down (of course he would apologize about it for weeks but he still will break the door down) and they couldn’t have him just finding out that Claude was keeping a criminal in his room. That, and word would spread and Hubert and Edelgard would find out that he was here. 

For the most part, Claude believed everything Sylvain had said so far, of course he had way too many questions that he couldn’t ask at the moment, but with the small window they had before he had to head to class; Claude had the gist of what was going on and what was going to happen soon enough. So Claude left and Sylvain stayed, both deciding it would be best that he stay in the room at least until both of them had been able to answer all the questions that they had. Sylvain was lucky that it was Claude's room he was staying in, because Claude was a very prepared man. Pulling out curtains to block out the window and setting up sigils so no one could enter his room or try to look into it. He said the reason he was prepared for this kind of thing was because he always wants to be ready for anything to happen but of course Sylvain knew that it was more likely because of Claude’s background. But Sylvain was tired and so he didn't bother to push the subject and instead decided that Claude's bed looked awfully empty and in need of some strong knight to lay on it and sleep. Sylvain volunteered for the job. 

The nap felt extremely short but that was obviously not the case giving the fact that once Sylvain took a peek outside he could see the sun starting to set. He found it weird that Claude had not come back the minute classes were over but then again, Sylvain had tailed him before… he was probably stuck talking to someone. But that was fine, it gave Sylvain time to just sit and let everything that happened this month fully hit him. He really did not mean for the conversation with Edelgard to go the way it did. In Sylvain’s mind he would have been able to talk things out with her, convince her to drop this alliance and instead hear him out about maybe joining forces with Claude, instead he ended up telling the only two people that had cared for him these past two years to kill him. 

_Good job Sylvain, not like you were low on demand for people wanting to kill you anyways._

Sylvain grunted, he should’ve just stood down, let them fully explain everything instead of letting his temper get the best of him but the past cant be undone and he sure as hell made it so that he’s their enemy now. Made sure to practically issue a challenge to Hubert while he was at it because yeah lets throw some assassination into the already shit show that is Sylvains life. What a fitting way for him to die honestly. To be alone and killed in silence, no one there to mourn him, not even able to have a victorious battle before taking his last breath. To have his murderer to be the one person that had managed to become friends with despite everything that had happened with him. 

Sylvain sighed, he sure as hell also made it so that he’s not welcomed in most of Fodland. Can’t go back to the empire, can't go back to Faerghus and he sure as hell can't stay here in Garreg Mach either. No, the only place is the alliance and even then, Hubert had already established a pretty good spy network there (thanks to Sylvain mind you!) and so if he decided to hide out there it would only last a while before he would ultimately be killed off by Hubert. That is of course if the knights of Serios don't find him first… or the knights of Faerghus…. he really was in a shit spot wasn’t he?

But Sylvains thoughts were stopped short with the sound of approaching footsteps, he quickly grabbed the relic and ran into the closet. Not the best hide out but he can't really be picky at the moment (plus this was a hundred times better than under the bed). The steps stopped right in front of his door and then Sylvain could hear the door being unlocked and then closed. 

“You can come out now, it's just me” Claude said, instantly Sylvain let out a sigh of relief before getting out of the closet. 

“How was school?” Sylvain cooed like an overbearing mother. “Did you behave?” 

“Better than you apparently, sheesh Sylvain what the hell did you actually say? I’ve never seen Hubert so unbelievably pissed before. I could feel his rage seeping all the way into my class” Claude said as he handed Sylvain a plate of food. 

“Thanks. And well I already told you, i kind of betrayed them just a little bit but not really...It was justified” Sylvain answered as he started eating the food, it was cold but he was starving so that didn't matter to him. “Called him a coward, if that answers your question.” 

“Yeah I guess so but still, even the professor looked on edge when they were around Hubert” Claude sighed. “Anyways, as much as I would love to continue to interrogate you I guess we should first figure out the uh small problem of living arrangements dont we?” 

Sylvain grunted, “Don’t worry I’ve been thinking about that and I’m royally fucked, much like you last night, but not in the good way.” 

“Haha, very funny,” Claude mocked. “But yeah I can see that... I could stash you away in alliance territory since I do still need more information from you, you might hate the weather but I think personally you would still enjoy it.” 

“Can’t.” 

“Why?”

“Hubert and I set up a spy network there, he’ll find me real quick if I go there, plus that’s the first place he would look” Sylvain answered and watched as Claude’s eyes narrowed. 

“Spy network?” 

“Yup, I can draw it out for you but it’ll take a while to clean that whole thing out, I have been building it for two years after all. Hubert kind of put me in charge of alliance territory so I know it better than him or Edelgard but well, that doesn’t matter now that I’m against them” Sylvain explained. “It gives me a small upper hand but not enough that i can say I’ll be safe there.” 

“The more you talk the more I hate it,” Claude said as he started rubbing the bridge of his nose. “So you’re practically screwed wherever you go in Fodland?” 

“Yup.” 

Claude sighed. Sylvain had known that all of this information would be very overwhelming and he was certainly surprised that Claude was managing so well at the moment but even he was starting to look tired just thinking about all of this. Sylvain couldn’t blame him, it's not everyday some random person comes up to you and tells you your country is going to go to war against people that have been planning it for years and that you are in fact, going to be very unprepared even if you know about it now. 

“What about outside of Fodland. You said you know Sreng right” Claude asked, though the face he was making made it very clear to him that Claude already knew the answer. “People in Sreng are pale skinned like you Faerghans right? You can blend in.” 

“Yeah except everyone in Sreng knows a Gautier when they see one. I will die the minute I step into that country” Sylvain answered. “What about Almyra since we’re on the subject of other countries. You have your family there right?” 

“Well...let’s just put it this way. Despite my mom being from Fodland the only reason she wasn’t killed off was because of my dad, anyone else would have been” Claude answered shyly. 

“Your dad?” 

“Well since we’re being open about everthing fuck it fuck it! Shits fucked anyways” Claude exhaled before turning to look at Sylvain. “My dad’s king of Almyra.” 

Silence. 

“Sylvain.”

“In retrospect I should've seen that coming,” Sylvain whispered. 

“You’re taking the news pretty well.”

“As well as you’re taking the impending war” Sylvain retorted. “But wait, then by that logic can't you protect me?”

“No can do buddy, I’m a half breed to them, I don't have as much...loyalty from my people as my dad does” Claude said and Sylvain wanted to immediately pull out a therapy session right there and then to analyze that sentence but he also knew right now was not the time for that. 

“Okay so...like I said yesterday...I’m going to die” Sylvain grunted before sitting down on the floor. 

“I mean” Claude said hesitantly. 

“What?” 

“You could always turn back into a dog.” 

Silence. 

“No one really figured you out. And I don't interact with Edelgard that much so she doesn’t often come to talk to me so she won't really run into you if you’re a dog. And you were here basically a whole week and no one ever questioned it” Claude explained. 

“Felix knows that it’s me.” 

“So we just avoid Felix, hell maybe we should-“

“Don't,” Sylvain warned. 

“Okay okay, but do you have a better idea,” Claude asked. 

He didn’t. And Sylvain hated that he didn't have a better idea. He knew logically turning into a dog until Claude could clear out all the spies from the alliance would be the best plan they have now but being a dog sucked! And it hurt so much to turn back into a human! It was a pain! And yes Sylvain was being a baby about this but fuck! Being a dog sucked! 

_I really hate my life._

“Fine” Sylvain sighed, “but what about my relic?” 

“We can leave it in here for now. Like i said i have this room laid out so no one could break in even if they did suspect me of having it. And again, Edelgard and i don't really interact much, I interact even less with Hubert so i doubt they’ll want to break into my room. And the church never does room inspections so as long as we keep it somewhere hidden in here, we’ll be fine” Claude said. 

“Khalid, I'm going to hate every second of this,” Sylvian grunted. 

“Yeah...but hey...at least you won't die” Claude said with a smile that only made Sylvan groan loudly. 

“One last thing” Sylvain sighed. 

“What is it?” 

“My horse, I need a place for my horse.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Claude: Alright, I know someone who would love to take care of your horse
> 
> Sylvain: Okay but you cant let Hubert see him
> 
> Claude: .....why?
> 
> Sylvain: He bought me the horse. 
> 
> Claude: He bought you a horse?! 
> 
> Also listen listen, I have strong opinions on the fact that Edelgard never even fucken tried to talk to Claude or Dimitri and just fucken went from 0 to 100 real quick. Like i truly do love her but like... at least Claude would’ve joined you man...


	12. Aciano

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeralt is killed, Sylvain struggles with his emotions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s sad boy hours folks!
> 
> Also I’m very glad you’re all enjoying dogvain because that was one stupid thing i decided to add to this fic to lighten it up and i never meant for that to be so relevant to plot and yet here i am.....

“He’s so cute” the girl with bright green hair squealed as she continued to scratch Sylvains ear. “What’s his name?” 

Today was the first day that Sylvain had turned back into a dog, which part of him had hoped when he performed the spell again that he would actually do it right and you know, turn into a different human. But sadly that was not the case and back to being a pooch he went (after more research he found out that the spell‘s purpose was to turn you into an animal… just labeled weirdly because Vestra and their constant need to code everything!). 

Naturally he had planned to stay in Claude’s room but then Hilda ended up barging into Claude’s room demanding that Claude let Sylvain out because it was stressing out Marianne that she hadn’t seen Claude “walk” Sylvain. Of course Marianne, being the sweet amazing angel that she was, tried to apologize for causing problems but by then Claude’s entire class had found out about Claude having a dog and demanded to meet him. So reluctantly, Sylvain came to class with Claude today to meet them all…. they were… different than what Sylvain had expected. 

Raphael, a strong beefy man, who picked him up immediately and tried to shove a chicken down his throat. Ignatz, a small timid boy, tried to get him to sit still because he ‘had never seen that shade of red before on a dog’ and had to immediately document that with a painting. Hilda put bows on him and was making a collar for him as they speak. Lorenz, a purple haired guy who was the very definition of a bratty noble, tried to be nice to him but also threatened Claude that if Sylvain drooled on him that he would force Claude to clean his clothes. Sylvain had never felt so disappointed in the fact that he couldn’t drool as much as he wanted. Flayn, the green haired girl, was very nice and gentle with him but did also smell like fish and that weirded Sylvain out. Lysithea was nice, she kept trying not to pet Sylvain (despite how much she wanted too) and Sylvain just chalked it up as maybe she’s allergic. Then there was Leonie, she immediately boasted about how good of a hunting dog he would make and was currently trying to get Claude to let her take him out to her next hunting expedition. And lastly, there was of course Marianne, the only one who was actually genuinely kind and gentle to him (and Sylvains personal favorite). 

“His name is Syl,” Claude answered. 

“Oh Syl you’re such a good boy” Flayn said as she ruffled up his head. “I’ve always wanted a dog but my brother never let me have one.” 

“You can have this one” Claude instantly answered and Sylvain shot him a glare. 

“Seteth might kill you” Leonie added as she walked over to Sylvain and patted his head, but instantly her hands were on his jaws, prying them open. “He has a good set of teeth, sharp and clean too.” 

“L-Leonie please” Marianne begged as she was genuinely concerned for Sylvain. 

“He’s fine Marianne just making sure that he doesn’t have any broken teeth or any other health problems. When I was younger I had plenty of dogs, so you don't have to worry about it” Leonie said with a smile as she let go of Sylvain, he instantly huffed at her.

“Then I’ll come to you if he ever chips a tooth” Claude said before motioning Sylvain to come to him and Sylvain quickly did that. Not that he minded Flayn but he knew Claude would stop Leonie from doing more thorough check ups….

“Anyways I should take him back to my room before class starts, I don't want the professor to get upset about this” Claude said. 

“I won't be upset” and instantly both Claude and Sylvain jumped. 

_No not another one that sneaks up on me!_

“Good morning, teach” Claude said, ignoring how his heart was beating right out of his chest. 

“Good morning” the professor said before kneeling down to look at Sylvain, they carefully extended their hand and Sylvain hesitated for a second. 

This was the same person that had genuinely tried to kill him before, had held their sword up and was ready to cut them down if necessary. Then again - Sylvain was in a different position than he was then and allies were now enemies so the same could be said for them. He carefully walked over to them and wagged his tail when he saw the professor smile at him and pet him. 

“He’s cute,” the professor said in a monotone voice. 

“Thanks,” Claude said as the professor stood up, nodded at him and walked over to the front of the class. Everyone instantly took their seats and Sylvain decided that he might as well learn from the professor, it wouldn't hurt to go to school right? Of course he decided not to sit next to Claude because why would he when sweet Marianne would probably pet him the entire time? 

Claude looked genuinely betrayed by that. 

The professor actually was really enjoyable to listen to, Sylvain quickly found himself caught up in what they were teaching and he desperately wanted to ask questions about certain topics they would bring up. Luckily for him, someone usually asked most of his questions (though some nobody asked and Sylvain was tempted to write down those questions later when he was human so that Claude could ask the professor later on). He was so caught up in the lesson that when it was actually time for everyone to go to lunch he was genuinely upset about that. Even ran over to the professor and whined because what do you mean that’s it for today? 

_Tell me more about the Ragnarok spell! How does it work?! How can I perform it?! Is it the same as Miasma or is it more like Nosferatu?_

All that came out was very excited barking and him jumping up and down in front of the professor who was genuinely confused as to why Sylvain was so excited. Claude simply laughed as he walked over to the two of them. 

“Don’t mind him Teach, I guess he just really enjoyed your lecture,” Claude said. 

“He’s so cute,” Hilda said before walking over to Sylvain and hugging him. 

The professor simply looked down at Sylvain and Sylvain felt like they were dissecting him with those eyes. Part of him hated that, didn’t trust this person that much, but another part of him did genuinely want to learn more from this person. After a couple of seconds the professor simply nodded before turning back to his desk and picking up a book and handing it over to Claude. 

“He would like this” the professor said before walking away, leaving both Hilda and Claude to look confused. 

“Aaw is Claude going to read you a bedtime story from now on” Hilda said in a baby voice as she messed with Sylvains ears. 

“This is a book on reason and attack spells” Claude mumbled and instantly Sylvain got tense. No, the professor couldn’t have figured Sylvain out so quickly, there’s no way. 

“Haha then maybe this is the professor trying to tell you something” Hilda said before standing up. “Anyways I’m hungry so let's go.” 

“Oh I’ll meet you there, I have to put Syl back in my room” Claude said as he shoved the book into his book bag. 

“What? No why? He’s coming with me” Hilda said before reaching down and scooping him up as easily as Dimitri had before. 

_Wait what?! I weigh like 100 pounds, how are you able to just lift me like nothing!? I’m not some puppy!_

“Wait Hilda” Claude said as he ran after the two of them but Hilda was a woman on a mission and was not stopping. 

“I told Mari I would make sure you were taking care of this dog and so I am doing exactly that Claude! You can’t just lock him up in a room all day” Hilda said as he readjusted Sylvain so his front paws where on her shoulder and he was looking behind her at Claud, her arms hugging his butt (which Sylvain didn't mind but he was still reeling over the fact that this girl was probably as strong as Dimitri). 

“He’s not locked up all day! I’m just making sure he doesn’t bite anyone. I told you he wasn’t that good with people” Claude said as he finally was walking side by side with them and Sylvain could only look at him questionably. 

_Khalid please explain to me how she’s able to pick me up and yet you can’t. Please I need to know why she’s so strong, like I’m into this so i don’t mind, but also how?_

“He’s the friendliest, what are you talking about? Maybe he just growled at Mercedes and tried to bite Dedue because he was scared, because he’s been nothing but a good boy with us” Hilda said as she entered the dining hall and at this point Sylvain was too focused on Hilda’s strength to really realize that he was now in a room where he could not only run into Felix, but Hubert and Edelgard. This was why Claude was anxious. 

“Yeah and a big dining hall isn’t going to scare him” Claude hissed as he looked around. He couldn’t see Hubert or Edelgard but he could see the blue lions and most specifically Felix. He wasn’t looking at them but it was only a matter of time. 

“Oh stop making excuses,” Hilda said as they finally reached the golden deer table and the rest of the class was already eating. “Plus, he’s now part of the golden deer and you said it yourself Claude. We all stick together.” 

With that Hilda plopped Sylvain down on one of the seats next to her and Marianne, who looked really happy that he was there with them. Claude only sighed because at this point Raphael was sliding a chicken leg towards Sylvain and Lorenz was complaining about a dog on the table but not really actually bothered by it (just saying it because you know - manners). 

“Fine, the flea bag can stay” Claude sighed before sitting down, Sylvain side eyed him. “But then that means that you go get me my food.” 

“No you go I’ll stay with him, he likes me better anyways” Hilda said matter of factly, before turning to Sylvain. “Right Syl? You like me better than him?” 

_I mean you’re a hundred times prettier and you can apparently carry me princess style so you’re definitely winning._

“See, he barked in agreement” Hilda said, once again Claude looked absolutely betrayed by him. 

Claude only sighed before standing up to grab the food, at this point an argument would only attract attention and that was the last thing Claude needed. Luckily for him nothing happened while he was away, by the time he came back Sylvain was munching away on the chicken leg while everyone else was just talking about mindless things. Claude couldn’t help but smile at how easily they were all able to accept Sylvain (of course he knew it was because he was a dog but still it was nice to see Sylvain actually with people). And Claude knew that one day they would all be sitting together and eating and that Sylvain wouldn't be a dog, but a human and he couldn’t help but hope that he would get this kind of acceptance when that day came. 

Eventually lunch finished and the deer had to go back to class. The entire time Sylvain had integrated himsel within the group and found that it was actually really nice to be able to just hang out with people. How long had it been since he had done that? Meet new people and get to just hang out as they did random stupid things from fishing to pulling pranks. Sylvain couldn’t even remember the last time he had pulled a prank on someone! It was nice. It was really nice and Sylvain genuinely enjoyed this. But like always, something had to ruin the mood. For Sylvain it was catching sight of Hubert. 

It was while the deer had decided to all go to the marketplace for a random shopping trip. There were enough people and other animals that Sylvain doubted that he had been spotted (didn’t stop him from tensing when he did catch sight of Hubert). But it wasn’t until he saw that Hubert was alone that something ate at Sylvain. It wasn’t that he felt necessarily bad that Hubert wasn’t in a group shopping trip like the rest of the deer, he knew Hubert well enough to know that he was an introvert and would absolutely hate the idea of hanging out with a lot of people. 

No, Sylvain knew why it was bothering him. It was because had it been any other day Sylvain would have happily ran over to him to mess with him. And Hubert would’ve acted annoyed but secretly he would’ve smiled at him when he wasn’t looking. Any other day Sylvain would be able to go to him and complain about life or stand back and hear him complain about a million other things. It had become routine for them and yet now all Sylvain could do was watch as Hubert nonchalantly walked over to a merchant and bought something from them. Coffee. Of course it was coffee, he was borderline addicted to it to the point that he never drank it with anything. No sugar, no cream, just plain black and piping hot. That was how he drank his coffee and Sylvain knew that because he had prepared that for him countless times. 

The only time he had ever seen Hubert drink his coffee in any other way was during his last birthday. Edelgard and Sylvain had decided to try out a new coffee recipe that they had learned from someone and spent the entire day trying to perfect it to surprise Hubert with it for his birthday. It was stupid in hindsight because even just looking at the ingredients one would know it would be way too sweet and was practically milk with coffee (something Hubert hated). And yet he had drank it nonetheless and even smiled at the two. Had drank it all and didn’t insult it and just asked them why they had wasted their day making something like this for him. Why they had wasted their time for someone like him. 

Edelgard simply sighed when he had said that but Sylvain had genuinely gotten upset about that and had made it his mission to make it so that Hubert never saw himself as someone that wasn’t cared for. Someone that wasn’t worth the effort. That was why it was bothering Sylvain as he watched Hubert walk away, unaware of him staring. Because Sylvain knew that Hubert had genuinely become someone he had cared for, someone that had been worth Sylvains effort. How many nights had the two spent together planning or reporting to one another? How many coffee nights turned into genuine conversations about their lives? Hell, Hubert had been the only one that Sylvain had genuinely confessed how much Felix meant to him. Hubert was the only one that Sylvain had trusted enough to share childhood stories to, and explained to him about Miklan and his father's abuse towards him. Likewise, Sylvain was the only one Hubert could come to for his problems. 

Sylvain will never forget the day that he had finally convinced Hubert to drink with him and how it resulted in Hubert venting out all his frustrations. How he was scared he would never be enough for Edelgard. How his father had done unspeakable things to train him to become the perfect lap dog. All the things he had to do to become such a well trained assassin. And the next morning, when Sylvian expected Hubert to freak out about confessing all those things, he instead just asked Sylvain to keep it a secret. But both him and Hubert knew that Sylvain would never tell anyone about that night, even now that they were no longer friends. 

“Syl” Claude called out, snapping Sylvain out of his thoughts. Everyone else was already walking away. 

Sylvain quickly ran over to him and tried his best to act like there was nothing wrong with him but Claude could immediately tell that there was something wrong, after all, he had also caught sight of Hubert. And Claude knew that Sylvain would need a moment right now, and knew that there had been more between Sylvain and Hubert that wasn’t just ‘we worked together’. That had been evident in how quickly Sylvain had come to Huberts defense when Claude had made the joke that Hubert was incapable of ever having someone as a friend. And Claude knew just how much friends meant to Sylvain, how deeply loyal he was for people he cared about. So when he told the rest of the deer that he was going to take Sylvain to his room because he seemed tired and that he didn't want to overwhelm him, it was to give him a second. He thought about saying something to Sylvain before he left him in his room but decided that it would be best to leave him alone for now. Sylvain would come talk to him when he was ready for it. 

Sylvain didn’t end up talking to him. Didn’t end up just getting past all of this. Kept letting his mind think about his time with Edelgard and Hubert and how stupid he was to have actually done so much for them. He would go from being angry at them for just letting him walk away, for not even trying to stop him and to him. For betraying his trust and siding with the enemy. To sad because he missed them more than he would ever admit, missed the way they joked around each other, missed their talks, and their late night chess matches. Then he would be hurt, hurt that despite all that, he had never mattered to them. He had just been a tool to them in the end, and the fact that they had never thought to talk to him about this alliance or anything that they had been planning was proof enough for him to see that he had been the only one that had cared for them.

But it was never a good thing to go down that road because that always led to the voices and the hallucinations. Led to nights where Claude would wake up to Sylvain whining and crying because his dreams were always the same. Him killing those he cared about or him being killed by them. By this point Claude tried to get him to talk to try and help because he had never actually seen Sylvain get bad, Hubert and Edelgard had been the ones to help him out after all. But Claude's attention quickly had to be put instead on the professor once their father was killed and the Golden Deers were in disarray from the lack of a professor. That was fine, after all Sylvain had been dealing with all of this for so long that it was fine. 

The only comfort he found was in the books that Claude would check out for him to read whenever Sylvain would turn back into a human. Or the lectures that the professor would give once they had gotten out of their depressive episode. Still, Sylvain was merely surviving and not living. This was obvious to both him and Claude but Sylvain couldn’t care less. He still went with him to classes and still found himself happy and enjoying his time with the rest of the golden deer but that didn't mean those thoughts didn't come back every night. 

“You know it seems like Syl really likes you professor” Claude said as he walked over to try and pry Sylvain off the professor who had just finished a whole lecture on paladins and Sylvain had way too many questions about that. “Guess I better watch out before he decides he wants you instead of me.” 

“He seems to like everyone,” the professor answered with a small smile before looking up. “Oh Ingrid hello.” 

Both Claude and Sylvain immediately tensed up as Ingrid walked into the classroom but she didn't pay Sylvain any attention. She seemed way too upset and caught up in her thoughts to really even care and Sylvain could feel himself growing concerned. 

“Hello professor, I uh, I was wondering if I could talk to you both,” Ingrid said, her voice wavered for a second. 

“Of course Ingrid, what can we help you with?” Claude asked, masking his anxiety of her being near Sylvain. 

“Would you prefer we talk somewhere private?” the professor asked and immediately Ingrid nodded. 

The walk to the professor's room was quiet and Sylvain had to hold himself back from running to be besides Ingrid and asking her what was wrong. She was happy last time he had seen her so what happened? Heaven be damn if she was sad, Sylvain would move mountains to prevent that from happening. 

“Here, if you want, I can prepare some tea for us to drink,” the professor said as everyone entered his room. Ingrid sat on their bed and Claude on the chair, Sylvain decided to lay by Claude's feet. 

“No that is okay I just wanted to ask for help with something, I would ask Professor Hanneman or Professor Manuela but I don't think they can help with this” Ingrid whispered as she fidgeted with her hands. 

“With what” the professor asked. Ingrid looked down, hesitating as to whether or not she should say anything but Ingrid, unlike the rest of them, had never been scared to ask for help. To depend on others when she wasn’t strong enough to deal with something and Sylvain had always loved that about her. 

“You can tell us anything Ing” Claude added and Ingrid let out a small pained laugh before looking up at them. 

“It’s been years since I’ve had someone call me that” Ingrid mumbled. 

The professor raised an eyebrow. 

“That was what Sylvain used to call me, even after I had grown up and everyone around me started to lose their childhood nicknames, he still continued to call me that. He had nicknames for all of us actually, never stopped calling us by them” Ingrid explained. 

“Even Felix? Hard to believe that” Claude responded. 

“Haha yes i can understand that… Felix was a lot different back then though, he was not as… harsh. Obviously it was because of how close he and Sylvain were, even as young as i was, I could see how much they meant to each other.” 

“You were all close though weren’t you?” The professor asked. 

Ingrid laughed, “yes, we even used to bathe together all four of us as embarrassing as it sounds now. We were always together for everything… but Felix and Sylvain were different. Not that Dimitri and I weren’t close to them at the time, if anything Felix and Dimitri once used to call each other best friends. It was just that... Felix was someone special to Sylvain.”

“That’s why Felix changed so much?” Claude asked hesitantly. 

“That and none of us believed him when he said he was still alive… His father and Glenn had been patient with him, trying to help him ease into the acceptance of Sylvains death but over time they grew tired and started being more harsh with Felix. Telling him to stop chasing after someone that was dead, forcing him to stay in Fraldarius instead of going out to look for Sylvain. Even I began saying the same things to Felix and it wasn’t long until Dimitri even tried to beg him to stop looking. I thought at the time it was the best choice… I see now that it wasn’t.” 

“You thought he was dead. Everyone did” the professor said softly. 

“Not everyone. Not Felix. He never believed that and I should’ve never believed that either… Felix started distancing himself after that, refusing to let anyone talk to him, then the rebellion happened and after that…. Our relationship with him became nonexistent. Still, I think of him as one of my closest friends, I love him as much as I love Dimitri...” 

“..But?” 

“But I’m still not enough to help him,” Ingrid replied, her voice breaking. “Then again, I have never been the one to help him… neither Dimitri or I were ever the ones that helped him. Sylvain always was the one helping us, kept us together and safe. I remember once when we were younger Felix and Dimitri had been playing by the river and suddenly they started arguing, I can't even remember what it was about but they were so upset and I tried to calm them down. To get them to stop fighting but that only resulted in them turning around and yelling at me, by the time Sylvain came back from talking to his father the three of us were practically biting each other’s heads off. It took him less than a minute to calm us all down and figure out what had happened. Took even less time to make it so we were all happy and playing with each other again… I took that for granted. I took Sylvain for granted because now, without him, I feel as if I’ve lost my two best friends and every time I say something it only results in the same way that it did that day, but this time there’s no Sylvain to come down and make it stop. He’s-“ 

And Sylvain's heart instantly broke with Ingrid's first hiccup and tear that fell down her face. She was desperately trying to hold back tears but it didn't take long until she started truly crying. The professor immediately went to her side to hold her hand. 

“I don't know what to do anymore and no matter how hard I try, I can't help them,” Ingrid said between sobs. “They cant even be in the same room together anymore and no matter how hard i try to get them to talk to me they wont. I don't know what to do anymore. It hurts to see them in this much pain, to see them like this.” 

“I know,” the professor reassured as Ingrid continued crying. 

“I can’t do this anymore, I can't,” she continued. 

“Is that why you were thinking about transferring to my class?” Claude whispered.

“Yes” she gasped out. “I can't see them like this anymore, I love them both too much to continue to see them like this but i don't know if doing that is even the right choice. I don't know what i should do to help them and the only person that does know what to do is nowhere to be found. And I feel so selfish to wish for Sylvain to come here to help us when he’s the one that needs the most help but even then i can't help him either. I can't help anyone.” 

Ingrid continued to cry for several minutes and Sylvain felt like he was stuck in place, unable to stand up and comfort her. For a second he was actually considering just undoing the spell (something he had forced himself to learn before he had turned back into a dog). Turning back and hugging her, telling her everything was okay and that she didn't have to worry anymore. To leave everything to him and to stop crying. But he knew he couldn’t, knew that that would cause more problems than solve them and that if he did that it would just lead to more pain for everyone. 

“I just wish i could talk to him, even if it was just one last time so that he can tell me what to do. To tell me how to help them because I’m scared that after we graduate they’ll never talk to one another again. Once we graduate I know that Felix will leave, leave to go find Sylvain and we won't ever find him again and I don't know what to do to stop that” Ingrid finally spoke up, though she wasn’t crying anymore her voice was still uneven. 

“I can try to talk to them both,” the professor replied. “I will help you with this, I promise.” 

“Please” Ingrid pleaded and she sounded so defeated. So tired. 

“You might not be my student but that will never stop me from doing everything I can to help you” the professor reassured as they smiled down at Ingrid. “I will deal with this, you just stay here and give yourself some time to collect yourself.” 

“We’re here for you,” Claude reassured.

“Thank you” Ingrid whispered before the professors looked over to Claude, nodded and then walked out of the room. 

“I am serious though Ingrid, you might not be in my house but we all have to have each other’s back no matter” Claude said and then there was a silence that Sylvain found he did not like at all. 

“You want to say something, don’t you?” Ingrid whispered. 

“Nothing just… if you had the chance to ask Sylvain something what would it be? You don't have to answer that question but, well, I’m a complete stranger and even I feel like I have a thousand questions that I want to ask him so I can only imagine what you would want to ask him” Claude replied. 

“...i do have a lot of things i would ask him if i were to ever see him again… I guess my first question would be why he never asked for help, though I already know the answer. Sylvain never let anyone help him, he was always the helper not the helped. But even then, I can't help but wonder why he didn't at least say goodbye… why even now he wont come talk to us despite Glenn having told him that we only want to help” Ingrid whispered and Sylvain wanted to scream. 

“Do you think maybe something is stopping him?” Claude asked. 

Ingrid let out a sigh, “that’s what Glenn thinks. He’s told me several times that there has to be more to the story of what happened that night Sylvain was disowned but the only people that know about that night are Sylvain and his dad…” 

“I know I’ve told you all before about this but… would it be possible that his dad threatened him?” Claude asked, his voice soft and careful. 

“Threaten?... no i mean if he wanted Sylvain dead he would have killed him and… Sylvain he wasn’t strong enough back then to be able to fight off his father or his brother plus he… he never cared much for himself...now that I’m older i know now that Sylvain might have never cared for dying… that’s why i believed it when they told me he had died because Sylvain never cared for living...” Ingrid admitted. Sylvain didn't know how to feel about what she was saying; felt empty that even she could see that part of him that he had tried to hide so much. 

“What about what I said? About someone else being the ones in danger” Claude asked and Sylvain desperately wanted Claude to shut up. 

He had never told Claude his reason for staying hidden. Why he refused to meet with his friends even after being told that they would help. Sylvain didn't know why he never told Claude, especially since it didn't really matter if he knew or not but now Sylvain hated that Claude has somehow managed to figure out the reason. Hated that despite everything, he was trying to make it so that he could be reunited with his friends again. 

“I don’t know” Ingrid whispered and Sylvain didn't miss how her voice shook for a second. 

But that wasn’t enough for Claude anymore, not when it was so clearly obvious that Margrave Gautier had threatened to kill someone (most likely Felix) if Sylvain got help. Not when it was so clear that Sylvain was the key to fixing the problems that were happening in the blue lion house and in a way, in Faerghus. Sylvains return to the kingdom was essential for this war to be won and for Claude to be able to see his dream come true. And even then, it was so clear to him that Sylvain would only last so long before letting himself wither away and Claude knew the only ones that could stop that from happening were the very people Sylvain kept distancing himself from. So even though he knew he would be stepping way past the boundaries Sylvain had put up. Even though he knew that this was exactly what Sylvain didn't want to happen, they were running out of time and beating around the bush was obviously not helping anymore. 

“What if his father threatened to kill someone he cared about?” Claude asked, his voice calm and yet Sylvain felt like it was thunderously loud. “What if he threatened to have one of you killed if he asked for help? Someone that meant the world to Sylvain.” 

“Someone he…I- I have to go” Ingrid quickly said, there was a realization in her voice and she was standing up now. “Thank you for everything Claude.” 

And with that she immediately walked out of the room, the door practically being slammed behind her. Sylvain let out a sigh and closed his eyes. Even as he could hear the room door closing and could hear Claude shuffle his way out of the chair to lock the door and sit besides him. Waiting until Sylvain undid the spell, eyes still closed, trying to control his emotions. 

“Why” was all Sylvain could ask. 

“Because you can't see just how much everyone needs you” Claude asked and finally Sylvain opened his eyes to look at him. “Who is he threatening Sylvain?” 

And Sylvain looked away, hated that this was happening. Hated that Claude had figured this much out. Hated that he couldn’t hate Claude. But above all he hated that even if he knew, even if Ingrid and everyone knew. It wouldn’t change a damn thing. 

“Felix” Sylvain whispered. “But there’s no proof. There’s nothing you can do about that. But you already knew that didn’t you? You’ve known for a really long time.” 

“You’re right, there’s nothing I can do… that’s why I put that thought in Ingrid's mind,” Claude answered, placing his hand on Sylvain’s shoulder. 

“Even if she tells everyone; I’m a criminal now. It wont do anything but hurt them” Sylvain whispered. “It’ll just give them hope for something that won't happen for a very long time… If it even happens.” 

“It can happen though. It can happen if this world would change” Claude answered. “If this world was more inviting and more forgiving. If everyone saw each other as equals instead of enemies.” 

“That world will never come,” Sylvain whispered. “No matter how hard everyone wants it… it can never happen.”

And for the first time in the past two years, he realizes how foolish it is to dream for a better world. How stupid it is to think that a simple war will be enough to change everything. All bloodshed will ever do for the people of Fodland is to cause more pain and heartbreak - war cannot possibly hope to ever fix anything. It will look as if they are changing the world for the better but it won't be because the people of Fodland would have changed, no, it will be because those who oppose the ideals will either be dead or too afraid to oppose Edelgard or Claude or whoever ends up winning this god forsaken war. Killing will never heal this land of all the pain it has within it. 

“Maybe not.. but maybe some people have big enough ambitions to die trying” Claude said and Sylvain slowly turned to look at him and found his eyes having the same fire and passion that Edelgards had when she had first recruited him. 

“And you’re going to tell me that you’re that person? That you’ll do something to change this country” Sylvain asked. “You're just another kid with a crest that will inherit land when he’s old enough… plenty of people just like you say the same things and are willing to do anything for a future that can't possibly come.” 

“Yes, but not many people have the background that i do,” Claude answered. “You might not be able to see the light right now Sylvain, but I promise you that one day you will. So keep fighting you can't just give up...because it’s better to die trying than never having tried at all.” 

Sylvain answered by turning back into a dog. He was done talking for today. Claude gave him a small smile before opening the professor's door and watched Sylvain walk away from him. 

Sylvain let himself wander the monastery, it wasn’t uncommon for dogs to prowl around the grounds anyways so no one was even looking at him. He knew that he was putting himself in danger by straying away from Claude but he needed a second to breath. Everything had been too much this past two months and Sylvain felt as if the weight of it all was crushing him. The weight of every action that he had taken and everything done to him was finally getting to him. 

Yes, he knew he would still continue fighting. He owed Claude that much after all he was doing to try and help him, but he also knew that whatever fire and passion that had once been inside of him when he was younger had long died out, had tried to ignite with Edelgard and Hubert but was now smothered to ashes. Everything he did always caused more pain and everyone he cared for was always ripped away from him, Sylvain wondered how long Claude would stay by his side until something eventually forced him to leave. 

Sylvain hadn’t noticed that he had walked into the cathedral until he heard singing. He had never been religious when he had been younger, the concept of religion and belief had seemed unnecessary to him at the time. And as he got older he had grown to resent the goddess for giving him the life he had now, for forcing him to live the way he did. But now as he walked into the cathedral and looked up at the mosaics, he couldn’t stop himself from praying to the goddess for help because he couldn’t do this anymore. Couldn’t continue living like this. 

“You're pathetic, praying to a goddess that has abandoned you” Sylvain could hear Miklan say and yet he continued to pray because that’s all he had now. That’s all he could do. He prayed despite everything that Miklan was saying, prayed despite the cries from his younger self. He prayed because if he stopped for even one second he would let the voices convince him to do what they wanted. So he prayed, because if he didnt he knew he would be dead once the sun came down. 

Eventually the sun did go down but Sylvain continued to pray, praying until he fell asleep; it wasn’t until the sun was shining down on the cathedral that Sylvain woke up. He knew he had to go back to Claude, he must have been worried all night for him. Even then, it didn't stop the heaviness in his heart as he made his way out of the cathedral and back to the academy. He took his time though, wasn’t in any rush, not like he had much to do anyways. Which is why when he walked up to the training grounds he took a couple of seconds before deciding to walk in, knowing that _he_ would be there but at this point Sylvain just wanted everything to stop. 

Sure enough, Felix was there training, everyone else in the training grounds was packing up their things, ready to start their day but Felix merely continued on with his drills. Sylvain silently walked in and laid down in the corner under some shadows, watching Felix’s movements. There was a kind of fondness and happiness that crawled into his heart as he watched how much Felix had improved his technique from when they were young, but that happiness was quickly snuffed out at the realization that Felix had been forced to get good not because he wanted to but because he had to. That no one becomes a skilled killer out of willingness. 

_I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you all these years. That you’ve been forced to lock yourself up because no one else could help you the same way I could. I knew that I was the only that ever cared, that ever looked for you, and yet I still left you behind. Even if it was to protect you, I will never be able to forgive myself for abandoning you._

Felix continued practicing, unaware of everything that Sylvain was thinking. Unaware that the man he had been looking for for years was in the same room as him. And Sylvain could only watch, too much of a coward to actually present himself to Felix, and too guilty to keep walking away from him. Eventually everyone cleared out and all you could hear was Felix’s breathing and movements. Sylvain could only watch the entire time. Then the door was opening and Ingrid was walking inside, unaware that Sylvain was in the corner, only focusing on Felix. 

“Felix,” she called out to him, but he continued training. Behind her Mercedes and Annette followed her in, the freckled boy followed soon after. 

“What do you want,” Felix growled, not bothering to turn around to face them. 

“Glenn is coming here” Ingrid said, that made Felix stop swinging and turn to look at her. 

“Why” he asked, his eyes glaring. “My father hasn’t told me about anything Glenn has to do here.” 

“There is nothing for him to do here, but Glenn wanted to see us, wanted to talk to all of us” Ingrid answered. 

“Then have fun with your boyfriend, I’m not wasting my time humoring him,” Felix scoffed before returning back to training. 

“It’s about Sylvain,” Ingrid said and Felix immediately froze. His body tense and head down. 

Ingrid turned back to look at the others and they gave her small encouraging smiles. There for moral support, but also in case Felix decided to run away, they would be there to stop him. Like Ingrid, they were also worried for him and knew that this was the reason for that. But they couldn’t do a lot to help except for this. 

“I’ve been talking to Glenn about it,” Ingrid said. “And sent him a crow the other day and I told him that I think I know the reason why Sylvain never came back to us. Why he still wont come back.” 

Felix only lowered his sword but refused to turn around to look at her. 

“Glenn agrees with what i said and he looked into it… he found a maid that had been working for Gautier at the time and she confirmed what we both were thinking,” Ingrid said, at this point Dimitri had now walked into the training grounds with Dedue besides him. Dimitri was clearly upset and bothered. 

“What did she say,” Felix asked. 

“Sylvain’s father said if he ever got near you again he would hire someone to kill you” Ingrid whispered before Felix screamed. The scream filled with years of anger and pain. 

Throwing his sword across the room and pacing back and forth. He screamed again and again, grabbing training dummies and knocking them down or throwing them to the side. He screamed again before turning back to look at Ingrid. Hoping that she could do something to change that but when she only looked down he knew that nothing would ever change this reality, he immediately closed his eyes and turned away from her. Shaking and breathing hard before bringing his hands up to his face to cover himself. To block everyone from seeing him like this. 

“It’s all my fault” Felix whispered. 

Sylvain had never stood up quicker. There were many things that Sylvain would let slip by, that he would willingly stand back and watch. But one thing he could never do was let Felix blame himself over something like this. To think for even a second that it was his fault when it was so clear that he was the victim in this situation. That he had no control over who his father had decided to threaten. 

Sylvain walked out of the shadow and sat down, close enough for them all to see him, but far enough that they wouldn't be able to grab him. Sylvain considered revealing himself, though for the past month he would say that that was nothing special. Everyday it felt like he just wanted to come clean and let everyone see who he truly was. Still, just like all the other times, Sylvain remained a dog because Felix would still get killed otherwise. Because Sylvain was a wanted criminal and would be executed by the church if they ever found out about him. Because Sylvain could never return back to them, not in this world that they lived in. 

Felix looked over to him, pained and hurt by everything but that soon turned into anger as he glared at him. The tears in his eyes finally falling down his face, the pain merging with hatred and Sylvain was okay with being at the receiving end of this. He would always be okay being the one getting hurt if it meant that it would help Felix. 

“You fucken idiot” Felix yelled out to him, but Sylvain didn't flinch. “You stupid son of bitch! Why? Why?! I don’t need you to protect me, I don't need anyone to protect me! No one would have ever been able to kill me! Why would you believe that that fucken bastard could ever kill me?!” 

“Felix” Annette tried to reach forward to grab Felix but Felix immediately shook her off. 

“All these years you’ve let yourself get hurt for what?! All because some abusive piece of shit said that he would have me killed?! All because of me?!” Felix yelled out, his voice breaking with each word. “Do you have such little faith in me that you think I would let myself get killed?! So little faith in everyone that you think you no one else would help?!” 

Sylvain simply watched, and Felix fell to the ground. 

“Why do you always let yourself get hurt for the sake of others,” Felix whispered. 

_I’m sorry, but that’s the only part of me that I will never change even for you._

“Felix” Annette whispered before kneeling down next to him, gently putting her hand on his shoulder. Looking up at the others for help. 

_I’m sorry._

Felix looked up at him one more time, basically begging him to do something, say something. To show himself to him. Instead Sylvain stood up and walked over to the side of the room to grab the sword Felix had thrown, picking it up by the hilt before walking over to the weapons rack and placing it there as best as he could. He then walked over to the training dummy he had knocked over and pushed on it until it was standing up once more. Then to the one he threw across the room, biting down on it and dragging it back to its place before pushing it back up. Slowly fixing all the things that Felix had messed with in his fit of rage. Fixing them all until he was left with a room that looked exactly the way it did before Ingrid had come in and talked to him. 

_This is all I can do for you now. All that I will be able to do until the world changes and then I promise you that I will do so much more for you. That you will never feel like this again._

Sylvain slowly walked to Felix, taking one last second to look at him in the eyes. 

_I promise this will be the last time I will ever walk away from you._

And Sylvain walked past him, past Ingrid, and past Dimitri. Walked out of the training hall and did not stop walking, did not turn too look back. And he walked up the dorm stairs and to the second floor until he was standing in front of Claude’s door where he scratched just once before he heard footsteps and the door swinging open for him to enter. It was only once he was in the room and Sylvain had turned back into a human that he realized he had been crying. 

“Fix this world Khalid. I don't care what you need me to do, just fix this because i can't keep living like this” Sylvain begged. 

“I will. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also ALSO, you cannot tell me that Felix would not be as crazy about finding Sylvain as Rodrigue was about finding Dimitri. Shit runs in the family


	13. Porcelana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvain and Glenn start preparing for the upcoming war

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uuuuuuh this is a lot more wordy than actiony but it’s cuz yah know. Stuff. You’ll get it once you’ve read it, trust me

“So when do you think Edelgard will be making the first move,” Claude asked as he started pulling out maps and other books. 

From here on out, both Claude and him had made a promise to one another to start seriously planning on what to do about this war. They both had agreed that they had spent enough time trying to cope with everything (though it was more like Sylvain had needed some time to cope with everything) and were now moving to the actual attack planning phase. 

“She mentioned that she wanted to do it after she graduated from the academy” Sylvain explained as he pulled up a chess board, a small habit that he had was that he could always speak more clearly about his plans by using props, he had no clue why his brain worked like that but no one had questioned him so far. “However, I had actually told her not to do that, so if she listened to my plan she won't wait until after graduating. Instead, she’ll be attacking Garreg Mach while school is still in progress so that during the attack she can eliminate both you and Dimitri and that leaves your two countries without future leaders.” 

“Smart plan but also risky since that would mean that she would be fighting not only church but us as well” Claude added as he sat down. 

“Except you’re forgetting that she had intended on doing that from the beginning anyways” Sylvain answered as he started grabbing chess pieces and placing them on a map of Fodland Claude had pulled out. “Huberts plan had been to take Garreg Mach and then to take on the Kingdom, at the time I had told him that there was enough civil unrest in the Alliance that it would cause the alliance not to be a problem in the beginning of the war. Not to talk shit about your people, but you all would immediately fight with yourselves first before fighting the empire.” 

“No you’re right, but it gives me some time to be able to pull all my forces together though, so in a way it works out for me too” Claude mumbled. “However that means that the kingdom would be left as a sacrificial bait for the empire.” 

“Yes and no, the kingdom as sad as this is, is already under Edelgards control now that she has sided with those who slither in the dark” Sylvain explained. “Those who slither have key players all throughout Faerghus the most notable is Cornelia. So as sad as this will sound, we’ve already lost the kingdom before the war’s even started.” 

“So no matter what, Edelgard will take the kingdom” Claude asked. 

“Yes, however it won't be so quickly and we can try to stop it from happening, '' Sylvain said before grabbing chess pieces and moving them around. “Now, Edelgard is smart. We know this, but the one who usually does all the planning has always been Hubert and I. And well, I spent enough time with him to know how his mind works, so stay with me for a second.” 

Sylvain placed two pieces right on Fhirdiad, “So once the war breaks out and Edelgard takes Garreg Mach, which she will just by the sheer numbers she has and the surprise element - everyone will go back to their lands which means that Dimitri will head back to Fhirdiad and Dedue, as his retainer, will follow. Felix will go back to Fraldarius and Ingrid to Galatea.” 

“And the rest will most likely head back home or go where they think they’ll be needed,” Claude added. 

“Yes, and so in retrospect, all the empire has to do is defeat Dedue to get to Dimitri, that’s of course not counting other soldiers but that’s the gist. However, Hubert will not be counting on one thing and that’s Fraldarius' loyalty towards the royal family. Yes Felix will head back to Fraldarius, however” Sylvain said as he picked up a chess piece and placed it in Fhirdiad. “Glenn Fraldarius will not stay idle. Even if Rodrigue doesn’t send him out, Glenn will head there himself. And Glenn is not someone that should be taken lightly.” 

“True, I’ve never seen a Thoron spell be so powerful until I met him” Claude mumbled. 

“Exactly” Sylvain said. “So Glenn and Dedue will be there however, Cornelia is still a problem and the empire will immediately head to Fhirdiad after they take Garreg Mach . The attack will happen almost instantly and so the kingdom won't have the manpower to fight off Edelgard. Fhirdiad will fall, that I can assure you.” 

“Then they’ll execute Dimitri and just like that, the kingdom is theirs and any kind of rebellion that could have been started will die with Dimitri” Claude finishes. 

“Yes. That is the plan that Hubert will be banking on. However,” Sylvain replied before picking up another chess piece. “If after the war breaks out, I head over to Fhirdiad and manage to get to Dimitri on time, i can take him somewhere safe… maybe even bring him to the alliance, and just like that the Kingdom and the Alliance join together. Hubert is banking on the war causing everyone to be too surprised to consider allying with each other. Hoping that if they act quick enough that they’ll be able to get to Dimitri before the Kingdom could even consider forming an alliance with someone.” 

“Yes, and they’ll be banking on the alliance to be too busy trying to deal with the inner turmoil to even notice that they’re attacking Fhirdiad until it's too late to send any support” Claude said before also grabbing some chess pieces. “Edelgard will take Garreg Mach, just as you said that is a given, however I doubt that Edelgard will be able to kill all the key players. And the church has strong connections with the Kingdom which means that if they were planning on finding safe refuge, the Kingdom would be the first place they would head to.” 

“Yes, now side note, Edelgard was planning on taking Rhea as a prisoner” Sylvain added. “Hubert wanted to kill her but Edelgard thinks it would be better to keep her alive to gain more information from her.” 

“That actually works to our advantage,” Claude said with a smile before placing one chess piece on Enbarr. “So Rhea will be in Enbarr, and Garreg Mach will be lost so all the church officials will have nowhere to run. And all the notable players that are tied to the church will also be wanting to save Rhea, like Seteth, Shamir, and Catherine. They’ll most likely try to go to the kingdom but that will fall soon. However, if they find out that the Alliance and the Kingdom have joined together and are planning on fighting against the empire then of course they all will want to join us too.” 

Claude quickly grabbed three pieces and placed them in Myrddin, “If that is the case then Seteth, Catherine and Shamir will most likely stay in Myrddin until they have enough manpower to take back Garreg Mach, and as a strategic spot on the map, of course i will happily give support to retake it.” 

“The empire will be fighting the three of us as a combined unit instead of separate entities like they had planned” Sylvain added. “Of course, the empire still has the element of surprise and they will have kingdom territory as well. If we’re smart about this, we take back Garreg Mach and close up the borders there so no one can access the Alliance. Then we take a moment to regroup before taking back Fhirdiad. The empire has been preparing this for years, we have a couple of months so obviously we won't be ready to fight back at all. We can, however, lose strategically.” 

“Yes we dont have all the time to prepare but we can also play dirty,” Claude said with a smirk as he grabbed 6 chess pieces. “Edelgard will try to take Dimitri and I out whenever she takes Garreg Mach because she knows that in the future we’ll be a problem for her. Which is true, we have to look into the future for this and so wouldn't it be just grand if we took the people from her future war council and made them ours?” 

“The Black Eagles class” Sylvain mumbled. “I know about them through letters only.”

“It won't be so hard to recruit them in all honesty. Lindhardt already has asked about joining my class just because of the professor so all i have to do is make him be more intrigued by the professor and he’ll join almost immediately. Caspar will follow instantly - he goes wherever Lindhard goes and just like that we have the heirs to two ministers of the empire. Then we tackle Petra, she’s from Brigid so her switching houses will be more difficult, however, in order to have the borders open like we want, having the Brigid princess on board would be essential. She’ll join if we explain how this will be better for her country” Claude said as he placed three pieces on Reigan. 

“Since we’re playing dirty, we have to take Ferdinand away, that will hurt Hubert more than he’ll ever admit” Sylvain added. It was fucked up for him to use Huberts love interest against him, but war was war. And also Sylvain was petty and was finally in the fuck Hubert and Edelgard stage of his “ friend grieving” 

“Ferdinand won't be so easy to recruit, he loves the empire too much and is way too loyal to just betray his upbringing” Claude answered. 

“Except, Edelgard is going to strip Aegir of their statuses and land once she becomes emperor, I know that for a fact. That, and Ferdinand is supposed to become the prime minister, the left hand man of the emperor, and yet he has no idea about this war. Has never been trusted enough to be let in on these plans. Mix those two together and Ferdinand will fight for us.” Sylvain responded. 

“Shit, she’s going to uproot her council?” 

“Yeah, that’s the first thing she’s going to do,” Sylvain answered. 

“Well then the prime minister's son will be ours” Claude said as he placed another piece on Reigan. “That leaves us with Dorothea and Bernadette. Dorothea will be easy, plus rumor has it she has a thing for Ingrid.” 

“Ingrid? Really?” 

“Yeah, and she hates nobles, hates useless fighting too. So I can use those three things to try and recruit her to our side once war breaks up, however to get her to transfer now I’ll have to try and coax her into thinking that the professor is better for her. Maybe make a comment here and there to Hilda about her, the two happen to get along weirdly enough” Claude answered before placing another piece on Reigan. 

“That leaves us with Bernadetta, Hubert tells me she’s scared of him and of Edelgard, scared of a lot of people but that Hubert has caught her talking with the professor multiple times. I think at that point you might just ask your dear teach to try and recruit Bernadetta and once she’s with us, she’ll be too scared to go back to Edelgard” Sylvain added before placing the last figure on Reigan. “Edelgards downfall will be her lack of trust in people, it's her greatest weakness, the fact that she is trying to do all of this without allies or carrying to keep allies will hurt her. If we want to succeed, we take these people from her and force her and Hubert to deal with the entire process of war by themselves. Soon it’ll become too much for them to handle.” 

“We only have a limited amount of time before school ends, which means if she’s going to go through your plan, it’s even less time to try and recruit all of these people to our side” Claude sighed. 

“That’s the first thing we must focus on right now though” Sylvain said. “After that we focus on how to get Dimitri out of Fhirdiad before he gets killed.” 

“Would it not be easier to just let the kingdom know about this,” Claude asked. 

“It’ll just cause them to try and fight Edelgard, plus what proof do you have about this war except for the words of a criminal” Sylvain added. “No Kingdom official will believe you.” 

“Then we don’t tell a kingdom official,” Claude said. “Dimitri is bound by the council so there’s no point telling him about what will happen, it’ll only stress him out more and goddess knows he doesn’t need that, and Galatea doesn’t have the money or man power to even be an option. But, and I say this only because it’s an idea, Fraldarius would believe this information if it came from your mouth.” 

“They won’t.”

“They would. Sylvain, they ended trade negotiations with Gautier when they found out you were disowned because they value you that much. That and Glenn said it himself, he would’ve taken you in had he known it was you in Conan Tower, would have gone against the church itself to protect you” Claude said. “I know you have your reason for backing away but you said it yourself Sylvain. You’re willing to do anything i need you to do to fix this world… and what i need is someone in the kingdom to start preparing for war like we are. I need the manpower that the kingdom can give us.” 

“So what? You want me to walk right up to Fraldarius and tell them a war is coming” Sylvain asked, getting a bit agitated. 

“No, but rumor has it that Glenn Fraldarius is coming to the monastery this month” Claude said. “We talk to him then. You said it yourself, if we want Dimitri to live, we’ll have to depend on you, Glenn, and Dedue to get him out of Fhirdiad in time. For obvious reasons we can’t pull Dedue into this conversation, he’s too loyal to keep this information from Dimitri. But if you and Glenn are on the same page… then the kingdom maybe won't have to fall to Edelgard, or at least not with so much loss.” 

“It’s too dangerous to do something like that,” Sylvain grunted. 

“Your dad’s threatening Felix, not Glenn. Even if he finds out that he talked to you he can't kill the Fraldarius heir” Claude said. “Glenn is the only person we can talk to in the kingdom right now.” 

Sylvain sighed. Claude was right, if they wanted to save Dimitri this had to be done and Sylvains petty problems compared to a war were ridiculous to say the least... That didn't stop him from being anxious, or from probably having a total of 5 hundred different mental breakdowns before it came down to that. But, he did tell Claude he was ready to do whatever was necessary, so if facing Glenn was what was necessary then well, Sylvain has done harder things.

“Fine, but we have to focus on recruiting the black eagles until then okay?... and you’re giving me the rest of your fucken desserts for the rest of the week” Sylvain sighed. 

~ X ~ 

Recruiting the black eagles was easier said than done, because of their proximity to Hubert and Edelgard - Sylvain could not be present for most of the “recruiting” process. Dorothea immediately hated Claude after one badly timed joke and so both Sylvain and him had to count their losses there. Ferdinand was not budging either, he was warming up to the idea of Claude but that didn't mean he was ready to jump ship just yet. Luckily for them, the professor in the last mission had undergone a change… (Claude tried to explain to Sylvain all that had happened but Sylvain still could not understand how any of that would force the professor to change like that). But the change was exactly what they needed because by the next day, Lindhardt was part of the Golden deers and not even two days later, Caspar was a golden deer too. Two wins and two losses. They were doing pretty good so far. 

Sylvain for the most part stayed behind in Claude's room to keep reading and learning more reason and even some faith. Claude had also given him the assignment of marking up one of the Fodland maps he had with all the spy networks that Hubert had (though Sylvain told him there was no way Hubert hadn’t changed anything yet) so that kept Sylvain occupied. Mix that with all their late night planning sessions, and what you get is two exhausted guys. So exhausted that Sylvain after the professor's lessons, would always ask Claude to just dump him back in the room so he could nap. Claude would also at times, join him for said nap whenever he didn’t have anything else to do. The golden deer asked him about it once, and Claude simply said he had a lot on his plate thanks to his grandfather and the deer never asked again. 

It was during said nap that both Claude and him woke up to banging on his door. Sylvain was still a dog so he just grunted and snuggled his ass back into his blanket. Claude, a human, was forced to get up and walk to answer the door. Taking 0.2 seconds to fix his bed hair, before opening the door and coming face to face with Glenn Fraldarius. Claude instantly tried closing the door but Glenn beat him to the punch and slid his foot into the room, stopping the door from closing all the way. 

“Reigan we need to talk now” Glenn said, that instantly made Sylvain crawl across the room to hide under the bed, taking his blankets with him to try and erase his presence from Claude’s room. 

“Sheesh, at least let me get decent, I’m in nothing but my underwear” Claude lied as he looked and tried to angle himself so that Glenn couldn’t see as Sylvain was finishing dragging the blanket under his bed. 

Glenn simply responded by pushing the door open, forcing Claude to step to the side and barging inside. He looked around, as if he had expected to find something else. 

“Uh can i help you with something?” Claude said as he closed his bedroom door and turned to look at him. “Want some tea or anything?” 

“Where is he?” Glenn asked as he turned back to look at Claude. 

“He?” 

“Where’s Sylvain?” Glenn asked, voice stern and commanding. 

“Last time I saw him he was in Conan Tower,” Claude said as he leaned on the wall. 

Glenn sighed, “I’m only here because I want to help him. I know about the fact that his father threatened Felix’s life. My father is taking care of that issue as we speak. Him and Dimitri’s uncle are actually taking care of that issue; someone like him cannot remain as a Margrave. At the moment, they’ve made it so the Margrave has no access to his money and therefore can't hire anyone that can kill Felix, but even if he did, that is why I am here. To prevent anyone from killing him.” 

Claude stayed quiet. 

“I’m not here to turn him in or to have anyone hurt him,” Glenn continued. “I just want to talk to him. I know that you know where he is, I know that he’s been talking with you. And I know that you’ve been able to help him this whole time. Felix has even told me about the dog that looks like him that you're keeping and I’m not an idiot. I know that the only way a dog can have red hair like that, is if they are a human disguised as an animal.” 

Claude stayed silent, keeping his eye contact with Glenn. Yes he had told Sylvain that he would be talking to Glenn once he got here but he wasn’t about to just reveal Sylvain to him. Not when he knew that Sylvain was not ready yet to meet with him. That he was still too scared to try and put Felix in that kind of danger. And that he needed at least a whole day before being able to build up the courage to have this talk. 

“Tell me where he is, Claude” Glenn whispered. 

“I can’t,” Claude replied. “I promised him that he was safe with me. I can't ruin the trust I’ve built with him like that.” 

And Sylvain closed his eyes for a couple of seconds. Trust. Claude was an idiot if he thought that he didn't have all of Sylvains trust by now. If anything, Claude was probably the only person apart from Felix that Sylvain would trust with his life. It was because of moments like this, where Claude was intentionally making his life harder by protecting others, that made Sylvain like him as much as he did. In a way, both of them had a bad habit of putting themselves in the line of fire to protect their friends. 

_Khalid you really are an idiot._

Sylvain sighed before slowly crawling out from underneath the bed. Looking away from them until he was out in the open and had jumped up onto the bed. He remained a dog, but he looked up at the two of them. Glenn looked to be in shock for a couple of seconds before his eyes softened. 

“Sylvain,” Glenn asked. “It’s really you isn’t it?” 

Sylvain stayed quiet which made Glenn turn to look at Claude with the Fraldarius signature glare. 

“Turn him back,” Glenn snapped. “Turn him back right now.” 

“I can't,” Claude answered. “He’s the only one that can make himself turn back into a human.” 

Immediately Glenns glare turned to Sylvain and he walked over to him. Before Sylvain even had time to move away, Glenn was grabbing onto his face and looking down at him. 

“Turn back now.” 

_Listen i really wish i could but I need like a 5 to 6 day notice before i can confront this here problem. You have to understand that it’s not a matter of not wanting but a matter of I’ve wanted this for so long I don't know if I can cope with actually doing this anymore._

“Sylvain.” 

_Like i said! Personally I do not think we are prepared to deal with this. Maybe you are but I am not, I have too much guilt on my conscience to be able to fully reunite with any of you just yet!_

“Please” Glenn begged, his eyes desperately pleading for this. Sylvain sighed. 

_Damn you Fraldarius men and you're goddess damned puppy eyes. They’ll be the death of me one day!_

Sylvain sighed again before jumping off the bed to stand next to Claude, his invisible support pillar, before taking a deep breath and undoing the spell. He faced away from Glenn, his hands shaking and for a second he thought about turning back into a dog or warping away from all of this. But when Sylvain peered to the side, he could see Claude giving him a small reassuring smile and that was all Sylvain needed to be able to turn around and face him. 

“Sylvain” Glenn whispered and Sylvain could only give him a small smile in return. Instantly Glenn walked over and hugged him. He was much shorter than Sylvain but that didn't stop Sylvain from curling himself in so he could rest his head on Glenns shoulder. Let himself be held by the only person that had ever come close to being a big brother to him.

“I’m sorry Sylvain, I’m so sorry, I should have-“ 

“No, don't, please,” Sylvain begged, trying desperately to not cry. “There was nothing you could’ve ever done to prevent what happened. There was nothing any of you could have ever done.” 

“Still, I knew you needed help and I never helped you. I was too focused on everyone else” Glenn said. 

“I wasn’t your responsibility Glenn but please i dont… i dont want to do this right now” Sylvain added before stepping away from him. 

He could see that Glenn wanted to say more but relented. Glenn knew that there would come a time when he would finally be able to fully apologize to Sylvain. To tell him how sorry he was that he had never paid him any attention, too focused on Felix, Dimitri and Ingrid. Too focused on his own goals to fully recognize the pain that Sylvain had been going through. 

“Sylvain, why didn’t you come back?” Glenn instead asked. 

“You know why” Sylvain whispered before sitting down on Claude's bed. A safe distance away from Glenn. 

“No, why didn't you come back after Conan Tower,” Glenn asked as he walked over to sit on Claude's desk chair, knowing that Sylvain would get overwhelmed if he sat next to him. And Glenn had learned from his past mistake and swore he wouldn’t push Sylvain too much this time. Claude at this point sat on the floor, he wanted to leave and give them a second but he also knew that Sylvain needed the support right now. 

“For the same reason why I didn't go back before,” Sylvain answered. 

“I would have protected Felix,” Glenn answered. “Though he doesn’t need that either, he’s strong. Stronger than you can imagine.”

“I know,” Sylvain said with a shy smile. “But that wasn’t a risk I was willing to take.” 

“Then why Reigan? Why go to him for help” Glenn asked. 

Claude did not enjoy how Glenn’s voice made it sound like he was the stupidest person anyone could go to get help from, but he simply shook it off and assumed that Glenn just always sounded like he was insulting people. That’s what Felix always sounded like anyways and he knew when he was actually insulting someone - he had hung out with Dimitri enough to know a true Fraldarius insult, but still. Claude didn’t enjoy the tone.

Sylvain sighed, this was the perfect transition to what they needed to actually talk to Glenn about. He knew that he should probably take a couple more minutes to get familiar with Glenn again, you know, reunite and everything. But Sylvain knew that conversation would lead to apologies and crying and Sylvain seriously was not ready for that and so he looked over to Claude. 

_Khalid, I’m going to go ahead and make an executive decision right now because war sounds like an easier topic to talk about than literally anything else._

Sylvain turned back to look at Glenn,“Because something is going to happen soon and he was the only one I could turn to help.” 

“What’s going to happen?” Glenn asked hesitantly. 

“War” Claude answered as he stood up and walked over to his desk to pull out some tea cups. “Why don't we have some chamomile while talking about this? You’ll need the soothing quality, trust me on that one.” 

“I knew that I had a bad feeling about coming to talk to you,” Glenn grunted before sitting back and hearing everything that Sylvain and Claude had to say. Making a point to keep most of his comments until after they finished explaining. 

“So at the moment all we can really start planning is what to do once Garreg Mach falls, everything else will be too chaotic and too new for us to deal with” Claude finished. Sylvain was taking the last sip of his coffee, because apparently Hubert had rubbed off on him and he was constantly craving the damn drink. 

Glenn sighed as he sat his cup down, he was understandably frowning, “the kingdom is nowhere near prepared for a war. We’re still recuperating from the tragedy.” 

“Yes that’s why we plan on giving Dimitri refuge in the alliance” Sylvain added. “Fhirdiad will fall, it’s just a loss we have to be okay with.” 

Glenn frown looked permanently carved into his face, “if Fhirdiad falls, all the kingdom nobles will have no choice but to join the empire, only a select few will continue to fight for Faerghus. Fraldarius and Galatea will be the only ones I can safely say will continue their fight against the empire, and Galatea doesn't have the money nor the men to be much and Fraldarius... we have the money and supplies but not enough men.” 

“There’s no one else that can give you men? I highly doubt the kingdom has so little soldiers” Claude asked. 

“Gautier. They not only have the manpower but all Gautier soldiers are well trained and battle ready, arguably the best in the kingdom” Glenn said, looking directly at Sylvain. “They’ve been fighting a war against Sreng this whole time, they’re probably the only ones that would immediately be ready to fight this war.” 

_I know what you want to say. I know why you’re looking at me so just spit it out already._

“If Sylvain takes over Gautier the kingdom won’t have to worry about manpower” Glenn said, the room instantly tensed up. 

“Sorry to break it to you, but I’ve been permanently disowned” Sylvain answered, his jaw clenching. 

“You were never disowned in the eyes of the kingdom not only that but you inherited the Crest of Gautier and therefore you are the only rightful heir. A and as I said, my father and Duke Rufus are currently trying to rid your father of his position so there will be an opening soon enough. And once war breaks out I highly doubt anyone will care if you take over Gautier, hell, I know a lot of people that would prefer you over your old man” Glenn continued, holding on his eye contact. Unlike Felix, Glenn constantly held eye contact with everyone, used it as a weapon and Sylvian had always hated that. 

“If Sylvain takes over Gautier and the kingdom has actual manpower, would other nobles join the fight?” Claude asked. 

“Yes, and even if nobles didn’t, I can guarantee you that the people of Faerghus will fight” Glenn answered. 

Sylvain sighed, opening his mouth to say something but then there was banging on the door. LOUD banging. Instantly Sylvain turned into a dog and jumped off the bed and under the bed, Claude and Glenn both got up from the table and practically threw all the papers under the covers of Claude's bed. 

“Glenn I know you’re fucken in there” Felix yelled out. 

“Felix please I’m sure there’s a reason for this,” Dimitris' voice was muffled behind the door. 

Claude instantly looked over to Glenn and back down to Sylvain who was looking up at them from under the bed and Claude nodded. Taking one deep breath before turning towards the door but not opening it yet. 

“Dima I’m so glad you’re here” Claude yelled out. “Glenn was so kind as to tell me all the different bones he would break on my body if he found out that I hurt you! He’s really kind! Really! A true gentleman! But really Dima I thought we were going to keep our relationship a secret and you know...casual! I mean I don't mind that you’re telling everyone about our arrangement but I feel kind of bad now! I’ve been telling Hilda this entire time we were just studying! You can imagine the earful i'll be getting when she finds out I’ve been sleeping with the prince of Faerghus!” 

Glenn instantly gawked, looked completely off-balanced and out of his element, Sylvain would be laughing hysterically if he was a human right now. He looked like he wanted to ask a hundred questions but was too busy reeling from the fact that Claude had just yelled all of that out for everyone in the room and outside of the room to hear. 

“Boar what the fuck” Felix yelled out and Sylvain could hear mumbling on the other side of the door - desperate mumbling. 

Claude was smiling by the time he opened the door to find Felix, Dimitri, Dedue, and Ingrid (who was bright red) standing in front of his room, “We had a lovely chat though I can assure you that.” 

Felix immediately scoffed and Ingrid looked away. Dimitri was looking at Claude like if he had grown a second head, bright red and wide eyed. Claude turned back to look at Glenn who had managed to compose himself in the few seconds since that shocking confession. 

“Anyways Glenn, it was really nice, truly, but I do need to finish up some homework and I’m sure you and Dimitri will have a LOT to talk about. Though I do hope you go easy on him and not give the same kind of treatment you gave me. At least don't mess with his face too much. I like it a lot as it is right now” Claude said as he walked over to him, throwing a wink towards Dimitri’s direction. Glenn immediately scoffed.

“I would much rather not talk about any of this with him. What he does in his free time is his choice” Glenn said before walking past Claude. “Though I was serious with what I said. I won't hesitate to do what is needed and I will do all that is necessary to keep Dimitri safe. So think about what we talked about... Seriously think about what we talked about.” 

“Of course,” Claude said with a smile. 

“I’ll be seeing you” Glenn said before stepping out of the room and closing the door behind him. They could hear muffled voices and Sylvain could distinctly hear Felix’s scoff loud and clear but after a couple of seconds there were no more voices outside of Claude's door and Sylvain was able to walk out from underneath the bed and turn back into a human. 

“Good job,” Sylvain added. “I dont think I’ve ever seen Glenn be shocked at anything but you sure did it. I’m sure that Dimitri won’t be able to look him in the eye for the rest of his time here. Or anyone for that matter.” 

“That was the point,” Claude said with a smirk. “Now no one will actually ask what happened in this room for Dimitris sake and so our cover won’t be blown.” 

“If it wasn’t for the fact that I’ve caught you fondly staring at Dimitri from across the room I would say that you’re a horrible person for using him,” Sylvain admitted.

“Consider this my petty vengeance for him saying that all we are is friends” Claude answered and Sylvain could only laugh.

Glenn left the next day, and had come to Claude's room one last time before leaving to “apologize” but it was more to say goodbye to Sylvain and to tell him to seriously consider what he had said. That he would help them out with this and he’ll start preparations in Faerghus and that once he hears that Garreg Mach was attacked that he’ll immediately ride out to Fhirdiad to wait for him. Before leaving he also gifted Sylvain a key, saying that there was a room he booked in the village nearby that had something for him, to help him prepare for what was to come. Sure enough once Sylvain and Claude went there, there were a LOT of things for Sylvain. New armor (dark knight armor and Sylvain felt like a giddy excited boy that Glenn had deemed him worthy enough of that title), some war horse armor and equipment, a lot of vulnarys, and an axe. Claude teased him about being spoiled but he was as happy as Sylvain that he was getting all of these things. 

It took an unnecessarily long time to sneak all of that into Claude’s room but once it was there, Sylvain was carefully polishing everything he had gotten. (Had also asked Claude to drop off all of the horse related equipment wherever he was stashing Bergamont). Of course, Sylvain knew that all of these things came with a price, and that was Glenn expecting him to take up Gautier. It was the logical move and it only took one hour before even Claude was trying to convince Sylvain to do it. Even going as far as to mention that if Sylvain did become the head of Gautier, Felix would no longer be in danger. And Sylvain knew that. He knew he had to and that it was essential to the war but it still unnerved him. To walk back to that place and take control when he knew he clearly was not ready for that... Or worthy of the position. But war was war and when Glenn's first letter arrived detailing all the supply ratios that he had been able to count for in Fraldarius as well as in Galatea, Sylvain was able to write back that he would take Gautier when the war broke out. He had written it to him as a way to make sure he wouldn’t back out, he knew that Glenn would never allow him to do that now.

Claude on his end, had been able to talk Petra into transferring classes and had also started sending letters to his grandfather about border maintenance as well as the fact that he had been “tipped” off about spies in the alliance and where their locations were. Claude knew once he started clearing out the spies that it would cause Hubert to be suspicious of him, but time was running out and he needed to get the alliance as clean as he could get it before the war broke out.

For the most part, Sylvain was in charge of Faerghus and Claude of the alliance. Claude used his grandfather to take care of anything that needed to be done there, and Sylvain used Glenn. It was again tiresome, and at this point, Claude and him had started ditching some of the professor's lectures and not hanging out with the golden deer. Claude had even cut off Dimitri entirely, using the “awkward” talk he had with Glenn as an excuse but really it was because there was too much to do. Of course no one liked that, every single golden deer came to knock on Claude's door almost every minute demanding that he get out or at least let them help him. Dimitri looked like a kicked puppy. And even the professor came to ask Claude if something was wrong. Claude turned them all away as nicely as he could. If it hurt their feelings then so be it, there was too much to do right now. 

Sylvain was currently figuring out the best way for him to be able to sneak Dimitri out of Fhirdiad once the war broke out. Part of him had thought about just not letting him go to Fhirdiad, having him go to Fraldarius instead but as Claude pointed out, it would be impossible for Dimitri not to head to the capital. Even if he wasn’t bound by duty, he would be too stubborn to stand down and let Fhirdiad fall. So they would have to go there no matter what, once the fighting started he knew that Dimitri would never stand down either and so Sylvain would have to physically take him away. This he would have to depend on Dedue to help him with. 

Claude on the other hand was trying to figure out how he was going to be able to convince all the alliance nobles to join forces with the kingdom, he said most will agree but some will much rather join the empire to avoid any kind of fighting and so Sylvain often caught him mumbling to himself in Almyran, clearly frustrated and clearly cussing them all out. It was fun to watch, as much fun as Claude would have whenever Sylvain had to stop and think about confronting the church about the whole relic stealing thing. Of course that would lead to Claude thinking about the whole harboring a fugitive thing and then both would be left exhausted and anxious. But they had no time to cringe at that upcoming encounter when war was coming and so back to work they went.

Currently it had been 4 days since Sylvain had stepped out of the room and two since Claude had. They were both a mess and clearly sleep deprived. The whole room smelled of coffee (Sylvain had gotten Claude to be hooked on it now too) and the only reason the room wasn’t a complete mess was because during Sylvains “breaks” he would clean. Besides that, everything else was a mess. 

They, specifically, were a mess. 

“Claude” Hilda's voice rang out as she banged on the door, snapping both of their attentions and quickly Sylvain turned into a dog (a spell that at this point came to him so ridiculously easy) and Claude hid everything he could. “I know you’re in there! Let me in!” 

“I’m busy” Claude called out, though he knew that wouldn’t stop her. 

“Claude Von Reigan I will burst down this door oh so help me” Hilda threatened and Claude was instantly on his feet and opening the door. He was expecting Hilda, was certainly not expecting the rest of the Golden Deer to be behind her. Even Petra, Caspar and Linhardt ( even Linhardt!) were there.

“Claude we’re worried” Leonie was the first to speak up. “You look like shit.” 

“Gee and here i considered myself a Prince Charming” Claude said with a wink and Sylvain rolled his eyes. 

“Claude, we are being serious,” Lorenz huffed. “It is unlike you to be so distant and as our house leader it is certainly concerning that you don't even care to show for lessons anymore!” 

“Look like I told you all before, there’s some things that my grandfather is having me take care of that I can't talk about,” Claude sighed. “I wish I could but I can't right now at least. I’m sorry.” 

Before any of them could respond however, the professor walked up to them, gave Claude a look as if they were quietly asking whether he was okay or not, and then turned to look at the rest of them. 

“Tomorrow we will be descending into the Holy Tomb. I recommend everyone goes to their room to get some rest and prepare for what is to come,” the professor spoke. “I doubt anything bad will happen but either way, it is getting late.” 

“Couldn’t agree with you more Teach” Claude said with a smile. “Now run along all of you, we’ll all need the rest.” 

The golden deer all looked at each other questioningly, but none of them were willing to stand down when both their house leader and their professor had given them instructions. One by one they left, giving Claude questioning looks, until only Byleth remained. They turned to Claude as if they wanted to say something but quickly closed their mouth and walked away, they knew that when the time was right, Claude would ask for help after all. 

Claude sighed before closing the door and Sylvain immediately turned into a human, his eyes wide open and feeling a bit ( _a lot_ ) panicked if he was being honest with himself. 

“The Holy Tomb? You’re all going to the Holy Tomb” Sylvain asked as he stood up. 

“Yes, did i not mention that, i was sure i had mentioned that” Claude mumbled, clearly sleep deprivation was starting to get to him he thought. 

“Khalid” Sylvain said as he could feel his heart practically start beating out of his chest. “Hubert and Edelgard want to get access to the Holy Tomb to get some stones from there, if they wanted a perfect time to declare war it would be then.” 

Instantly Claude’s face fell, every line connecting and it didn't take long before he was pacing back and forth. “Oh fuck Sylvain we’re not ready for that. We’re not ready for that at all.” 

“I know” Sylvain hissed. “Fuck, I dont even have enough time to send Glenn a letter about this. Shit, shit!” 

“She wouldn't have a full blown attack just yet right? There’s no way she would” Claude said. 

“No, but even still, I can guarantee you one thing,” Sylvain whispered. “Your dear friend the Death Knight will be there, and probably Hubert and Edelgard themselves. Not to mention other soldiers, it might not be the main attack, but it’ll do some damage, I guarantee that.” 

“Fuck” Claude said before sinking into his desk chair. “Sylvain we’re not ready for this, I- fuck okay, the professor can take care of Edelgard, it’ll be easy to do that, I’ll be there to back her up of need be. And i can have Petra, Lorenz, and Hilda take care of Hubert, and then… fuck! Leonie is the only other cavalry that i have besides Lorenz and she just changed her class so that she wont be taking her fucken horse down to the tombs.” 

“Then have Caspar, Ralph, Hilda and Leonie take on the Death Knight and use Lysithea on Hubert instead, she’ll be able to at least match up with his spells and force him into a stand still. You can also have Ignatz help with whoever is struggling the most” Sylvain added. 

“No because there’ll be other soldiers there too and all I’ll have left to fight those would be Marianne and Linhardt, I can't have all of my fighters focus on just three targets. We’ll get overwhelmed, '' Claude sighed. “Fuck, none of my people are prepared to take the Death Knight on right now, none of them are ready for this battle!” 

Claude was at this point, two seconds from having a mental breakdown and Sylvain knew that. They had been so focused on what to do after the war that they hadn’t stopped and considered what would happen when the war actually was declared and how it would hurt their forces. Sylvain knew that Claude loved his deer, more than he would ever say it. Knew that if it came down to it, Claude would put himself in the line of fire to protect his friends. And he also knew how much it would hurt Claude and everyone else if someone died tomorrow. 

“Then I’ll fight,” Sylvain said, Claude immediately looked up at him. “I’ll take on the Death Knight. You and the professor take on Edelgard, and Petra, Hilda and Lorenz take on Hubert while the rest deal with the others. I can take on the Death Knight, it might hurt, no, it’ll most definitely hurt. But I’m the only one you have that can go one on one with him.” 

“If we do that, you’ll be revealing yourself not only to Hubert and Edelgard, but Lady Rhea is supposed to be down there too. They’ll all see you,” Claude hissed. 

“Then let them see me, after that attack, no one will even care about me,” Sylvain answered. “I can guarantee you this Khalid, the war starts tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glenn: ..... 
> 
> Dimitri: ...... 
> 
> Glenn: ....... 
> 
> Dimitri: please have mercy on me, he gave me one compliment one time and after that I lost all self control, i can’t explain why I just remember a him winking at me and then suddenly i was in his bed


	14. Océano

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Battle at the Holy Tomb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uuuuuuuh so guess who remembered that the Death Knight doesn’t actually come and fight in the holy tomb??? (◕‿◕✿) 
> 
> This bitch (⊙‿⊙✿)
> 
> so uh yeah had to scrap the entire chapter I had already written and change shit up because I have not painstakingly made all the other parts of this story follow canon (when it comes to time line and locations) only for me to fuck up now that I’m on chapter 14! Do you know the mental gymnastics I’ve had to do to figure out Sylvains childhood timeline and everyone’s age during those events? I have a legit excel sheet that I made of the timeline throughout the whole game and where each mission takes place so I will NOT let Jeritza ruin this for me!!!
> 
> Also! This chapter has fight and some injury depictions! (Also a scene where a horse gets hurt, not killed! But does get a lil hurt!) just be warned!!!

Claude and Sylvain wake up right when the sun comes up to start their preparations for the upcoming battle (though they had unsurprisingly spent most of the night coming up with battle tactics and such). A big part of Sylvain wanted to be wrong and say that there was no way that Edelgard would attack today, that she was going to wait and not do anything drastic. However, the more he thought about it the more sense it made and it only made it so that he was getting even more anxious about this. 

There were a lot of problems to think about when it came to this battle. For one, the element of surprise; only Claude would see this coming and so the golden deer and even the professor will be caught off guard and unprepared. Both Claude and him debated whether to tell the professor about this but the minute they agreed to it and went to go to their room they were nowhere to be found. After asking around, they found out that they were speaking with Rhea and had to scrap that plan. The second problem was the location. This was the one that was stressing both of them out the most once they realized there was no way that they would be able to sneak Sylvain in. He could disguise himself as a cavalier that was part of someone’s battalion but that would lead to the problem of how to sneak in the lance of ruin because there was no way in hell that Sylvain would be able to fight the death knight without the relic. And if he used warp to get in (which would let him go there with the relic) he was not so experienced enough to be able to warp with his horse and he also would not survive if he fought the death knight on foot. 

This resulted in the one and only option they had to make sure that Claude and his group would not have to deal with the death knight - Sylvain intercepts him before he can get into the holy tomb. Claude did not want to do that at all because that would mean that Sylvain would be alone and without backup if things got tough. However if they did this, Sylvain would be able to not show himself to Rhea just yet and be able to keep himself hidden for a little longer, this and the fact that Claude's group could literally not win if the death knight reached the holy tomb, was the reason why eventually, Claude accepted the plan. 

Of course Sylvain was absolutely terrified of going after the death knight alone. Scared shitless at the thought of having to fight him with no chance of having a back up at all, but this was all they could do right now. They didn’t have any time to think of anything else. Had they known, Sylvain would’ve asked Glenn to come here or even told him to not _leave_. But this was something both would have to get used to from now on - to fight a war they were grossly unprepared for. 

“What if we get someone else to help you,” Claude said as Sylvain was checking his armor for anything problematic. 

“Glenns too far away and he’s the only choice we got right now” Sylvain mumbled before looking up to Claude . “Khalid, I know you’re worried but this is the only way we can do this. It sucks but listen. I’m not as weak as I look.” 

“It’s not that I think you’re weak” Claude snapped back. “It’s that this plan has a 25% chance of actually being pulled off and I don’t like those odds.” 

“And you think that I like them,” Sylvain huffed. “We can’t be picky right now. We have to do this whether we like it or not, or what? You want to stand back and watch as someone else who has no chance at beating him dies?” 

“Of course not! I know that I just,” Claude sighed. He wasn’t used to this; planning a battle and forming a strategy was so much more different than actually sending out one of his own men, his _friend_ , out to battle. To a battle he couldn’t be 100% sure that he would make it out alive. “Even if he doesn’t kill you what makes you think he won’t just take you as a prisoner? You out of all people know what Hubert would do to you if you’re captured.” 

“I know,” Sylvain answered. “I know. But like you said Khalid. I’m willing to do what needs to be done for you to win this war. This just happens to be one of those things.” 

Claude laid his head down on his hands. The battle hadn’t even begun and he already felt so completely defeated. His father and mother had always complimented him on his ability to keep a level head but the reality of everything was that Claude was just good at keeping up appearances, he knew once he had to head out that he would be able to mask all his fears and anxiety. That the only reason he was even letting anyone see him like this was because this wasn’t just anyone. This was Sylvain. Sylvain, who had been living in the same room as him for 4 months and hadn’t left his side. Sylvain, who was sacrificing everything for a dream that wasn’t his. Sylvain, the only person that called Claude by his birth name with fondness and care instead of the hatred and venom everyone else had done his whole life. 

“You’re willing to do what needs to be for this,” Claude whispered before standing up. “Then don’t fucken complain about what I’m about to do because I’m not losing you Sylvain. I can’t do something like that.” 

“Claude” Sylvain asked but Claude was already opening the door to his room and Sylvain was barely able to turn into a dog to follow him before he closed the door behind him. Claude was practically running down the hall, and Sylvain was barking at him to stop and not to do anything too rash about this but Claude kept walking. Down the stairs of the dormitory and turning to his right to walk to the first floor of the dorms. Coming up to a door before he banged on it desperately. It took four knocks before the door opened.

“Hello” a groggy voice asked as the door fully opened to reveal the freckled boy from Dimitris house that Sylvain had yet to actually meet. “Um Claude?” 

“Sorry but this is important,” Claude said before he pushed past him, let Sylvain into his room and then closed the door. “Ashe I need your help and I need you to trust me.” 

“What’s going on” the boy, Ashe, asked incredibly worried now. 

“Syl turn now” Claude said, no, commanded. And for the first time Sylvain actually saw Claude as his leader instead of a friend. 

Sylvain gave Claude a questioning look but Claude wasn’t backing down and so Sylvain relented, remembering what Claude had said before leaving the room. He turned back into a human and watched as Ashe’s face went from worried sleepy to fully awake and in complete shock. 

“Ashe, meet Sylvain. Sylvain, meet Ashe” Claude said rapidly before turning back to Ashe. “Ashe I know you have a lot of questions and I promise you that I will answer them all but we’re running out of time and I need you.” 

“Okay” Ashe whispered, still too in shock to fully process anything. 

“I need you to go with Sylvain and fight the death knight with him” Claude said and that instantly got Ashe’s attention. 

“Wait what?!” 

“He’s going to attack today, and so will the flame Emperor, again we’ll explain everything later I promise you that I will explain everything to you later” Claude said. “But you’re the only one I can trust to help with this. Everyone in my class will be with me down in the holy tomb. And well I’m sure you know who Sylvain is and due to personal reasons I can’t go and ask for help from Ingrid, Felix, or Dimitri. By that logic I can’t ask Annette or Dedue because they’ll immediately snitch and Mercedes is a healer not a fighter. Everyone I’m the black eagles are off limits and I will explain that later, but that leaves only you that I can ask for help from. That and you’re the best in the entire academy at sniping.”

 _Khalid please you’re talking way too fast for him he’s two seconds from having a heart attack!_

“This is the death knight though, you really should ask for more than just me to help with this” Ashe exhaled, his voice clearly panicked. “I get that things are urgent and I will keep you to that promise of explaining everything to me later, but I really think we need more than just him and I to fight the death knight!” 

Before Claude could respond, Sylvain stepped forward, a calm smile on his face. “Look I know this is a lot and you’re right to freak out, and I know that I’m a complete stranger to you, but I’m not as weak as I may look. The reason Claude is asking for your help is more for backup than anything. I plan on going toe to toe with him and that means that you can be far away and attack him from there whenever necessary. Far away enough that if I fall you can run. Far away that if I see that I’m losing I can stall him long enough for you to make it out alive.” 

Ashe looked down, hesitating on what to do. Sylvain totally understood this, Claude had put him in a really tough spot and Sylvain didn’t blame Claude. Having back up, and an archer at that, was a good idea, but still. Sylvain felt for the kid. 

“Okay,” Ashe said before looking up at Sylvain . “Okay I’ll help, but you better tell me everything you can while we wait for the death knight to show up.” 

“Of course” Sylvain replied. 

They left Ashe after that, telling him to meet up with them in the stables in an hour. It probably was not enough time for him to get himself fully prepared for what was to come but it was already nearing breakfast time and everyone will soon wake up and that would make it impossible for Sylvain to be able to get his horse and ride out of Garreg Mach without detection. Claude for the most part had finally calmed down now that he knew Sylvain wasn’t going out alone and had started helping Sylvain get ready for the fight. Helping him get on his armor and trying to just have normal random conversations about literally anything so the two would stop shaking. 

Thirty minutes later, Claude and Sylvain were sneaking across Garreg Mach (Sylvain couldn’t turn into a dog now that he had his armor since he didn’t want to test out whether he would still have it “on” once he turned back into a human like he did with his clothes. They didn’t have a second set of armor just in case it didn’t and so they couldn’t risk trying). Thankfully it was early enough that no one was around so they were able to make it to the stables soon enough. 

Bergamont was ecstatic to see Sylvain, it had been a long time since he had and was practically begging for affection from him to which Sylvain gladly gave until he had to start saddling him. He was finishing up Bergamont's armor when Ashe walked up to them. He had on his sniper attire and his bow, although not as fancy as Claudes, was still really nice and well maintained. Claude turned to talk to him and to give him some other archer related things that Claude had said he had “extra” of but Sylvain knew he was just trying to be double sure Ashe would also be okay.

“Okay well, the two of you have to head out now before too many people wake up. I’ll cover for you Ashe so that no one panics about you being gone” Claude said as Sylvain got on his horse and extended his hand down to Ashe so that he could get on the back of his horse. Quicker for them to just take one horse after all. 

“I had told Dedue that I would help him out with some gardening things later today so you’ll want to tell him whatever lie you’re going to come up with” Ashe said as he adjusted his position on the horse. 

“I’ll make sure to do that” Claude said before turning to Sylvain. “Don’t do anything stupid. If it gets too tough, run away. You’re too valuable to die this early into this war.” 

Sylvain chuckled, “Damn Kha-Claude, haha keep talking to me like that and I might actually start believing I’m worth something.” 

Claude frowned, “You are worth a lot.” 

“I know i know,” Sylvain said before smiling. “You be safe down there okay? I don’t know what else she might have up her sleeve so take your own advice. You’re fighting for yourself not for the church. Ditch the stones if you have to.” 

“Of course” Claude said before stepping away from them. “See you later.” 

“See you later,” Sylvain answered before riding off. Luckily for him, he knew how to sneak out of Garreg Mach from here and was able to get out of the academy without detection. By the time the sun was fully out and everyone was awake, Sylvain could no longer see the people inside Garreg Mach. 

“Where are we headed?” Ashe asked. 

“The passway near Gronder Field, every time I had to warp into Garreg Mach, that would be the furthest I could get to do that. So most likely that’s where everyone will be to try and not alert the monastery of their attack but still be able to warp inside” Sylvain responded. “If they’re not there then, fuck, I hope you’re good at tracking.” 

Ashe gave a dry laugh, “you said the flame Emperor is going to attack. How do you know that?” 

“Because I worked for her until recently,” Sylvain explained. “She took me in when no one else did and so I blindly let myself do her bidding, after Remire though, I couldn’t stand by her side. My conscience didn’t allow me to do something like that. By then I had already been talking with Claude so after I left her, he took me in and we’ve worked together since then. She’s been planning on this attack for a while, she never gave a specific date but i was by her side for 2 years. This is the best time for her to launch this attack, I hope I’m wrong, but I doubt it.” 

“So wait then that means you know who the flame emperor is, right?” Ashe added.

“Yeah” Sylvain said before deciding that fuck it, the whole world will know after tonight anyways, “It’s Edelgard. She plans on destroying the church and unifying all of Fodland.” 

“E-Edelagard?! Well that.. that explains why she kept asking me about my feelings towards the church.... You don't think she was trying to recruit me do you?” 

“Probably, though you did good not to give in to her. Take it from someone who gave her everything for two fucken years” Sylvain said bitterly. “She doesn’t care about you, at least not enough to ever trust you.” 

“I see...does this mean the rest of the black eagles are with her?” 

“No, only Hubert knows about this. Everyone else is in the same spot as you and everyone else in the monastery. That’s why Claude’s been trying to recruit as many people as he could before this shit happened. We got as many as we could and we’ll have to consider our losses with the rest of them.” 

“...What’s going to happen to them?”

“They’ll most likely side with Edelgard, don't know if that’s a good thing or not but with what Claude and I are planning, we won't hold back on them. We hope to have the kingdom and alliance join forces to fight her off, if that’s the case then theoretically, the empire should lose” Sylvain responded. 

“And you’ve both been dealing with all of this all on your own” Ashe mumbled. 

“Yeah, with my current… situation, it was hard for me to just burst down the monastery doors and say that Edelgard was planning to wage war and have anyone believe me.” 

Ashe stayed quiet, thinking over everything that was going on. Like Claude, he seemed to be taking the news pretty well though this time Sylvain knew it was because of the impending danger of the death knight. Couldn’t really be scared of a war when you were going to go into a battle you weren’t guaranteed to come out with your life. Your thoughts are too preoccupied with trying to survive to question anything really. Still, Sylvain was trying his best to try and not overwhelm him too much, he seemed nice but also like the kind of person that would have a mental breakdown about all of this come later tonight. 

“When we spot the Death Knight, jump off the horse and find a hiding spot” Sylvain started instructing. “Like I said, I plan to take on the death knight myself. Both of us are in similar classes so it’ll come down to a battle of wit and endurance, I never met him myself, never actually met Jeritza or whatever his actual name is, so i don’t know his fighting techniques but the same could be said for him. And unlike him, i have a relic so in theory i should be able to be on par with him. But in case I’m not, from your hiding spot, preferably one that is in high ground, start shooting at his hands and arms. Don’t bother with aiming for his head or chest, his armor will be too thick to do anything. If you damage his hand then his hold on his weapon will be weak or maybe he might not even be able to hold a weapon and will have to rely on spell casting. And I used to spar with Hubert on a daily basis before so trust me, that’s exactly where I want him.” 

“Okay” Ashe replied before he took a couple of seconds to think. “You know?” 

“Hhm?”

“A while back I came to realize that we in the blue lions house were missing someone really important. That the other houses both had someone that specialized in strategy, the black eagles had Hubert and the golden deer had Claude but we didn't have anyone like that in our house. D-Don’t get me wrong, Dimitri does have solid strategies, and so does Felix at times, but… they were never on par with whatever the other two came up with. That’s why we lost at Gronder Field. I realize now that it’s probably because you were supposed to be our strategist all along.” 

Sylvain laughed, “Highly doubt that I’m deserving of that title, but thank you for the sentiment anyways.” 

“I mean it! Really!” 

Sylvain only shook his head and allowed the conversation to die, letting the noises of the surrounding area and the clanking of Bergamonts hooves fill the silence. Sylvain hadn’t let himself wonder about what his place among the ‘blue lions’ would have been had everything been different. He had let himself wonder what it would have been like to become a student in the academy but had never let himself actually think about his place there and what it would mean. 

When Ashe said that Dimitri wasn’t that great at battle planning, Sylvain believed it, when they had been younger he could remember Glenn scolding Dimitri repeatedly because Dimitri refused to “play dirty” saying sneak attacks and ‘sacrificial’ soldiers were the worse things any tactician could use in their planning. Sylvain knew he had outgrown his thinking of that but deep down Dimitri was still too nice to be on the same level as Hubert or Claude, both people that constantly dabbled in trickery and such. 

Felix had also never been much of a planner. Preferring to just head in to battle and let instincts take over than to actually take a second and think about each step he took. Again, Sylvain knew it must not be as bad as it was before, but Felix was also stubborn and he doubted that he had changed so much in the past few years. And Ingrid, well, she had always been too shy and self conscious to ever try any plans that she could think up, she was more prideful and outspoken now but deep down Sylvain knew that Ingrid still didn't have enough confidence to allow any of her strategies to be used in an actual battle.

Between the four, Sylvain had been the one to come up with the best strategies, the one that always won all the chess matches and got the praise from their instructors when it came to any authority lessons. Not only that but Sylvain also had the least “noble” believe, not thinking twice about playing dirty and taking the more sneaky approach to things. Sylvain had gotten so good at strategizing that the last time he had played chess against Glenn he had actually won every single match they had played. Glenn had been beyond frustrated and the other three had very loudly exclaimed that Sylvain must be cheating because there was no way anyone could beat Glenn. It wasn’t until Rodrigue came and saw a match for himself that he had to break the news to everyone in that room that, no, Sylvain was actually that good. 

So maybe Ashe was right, maybe Sylvain had always meant to be the strategist among the blue lions, the master tactician of Faerghus, but that was hard for Sylvain to believe still. It made sense logically, that a child born from the one part of Faerghus that was constantly at war, would be good at...war... But that didn't stop Sylvain from still shaking that from his mind and saying that Ashe was just being nice to him and trying to compliment him or make conversation with him. 

“Sylvain, can i ask you a question, it's probably too personal and i get if you don't want to answer but i just… you're a taboo subject among our house, so the rest of us in the blue lions, all we know about you is from the small rumors we have heard” Ashe started explaining. “But one thing that none of us know, or at least i don't know, is the actual reason why you… were disowned.. or why everything happened.. again you don’t have to say anything! Really! I just, you know...” 

“It’s fine Ashe really, honestly I’m not surprised you don’t know that much about me, my old man would hate for people to actually know why I was disowned, and I doubt that even the others actually know the real reason, probably just the rumors that spread around and decided to believe the one that was the most probable” Sylvain replied. “The short story of why everything happened is because my dad’s homophobic.” 

“Oh.” 

“The long story is that someone told my dad that I had sex with Felix, we didnt of course, i was fucken 15 and he was 13 and the tragedy had just happened the night before. I had spent the night with Felix to comfort him not fuck him. But my dad believed them and told me that he forbade me from ever seeing Felix ever again” Sylvain continued before staying quiet for a couple of seconds. “I told him i wasn’t… that i refused to never be allowed to see him again… that caused an argument to spark and before i knew it i was outside in the rain. Funny thing is after that day I wasn’t able to see Felix haha. Bastard got exactly what he wanted.” 

Ashe stayed quiet for a couple seconds before Sylvain felt a very shy and awkward hug from behind and he couldn’t help but smile. “If it makes you feel any better, Felix still really cares about you.” 

Sylvain laughed, “thanks… sucks that you and I have to meet like this. I’m sure I would love to take you out to some tavern and get a drink with you! You seem like someone I would easily be friends with.” 

“Well if fighting the death knight doesn't make us friends then I’ll seriously be concerned with what Felix and the others had to do to become your friend” that immediately made Sylvain laugh (maybe too loudly for a covert mission but it was a genuine and true laugh). 

“For starters, Felix didn't even give me an option, he came up to me and told everyone in the room that I belonged to him” Sylvain chuckled. “His literal first words to me were ‘I like you’ and then ‘he’s mine from now on’.”

“Oh goddess. You’re telling me he’s always been bossy?”

“All Fraldarius men are like that” Sylvain answered with a smile before that quickly faded and he had to slow down his horse. Holding his hand up to stop Ashe from talking anymore and pointing in front of him. 

Ashe immediately tensed up before looking past his shoulder to find a small group of mages preparing to warp and right in the middle of it all was the one and only - Death Knight. He was in full armor and was keeping to himself, not paying any of the mages near him any attention. Too focused with his own things to notice them either which was in their favor. 

“Do i get off or wait until it's only him” Ashe whispered. 

Sylvain motioned his horse to go towards the group of trees nearby. Careful to keep himself in the shadow, “I’ll bait him out to try and get him closer to here so for now find a tree to call your friend.”

Ashe immediately jumped off, “what about the other mages?” 

“I’m going to shoot off a Ragnarok spell at them, it’ll cause all of them to attack me but the less people that go to attack Claude and the others, the better” Sylvain whispered. “Try and keep yourself hidden, only shoot if you think it’s absolutely necessary okay? I don’t want Jeritza to know about you just yet. I worked with Edelgard enough to know the mages she has right now aren’t too strong so I should be able to take care of them. Only get involved when the Death Knight comes close enough.” 

“Alright” Ashe said before immediately picking a tree and climbing it, positioning himself so that he was hidden but had enough visibility to snipe whoever he needed to. 

“Ashe” Sylvain called out as he grabbed The Lance of Ruin. “Remember, if things get bad, run. Leave me behind. That’s an order.” 

Ashe looked down at Sylvain, and he could tell he wanted to reject that order, to say that he wanted to stay and fight with him till the end but Sylvain wouldn't bring him down like that. Not when he didn't even know what he was dying for. Not when he had friends that were waiting for him back in the monetary. After a couple of seconds he nodded. Fully aware that right now, Sylvain was his commander and that he had no choice but to obey and order. 

Sylvain nodded back before taking a deep breath. It had been a while since he had fought, he wasn’t rusty and certainly was not scared of dying. But what he was - was scared of was failing. He couldn’t fail right here, not in the first battle he would take place in. If he failed now then the alliance and the kingdom were done for. The empire would win and it sounded really dramatic and drastic when he worded it like that but it was the truth and he knew that Claude had also been thinking the same thing all day. This battle would be a small taste to what was to come their way, battles they knew were coming but weren’t prepared for. This was trial one and if they failed now then what made them think that they would be able to succeed in Fhirdiad? Or in the alliance? No, this was a test and Sylvain was not so sure he would be passing. But all Sylvain had to do was buy time. Buy enough time until Claude defeated Edelgard and she retreated. That’s what he needed to do.

Every step that Bergamont took Sylvain could swear that he could feel the same creeping hold that had taken him the first time he had fought with the relic. Could swear that he could see Miklan standing at the edge of the battlefield, a quiet witness to what Sylvain was about to do. Smiling and mocking him because they both knew that Sylvain would become exactly what he had become back in Conan Tower. That to win this battle, he had no other choice. 

Miklan laughed and Sylvain entered the clearing, none of the mages nor Jeritza had noticed him yet and so Sylvain got closer. And closer. Still unnoticed. His heart was beating faster than Sylvain could ever recall it beating. Now that he was closer he could see that there were a lot more mages than he had realized but it was too late to back out of this now. He had to do this. Had to take care of this no matter what he did. So he got closer, and then lifted his hand up, letting magic seep into the air as he took a deep breath. 

Sylvain fired Ragnarok and the Lance of Ruin glowed. Chaos immediately followed as all the mages that had been able to avoid the attack got in position to fight against Sylvain but he had already spurring his horse forward, already shooting off other spells and clearing out more of the mages. Getting close enough to even cut some of them down. 

He was precise in the way he fought, switching from magic to lance work quickly and swiftly, getting close enough to be able to kill some of the more braver mages that ran up to him, but also far away enough that he wasn’t getting overwhelmed. Bergamont was also a secret blessing in Sylvain’s situation, not needing Sylvain to tell him what to do, avoiding attacks and moving around with speed and efficiency. Both having trained enough and bonded so much that they had no need for commands. Between the two, they were able to successfully wipe out half of the mages without a problem. 

But soon enough, the mages had regrouped and were working together and Jeritza was heading his way. Sylvain took this as the “end of his turn” and spurred Bergamont to retreat towards the trees, Sylvain still firing dark spikes and miasmas when the opening came up. Though once he was close enough, the first arrow was fired and mage after mage were being shot down. Part of Sylvain did want to get mad at Ashe for not entirely following orders, but he couldn’t really be that mad, not when the Death Knight had locked eyes with him and Sylvain was barely able to dodge his thoron spell. 

There was a moment of silence and tranquility as Sylvain rose his relic up and Jeritza’s grip on his scythe tightened. Neither of them paid attention to the others around them, anticipating the calm before the storm. Sylvain breathed in. There were still about 12 more mages but he would have to depend on Ashe to take care of most of them now that he was in the Death Knights attack range, he could also expect no back up for the time being. Still, many will slip past the cracks and attack Sylvain while he was busy with Jeritza, he knew this. It was too obvious not to realize that, which was why Ashe had made his presence known and started firing. The both of them were backed into a corner. 

Miklan laughed, because he knew that Sylvain had no other choice but to become what he had that day. 

Then the second was over and Sylvain spurred Bergamont forward, the change in his eyes was instantaneous and the Lance of Ruin came to life just as quickly with the magic that was now seeping into it like a life force. Thrashing and screaming, and Miklan laughed because soon. Soon. Sylvain would become the perfect Gautier. Exactly what everyone had expected of him. 

Sylvain swung down not fast enough to hit Jeritza but fast enough that Jeritza had no other option but to back away instead of block. This gave Sylvain the opportunity to swing back up and strike. But Jeritza was faster and was able to block the attack, weapons crashing and Sylvain could hear his relic howl. With the helmet Jeritza wore, Sylvain could not see his face, but if he had he would've seen Jeritza for the first time in a very long time flinch away from Sylvain because the eyes that he had did not belong to a human much less a boy like him. No, he couldn’t quite put his finger on what his eyes reminded him off but every single part of his body screamed at him to run. He enjoyed that sensation and couldn’t help but smile at his current opponent. 

Bergamont immediately stepped back and put some distance for Sylvain to be able to fire Nosferatu at Jeritza, he was able to avoid the attack but the attack had wiped out the mages that had been behind Jeritza. But Sylvain couldn’t focus on that when Jeritza was coming at him, scythe swinging low to the ground, trying to cut at Bergamont’s legs. Sylvain kicked Bergamont into action, forcing him to jump up as Sylvain leaned down and brought the relic down to crash on his scythe and pushed up to knock Jeritza off balance. The minute Bergamont had landed on the floor he was charging straight at Jeritza and Sylvain offered him the same hospitality by dragging his relic right along his horses leg, the cut wasn’t deep enough to permanently force the horse away from the fight but it was enough for it falter back and Jeritza had no choice but to fire another Thoron spell to try and deter Sylvain.

Sylvain avoided it and relished in how it instead hit the mages that had been near him. He spurred Bergamont forward and brought his lance down onto Jeritza’s scythe, a battle of strength ensued. Both weapons locked the same way Sylvain would swear his eyes were locked onto Jeritza’s. But Jeritza only had a simple scythe, meanwhile, Sylvain had a relic. Sylvain smiled and for the first time in his life, he activated his crest in combat and watched as the force of the attack caused Jeritza to be pushed back, the relic crashing down and cutting into his shoulder. Instantly Jeritza fired Thoron once more, this time Sylvain didn’t have enough time to dodge and felt the spell hit him directly in his chest. His vision blacking out for a second and by the time he had regained, Bergamont had put some distance between him and Jeritza. 

Both were at a stalemate. And both injured. 

Then an arrow hit Jeritza, right on his wrist, and Sylvain didn't have to turn around to know who had fired it. Didn’t have to turn around to find that the only one left was Jeritza, everyone else had been wiped out. Sylvain couldn’t help but smile again before spurring Bergamont forward, firing dark spikes. Jeritza narrowly dodged it but he dodged exactly where Sylvain wanted him to. Bringing down the Lance of Ruin on him, cutting into his thigh and into the side of his horse. Deep enough that the horse instantly bucked up in pain, forcing Jeritza to once again fire Thoron at Sylvain to try and stop his assault. 

An arrow shot right past Sylvain's head and into Jeritza’s shoulder, as Sylvain dodged the Thoron spell. He stood down for a second, waiting to see what Jeritza would do next. Stay and fight a losing battle, or retreat and live another day. And Sylvain knew Jeritza was not an idiot, he wouldn’t let himself die just yet. So Sylvain waited, because he knew that Jeritza would be retreating any second now. 

But Jeritza spurred his horse forward and so Sylvain spurred his too, meeting him in the middle, both their weapons locking onto each other. But their contact was short lived as Jeritza pulled out a sword with his other hand and slashed towards Sylvains stomach. Caught off guard, Sylvain adjusted his grip on the relic to block the sword instead and letting Jeritza’s scythe cut down on his shoulder. He cried out in pain, the pain that came after was one he was familiar with. A poison that he had yet to built up immunity that Hubert had created all on his own. A one of a kind Vestra poison. 

Sylvain immediately kicked his horse back and pushed the sword to the side and felt as the scythe ripped into his shoulder and then sliced out of him. Sylvain immediately shot Nosferatu towards Jeritza, enough to force him to pull back, giving Sylvain enough time to get some distance between the two. Sylvain had no idea how fast this poison would start working. Had no idea what to expect from the poison that was now in his system since Hubert was always tweaking everything he created. 

“You are clearly stronger than I had imagined” Jeritza spoke up as he lowered his scythe. “However, the time is not right... I will wait for the next opportunity we have, until then. Do not die by anyone else’s hand.” 

“How romantic” Sylvain joked as he watched Jeritza warp away. He would chase after him (Hubert had taught him long ago how to track others that warped away) but the poison was finally kicking in and Sylvain was losing a lot more blood than he had realized. The poison must have a blood thinning quality to it because his entire side, and Bergamont’s was now covered in his blood. Sylvain also could not move that arm, whether it was because the cut was deep enough that it ripped tendons or because of the poison, he had no idea. No, for now. He could only hope that Jeritza retreated back to the empire instead of to go fight alongside Edelgard. 

“Sylvain” Ashe called out as he jumped down from the tree and ran to him. He also had a couple of injuries but for the most part, he had used the trees to his advantage considering the fact that a lot of them had charre marks on their trunks and leafs. 

“I’m glad you're okay” Sylvain grunted as he motioned Bergamont to walk towards him. 

“Oh that looks bad, oh that looks really bad” Ashe said as he got close enough to see the actual damage. 

“Yup uh do me a favor yeah” Sylvain grunted as he used his other arm to point towards the small bag strapped onto his saddle. “I have vulnarys in there. Pour them all on my arm. It won't be enough to heal this, but it‘ll be enough to stop the bleeding and slow down the poison.” 

“Poison?!” Ashe immediately ran over to the bag and pulled out the vulnarys frantically. Slinging his bow on his back and jumping on to Bergamont before pouring the vulnaries on his shoulder. 

“Yeah, Hubert’s little gift to all of his best men” Sylvain sighed before leaning forward to pat Bergamont’s neck. “You did good buddy, but I’m sorry. I’m going to need you to listen to Ashe from here on out because I am going to knock out soon.” 

“No please don’t,” Ashe begged as he was now pulling some of his vulnaries and pouring them on Sylvains shoulder. “I wouldn’t be able to face anyone if you die on me.” 

Sylvain chuckled as he rested his head on Bergamont’s neck and used his last bit of energy to spurr him forward. “Don’t worry, I don't plan on dying just yet. I made a promise to Felix after all.” 

That was the last thing he could remember before blacking out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ashe, earlier: so like....
> 
> Sylvain: what’s up?
> 
> Ashe: when you’re a dog... do you genuinely like belly rubs or is that you just playing along? 
> 
> Sylvain: .....Why do I like feel either answer that I give you, I’m going to disappoint you?
> 
> Also I’m sorry if Ashe is a little ooc, I’ve never written him before so I’m still getting used to him! I promise I’ll get better!!


	15. Ultramar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvain is injured

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So heads up this chapter has some descriptions of pain and a character in pain so just be warned! Injuries aren’t descriptive but still! Be warned!

When he came to the first thing Sylvain realized was that he was in a lot of pain. A mixture of two pains that he had felt before in his life, one when Miklan had broken his shoulder, and the other was the first time Hubert had poisoned him. Considering the injury he had gotten… Sylvain would say this was to be expected. The second thing he noticed, once he had managed to gather enough strength to open his eyes, was that he was in a really bright lit room. Annoyingly bright actually. After adjusting to the lighting, he was able to figure out that this was an infirmary of some kind based on the beds and the cabinets filled with medicine. 

Lastly he noticed a very tired and bruised up Claude sitting next to him asleep. Though he had a book on his lap which made Sylvain think that maybe he had meant to try and stay up to wait for him to come to but exhaustion had taken over him. Sylvain smiled, the last time he had been bed ridden from an injury he had woken up to no one besides him, this…. This was a nice change, a welcomed change. 

But Claude’s book was two seconds from falling off his lap and waking up Claude and so despite being in extreme pain, Sylvain reached forward to grab it from his lap but he found that he couldn’t lift either of his arms and immediately panic settled in at the thought that he had somehow damaged both of his arms. In his panic the book on Claude’s lap had finally fallen and immediately woke up Claude who also woke up in panic but immediately managed to regain himself when he saw that Sylvain was awake and seriously in distress. 

“Hey hey hey” Claude said as he stood up and put his hand on Sylvains leg. “Calm down there buddy, you’ll open up your wounds if you keep thrashing around.” 

“Wounds?! I only hurt one shoulder why? Why can't I move either of my arms?!” 

Realization quickly hit Claude, “okay calm down Sylvain. The reason why you can't move your arms is because you’re handcuffed to the bed. The only injuries you have are some burn marks and small cuts in your torso and legs, and the one really nasty cut on your left shoulder. Your other arm is fine.” 

“H-handcuffed” Sylvain asked before looking down and wiggling the bed sheet off of him to reveal that the other arm that had been uninjured was indeed handcuffed to the bed. The injured one was secured in a sling and resting on his chest. 

“Yes, you’re kind of...arrested at the moment” Claude said hesitantly. 

“Arrested?!” 

“Okay okay chill” Claude said as he sat down on the bed looking at Sylvain. 

“Chill?! Don’t tell me to fucken chill Khalid, you try waking up handcuffed and in pain” Sylvain snapped. 

“I know but let me explain everything, can’t do that with you yelling and freaking out now can i?” Claude asked and waited a second for Sylvain to fight back but Sylvain simply snapped his mouth shut, making Claude smile. “First good news. We were right about Edelgard attacking, the minute we were down in the holy tomb she attacked but we were able to fight her off, surprisingly Hubert wasn’t there until the end to whisk her away to safety so we only had to deal with some demonic beast, one random general of hers, and other mages. Even she didn’t fight for long before retreating. No one got injured at all actually, some scrapes and cuts but nothing too serious thankfully, and according to Ashe we have you to thank for that. Going toe to toe with the death knight, you’re certainly a topic of interest to a lot of people at the moment.” 

“Topic of interest?” 

Claude sighed, “yeah so after we defeated Edelgard, I immediately ran towards the secret passage you left from, didn't even wait to talk to Byleth or anyone. Just ran straight to there. When i saw that you weren’t there I immediately turned to get a horse to ride out to you but by then the professor stopped me to ask what the hell was going on, the rest of the deer were also shaken up because i guess i looked really distressed.”

Claude looked to the side for a second before continuing. 

“It was then that I saw your horse running back and I ran right to you guys. By the time I saw Ashe holding on to your unconscious body my mind was already in full overdrive, to the point that i hadn’t noticed that Seteth and Catherine had arrived behind me, thinking that there was another attack coming. The minute I reached you guys, Ashe stopped your horse and we got you to the floor… fuck Sylvain, never in my life have i seen that much blood come out of someone, i thought you were fucken done for.” 

Sylvain looked down. 

“Ashe was flipping shit, fucken absolutely hysterical, saying you had been cut and that before you passed out you told him you were poisoned. By this point all the deer, Teach, Seteth and Catherine were standing above us. I blocked them out for the first couple of seconds apparently, too focused on trying to stop your bleeding because according to Ashe your wound had reopened half way through the run back and you had been bleeding out since then. At that point Marianne and teach stepped forward to start healing you, it was then that Seteth finally grabbed me and demanded to know what was going on.”

Claude looked over to Sylvain then. 

“...I told them that you had been working for me ever since Conan Tower, that you had been spying on Edelgard and her forces for the past two years and had been gathering intel to be able to protect Faerghus from that…. That you had gone to your dad in hopes of being able to reveal this information to him but that he had refused anything you said and that that was why you had stolen the relic. Told him that after that you came to me to warn me about everything and that the two of us had been working to try and stop her but that we had been too late and weren’t able to prevent the attack.”

Claude sighed, “That was when Ashe spoke up and started explaining how the two of you went to intercept the Death Knight so that he didn't end up going down to the Holy Tomb to attack us who were down there. And how between the two of you, you were both able to get rid of around 12 or so mages that would have warped to fight us instead had you not. And how you were able to not only fight on par with the death knight but that you had actually been winning and forced him to retreat. That instantly made a lot of the others see you in a different light, certainly caught Catherine’s attention. I'll tell you that.” 

“And so then they took me into custody, I assume” Sylvain sighed. 

“Well at that moment, Seteth was forced to make the executive decision of helping you out or watching you die and well they certainly don't have anyone that could go against the death knight so I’m sure that was why he ordered his knights to help pick you up and take you the infirmary. It was thanks to the professor, Marianne, Lindhardt and Professor Manuela that you survived. So you’ll have to thank them for that. After they healed you, Rhea ordered to have you cuffed and the relic to be given back to her until they decide what to do about you.” 

Sylvian sighed, “so then everyone knows now?” 

“I assume so,” Claude answered. “Though I will be honest with you, I haven’t left this room at all since you were put in here. Partially for you but mainly because Rhea and Seteth are trying to do damage control and don’t want me to uh fuck shit up i guess.” 

Sylvain chuckled, “well that’s expected… how’s Ashe?” 

“He was shaken up for a long time, i think it was mainly because he felt guilty that he had let you take on so much without helping you out more, so expect an apology from him. He was here with you for the first few hours but then Linhardt came here and told him that, understandably, his house was looking for him and wanted to make sure he was okay, and to talk to him,” Claude explained. “He hasn’t come back since then.” 

“Fun. I can only imagine the fucken scolding he’s receiving from Ingrid right now” Sylvain sighed as he tried to adjust himself but instantly pain shot down his arm and he screamed out in pain. 

“I told you not to move,” Claude hissed as he pushed Sylvain back down. “Let me get someone to look you over now that you’re awake. Don’t. Fucken. Move.” 

Sylvain could only nod before he watched Claude stand up and walk out of the room, Sylvain took this time to try and just let himself cope with everything and give himself a moment of rest because he knew soon enough he wouldn't have a second for himself. However that was very hard when you were in a lot of pain and all you could think of is ‘Pain. Ow. Hurts. Fuck. Ow. Fuck. Shit. Pain.’

Eventually Claude came back and behind him was Linhardt and who he assumed was Professor Manuela. Linhardt immediately sat down on the chair that Claude had been occupying, he looked like he had a thousand questions he wanted to ask but was reigning them all in. Claude sat down on the edge of his bed and Professor Manuela moved to the left side of his bed to check him over. 

“Good morning, how are you feeling?” Manuela asked as she carefully undid the sling on his arm. 

Sylvain thought for one second about flirting because she was really pretty, but then the sling came off and his arm fell down and he was grunting out in pain. “Could be a lot better.” Answered with a clenched jaw. 

“Understandable given your injury” She replied as she carefully stripped the bandages and motioned Linhardt to grab some supplies from the medicine cabinet. “You should be thankful you still have an arm.” 

“The cut wasn’t that deep though” Sylvain mumbled. 

“No but the poison that was used was deteriorating your muscles and eating up your fat. When Ashe thought some bump had reopened your wound he was wrong, what happened was that the poison had eaten so much of your arm that by that point it was like if you had been cut again. By the time we figured out how to stop the poison from spreading you were on the edge of losing this” Manuela said as she poked at his arm, causing him to groan in pain. 

“The poison is undocumented, we have no idea what it was and so even now there’s lingering effects from it” Linhardt added as he handed over Manuela the things she needed. “So I’m surprised you were able to figure out you had been poisoned to begin with.” 

Sylvain chuckled, “I’ve been poisoned enough times by Hubert to know when a blade is laced. That and he has a nasty signature to all his concoctions. Burning pain on the immediate wound and loss of consciousness.” 

Linhardt frowned. 

“Well luckily for you it seems to be fading away” Manuela said as she went to pour a vulnary on the wound to try and clean it but the minute it touched the wound Sylvain screamed out in pain and tried jumping from her, violently moving his body however he could. Instantly Claude had to jump forward to restrain Sylvain and stop him from hurting himself. 

“Fuck” Manuela said under her breath. 

“Vulnarys aren’t supposed to hurt are they?” Claude asked, wide eyed. 

“It must be another symptom of the poison” Linhardt answered by then Sylvain was no longer fidgeting but was breathing heavy and had his eyes clenched shut. 

Manuela breathed in before turning to Linhardt, “Linhardt, help Claude keep him still. I have to clean out the wound and it’ll be incredibly painful for him but we can only hope the pain will knock him.” 

“Knock him out?!” 

“Can’t we just heal him?” Lindhardt asked. 

“No, we’ve used enough magic on him. Use anymore and it’ll only make it worse at this point. There’s a limit to how many times a body can be healed by magic” Manuela sighed. 

Lindhardt closed his eyes shut and mumbled something under his breath before grabbing onto Sylvain hip and legs. Looking away from what was about to happen and nodding once he was ready. Claude also looked away and tried to block out Sylvains screams once Manuela started the cleaning process. It felt like an eternity to Sylvain, never in his life had he experienced this level of pain. He couldn’t recall anything that was going on, couldn’t hear Manuelas reassuring words or Claude trying to comfort him. Didn’t even hear when Linhardt asked, no, begged, Manuela to finish already. 

Sylvain was sure that his screams could probably be heard all throughout the monastery, there was no way they couldn’t, not with how he was screaming right now. This was nothing like he had ever experienced, every other injury he had ever gotten before this one was nothing compared to this. They were almost laughable now that Sylvain thought about it. Unluckily for him, he never ended up passing out from the pain, every time he would feel his conscious try to slip away something kept preventing him from it. As if some unknown magic was forcing him to endure all of this pain. 

By the time Manuela finished and was able to wrap up his arm again, Sylvain was practically begging for death to take him away so he wouldn't have to endure something like that ever again. Linhardt immediately stood up and practically ran out of the room. Claude tried to act like he was unfazed by that so that he could be there for Sylvain, but the way his body was violently shaking gave him away. Even Manuela was shaking and mumbling things to herself, unable to meet Sylvain’s eyes. He certainly did not blame her for that pain, oh no, only one man could be blamed for creating something as horrible as that and he was currently in Adrestia completely unharmed. 

Sylvain was still reeling from the pain when the loud banging on the door started. Sylvain hadn’t even noticed that the door to the room he was in was locked but that was to be expected, he was a prisoner after all. 

“Open the fucken door! Open the fucken door right now” and Sylvain could swear the pain had triggered the voices in his head because that voice sounded a lot like Felix. 

“We got visitors” Claude tried to joke but he was also still too shaken up to actually be able to joke around with true intent. 

Manuela shook her head, not moving to open the door. “I am sorry but no visitors are allowed until Lady Rhea has given permission!” 

Sylvain could hear more banging and then muffled yelling followed by what sounded to him like fighting but at this point Sylvains brain was mush and he could only lay down and close his eyes. Still unable to sleep but at least like this he could focus on making his heart slow down and his breathing not as hysterical. 

“You're still with us Syl,” Claude asked, forcing Sylvain to open his eyes. 

“Yeah” he answered, his voice loud and raspy and his throat raw and sore from screaming. “I’m here.” 

“Seteth told me to alert him once you woke up,” Manuela mumbled before sighing. “I will tell him you’re awake but also tell him about what happened so he goes easy on you.” 

She said with a smile before walking over to the door, opening it and immediately rushing out and closing it behind her. Sylvain could hear her yell out something but he couldn’t be bothered to decipher it. He exhaled before turning to look at Claude who was looking at him, extremely worried. 

“Should have expected this” Sylvain rasped out before swallowing and taking a second before continuing. “This would make the perfect poison for interrogating in Huberts eyes.” 

“When i see him I’ll personally punch him for you” Claude grumbled before standing up and grabbing the cup of water Manuela had left by the bedside table.

“Thanks” Sylvain sighed as Claude helped him drink some of the water, though it hurt like a bitch now that his throat was so raw from screaming. 

Claude put the cup back on the table before looking over at him. Sylvain could tell that Claude was really fucken worried and that that screaming session had only made things worse for him. That he had a hundred things he wanted to say and a million other kind apologies he wanted to give. Sylvain sighed before smiling at him. 

“Stop that Khalid. We won the first battle, we should be happy right now” Sylvain rasped out. 

“Yeah and look what it took to win” Claude sighed before shaking his head and slipping on a smile. “But you’re right. All that planning wasn’t for nothing so we do owe ourselves a little celebration once you're out of here.” 

“Yeah, that sounds nice,” Sylvain said. “Getting drunk definitely sounds nice right now honestly.”

Claude chuckled, “fuck, I’ll join you.” Sylvain immediately smiled at him and closed his eyes, still trying to cope with the pain he had felt and was still currently feeling , but that moment was cut short by more loud banging on the door. 

“Claude, open the fucken door” Felix yelled out. 

“Felix please, they said they’ll let us see him once we can” Sylvain could hear Annette’s muffled voice. 

“Do not force me to fucken bust this fucken door down” Felix continued to yell out, the banging getting progressively louder. 

Sylvain at this point tried to sit up, noticing that the room door he was in had a window on it and his brain was immediately desperate to see Felix but that brain was a big fucken idiot because the minute he moved, the same pain shot down his arm and he immediately screamed out in pain. Claude quickly rushed over and forced him to lay back down. 

“Claude I’ll fucken kill you if you’re hurting him! I’ll cut you into fucken pieces” Felix yelled out as he was now, from the sounds of it, kicking at the door. 

“Felix please” Annette begged until the banging abruptly stopped. 

“Put me down you fucken dog” Felix screamed. 

“Please calm down, you will only hurt yourself if you continue doing that” Dedue’s calm voice spoke up. 

“Go right to hell” Felix spat out before Sylvain could hear more muffled talking and the occasional yell and grunt. 

“What in goddess damnation is going on” Sylvain heard a loud demanding voice yell out, most likely this Seteth guy, and the talking and shuffling stopped immediately. 

“Open this fucken door now” Felix yelled out, Sylvain couldn’t see him but he knew that he must be giving the most horrifying death stare in Fodland’s history. 

“I’ll help you keep him down Dedue” a woman’s voice said. 

“Don’t you fucken-” Felix started yelling before he was cut off by the other mans voice. 

“That is okay Shamir” Seteth spoke. “Lady Rhea has allowed for guests to visit him. We received a letter from Duke Fraldarius and Duke Rufus explaining that Sylvain is to be pardoned of all crimes and that he is to inherit the Lance of Ruin as he is now the heir since he was born with the crest of Gautier.” 

More muffled talking that Sylvain couldn’t make out since it was a lot quieter than before. 

“Yes. Now then, just because guests are allowed does not mean that all of you will be allowed inside” Seteth added. “Not only that but i have plenty of things that i would like to ask him about all this and so i will only allow three of you to enter.” 

“Open the door” Felix said immediately, clearly not caring as to who else entered the room. Sylvain could hear someone sigh. 

“I will go get his highness and tell him that Sylvain is being allowed visitors” Dedue said. 

“I’ll go find Ingrid and tell her that Sylvain is awake” Mercedes added. 

Sylvain couldn’t make out the rest that was being said, the voices too low for him to properly hear. Had it been any other situation, Sylvain would be panicking right now. Would be borderline hysterical about having to come face to face with Felix, but currently all his mind was really processing was the pain that he was feeling and how for some reason now everytime he breathed in, his lungs felt like they were breathing in ice. 

Claude moved to the side, to sit next to Sylvain so that he could be there to protect him (at least that was what it looked like to Sylvain). By the time Claude had reached over to put his hand on Sylvains knee the door was opening and Sylvain was left staring at Felix. His hair was disheveled, his eyes red, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in hours. It felt like time had stopped when he finally made eye contact with him, this wasn’t the first time he had seen him. No, he had seen him plenty of times as a dog now, but this was different because this time - this time Felix saw him too. 

Instantly Felix ran over to him, reaching out to hug him but stopping half way through, noticing the bandages and was instead left gawking down at Sylvain. But it was now that he was in the same room as Sylvain, that Sylvain was there in front of him, that tears finally started to roll down his cheeks, and he looked up to Sylvain, with so much fondness in his eyes that Sylvain felt like he could drown in it. Fondness that he hadn’t seen directed towards him in so many years. 

“Hug me” Sylvain breathed out. “I don't care if it hurts please.” 

Felix immediately wrapped his arms around him, it did hurt, a whole fucken lot, but Sylvain forced himself to bite down on his tongue to stop himself from screaming because he would be damned if this was robbed from him. If he couldn’t be hugged by him after all these years of dreaming about it, Sylvain knew he would scream. 

“You fucken idiot” Felix mumbled into his neck. “You’re such a fucken idiot.” 

“I know” Sylvain rasped out, hating that he couldn’t hug him back properly. “I know I am.” 

Felix had somehow managed to get on the bed and was curled up on Sylvains side, face buried on the crook of his neck and clinging onto him like if he would disappear if he let go of him. He was crying quietly, the only reason Sylvian knew Felix was crying was because of the occasional sob that he left out and the wetness on his skin. He was mumbling his name like a mantra and Sylvain shifted so he could lay a kiss on his head. 

“I missed you,” Sylvain whispered. Growing up Sylvain had always told them all that he loved them, never had shied away from throwing his friends as much affection as he felt like it. Openly hugging and kissing them; all the adults around him had always told him to stop doing that but Sylvain had never listened to them, could never wrap his head around the concept of not showing his friends affection. And even now, he felt the exact same way as he laid another kiss on Felix’s head. Feeling in absolute bliss to be able to once again shower those he cared about with affection without anyone there to tell him to stop or any fear preventing him from doing as such. 

It was because of this reason that he cursed the goddess herself when he shifted and it caused him to scream out in pain, and scrunch his eyes closed until the pain faded away enough for it to be bearable. By then Felix had jumped off of him and was extremely worried. 

“ ‘m fine” Sylvain rasped out as he curled in on himself, the scream and the breath that followed had forced a lot of air very quickly out and into his lungs and Sylvain certainly was considering the possibility of his lungs turning into ice that very moment. 

“Talk to me what’s going on” Manuela was by his side immediately. 

“Lungs. Cold. Hurts” Sylvain was able to breathe out, each word forcing the same cold sensation down his lungs and causing more pain for him. 

“You really are one unlucky son of a bitch” Manuela whispered before turning to the room. “Okay everyone needs to get out, now.” 

“What’s wrong with him?” Claude immediately asked. 

Manuela turned to him, her eyes pained. “His lungs are going through a shock of magical adrenaline, it occurs a lot after going through a battle that forced him to over use his magic.” 

“That’s common though” Seteth replied, Sylvain couldn’t be bothered to turn and look at the owner of it, too busy trying to breath. “All he needs is to drink some vulnary and that’ll fix the problem immediately.” 

Claude instantly cursed as he brought his hands up to cover his face. 

“No not again” Linhardt begged and Sylvain hadn’t even noticed he had come back into the room. 

“What not again” Felix asked. 

“Seteth” Manuela said before looking over to Linhardt who immediately looked away from her and so she turned to Claude. A question in the air and he answered with a nod. “And Claude, please stay in this room the rest of you need to get out now.” 

“Like hell I’m fucken leaving” Felix growled. 

It was then that Sylvain tried to talk to him, to reassure him that everything was fine but the minute he breathed in Sylvain felt as if his chest had been stabbed by an icicle and suddenly he couldn’t breathe anymore. He tried to cough or to even talk but he couldn’t breath and everything was suddenly so cold. He tried to bring his hands up to his chest to make himself cough or something but he was still restrained and everyone was too busy talking to realize that he couldn’t breath. Panic settled in like an old friend and immediately Sylvain turned Claude who was still close enough to him, and he did his best to reach out to him, barely touching his hand with his finger, snapping his attention on to him and it took Claude exactly two seconds to realize what was going on. 

“He can't breathe. He can’t breathe!” Claude yelled as he reached over to try and do something. 

Manuela immediately ran over to Sylvain, vulnary in hand and practically jumped on top of Sylvain to get him to open his mouth and angle his head up so that she could force the liquid down his throat. The minute the liquid touched Sylvain tongue it was scaldingly hot and painful and he immediately flinched away and tried to kick Manuela off of him. Claude was on him immediately, getting behind him, wrapping his arms around his torso, and holding him still. Manuela ended up straddling him to stop him from kicking her away and continue to try and force the liquid down his throat. The minute it went down his throat it was like if a capsule had been opened and Sylvain let out a scream. Finally able to breathe but in so much pain that he was screaming and choking on the vulnary the Manuela was trying to feed him.

“Sylvain” Felix screamed out and tried to run over to him. 

“Get him out of here now” Seteth yelled out and Shamir, Linhardt, and Annette immediately ran to grab Felix. He immediately started fighting back, trying to get to Sylvain and calling out to him but Sylvain couldn’t hear him. Couldn’t hear anyone over the pain he was feeling. 

If Sylvain thought it had been painful to feel this pain on his skin he was not prepared to feel it inside of him. It was agonizing and everytime he choked out the vulnary it would only extend the process. He tried to wrestle away from this, his body blanking out and going into autopilot, instinct telling him to run away but Claude had a strong hold on him and Manuela had an iron grip on his chin. Eventually Seteth was able to get everyone out of the room and was able to hold Sylvains head for Manuela so the process of forcing him to drink the vulnary passed so much quicker. 

Similar to last time, Sylvain was not given the courtesy of passing out. No, he remained awake the entire time and at this point Sylvain thought Hubert as a literal monster for having created someone as evil as this. To make a potion that would cause this much agonizing pain and yet deny the affected party unconsciousness. Thankfully, once he had drunk two whole bottles of vulnary, the coldness in his chest passed away and he was able to breathe normally again. 

“He should be fine,” Manuela sighed. “Luckily for him the wound did not reopen with all that struggling and so I doubt that he will need anything else for the rest of the day. And hopefully by tomorrow this side effect will wear off.” 

Sylvain was just focusing on breathing now, his throat in too much pain for him to consider speaking. Claude was still holding him, resting his forehead on his shoulder and Sylvain didn’t miss how he was shaking. Manuela looked exhausted and did not even try to hide from them how she reached over to one cabinet to pull one bottle of alcohol and took a very long drink from it. And Seteth (who looked exactly like his voice, Sylvain would later realize) looked unsettled but was also trying to keep a calm and collected front for them all. 

“I will get professor Hanneman to start looking into this poison, if this is the effect it has it could be a complete catastrophe if others get it in their system” Seteth spoke. 

“Not just that” Manuela grunted as she sat down on one of the other spare beds in the room. “His shoulder injury Seteth. I’ve never seen something like that.” 

“What do you mean?” Claude asked, though he showed no sign of moving so at this point Sylvain was leaning on him, his head hung down. 

“I told you how the poison ate at his muscles and fat,” Manuela explained. “Well we were able to fix it for the most part but… there is some irreversible damage that no matter what i do I - it won't be enough to stop him from being able to fight, he’ll have full use of his arm in a day or two, but for the rest of his life he’ll be feeling pain there.” 

“Fuck” Claude whispered and Sylvain really could care less at this point. Fuck it. Let him be chronic pain for the rest of his fucken life, the perfect sprinkles for the shit cake that is his life. 

“Sylvain mentioned that he is familiar with Huberts poison making skills” Manuela added. “Once he’s okay enough to leave the room he could help Hanneman with figuring out an antidote. For now he should rest.” 

“Yes of course” Seteth said before straightening himself and walking towards the door. 

“You can let Felix in,” Claude added before Seteth could open the door, finally looking up. “I know Sylvain enough to know that’s what he needs right now.” 

Seteth frowned but opened the door, Manuela took that as her cue to grab some water and other rags that Sylvain could need and put them on the bedside table before looking over to Claude, “You should rest too. You need as much as he does.” 

“I know, I will,” Claude answered. “Once Felix comes inside I’ll leave him to take care of Sylvain and go get some sleep…. Thank you professor.” 

“I’ll come check on him in a couple of hours then” she said before walking to the door and stepping out of the room. 

Claude stayed quiet, holding onto Sylvain and occasionally rubbing his back. He could only imagine the pain he was going through, and part of him did feel responsible for that. He was the one that sent him after the death knight and he was the one that put him in the position to get hurt. But he knew now was not the time to feel guilty about this, right now Sylvain just needed support, someone to lean on. So when the door finally opened and Felix rushed inside, Claude gave him a small smile. 

“Hey Felix is here” Claude said as he lightly padded Sylvains back. “He’s here okay? I need to go for now but I’ll come back soon enough. But you have Felix here to help you out, okay?” Sylvain couldn’t even bring himself to nod, he was exhausted and yet he couldn’t sleep and he felt like he was in hell. Everything was so unbelievably painful and he knew it wouldn't get better for a while. 

Claude looked over to Felix and motioned him to come to his side so he could take his spot and hold Sylvain. Felix quickly walked over to him and carefully put his arms on Sylvains side and let Claude slowly slide out from the spot he was in and quickly filled it with himself. Adjusting Sylvain so that his back rested on his chest, Felix’s right arm around his waist and the other one gently pulling Sylvains head so that it could rest on his collarbone. Immediately Sylvain turned his face so that his face was pressed into Felix’s crook of his neck and Felixs hand came to his head, his fingers running through Sylvains hair and gently massaging him. 

“Manuela said she’ll come in a couple of hours” Claude whispered as he noticed that Sylvain was slowly loosening up. “I’ll tell the others to bring you both food once dinner comes around. I’ll be back.” Claude gave the two one last tired smile before walking out of the room and quietly closing the door behind him. 

Sylvain closed his eyes. He was so fucken tired and wanted to sleep but something kept him from it and every time he tried to move, pain would shoot down his side and he would wince and cry in pain. Felix would immediately hold him closer, continuing to caress him and easing him down from the pain. He was quietly humming random songs that Sylvain had never heard in his life and yet it was so extremely soothing to him. It was exactly what he needed.

He had forgotten just how it felt to be cared for. To have someone sing to him or play with his hair. To just have someone hold him for however long he needed. He didn't know just how much he had missed it until now and it ate at his chest. Knowing that the only reason this had been ripped away from him was because of his father and had it not been because of that, he would never have had to go a single moment in his life longing for this. 

Sylvain tried to speak up, to at least be able to tell Felix that he missed him. Or to even be able to try and reassure him that his was nothing and that he would be fine soon enough but the minute he tried to speak his throat burned and that forced a spike of pain to go down his chest. He sobbed out in pain and the hand in his hair immediately started caressing him again and the arm around his waist held on to him tighter. The song that Felix was humming now was more upbeat than the other ones, a faster tempo, causing Sylvain to focus on that instead of the pain he was feeling. It warmed Sylvains heart that Felix was humming something like that. That he even knew a song that was this happy and cheerful and it relieved Sylvain so much that even if he wasn’t there, this song, this song was proof enough that Felix had at least found small moments of happiness in his absence. 

Eventually the poison wore off enough that Sylvain was able to fall asleep. Though he woke up multiple times throughout the night because of a jolt of pain or shortness of breath, each time Felix would help him get past it and Sylvain was able to go back to sleep. He woke up the next morning, though in all honesty it was more like if it was noon when he woke since the sun was already high in the sky and everyone was awake. It took a couple of seconds for Sylvain’s mind to focus on what was going on or to remember the events that had happened yesterday night but once he did he gave a small prayer to the goddess that at least he wasn’t in as much pain as before. 

“I see you’re finally up” Claude‘s voice spoke up, making Sylvain turn to his right to look at him. He was wearing casual clothing and his hair was unkempt but he looked a thousand times better than he did last night. 

“How long was I out” Sylvain mumbled, hesitantly trying to move but upon realization that it was not as painful anymore, he confidently sat up and rested his back on the bed frame. 

“Hmmm all night i think, by the time i came back when the sun was coming up you were already out. It’s about to be lunch time so probably a good 14 hours” Claude said before sitting up. “I’ll go tell Manuela that you’re awake. She had to kick Felix out so he could go change and have something to eat but I’m sure he’ll come back. That and everyone else has been waiting for you to wake up so I’m sure they’ll also come here to visit once Manuela gives the thumbs up.” 

“Good, that’s good” Sylvain sighed, still groggy from sleep. 

Claude smiled, “I’ll be back okay?”

“Okay” Sylvain mumbled as Claude stepped out of the room. Reaching up to his face and rubbing his eye. He must have been completely knocked out because he could not remember anyone uncuffing him, or when Claude had come into the room or when Felix had eventually left his side.

“Good morning” Manuela practically sang once she entered the room with Claude behind her. “How are you feeling?”

“Better” Sylvain answered before yawning. “Kind of hungry.”

“Good, I’m glad,” Manuela said before walking up to him. “Myself and Mercedes were able to give you a couple of healing sessions while you slept and so the wound in your shoulder has completely closed up though I am going to have you keep it in a sling for another day just so that you don’t stress out the muscles too much. The poison has also finally left your body which is why you’re feeling better, all of last night you were sweating it off and we had to keep an eye on you so that you didn't over heat or get dehydrated. But all is good now!” 

“That’s good,” Sylvain said as he reached over to the cup of water beside him. 

“Very good, of course like i said yesterday… you will still be feeling pain in that shoulder though you’ll be able to get used to it over time hopefully. For now, I can safely say that you are okay to be dismissed from here” she said with a smile as Sylvain took a drink from his cup. 

“Wait really?” Claude asked.

“Yes, like I said the shoulder injury has been mostly healed and the poison is out of his system, there is no longer a reason to keep him holed up in this room. That and it’ll do him some good to be able to walk around right now and get some fresh air” Manuela said as she walked over to a medicine cabinet and handed Claude a bag. “There are some pills in here though, in case you start feeling any pain Sylvain. I do not want you to be alone in case something happens. So Claude, it’s your duty to stay with him, which is why I’m giving you these pills. Don’t do anything weird with them okay?” 

“Of course not professor, I wouldn't dream of it,” Claude said with a smile before turning to Sylvain. “I was able to get you some clothes that should fit you, a bit casual but then again I’m sporting the casual look too so we can match.” 

“Thanks,” Sylvain said before taking a deep breath and then trying to get out of bed. With the help of Claude and Manuela he was able to get up and dressed (though it was very difficult to change into the shirt that Claude had brought him thanks to his shoulder and the pain). In the end, Sylvain was dressed and his hair somewhat brushed (not his usual style that he had perfected over time but at least a whole lot better than the mess that was Claude's hair at the moment).

“Seteth and Lady Rhea do want to talk to you after you have gotten some food in your stomach” Manuela explained. “Claude will be able to take you to Rhea’s Chambers once you’re ready.” 

“Will do” Sylvain sighed, he was not looking forward to that conversation if he was being entirely honest but he knew that it had to be done. 

“Alright well, let’s take you to the dining hall so that you can get some food in this body of yours” Claude said as he playfully (and lightly) punched Sylvains side before opening the door and leading Sylvain out into the hallway. 

“Thank you” Sylvain told Manuela before closing the door behind him and sighing. “I’m going to hate talking to them aren’t I?”

“Oh absolutely, if it makes you feel any better though, I’ve explained most of everything to them” Claude said as they made it down the stairs. “That and well, according to rumors Lady Rhea is kind of desperate to kill Edelgard so if you have dirt on her she might actually love you.” 

“Hmm that’s not that reassuring” Sylvain mumbled before whispering. “Khalid what exactly was the story again that you told them?” 

“That you have been spying on Edelgard and that you never once were on her side. That you did everything for the kingdom” Claude whispered back before smiling to an oncoming guard. “Also told them that you tried to tell all of the information about the war to your old man but he refused to talk to you and that’s why you stole the lance of ruin.” 

Sylvain laughed dryly, “they believed that?” 

“Well at the moment your dear old dad can’t testify against that so they have to” Claude said as they walked out into the courtyard. “But hey according to Seteth you’re in good graces with the kingdom again, we’ll have to thank Glenn for working so fast to do that.” 

“Highly doubt that I’m not going to be slightly punished for any of this” Sylvain mumbled. 

“Hmm well I’m sure that Glenn is just expecting you to keep your promise you made to him” Claude said but stopped once he realized Sylvain was no longer following him. “Something wrong?” 

“Um, before i go get food let me go check on Bergamont. He didn't get injured during the fight that i know of but i still want to make sure he’s okay,” Sylvain answered. 

“OH your horse! For a while i was confused as to who the fuck Bergamont was, okay yeah sure” Claude said as he made a u turn and started walking towards the stable. “Marianne and Leonie have been trying to take care of him but apparently he hates everyone and has been kicking and biting whoever comes near him. The only one he hasn’t tried to kill is Ashe but even then he’s not friendly to him either.” 

Sylvain chuckled, “Yeah you see he’s not the nicest boy and he’s not used to people other than me touching him or caring for him. I told him to behave with Ashe so he probably remembers that.” 

“No joke, I never thought horses actually understood that kind of stuff,” Claude admitted. 

“They do, but only if you’re close enough with them. Horses are stubborn and hard headed most of the time and so they know what you’re trying to tell them to do but just choose to ignore you” Sylvain explained as they passed by the courtyard and made a turn to stables. “But honestly Bergamont and i are just stupid close with each other. He was all I had for the most part, yes I had Hubert to occasionally keep me busy but well, the academy was a thing and so I was usually entirely solo. Just me and my horse yah know?” 

“I get it, I have a wyvern back home that I have that kind of relationship with” Claude mumbled. “Though my wyvern is well trained and doesn’t BITE people.” 

“Oh shut up, Ber just has a complicated personality,” Sylvain said, making Claude chuckle. 

“You’re right about that one” Claude said as they entered the stables and Claude led him down to where they had been keeping Bergamont. Before the monastery knew about Sylvain, Claude had disguised the horse as one of the “retired” horses that the knights of Seiros had once used but now that he took a second look at the stud he had no idea how he was able to pull off the ‘this horse is too old and worn down to be used’ card because holy shit was this thing huge and intimidating. 

“Ber” Sylvain cooed as he walked up to the horse and instantly Bergamont rose his head up and walked over to Sylvain. Neighing and bouncing his head up and down. “You happy to see me, big guy?” 

Bergamont responded by basically smashing his head on Sylvains chest, demanding to be pet and Sylvain could only smile at him and oblige him. Taking this time to make sure he had no injuries. He had a couple of scratches here and there and some patches of skin that had hair missing most likely from that Thoron that they had been hit with, but for the most part he was okay. 

“Honestly that horse probably could snap everyone's neck, he looks like the kind that would enjoy doing that too” Claude joked though he made no attempt to get closer to the beast. He wasn’t joking when he said that Bergamont had bit people, Leonie's bruised up arm was proof of what this animal could do to someone. 

“He’s a war horse of course he looks like that” Sylvain answered as Bergamont finally lifted his head and was snorting and stomping his front leg. Sylvain sighed, “Sorry bud but I can’t take you out right now, I have other things to do but once I’m all cleared, I promise that I’ll take you out. Maybe I’ll even trim up your hooves? Been a while since the last time I did that for you hasn’t it?” 

“We have a ferrier here on duty” a voice spoke up and Sylvain turned to find Lorenz walking up to them. “He can probably do that for you come tomorrow morning.” 

“There won’t be any need for that,” Sylvain answered. “I used to work as a ferrier back when I was on the road and needed money and not to toot my own horn but I’m pretty good at it. Also Bergamont isn’t used to anyone but me doing that kind of thing, and it’ll take a while for me to get him accustomed to other people touching him. So I really don't want to be the reason why the ferrier is out for the next couple of weeks because my horse broke his ribs or something.” 

“Hm, I can respect a man that cares for his horse and takes responsibility for them” Lorenz responded before extending my hand. “But where are my manners, my name is Lorenz Hellman Gloucester.” 

“Sylvain Jose Gautier” Sylvain responded, firmly shaking his hand. Part of him wanted to say that they had already met (as a dog) but he also had seen enough of Lorenz that he knew that it would just be easier to redo their introductions than to assess that elephant in the room. 

“I will say though, I am quite surprised that you have such a high quality war horse, highly doubt he was very cheap” Lorenz added. 

“It was a present from a good friend of mine” Sylvain answered and immediately grimaced at what he had said. “Well he had been a good friend of mine. They’re no longer um, here.” 

“Oh I am sorry for your loss” Lorenz responded. 

“Oh! Lorenz, have you talked with Ignatz?” Claude exclaimed, forcing the attention on him instead.

“Ignatz? Was he looking for me” Lorenz asked. 

“Last I heard he was” Claude lied, but at the moment he had to. He hadn’t told anyone that Sylvain had actually gotten close to Hubert or Edelgard. In his lie Sylvain had just been some random soldier to them not a fucken commander and he really needed to give Sylvain that heads up before it came and bit them in the ass. 

“I see then I will go find him,” Lorenz said before turning to Sylvain. “I would like to get to know you better, a noble who enjoys horses is always a noble that I can get along with. Maybe when your schedule is free you will join me for a cup of tea?” 

“Uh yeah sounds very nice” Sylvain answered, noticing that boy had it been a while since he had actually dealt with nobles that acted like _nobles_ and he was sorely out of practice. 

“Very well then. Claude.” Lorenz said before bowing his head and then waltzing away like an oversized and prideful peacock. 

“Oh boy I have to get used to that shit again don't i” Sylvain mumbled as he scratched Bergamonts head. 

“If it makes you feel any better he’ll probably end up hating you once he knows you so don’t even bother wasting your time” Claude answered. 

Sylvain chuckled, “the hell is that supposed to me? I’ll have you know plenty of people like me thank you very much.” 

“Oh that’s why. The minute the topic of relationships and flirting comes up the two of you will immediately duke it out trust me” Claude said before walking over to Sylvain and throwing his arm around him, disguising his leaning forward as just a friendly hug. “I forgot to tell you that no one here knows that you were close to Hubert or Edelgard. I told them you were a foot soldier who has no idea about any major operation or plans” Claude whispered. 

“That’ll certainly make things easier for me” Sylvain whispered back. “So I’m assuming you’re not planning on letting them know about anything we have planned out?” 

“Not until I can safely say they’re allies” Claude answered before stepping back and patting Sylvains back. “Now then, why don’t we get you some food now that you saw that your dear little Bergy is okay?” 

Bergamont glared before launching his head forward to try and bite Claude who quickly stepped away from him. 

“Oh he hated that nickname” Claude answered and Sylvain could only laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Claude: ...... 
> 
> Bergamont: ......
> 
> Claude: ..... 
> 
> Bergamont: I don’t vibe with you. 
> 
> Claude: uuum
> 
> Bergamont: From here on out i will make it my lives mission to end you and your blood line
> 
> Claude: UUMMM


	16. Ceruleo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reunions both sweet and bitter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have no idea how many times I had to rewrite this chapter because it just didn't feel _right_ even now it still seems off but at this point I know it’s just my brain being stupid. 
> 
> Anyways friendly reminder that I love Dimitri, truly I do. Just remember that I love Dimitri. 
> 
> I. Love. Dimitri.

The dining hall should have been empty, at least that was what Sylvain was led to believe when Claude had mentioned that breakfast and lunch had passed and so there should be no reason for anyone to be hanging around the dining hall. Especially now that there was a literal war happening and everyone was getting ready to defend Garreg Mach...

Of course that wasn’t the case as both him and Claude walked up to find not only the entire Golden Deer crew but also most of the blue lions (all except for Dimitri and Dedue) patiently sitting down on one of the middle tables, bunched together talking between themselves. Some looked at ease and wore casual clothing, taking advantage that classes had apparently been cancelled (according to Claude), others still wore their uniforms, and some (like Caspar and Raphael) were wearing what looked like clothes you would wear for training. They were all busy in their conversations so none of them really realized that Sylvain had been standing by the door way. 

So Sylvain, a true coward by heart, immediately turned around and walked away from all of them. Yes he was hungry, goddess he was hungry, but he also was not in the mood for dealing with _that_ many people. He knew what would happen if he walked in there, he would get interrogated and everyone would try to ask him about his life and what he’d been up to. Some might even ask if he was a spy or not trust him at all and Sylvain was not in the mood to deal with that. Certainly was not in the right state of mind to ‘play nice’ and not accidentally become an asshole in order to protect his secrets. 

“Whoa hey there man, food’s this way” Claude called out running up to him and standing in front of him, blocking his way. 

“Too many people, I’ll get food later” Sylvain mumbled before walking past him and away from everyone. 

Claude sighed, knowing full well that Sylvain was in one of _those_ moods. He cursed quietly before walking to him, “How about this then, we find you a spot to sit and relax and I’ll go get you food. How does that sound?” 

Sylvain shrugged, “do whatever you want Kha-Claude, shit fuck, I’m fucken calling you bitch from now on fuck your second name.” 

Claude rolled his eyes, “we both know why my name is Claude” he whispered. 

“Well I am going to walk around, the place looks empty and I want to get some air before I get grilled by some church official” Sylvain responded. 

“Hmm like I said, how about I go get you food and you meet me in the training grounds, where I found you the first time we oh so graciously met” Claude said with a smirk. 

“Fine whatever” Sylvain grunted before waving him off and walking away. 

He knew, technically, that he should not be alone right now. Claude was a good safety net and also a good wall that kept him protected from anyone that could potentially see him as an enemy and kill him or try to pry into his life. But he needed his space and he also just needed to cope with everything that had happened the past two days. His mind was in overdrive and he just needed a second to let himself block out everything. A second to just recover from everything without anyone breathing down his neck. 

Claude had mentioned that Seteth swore everyone to secrecy that had been there for Claude and Ashe’s explanation about the death knight incident. So in retrospect no one knew why he was there, and they most certainly did not know that he had worked for Edelgard before either. Apparently they were going with the, I came and fought by their side during the holy tomb incident out of the goodness of my heart, which was fine, had a shit ton of holes in the story, but it was fine. Made it so that Sylvain could walk around the campus and no one even batted an eye towards him. Weirdly enough Sylvain kind of wished he could turn into a dog right now. Certainly would make things so much easier to deal with since no one would expect him to reply back to questions that way. But alas, magic was momentarily banned by Manuela and so he would have to suck it up and be human he guessed. Odd considering how much he absolutely did not want to become a dog before but things changed. 

Luckily for Sylvain, Garreg Mach was preparing for war so everyone was in war councils or stationed out to protect the monastery, this meant that there were no knights anywhere near the training grounds and upon opening the door, there weren’t any knights in the building either. So no interrogation here either. Of course Sylvain has the luck of a crumbled up dead raccoon that was getting eaten by wolves and so despite there being no knights to deal with, there was the one person he will always, ALWAYS, runs into in Garreg Mach. Staring directly into his eyes, piercing him in place. 

Everything was silent, the only sound was the closing of the building's door and even that felt as if it was muffled. Dimitri just stared at him and Sylvain couldn’t blame him; it had been years after all since the two had seen each other. Even still something about the way he was being looked at made Sylvains skin crawl. He couldn’t quite place what it was about Dimitri’s eyes but something was _off_ , something wasn’t right. It was then that Sylvain saw Dedue step forward and try and put himself between him and Dimitri, looking at Sylvain pleadingly. Sylvain had no idea what he was asking from him. Had no idea why the room was so tense and why Dedue was blocking him from Dimitris path, he wasn’t an enemy, he was sure everyone had been told as such. He wasn’t here to hurt Dimitri, he would never be able to do something like that despite how many years had passed between the two of them. 

Sylvain realized too late that Dedue wasn’t protecting Dimitri. 

“I’ll kill you” was the only warning he got before Dimitri pushed past Dedue and launched towards him. 

Sylvain immediately dodge, having to throw himself to the floor to avoid the jab from the spear Dimitri had been holding. “Fuck Dimitri wait” Sylvain gasped out as he got on his feet but the minute he locked eyes onto Dimitri he knew that nothing he could say would be heard. He was gone, his eyes weren’t human and Sylvain had never felt so much fear before. Dimitri made Jeritza look like a sick fucken joke. 

“Your highness-”

“I’ll kill you, I'll rip you to shreds” Dimitri roared, his words stabbing into Sylvain and making his breathing jagged. This wasn’t Dimitri, this was not Dimitri. “You’re not real, you're not Sylvain.” 

It was then that Dedue tried to grab Dimitri’s arm but Dimitri swung down his lance, cutting into Dedue’s arm and forcing him down. Sylvain knew in that moment - seeing him cut down his best friend with not an ounce of hesitation, that Dimitri was lost. He had no idea what caused this, no clue what had turned his friend into this thing. But he knew that there was no way to end this with just words, it would be useless to even try. 

Sylvain was quick on his feet, running up to a weapons rack and grabbing the first lance that he could. Turning just in time to block Dimitris attack, forcing himself to take his other arm out of the sling and use it. Dimitri was strong - too strong and it did not help that Dimitri kept activating his crest which forced Sylvain to stay in a defensive stance. Did not help that Sylvain was so used to having his relic that using this lance felt off and was scared of this thing snapping in two. Even then, Sylvain had no choice but to adapt, stepping forward and using all his strength to push Dimitri off him. 

“Dimitri, stop for one second” Sylvain begged as he parried more attacks from him, his shoulder screamed for him to stop but at this point he had no choice but to continue. “It’s me. Open your eyes dammit!” 

“I’ve heard your lies over and over again, you will not convince me this time” Dimitri growled. “Sylvain died and you’re nothing but an imposter sent by her.” 

Sylvain clenched his teeth. His body was on fire both from pain and fear. He had the sick realization as to why Felix called Dimitri a boar. The realization that his friend was nothing more than a bloodthirsty animal who cared so little about his allies and friends. It hurt, it hurt having this realization and being forced to fight someone that he wished he could just hug. It hurt that their reunion was tainted in this violence and fear because Sylvain wanted nothing more than to just tell his friend that it was okay. That he had a plan and that things would be okay but it was so obvious that that would never happen. 

Sylvain was in the middle of blocking one of Dimitri’s attacks when he saw the door open and Claude alongside other people he couldn’t make out walked in. Immediately Claude dropped whatever he was carrying and tried to run over to stop this but he had no bow, hell no one in this room had any fucken weapon except for Sylvain and Dimitri. 

“Dimitri, what are you doing?” Sylvain heard Ingrid scream out, before watching her run up to them and grab his arm and Sylvain instantly felt his heart stop. Watched as Dimitri turned swiftly, yanking his arm from her grip, and bringing his lance up, ready to strike her down. Something snapped inside of Sylvain in that moment. Dimitris' stance aimed to kill, not to hurt. Aimed to cut her in half not just push her off. His eyes blinded by the hatred that was inside of him. 

Sylvain moved on instinct, jabbing his lance forward, stopping Dimitris from making contact with Ingrid. Sylvain clenched his teeth, holding himself back from screaming as he pushed Ingrid to the side and activated his crest. Where Dimitri’s crest made things heavier and the impact of his lance stronger; Sylvains pushed whatever he hit, the force was brutal, enough to destroy walls but Sylvain felt no guilt activating it on Dimitri. Not anymore at least. 

The force was enough to knock Dimitri back to the ground, the lance falling away from him. He was laid out on the floor, Sylvain launched forward, placing a foot on his chest and the tip of his lance at his throat. It was then and only then, that Dimitri’s eyes cleared and Sylvain was looking down at the boy he once loved and cared for. A friend that he had trusted with his life. 

“S-Sylvain” he asked, clearly delirious and confused as to what was going on. The actions he had taken before were lost to him. 

Sylvain for a short second considered just plunging his lance down, putting Dimitri out of his misery because if he was this lost in his mind Sylvain wasn’t sure if he’ll ever be able to save him. Sylvain of all people knew what losing your sanity was like and so he knew that Dimitri had given into the voices, had lost control and let himself get lost to his pain and anger. There was no saving someone from that, there was no going back from something like this. 

“Why” Sylvain's voice was hoarse and shaking. 

He wanted to yell at him. Yell and ask why he would do something so stupid as to give himself in. Why he gave up fighting. Why he was willing to kill and hurt those close to him all for the sake of revenge. What had happened to cause him to be like this? What could he have done to fix this? To save him? 

“You’re their king Dimitri” Sylvain looked down at Dimitri, straight into his eyes. His voice bitter and cold, the connection they once had broken beyond repair. “Everyone here depends on you to lead and protect them. Everyone here needs you. Do not lose yourself for something as selfish as revenge! Do not kill others to make the ones who’ve died be appeased! You are their king! So wake up and act like one.” 

Sylvain pushed himself off of Dimitri, throwing his lance to the floor and turning away from him. Walking past Ingrid and Dedue, until he was in front of Claude. “Change of plans, we can’t depend on someone like him to become king. Consider the kingdom dead.” Sylvain spoke in Almaryn. He knew no one here would understand it, and he also knew none of them had even heard Almyran. 

With that he walked past them all and out of the training grounds. He walked until he was in the courtyard near the dorms. Hidden off in the shadows he finally let himself scream. Bringing his hands to his hair, pulling at his roots and screamed again. He dropped to his knees and curled himself inward, pulling his hair and fighting off the tears that were threatening to come down. He didn't want this. He didn't want any of this. To be forced to put a blade to his friends throat and make the tactical decision that he wasn’t worth saving. Forced to live with the fact that his friend was gone now and that even if he tried to help, they were at war. They didn’t have time to fix anyone much less someone that obviously did not wish to be fixed, to focused on revenge and anger to care. To be forced to live with the fact that Dimitri would be lost to them no matter what they did. 

He felt a hand on his back and he instantly flinched away from it, turning around to fight only to notice that it was Mercedes that had touched him. A small soft smile on her face. He quickly looked down and forced a smile on his face, “Sorry didn’t know it was you.” 

“That’s okay” she said, her voice soft and calming. “We’re all looking for you, though if you need more time alone i can stall them for you.” 

Sylvain breathed out, “no that’s fine. I’m fine, just my shoulder hurts thats all.” 

Mercedes smiled, knowing full well that Sylvain was lying but played along with it, “Here let me help you then.” 

White magic dripped from her fingers as she brought her hand up to his shoulder, easing the pain that he was feeling. Oh how Sylvain wished that she could just do that to his heart; heal it and make it better. Make the pain in his chest go away with a simple hand gesture and soft muttered words because it felt like his heart was in constant pain these past few years. In desperate need to be healed. 

“Thank you” he sighed as he got back on his feet. “I can only imagine the tongue lashing I would’ve gotten from Manuela if I came back worse than i had left.” 

“I’m sure she would have understood given the circumstances” Mercedes answered as she fixed her dress. “I'm sorry about Dimitri. I wish the two of you had been given the reunion you both deserved.” She whispered. 

Sylvain let out a dry laugh, “yeah me too… you said they were looking for me?” 

“Oh yes! They’re over here” she said as they both walked away from the shadow and into the courtyard. Immediately Ashe spotted them and called everyone over, running up to him. 

“Sylvain I’m glad you’re okay” Ashe said and instantly Sylvain put his mask back and smiled. Slinging his arm around his shoulder and messing with his hair. 

“Ah come on, a little sparring won't kill me” he laughed as Ashe tried to pry himself away from Sylvains grip, failing miserably. “But hey, I owe you a thank you and a drink for saving me.” 

“You were the one who saved me honestly” Ashe chuckled as he finally pushed Sylvain’s arm off him. “There was no way that I would have survived against the Death knight if you hadn’t fought him.” 

“Clearly i didn't do so well either,” Sylvain sighed dramatically, bringing his arms to the back of his head and looking up to the sky. “Fucken poison really kicked my ass honestly, who would have thought?” 

“Well I mea-”

“Sylvain” Ingrid yelled out as she ran over to him, practically tackling him in a hug, her arms tight around his waist. 

Sylvain smiled, “wow Ing, missed me that much huh?”

“Of course I did” She breathed out. “I missed you so much… you’re not hurt are you? I don't know what happ-”

Sylvain cut her off by wrapping his arms around her waist and lifting her up, swinging her from side to side, making her laugh. Doing anything to avoid talking about what had just happened in the training grounds. “Oh my favorite girl! I missed you.” 

“Sylvain! Put me down” she laughed, her face flushed. 

“Well if you say so” he said before unceremoniously dropping her on the floor, making her land on her butt and look up to him betrayed. “What? You said to put you down!” 

“You’re evil” she yelled out before punching his arm, but the smile on her face was sign enough that she was beyond happy. “You’re so evil.” 

“Oh an absolute villain truly” Sylvain answered before bringing her back into a hug and kissing her forehead. “The evilest man alive.” She giggled softly. 

“I’m glad you’re here Syl” Ingrid whispered before stepping away from him. “I’m really glad you’re back… I-“

“No.”

“No?”

“No apologizing not until a whole week has passed” Sylvain answered nonchalantly before turning around to find Claude, Felix, and Annette walking towards them. 

“But Sylvain as your friend i failed you-“

“Shhhhh” Sylvain said as he put his hand over Ingrid's mouth. “6 more days Ing.” 

She frowned but relented. She knew that he was right, they should give themselves a moment of pure happiness and worry free days before they tackled what happened. Before they talked about things that would lead to guilt or maybe even arguments. So she would wait, it was the least she could do for Sylvain. 

“You okay buddy” Claude asked and Sylvain did not miss the double meaning of those words. They’ll have to talk about everything tonight when they’re alone. 

“I am now that you’ve brought me Felix” Sylvain smirked. 

“You’re out of the infirmary” was the first thing he said, completely ignoring what he had just said. He was frowning most likely not happy that he wasn’t entirely sure he should be left to walk around freely or maybe it was because of what happened in the training grounds. Actually, it was probably both. 

“Yup got the green card to be free” Sylvain smiled before throwing his arm around Felix’s shoulder and then turning to look over to Claude. “I am absolutely famished though, really, I’m going to starve and faint and then it's between you and Claude to haul my ass back to Manuela if I don't eat soon.”

Claude chuckled, “then go get your own food, I’m not going back there again. You can manage, you have thumbs now, you’re not a dog.” 

Sylvain gasped dramatically, “Oh nooo, I’m already feeling faint, oh goddess have mercy, I’m dying! Oh the agony!” Sylvain exaggerated as he started draping himself over Felix. 

Sylvain couldn’t see it with the way he was draping himself over Felix, but Felix had a slight tint of pink brushed over his cheeks and a smile on his face that he will later deny ever having shown to anyone. Claude could only laugh as he watched a way too long and muscular Sylvain, slowly, ever so slowly, crumble on top of Felix (who was clearly shorter and not as big). 

“You’re being dramatic” Claude answered but still made no move to go and get Sylvain food. 

Sylvain, noticing this, only sighed before finally standing back up, “You’re a cruel man Reigan, and here I thought you promised Manuela that you would take care of me.” 

“Uhuh, I’ve taken care of your flea covered ass enough times” Claude said before pointing to Felix, “He’s your problem now.” 

“Flea?! I will have you know that not once have I ever had a flea on my pristine self” Sylvain retorted, shoving a finger to Claude’s chest. “The only reason why I ever scratched myself when i was a dog was because YOU would drop powder on me or give me something to make my skin dry you little shit.” 

“You’re gonna act like you didn't jump into a bush one time and came out covered in bugs which _I_ had to pick out of your fur with Mariannes help” Claude asked and immediately Sylvain gasped. 

“YOU PUSHED ME INTO THAT BUSH.” 

“Pushed, jumped, does not change the fact that you had bugs all over you” Claude answered nonchalantly. 

“It absolutely does change everything,” Sylvain retorted. Mercedes, Annette, and Ashe giggled at their little argument. 

Felix scoffed, “if you’re hungry then just fucken go to the dinning hall.” 

“Ugh but there’s people” Sylvain whined as he once again draped himself over Felix. “Too many people Fe. I dont have the energy for that.” 

“Then starve.” 

The gasp that came out of Sylvain was entirely real which made it even funnier for everyone around them. Ingrid laughed before shaking her head, “If you want Sylvain, I can go get you food and we can all go to the blue lions classroom. It was empty last time I checked.” 

“See this is why you’re my favorite Ing. Truly. I might even marry you if you keep treating me so kindly” Sylvain smiled. 

Ingrid rolled her eyes, “You’ll have to fight Glenn to do that.” 

Sylvain winced, “yeah no thank you. He kicked my ass last time I did.” Sylvain felt Felix tense and even saw the way Ingrid’s eyes darted down. 

_Ah. That’s right. That’s not a good joke to make right now._

“Oh Glenn is terrifying. You weren’t there to see how he threatened me” Claude quickly spoke up, a silent backup to Sylvains plight. “I still have nightmares about him. Honestly I would say that I worry for you Ingrid but I worry more for anyone that ever thinks to raise a weapon at you.” 

Everyone tensed up with that comment. 

_Ah Khalid you and I suck so hard right now._

“You’re Sylvain right” the sweet sweet voice of Catherine spoke up, saving everyone from the very awkward silence they had been going through. 

Sylvain quickly turned to her, taking his arms off of Felix and crossing them, “The one and only. You’re Catherine right? Wielded of Thunberdrand?” 

She smiled, “You’ve done your research kid.” 

Sylvain chuckled, “not that hard to find out who’s wielding what relics.” That was a tiny lie, he had done extensive research on her and knew even really personal shit about her like her relationship with Shamir and all the behind the scenes crimes she’s taken part of for the church but that was something that he would keep to himself for now. 

“Well as relic wielders I guess we have that in common. The Lance of Ruin is one mean relic though” she stated nonchalantly but her eyes gave her away. A small test to figure out Sylvains character. 

“Bit intimidating huh? Nothing like Thunderbrand though, at least from the stories I’ve heard, it's absolute ruthless” he smirked, a small jab at her. 

“Well I guess the only way we’ll be able to know is by battling it out” she said with a playful smile. “Though I must ask. Is it true about the Gautier curse?” 

Sylvains skin crawled. His smile didn't falter but he was sure that the way his body tensed that it was enough for everyone to see his discomfort. The Gautier curse, oh how he hated that specific rumor about his family. A rumor as old as Faerghus from what he’s been told. It had been passed down from generations and spread throughout Fodland. A tale about an old Gautier heir who wielded the Lance of Ruin but one fateful battle the relic transformed him into a beast. No one knows why the relic did that or if that event even happened but as someone who now wields the relic, Sylvain knew it had to be true. That whoever this ancestor of his was had just succumbed to the relics whispers and given themselves over to their power. To everyone in Fodland the Gautier curse was used as a way to make others not try to grab relics without the proper crest, saying that that was why this heir had turned into a demonic beast. However, it was common knowledge between Gautier's that crest or no crest, if you gave into ruin you would be turned into a beast. 

Sylvain chuckled, “well I sure hope it’s not true then I would be in a world of trouble huh?” 

Catherine laughed, “very true anyways kid I’m here to tell you that Lady Rhea asks for your presence. You have a lot of questions to answer; you too Claude. Both of you have a lot of questions to answer.” 

Claude sighed, “I’m guessing the whole war council will be there then?” 

“Yup, so I suggest the two of you get into proper clothing” She said before turning around. “But hey kid. As someone who fought off the death knight at such a young age. I have to say, you're as intimidating as your lance.” 

Sylvain knew his smile was forced, knew that his annoyance was showing because she just chuckled before walking away from them. He made a mental note that if war broke out between the kingdom and the church that he would personally fight her himself. Not to kill her - he didn't hate her; but to at least shut her the hell up. 

Sylvain sighed, putting back his perfectly crafted mask on, “Guess we have a date Ka. Think you have clothes that’ll fit me.” 

“As if. You’re two steps from having the body of a fucken horse” Claude replied, making Sylvain snort. 

“Alright well guess I’ll wear my armor then, unless Fe you have some clothes you want me to wear” Sylvain purred, fluttering his eyelashes. Not missing the exact moment that Felix’s cheeks flushed. 

Also not missing the jab that hit his side and forced him to double over. “Fuck off, like Claude said you’re too big for any of my clothes.” 

“So rude Fe” Sylvain wheezed out. 

~ X ~ 

There were intimidation tactics and then there was this fucken bullshit that Rhea was pulling. Sitting on top of her throne and having all of her generals and professor Byleth stand on higher ground so that Sylvain and Claude were being looked down on. Didn’t help that Sylvain knew damn well what Rhea’s powers actually were thanks to Edelgard so it was not an understatement when he said that he was about to piss himself. Judging by the way Claude was fidgeting, he guessed he wasn’t alone in that category.

“Sylvain Gautier” Rhea’s voice echoed off the walls and his body involuntarily shivered. Oh god at one point in his life he was willing to fight _her_ oh may the goddess show mercy on Hubert and Edelgard because Sylvain was terrified. 

“Here and present” Sylvain joked nervously. “...As you requested Lady Rhea.” 

“Claude, thank you for bringing him here” Rhea said, her gaze directed to him. Unlike Sylvain he was not afraid of her but he was afraid of this entire scene if he was being honest with himself. 

“You’re welcome, I’m sure you have many questions for him” Claude replied, voice even and unwavering. 

She smiled at him before turning to Sylvain. “The kingdom has vouched for your actions and forgiven you for your sins of stealing a Heroes Relic and fighting against the Knights of Seiros. However, that does not mean you’re free of guilt.” 

Sylvain gulped. 

“Claude has told us that you have been spying on Edelgards actions for the past 2 years and that you tried to bring these actions to light through your father” she continued. “But I must ask, why did you choose Claude as the person to comfy in instead of your own kingdom? Or even myself?” 

Sylvain breathed in, remembering the first rule of being interrogated that Hubert had taught him: act indifferent and show no fear. “Clearly my father made it so that the kingdom saw me as an enemy, I was unsure of how far he had spread these lies and so I knew that no matter who I went to, they would not listen and time was of the essence. For that same reason I did not come to you Lady Rhea. Had you believed me if I had no one else to back me up? If Claude was not here to vouch for me I’m sure i would have already been executed.” 

“Still, once you gained his trust you kept your mouth sealed and therefore allowed Edelgard to act first” She replied, her jaw clenching at the memory of Edelgard. “Allowed her to have the upper hand.” 

“You’re right. I decided to keep my mouth closed and told Claude to do the same, forced him even” Sylvain said and from the corner of his eye he could see Claude tense. Claude wanted to desperately ask Sylvain what game he was playing but instead was forced to watch as his friend suddenly changed things up for the two of them. “The reason for that was because we needed to make preparations to save you Lady Rhea.” 

“What do you mean?” Seteth asked, his eyes squinting at him and his posture tense. 

_Khalid I really wish that we could have talked about this before we came here but being that Dimitri is fucken crazy and not in the right state of mind to lead any fucken kingdom much less and entire country, we still need to ally ourselves with someone else for us to win this war, this is all we can do now._

“Edelgard wishes to take you as a prisoner when she attacks Garreg Mach,” Sylvain spoke. “I heard Hubert and her once talking about something involving your true colors or something along those lines. Mentioned Seteth and Flayn as well.” 

Sylvain could hear the arm rest under Rheas hand cracking. Could see the way that Seteth was forcing himself not to explode and kill everyone near him. Sylvain took a deep breath. Second rule of being interrogated: lay a deal out on the table and manipulate. 

“I am not sure what they plan, they never said more than that but they have the power to be able to defeat Garreg Mach, that I’m sure. No matter what I tried doing that won't change which means that they’ll be able to take you as their prisoner” Sylvain said as he walked closer to them. “So Claude and I have been making it so that you will be able to find refuge in Faerghus when Garreg Mach inevitably falls. Where we will aid the church in defeating Edelgard and taking back Garreg Mach.” 

“The reason why I stayed quiet about all of this,” Claude said, playing along with Sylvains lie. “Was because we think it’ll be wiser if Edelgard never finds out that I’m allied to your or the kingdom. If she thinks we’re separated she’ll put down her defenses and leave herself open. Focusing on only one of us which will allow the other to come and attack her from behind. If I had come out and told you about this she would have known that I was allying myself with you and our plan would not work.” 

“That was not a decision for you to make!” Seteth growled. “This is-“

“Stand down Seteth” Rhea spoke, lifting her hand up to silence him. “Do you know when she will attack?” 

“No, but she has the manpower to do so at any moment” Sylvain replied. 

“Can you tell us how many men they have, what forces they have that make you think they’ll succeed in winning this war” she asked. 

Sylvain breathed in, looking to Claude. Things were different now, Dimitri really had fucked a lot of shit up for them by becoming unstable (which wasn’t his fault but god did all those weeks of planning just go to trash now that they couldn’t depend on Dimitri keeping a level head). Claude hesitated before giving him a silent nod, so discreet that no one but him noticed it. 

Sylvain turned to Rhea. Third rule of interrogation: install fear in their minds. 

“Because she has allied herself with someone called Thales.” 

The armrest under Rhea’s hand shattered, her face contorted in rage and her eyes pierced into Sylvain. Seteth beside her tensed, his hands clenched into fists and he could see drops of blood dripping from where his nails had dug into the palm of his hand. Everyone else behind them had no idea who Thales was based on the fact that they were looking at Lady Rhea with concern and at Sylvain questioningly. Even Byleth seemed confused about all of this. 

“That traitorous wench” Rhea hissed, standing up from her throne and paced back and forth for a couple of seconds, before turning back to look at Sylvain. “How much have you prepared? She must be killed and pay for the sins she is committing.” 

“Not enough,” Sylvain answered, voice calm and leveled. “That is why we planned for you to retreat when she attacks. But I can assure you that Faerghus will have enough manpower to aid you. At least Gautier will have the soldiers necessary to assure your safety.” 

She growled, and Sylvain swore that it was a real animalistic growl, her eyes momentarily changing. She turned from him and looked at Catherine and the man that stood next to her. “Prepare you men Alois, we will defend Garreg Mach by any means necessary however, if it falls give the order for them all to retreat to Fhirdiad.” 

“Yes Lady Rhea” the both of them responded with a short bow. 

Rhea turned back to Seteth. “Send word to Grand Duke Rufus to gather his war council and bring me prince Dimitri.” 

Sylvain and Claude tensed at the mention of Dimitri but before they could say anything Shamir stepped forward. “Lady Rhea, Prince Dimitri is unwell at the moment from what I have gathered.” 

“I do not care if he is unwell” she hissed but quickly turned away to gather her composure. Sylvain could seriously laugh - she was still trying to look like the perfect little archbishop even now that shit was going to hell. “...Very well, when he is better I will speak to him about all of this as he will become the King of Faerghus soon.” 

“Yes Lady Rhea” Shamir replied with a deep bow. 

Rhea nodded before turning to Sylvain and Claude. “Claude I will leave things in Leicester to you. I think it is wise to hide our alliance from Edelgard and I trust that you will not follow in her lead and betray me.” 

“I do not condone the actions Edelgard is taking. To kill innocent people just because she disagrees with church teachings is something i can't forgive” Claude answered. “You have my word that the alliance will stand with you.” 

She eyed him up and down for a couple of seconds before turning her attention to Sylvain. “Anything you need to bring me her head I will give to you. Any information you have against her, you will share with me. She will pay for this.” 

“Of course Lady Rhea” Sylvain bowed. “You have my allegiance.” 

“Council is dismissed” Rhea spoke as she walked over to her throne and sat down. “I wish to speak to Seteth alone.” 

Everyone gave a small bow before walking away. Claude stayed close to Sylvain as they left Rhea’s chambers. The two walked fast enough that they could not get stopped by anyone else that had been in that room. Both knowing full well that they had a lot to discuss about what just happened and what they would be doing from now on. Sylvain looked behind him and could see Byleth talking to Catherine about something but quickly looked away when they caught him staring. 

“Khalid” Sylvain whispered as they descended the stairs. “You know you have my loyalty.” He reassured him. 

Claude smirked. “I know.” 

Sylvain nodded as they stepped out into the courtyard, and walked over to where the classrooms were; all the blue lions were there waiting for them there, sitting on the grass and talking. Sylvain could see Felix’s shoulder relax when he caught sight of him. It wasn’t just the blue lions though, Lorenz and Hilda were among them too and Sylvain could guess it was to speak to Claude about actual important things based on the looks they had on their faces. 

Claude sighed before walking over to them, “Ah my little deer what are you doing frolicking with lions.” 

Lorenz scoffed and Hilda rolled her eyes before replying. “My brother sent me a letter, Lorenz’ dad also sent him a letter. Leader man, I think it's time we talk.” 

“Out of one lions den and into the next huh” Claude joked as he fished a familiar bag out of his jacket and threw it to Felix. “Sylvains pain medication if he needs it.” 

“Thanks” Felix mumbled. 

“Anyways, Syl I leave you to your own devices. We’ll talk later okay” Claude winked before walking away with Hilda and Lorenz. 

Sylvain sighed dramatically before deciding to randomly drop to the ground and lay his head on Felix’s lap. “I’m so tired, it was horrible Fe, truly horrible.” 

“Hmm” was the only answer Sylvain got from Felix which made him dramatically sigh. 

“Feee” he whined as he turned to look up at him and had to hold himself back from gasping. Felix was not even looking down at him, looking up at the sky but it was clear the reason for that was because he was a deep shade of red and trying to desperately avoid eye contact. He was frowning but that only made him look even cuter in Sylvains eyes.

It should be illegal to be cute in Sylvains opinion. He knew that Felix was cute, had always _been_ cute especially when he was little, but there was something about someone who’s constantly frowning and insulting people be reduced to a flustered shy mess that made things sooo much better in Sylvains eyes. Who could’ve guessed that all Sylvain had to do to make current Felix blush was lay his head on his lap? 

Sylvain smirked before sitting up and throwing his arms around his shoulder, resting his head on Felix’s chest. “Don’t ignore me” he whined and he could hear Annette and Ingrid snickering and he could guess that it was because Felix must be an even deeper shade of red than he had been before. “Feeee” 

“Shut up idiot,” Felix said as he attempted to push Sylvain off of him but Sylvain decided to drop all his weight on him making Felix grunt. “Fucken- get OFF.” 

“So mean Fe, I just want _attention_ is that too much to ask for” Sylvain asked before Felix finally pushed him off and he landed sprawled out on the grass. “You wound me Fe, all this time I’ve missed you and you won't even let me hug you. Fuck you, I bet Ingrid will give me attention.” 

To prove his point Sylvain got up and laid his head on Ingrid's lap and got himself comfortable. Ingrid just laughed before flicking his forehead. “Since when are you this clingy?” 

“Wow” Sylvain gasped as he sat up and looked at Ingrid with fake betrayal in his face. “Can’t believe my friends are all _assholes_ you know what? Fuck both of you, I don’t need you both, I can just go to Claude and he’ll give me attention.” 

The glare that Felix shot his way was a complete surprise and actually caught Sylvain off guard. Enough that Sylvain stumbled to say something else but whatever words were coming out of his mouth died as he felt himself being tugged down and suddenly his head was back on Felix’s lap and Felix was glaring down at him. 

“Fuck Claude” Felix mumbled low enough that if Sylvain had not been so close he would have never heard him. Low enough that he knew no one else had heard him say those words. 

A smile grew across Sylvains face, “Aw Fe you know you’re you’ll always be my favorite.” 

“Fucker” Felix replied as he brought his hand over to Sylvains shoulder. “Does this still hurt?” 

“It’s bearable, Mercedes was kind enough to heal it for me a little while ago but if you’re asking if I’m okay in general, I will say that my stomach is killing me” Sylvain replied. 

“Shit i never got you food,” Ingrid mumbled before standing up. “Sorry I’ll get it now.” 

“Don't worry about it Ing, really if you want I’ll go get it” Sylvain said as he attempted to stand up but Felix immediately pushed him back down. 

“I’ll go with you” Mercedes said as she stood up. “I left some cookies to bake in the oven that should be ready now. We can all enjoy them together.” 

“Everyone but Felix, or maybe he’ll eat them if Sylvain feeds it to him” she teased before she immediately had to jump away from Felix who definitely _did try_ to jab at her side. 

“Oh then I’ll go get Dedue, I’m sure he’ll enjoy eating with us” Ashe said as he stood up. “Even if he says no it won’t hurt to ask.” 

“Alright well then we’ll all be back” Ingrid smiled. 

“Felix make sure to take _special_ care of Sylvain” Annette teased one last time before running away to Ingrid and Mercedes. Felix cursed at her and threw a rock her way but he had terrible aim and was nowhere near hitting her. The thought’s what counts though. 

Sylvain laughed, “I like her.” 

“She’s an idiot.” 

“An idiot that’s so very clearly your friend” Sylvain smiled before closing his eyes and sighing. “I’m tired.” 

“Then sleep. I don't know why everyone decided to bombard you with shit when you’re barely fucken healed” Felix mumbled. “You should still have your arm in a sling.” 

“Mmm had to get rid of it though” Sylvain mumbled. Felix tensed and the two stayed quiet for a couple of seconds, the only sounds were the occasional meows from cats nearby or the voices of guards in the distance. 

“That’s why you call him boar isn't it” Sylvain whispered, breaking the silence and deciding that they might as well have this conversation. He might as well talk to someone about the fact that his friend sure as hell did try to kill him earlier today. 

“He’s been like that since the tragedy,” Felix answered. “Just now he doesn't even have the decency to hide it from people.” 

Sylvain hummed, gathering his thoughts. He wanted to talk about this, god he wanted to talk about all of the things that had happened while he was gone. Of all the things that went _wrong_. But he didnt know how to word it, didn't know where to even start. 

“He tried killing you, didn't he?” Felix asked and he tried to keep his voice calm but Sylvain could hear it. Hear how Felix was threading a fine line at the moment; Sylvain didn’t doubt that if he said that Dimitri had in fact tried to kill him that Felix wouldn’t hesitate to run over to him and make him pay for doing that. Didn’t doubt that if he told him the only reason he was fighting back was because it was so obvious that Dimitri just wanted to snap his neck, if not for that Sylvain would have used his words instead. And he didn’t doubt that if he told Felix the truth that Felix would never trust Dimitri ever again. Sylvain couldn’t do that. He already had to kill Dimitri in his mind, he didn't want to force Felix to do the same. 

“He thought I was someone else,” Sylvain answered, a half truth. “Thought I was an imposter.” 

Felix breathed out, his body relaxing. Whatever he was afraid of slowly died thanks to Sylvains answer. “He’s gone mad. I hear him talking and yelling at someone during the night. Makes it impossible for anyone to fucken sleep.” 

“Stress does that to people. Trauma does that,” Sylvain mumbled. “Trauma does the weirdest things sometimes. This is just how he’s coping.” 

“Well it’s going to get someone killed” Felix snapped back. “He’ll fucken kill someone if he keeps acting like this.” 

“I know” Sylvain sighed. “I know.” 

The two stayed silent after that, somewhere during them waiting for the others Sylvain actually did end up falling asleep on Felix’s lap, waking up to the sound of the others talking and Felix telling them all to: “shut the hell up”. Sylvain chuckled before opening his eyes and lazily getting up. 

“Mornin” Ingrid smiled. “Have a nice nap?” 

“Best nap” Sylvain mumbled before looking around them. They were all there now with the addition of Dedue who looked apologetic, obviously still upset about what had happened between him and Dimitri. Sylvain smiled at him and tried to convey to him that it was fine, he was fine. It didn't work but at least he tried. 

“Here, it's a little cold,” Ingrid said as she handed Sylvain a plate of food. 

“Oh goddess, it's been so long since I’ve had a full meal,” Sylvain whispered before digging in. “It’s so good too, fuck.” 

Mercedes giggled, “Tomorrow I heard they’ll be having a bigger array of food so you’ll be able to choose what you like then.” 

“Listen as long as it's more than just dry chicken, I’ll be fine” Sylvain mumbled before stuffing a potato slice into his mouth. 

“Maybe Dedue can cook for you then, he’s the best cook out of all of us” Ashe said proudly. 

“Oh? Really” Sylvain asked, quirking his eyebrow up. 

“Ashe is exaggerating my skills” Dedue responded. “But I would not mind cooking a meal for everyone.” 

Annette smiled, “oh we can have a giant picnic! To celebrate the new addition of the Blue Lions!” 

“New addition?” Sylvain asked, making them all turn to look at him. 

“Idiot you’re part of the Blue Lions now” Felix scoffed. 

Many emotions went through Sylvain the minute those words left his mouth. He was hit with the realization that everyone around here was currently with him because they were happy for him being there. That these people, even though they were complete strangers to him in a way, were gladly taking him in and being there for him; the smiles that were on their faces weren’t fake and that were there because Sylvain was with them now. 

Then he was hit with the realization that this, this was what it was supposed to be like all along. That this was supposed to have been his group of friends and his _family_. Had things been different he would have had this family long ago. Because of his father's decision not only was he stripped of the right to stand by Felix, Dimitri, and Ingrid's side. But he was also stripped of the right to have these friends and find comfort and love from them. That all the years he spent alone had been unnecessary because all along he had a family here in the Blue Lions.

“Sylvain... are you crying?” Ingrid whispered. 

“I no no sorry” Sylvain quickly lied as he rubbed his eyes, wiping away any trace of tears. “Still tired is all haha yeah um yeah. Guess I’m part of the group haha. Though guess that doesn't really matter, now that classes are over and stuff.” 

Ingrid frowned but dropped the subject. Switching the conversation to talk about how school was indeed over and then that turned into what everyone was going to do now. For the most part no one knew what to do since they were at war now so obviously they wouldn’t have the luxury to do whatever they wanted but for a moment they all pretended that they lived in a time where they could hypothetically do whatever they wanted. That led to them saying the most exaggerated over the top things that they could do. The current winner was Felix saying that he would become an opera singer in Adrestia. A close second was Ingrid saying that she would replace Seteth in the church. 

Sylvain was currently laughing at the thought of Ashe becoming a monk when he saw Claude walking up to them. A smile on his face at the sight of the red head being able to not only make friends but genuinely enjoy himself around them. 

“Hey Syl, looks like you’re all having fun” Claude said with a smile. 

“Claude! Come join us. We’re talking about the weirdest job we could take later on in life” Sylvain chuckled, motioning his friend over. 

“Oh I would love that but it’s also night time already and we all should really go to sleep” Claude said breaking out into a smile when they all looked around, barely noticing that it was in fact night time and that they had spent hours sitting on the grass talking. 

“Oh my,” Mercedes exclaimed as Dedue got up. 

“I must check on his Highness if you all will excuse me” Dedue quickly said before walking away. 

“Guess we should go to sleep huh?” Annette sighed. “Ingrid want to have a sleep over with us?” 

“I think it would be best if I retire, it’s been a long day after all” Ingrid answered. 

Annette shrugged, “that’s fine bet you’re busy writing love letters _anyways_.” 

“They’re not love letters” Ingrid exclaimed but her blush gave her away. 

“Oh please tell me Glenn writes poetry, please tell me Glenn writes poetry” Sylvain whispered as if he was praying to the goddess herself. 

Felix snorted and Ingrid turned a darker shade of red. “N-No we just write to each other about u-updates and stuff that is going on in our lives.” 

“Yeeeeah stuff” Annette teased with a smile. 

“Oh Sylvain wait are you going to be sleeping in the infirmary again” Ashe asked, the silent savior to Ingrids torture session. 

“That’s why I’m here actually” Claude responded. “The infirmary is closed and the extra rooms that they have are locked up with Seteth being the only one with a key to them. Which means that you and I are back to being roomies.” 

Sylvain groaned, “Oh god you’re going to make me sleep on the FLOOR.” 

“Floor?” Both Mercedes and Ashe asked, partially concerned. 

“Hey I let you sleep on my bed but _you_ said that you would overheat in it so that’s why you started sleeping on the floor” Claude responded. 

“You sleep with 8 blankets Claude” Sylvain breathed out. “8 fucken blankets.” 

“And they’re all necessary so you can suck it up or you _will_ sleep on the floor” Claude replied mercilessly. 

“You can sleep with me,” Felix answered and it took everything in Sylvain to not let his mind go in _that_ direction. Especially when Felix was saying this so nonchalantly, like if it was just the most obvious response to their current situation. Like if Sylvain wasn’t madly in love with him and hasn't dreamed about waking up besides Felix for _years_. Or that Sylvain was not the kind of person who would in fact _sleep_ with Felix if given the opportunity. 

“Oh yeah you should totally sleep with him” Annette added and the smirk on her face let Sylvain know that at least he wasn’t the only one who’s mind went into that direction. Felix, poor oblivious Felix, just frowned at her, though it was more because he was confused and knew that she had to be alluding to something. Had to be teasing him in some way that he couldn’t figure out just yet. 

“If that’s okay with you” Sylvain shrugged but on the inside he was screaming. “Kind of like old times huh?” 

Felix rolled his eyes, “whatever, just don't kick me in my sleep or I’ll shove you off my bed.” 

Sylvain laughed as they all got up and started walking to the dorms. Claude turned to look at Sylvain winking at him before turning to Felix, “Oh by the way Sylvain is a big time cuddler so watch out if he suddenly kisses you or something.” 

Annette giggled and Sylvain gawked at Claude, betrayed by his friend who was clearly lying just to make Sylvains life harder. Felix on the other hand, had his third heart attack caused by being flustered and was seriously considering maiming someone just so that he could keep his street cred. It had to be unhealthy and clearly there had to be something wrong with him to get this flustered this easily and for someone like _Sylvain_ , stupid Sylvain that had somehow gotten _hotter_ over the years and had the same stupid laugh and smile from before. Stupid Sylvain that Felix had crushed on when he was younger but swore to Annette that he had gotten _over_. 

“I’ll punch you if you touch me” Felix answered because he had to at least keep some dignity. But his words had no bite and guessing by the arm that was not around his shoulders, Sylvain knew his threat wasn't true. 

Sylvain laughed, “he’s messing with you. I never even slept in the same bed as him so how would he know if I’m a cuddler or not?” 

“You boys” Ingrid muttered before stopping by the dorm stairs. “Well have a good night Annette, Mercedes.” 

“Goodnight ladies” Sylvain purred. 

“Take care of Felix for me Sylvain” Annette called out as the two walked away. Felix scoffed - he would get back at Annette later. 

The three walked up the stairs in relative silence, saying goodbye to each other before Sylvain was now walking into Felix’s room and yeah, he was not even slightly surprised by it. Swords and cleaning rags everywhere. Some books scattered on the desk and his bed unmade, clothes piled on the floor and some empty tea cups here and there. Sylvain sighed before he started cleaning up, it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as Claude but Sylvain still expected _better_ from Felix. 

“I see you still hate messes” Felix replied as he started taking off his uniform to change into his sleeping wear. Had Sylvain been in any other mindset than the current one he was in, he would be gawking at Felix and maybe making some ‘moves’ but no right now he was way more focused on the random stain that was on Felix’s desk.

_Wax? Ink? Oil? Fucken drool of a wyvern what the hell is this?_

Didn’t matter, Sylvain would deal with that later on. He quickly gathered everything and organized as much as he could. By the time he was done Felix was already sitting on his bed, his arms crossed, and a small frown on his face. 

“What?” 

“You’re muttering.” 

“I am?” 

“Yes.” 

“Huh? Odd” Sylvain shrugged it off as he started to undress, he didn't have any sleeping wear and he sure as hell would not fit in Felix’s clothes so he would have to sleep with the shirt he had on and no pants. He didn't care much for it, wasn’t like he was naked or anything he still had his underwear on. Sylvain’s mind was back to focusing on folding up his clothes and placing them in the proper place of the room, completely unaware of Felix currently dying in the background because oh he had never known that he was a leg guy, most specifically someone that was into _thighs_ but oh Sylvains thighs were not helping prove his “no I’m totally not attracted to my childhood friend” case. 

“Anyways, I can sleep against the wall if you want or wherever” Sylvain shrugged. 

“Sure whatever” Felix responded, pushing his internal struggle down. Making way for Sylvain to settle into the bed. Blowing out the candle and the two took a couple of awkward silent minutes to try and adjust themselves in the bed that was clearly not made for two people. Eventually they ended up having their backs to each other and Sylvain pressed up to the wall.

“Here you can have most of the blankets” Sylvain said as he scooted the blankets to Felix. “You know how I always get hot and stuff.”

Felix mumbled a small thanks before the two settled into an easy silence. It was peaceful and Sylvain was glad that it wasn’t awkward like he had been worried. Glad that even after all the time the two had spent away from each other, things hadn't changed at all. Even still, Sylvain knew that there was no way he would be able to sleep right now and judging by the way Felix’s back was still tense he would guess he was in the same boat as him. 

“Sylvain.”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up and let me talk right now, okay?” 

Sylvain turned over to look at Felix but Felix made no move to turn around so Sylvain just let him have a couple of seconds of silence. Whatever Felix had to say was obviously something that _needed_ to be said if he was doing it right now while they were alone. 

“I missed this,” Felix whispered. “I can’t honestly remember the last time I let someone into my room much less sleep near me.” 

That instantly breaks Sylvains heart. 

“Then again even back when we were younger you were always the one that got close to me” Felix continued. “Were always the one taking care of us and making sure we were okay… none of us ever did the same for you.” 

“Felix-“

“Shut up.” 

Sylvain quickly bit his tongue and let Felix continue. 

“...When I found out you were gone I blacked out… apparently I immediately fainted. I just remember waking up in my bed and thinking that it had all been a dream, and I had been so relieved because the idea of you being gone was something I couldn’t even comprehend” Felix whispered, his voice so incredibly small. “Then Glenn told me it wasn’t a dream and that it was real. That your father had kicked you out and no one knew where you were.” 

Sylvain shifted closer to him, resting his forehead on Felix’s back.

“My father had sent out a search party for you immediately but just the thought that you were somewhere I couldn’t reach destroyed me…. I didn't leave my bed for weeks and stopped eating and talking entirely. Glenn, Ingrid, and even my dad tried to do everything to get me to leave my bed and stop crying. But they weren't you, they didn't know what to say to make me feel better and them comforting me was just a reminder that you were the only that ever understood what to say” Felix continued, his voice occasionally cracking, taking a couple of seconds before he continued. “Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months and I still refused to get out of bed or talk. Then Glenn came into my room one day and told me to get up, to stop moping and being depressed. That if I missed you so much that I should be out there looking for you instead of waiting for you to come back.” 

Sylvain made a mental note to punch the shit out of Glenn the next time he saw him. 

“The next morning I got out of bed and started looking for you. Even when my dad sent me out on missions or had me fight against any rebels I would still look for you even then. None of us had stopped looking” Felix whispered before curling inwards, hugging himself. “Then your fucken dad said that they found you dead in some fucken woods, your body too mangled for us to see it.” 

And Felix’s words were dripping with anger and hatred, his body shaking at the memory of that day. 

“And everyone fucken believed him, took his word for it and stopped looking and I yelled at all of them to keep looking. That there was no way you had died, not when you were so strong” Felix’s voice cracked. “Not when you had promised me that you wouldn’t die without me.” 

Those words punched the air out of him. He was left gasping for air and forced to close his eyes and let the weight of those words settle into his chest. All this time he had thought Felix would never even remember that promise. Had maybe laughed it off once he got older as them being angsty little children that had no concept of how life and death actually worked. And yet here he was, talking about it with the same seriousness that Sylvain had thought about it for years. 

“I yelled so much that my voice got hoarse… I grew tired but I couldn’t stop looking and I never understood how they could have ever stopped… Then my dad had enough of me, said that I had gone mental and that I needed to let you go. That I wasn’t a kid anymore and to move on. Locked me up like some fucken bird in my room,” Felix explained. “Worst part was that everyone was okay with my dad doing that, even going as far as to side with him. Telling me that I just had to get over you, to move on because I was only hurting myself now. To move on and act like if that was the right thing to do. That night I lost any kind of respect for them. And even if you forgive them, I never will. I will never forgive them for walking away from you.” 

Sylvain shifted closer, hearing a dry pained laugh come out of Felix, his body shaking more than before. 

“You can imagine Ingrids and Dimitris faces when Glenn came back from Conan Tower and told them it had been you that had stolen the Lance of Ruin” Felix continued, choking back tears. “Bastards had the fucken nerve to turn to look at me and try to apologize. Like I had been the one in pain the entire time. Like if I had been the one forced to live in the fucken streets. Even Glenn turned to me to try and apologize and I couldn’t take it anymore. Their guilt for not believing me is worth nothing! They can live with it for the rest of their fucken lives for all I care! I’m not the one they should apologize to.” 

Felix shook, angry tears crawled down his face. Taking a couple of seconds to breathe in and breathe out, slowly trying to control his temper because this wasn’t what Sylvain needed right now, he didn't need anger he needed care. Anger would not do him any good, Felix was sure Sylvain had felt enough anger in his life, he didn't need anymore of it. Especially not from him. 

“Then you ran up to me in the dinning hall and at first i didn't recognize you but I recognized the red shade from your hair... It had been years since I had seen it and I couldn’t handle it at all... so I ran away but you still chased after me and it wasn’t until you looked down at me that I realized that your stupid ass was a fucken dog” Felix chuckled softly. “I thought I had finally lost it but then you knew exactly where to breathe on my neck to make me laugh and I knew that that was something no one else but you knew about. Any doubt I had vanished when you did that.” 

Felix swallowed, trying desperately to keep his voice steady but words had never come to him easily when he needed them. Had always struggled to explain his emotions but he knew he needed to make this effort for Sylvain right now. That too many years had passed between them that he knew Sylvain had to physically hear him say these things or else he might never believe them. That this needed to be said now, couldn’t be put off until later on. Sylvain needed this, he needed all of this. 

“I know why you didnt come back to me, when I found out I was mad but more because that was so fucken like you. It was so fucken like you to do that shit. And then you came out and you acted so calmly about it and it hit me right there and then that it was because that had been your life for so many years. Your whole fucken life like that and it made me lash out at you” Felix whispered. “And when you walked away it took everything in me to not run after you… but I knew that if I did you would never forgive me for throwing all the years you spent protecting me into the trash. You have no idea how fucken horrible it is to know you were only a couple of rooms away from me but I couldn’t go get you,” Felix breathed out painfully.

 _You’re wrong. I know exactly how it feels. I know exactly how painful it is._

Felix breathed in, asking the goddess for strength to be able to breath these words out without problem. Because these had been stuck on his tongue since the night after the tragedy - the last night he had ever seen Sylvain. Words that he had wanted to say but had decided that he needed to be less selfish this one time and let Sylvain walk away from him. Words that have eaten him alive for years and have tormented him every night since then. Words that have burned themselves into his soul and will always have scarred into his body. Selfish words that he had wished he had spoken out back then because maybe it would have changed things. Maybe it would have given him more time. So he silently prays to the goddess he hasn’t prayed to in years to let him say them now. Now before things go to shit and he’ll never be able to say them again. Before he regrets not saying them again. 

“Sylvain, stay with me, please.” 

Sylvain shivered before wrapping his arms around Felix’s waist, bringing him closer to him. Resting his forehead in the back of Felix’s neck, laying small kisses that faintly even touched his skin. Letting all of this be his answer because he knew anything more would overwhelm Felix. Anything more and it would break him more than it was already breaking him. So he held him as Felix finally stopped crying, and held him until Felix slowly drifted off to sleep. And he held him even as sleep finally started taking over him. 

The next morning they woke up to the sound of screaming. Garreg Mach was being attacked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annette: *watching Sylvain touch Felix with _one_ finger and Felix getting a full body blush* oh yes baby - it’s teasing time 
> 
> Wow I really am out here grabbing FE3H’s story line and chucking it to the trash huh? Lore that is consistent and set in stone? Who’s that I don't know them! Fuck it I’m piloting this ship now and if we sink we sink. Who cares!


	17. Marino

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Battle at Garreg Mach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick warning, this chapter includes depictions of war settings and therefore violence and a dream sequence that hints at violent stuff but nothing actually depicted. Some injuries but yah know, its a battle so yeah.

Waking up to screaming is not something anyone likes, in Sylvains case it immediately triggered a two second panic attack because he wasn’t sure if the screaming was real or just dragging over from a nightmare. Based on how Felix also jumped out and ran to the window though, Sylvain was guessing that it was real. To further prove that theory there was pounding on Felix’s door. 

“Sylvain she’s here” Claude screamed out and Sylvain immediately ran over to open the door. Finding Claude fully dressed for battle. 

“Wha-”

“Get ready now,” Claude said, cutting Sylvain off as he shoved armor and Sylvains relic his way. “I’m stationed with teach to guard the front of the monastery. You’re being stationed to fight on the east side of the monastery alongside the blue lions, you’ll get your own battalion and your horse is ready for you.” 

“Okay” was all Sylvain could reply before the ground shook and he could hear Felix curse behind him. 

“Remember our plan” Claude said, snapping back his attention before whispering to him in Almaryn, so low that Sylvain doubted even Felix had heard him. “Protect Dimitri, leave Rhea behind. She’s ordered her people to go to Faerghus anyways. Kill anyone that tries to hurt Dimitri. I know you don’t trust in him right now but I do - so save him.” 

Sylvain breathed in and nodded. “I’ll see you on the other side then.” 

“Stay safe” Claude whispered before running away from them to start alerting everyone else. 

Sylvain quickly closed the door and started getting dressed. He didn't think that there had ever been a day that he had managed to put his armor on as quickly as he did; although Felix ended up helping him once he was ready. The two were quiet but occasionally cursing under their breaths when the screaming got louder or the ground would shake their room. The two quickly ran out of their room the minute they were ready, both with weapons in hand. Running down the stairs and quickly finding the rest of the blue lions except for Dimitri and Dedue in the courtyard. They all looked lost and confused, flinching at every noise, their eyes darting around like crazy unsure of where to go or what to do. It wasn’t until Felix and him were near them that they finally ran to them. However whatever words they had wanted to say to each other died on their tongue with the sound of spells and screams getting worryingly close.

“You’re all here” Dimitris' voice boomed over all the noise and Sylvain turned back to find him and Dedue approaching them. His eyes darted to Sylvain for a fraction of a second before looking away and to the others. “We’re stationed on the east side, kill all the imperial guards.” Felix scoffed but that was all they said to Dimitris orders, following him as they all moved forward. Felix and Ashe stayed by Sylvains side as they ran across Garreg Mach and towards the stables, it warmed Sylvains heart but also caused his protectiveness of the two to grow by the second. 

“Sylvain Gautier” a knight of Seiros ran over to him once they reached the stables, behind him a whole cavalier waiting for him, Bergamont beside them, patiently waiting for Sylvain. 

“Yes” Sylvain answered as he spotted Ingrid running over to grab her Pegasus. 

“Professor Byleth stationed us with you, we’re under your command” the knight answered as he mounted his horse. 

Sylvain smiled, he would have to remember to thank Claude after this all passed since he was sure it was actually Claude who had hired this battalion and told them that it was Byleth’s orders. “Yeah I was told as much. Sorry introductions will be cut short but you have my word that I will do everything to not let you all die” Sylvain replied as he called Bergamont over, his horse running over to him and grunting. Clearly he was not that happy about this current situation but at least he was level headed unlike some of the horses in the stable who were going insane with all the noises and screaming. 

Sylvain turned to Dimitri looking him straight in his eyes, “Give me my orders, your highness.” 

Dimitri tensed before turning to Ingrid, “You and Sylvain take the front. Ashe, Mercedes, and Annette stay in the back. Dedue, Felix and I will take the middle. Do not let any of them live, make them pay for the sins they are committing.” 

They all nodded and Sylvain mounted Bergamont, relaying the order to his men and setting them all up accordingly. At least his battalion was made up of cavaliers which meant that it would be easy for them to move at the same pace. Ingrid rode over to him, the two would be used to take out the bulk of the people and to get rid of anyone doing long distance attacks. He was glad at least that Ingrid’s Pegasus looked to be calm and well trained, he didn't know what he would do if her mount was unstable. 

“Sylvain” Felix called out. Sylvain turned to find him getting ready to run out besides Dedue and Dimitri, Annette was besides him a worried mess. 

Sylvain smiled, “Don’t worry Fe. I won't break our promise.” 

Felix nodded hesitantly before turning back to the others. Sylvain sighed before turning to Ingrid and the others. “We cover the front and we kill anyone that tries to attack, however, fall back if you’re overwhelmed. Cut a path out and run to the woods and away from Garreg Mach. Better to be a coward and live than a fool and die.” 

They all nodded quietly. Sylvain looked to the side and found that the rest were ready for moving out, he breathed in, grounding himself before spurring his horse forward. Bergamont ran out of the gate and was completely unfazed once they saw the carnage and massacre that was happening outside of the walls. Sylvain had known that Edelgard had a strong enough army to take over Garreg Mach but even this - he felt was over kill. Hundreds of soldiers charging forward and running over the bodies of fallen Seiros Knights. The stench of blood and magic was overwhelming and had Sylvain not been expecting it, he was sure it would have made him puke on the spot. But he had been expecting that, had been expecting all of this, which was why he was able to run past all of this unfazed and start cutting soldiers down with the efficiency that came from all the battles he’s had to do over time. 

Swinging his relic down and cutting out a path for the rest to follow him threw. His battalion soon followed behind him and started fighting as well, though some weren’t as composed as Sylvain, making mistakes and hesitating to kill which led them to fall. It was war though, and Sylvain did not have the time to grieve over them; moving forward and continuing to cut more soldiers down. Sending miasmas and dark spikes to soldier’s that were further away from him. Occasionally looking up to find Ingrid swooping down and killing soldiers with killer accuracy, though there were moments when he would have to send miasma to a soldier she would not see coming and cover her. 

The screaming got louder and the blood kept spilling, it was a never ending cycle of attack, block, dodge, kill. Adrenaline and instinct taking over him as he continued to cut through them all. Continued making an opening and making sure to take as many as he could so that the others wouldn’t have to worry about them. His shoulder was screaming in pain, and a cutting gale had made it so that he was sure he had some cracked ribs, even still, he had to continue fighting. Falling back would just cause someone he cared about to die and he wasn’t willing to do something like that. 

“Sylvain!” 

Felix’s yell was enough for Sylvain to see the Sagittae spell aimed towards him, kicking his horse forward to dodge the attack. Running back around to send dark spikes to the mage, and although the mage dodged the attack, Felix was there to cut her down. The two of them looked at each other for a second before returning back to fighting, this time though, the two fought together, covering each other in the holes they had and moving side by side. Felix was on foot but even still he was fast and covered more ground than Sylvain had thought possible. 

Felix wasn’t the only one that was now by his side, the arrows that were shooting down the people beside him was proof enough that Ashe was nearby and the screaming was sure sign that Dimitri was behind him. It was unsettling to hear laughter coming from Dimitri but at the same time Sylvain was way too busy to actually think more about the meaning behind that. Focusing instead on covering both Ingrid and Felix whenever he could. Cutting down anyone that got in his way and staying focused on the battle in front of him. 

Then the ground started shaking and Sylvain looked up to the front and spotted demonic beasts coming forward. Big, gigantic demonic beasts. Sylvain cursed under his breath, they hadn’t even finished clearing out their side and the second wave was already coming over. Sylvain turned to the side to find in the distance a familiar yellow fighting in the front lines now, they must have finished their side and were now waiting for the second wave. Cleaning out the few stranglers that had ran away, healing the ones that were injured, and sending out back up to whoever needed it. 

Sylvain cursed, they were nowhere near finishing with theirs and most of his battalion had died or fallen back. They would get overwhelmed if they stayed fighting. If they continued the way they were doing it would only mean that they would finish up the first wave only to be immediately under attack by the second wave and die before they could regroup. He turned around to try and find everyone, behind him was Dimitri, Dedue, and Mercedes. To the right was Annette, Ingrid and Ashe. To his left was Felix, all of them too caught up in fighting to notice the shit situations they currently were in. 

It was then that he saw bright blue and green running towards them, one cutting down soldiers, the other sending cutting gales to anyone nearby. Sylvain quickly kicked his horse towards them, “Linhardt, Caspar.” 

“Claude sent us over, said you would need backup” Caspar replied before turning around and cutting down one of the soldiers. “Guess he was right.” 

“What happened” Sylvain asked as he sent a ragnarok spell to cover Ashe. 

“We were able to defeat the first wave of attacks and keep them from getting inside of Garreg Mach and so Claude told us to come here to help” Caspar replied. 

“But guessing by that over there and your face, we’re in a world of trouble aren’t we” Linhardt grunted. 

“Yes” Sylvain answered before turning back to check on everyone again, taking into account everyone’s injuries. Annette had a deep gash on her leg that made it hard for her to even stand. Ashe had blood pouring down his face, Ingrid had taken an arrow to her shoulder and her Pegasus had taken one to her wing making her now forced to be on the ground, Felix had a couple of cuts but nothing too bad, Mercedes also had a couple of cuts but was relatively okay. Dedue was uninjured from what Sylvain could tell and Dimitri was covered in too much blood for him to know if it was from him or from others. That meant that only 4 people of his group were in the right condition to keep fighting and even with Caspar and Linhardt, it would still not be enough. 

Sylvain turned to them both, “Run to the woods that way” he said pointing to the right of him. “Edelgard will attack with more force than before and Garreg Mach will fall but that doesn't mean we should die here too. I can guarantee you that Claude will do the same thing as me. I’ll meet you there but in case i don't get there quick enough, head to either Faerghus or the Alliance, now that you’ve fought against the empire you don't-” 

Anything else that Sylvain tried to say was instantly drowned out by a loud ground shattering roar. The whole battlefield froze as everyone looked to see what had caused that and whether or not it was a friend or foe. Above them all was the form of a gigantic white dragon - the Immaculate one. And if Sylvain started shaking and cursing he knew that at least he was the most composed out of everyone around him because he had at least been warned about this - even still, it was more than he had expected. 

“Running sounds perfectly reasonable to me,” Linhardt quickly replied, grabbing Caspars hand and running away before the other could protest. 

Sylvain kicked his horse forward to Felix. Felix immediately ran toward him grabbing the hand that Sylvain stretched out and jumping onto Bergamon behind him. “What the hell is that?!” 

“Rhea. But she’s not who we have to worry about” Sylvain yelled out as he spurred his horse towards Ingrid, Ashe, and Annette. “Annette get onto Ingrid's horse and the three of you run into the forest. The second wave is coming and now that Rhea has shown her true self, Edelgard won’t hold back any longer. I’ll get Dimitri, Mercedes, and Dedue, just run in there and don’t stop until you can no longer see Garreg Mach behind you. We’ll be right behind you.” 

“Stay safe” Ingrid yelled out as she helped Annette up and motioned her horse forward, Ashe running behind them. 

“The boar wont come so easily” Felix grunted. 

“Then I’ll knock him” Sylvain grunted as he spurred his horse towards them, sending death spells to any of the soldiers near the trio to clear their way out. “Dimitri we have to go! Garreg Mach is done for, we have to retreat.” 

“I am not leaving anywhere until I have her head” Dimitri growled before running forward and piercing an enemy soldier with his lance. Felix quickly jumped off Bergamont, knowing full well that Sylvain had been entirely serious when he said that he would, without a doubt, knock Dimitri out. 

Sylvain cursed before bringing his hand up and shooting a miasma spell toward Dimitri, the attack was from behind and Dimitri had no idea it was even coming which meant that by the time he sensed it, it was too late for him to dodge. Feeling the full force of the magical attack and knocked to the floor. Sylvain quickly kicked his horse forward and climbed down, running to Dimitri who was trying to get back on his feet. 

“Sorry, but I can’t let you die” Sylvain apologized before bringing his lance forward and hitting Dimitris head with the end of it- knocking him out instantly. Sylvain quickly reached down and put his arm under Dimitri to carry him towards his horse, Dedue quickly ran to him and helped put Dimitri on top of Bergamont. 

“Don’t think that I enjoyed doing that,” Sylvain gritted as he adjusted Dimitri on his horse. 

“You did what was necessary” Dedue replied with a short nod. 

Sylvain nodded before getting back on his horse and turning to look out at the horizon, catching sight of Rhea getting attacked by three demonic beasts, being pinned down onto the ground. Sylvain cursed, ripping his attention away from that and back to the others. “Everyone’s in the forest, don't stop running until we cant see Garreg Mach anymore. I’ll stay behind and cover for you since I have a horse and can cover more ground. Go.” 

They all nodded before running away, both Dedue and Felix hesitated but decided that they should trust Sylvain and also couldn’t leave Mercedes on her own. Sylvain turned around and covered them, sending miasmas and dark spikes to anyone that was trying to tail them. It didn't matter how many soldiers he took out, more and more kept coming and Sylvain was forced to retreat and hope that they wouldn't follow him. Spurring Bergamont forward and making sure no oncoming attacks would hit Dimitri. A few soldiers continued to follow them but Bergamont’s speed was too fast for any of them to catch up to him. Despite being away from the battle he could still hear screaming and could smell smoke, even if no one was tracking him right now he knew that they needed to get out of here and back to Faerghus and _fast_. Eventually he was able to spot figures in front of him, tensing up at first until he saw the bright blue in the midst of the group. Slowing down his horse and calling out to them so that they don't think he was an enemy. 

“Sylvain” Ingrid breathed out. 

“We need to keep moving forward, I saw Rhea get taken down which means that once they defeat the rest of the knights they’ll start tracking down any other stragglers” Sylvain explained. “We head towards Faerghus, once we cross the border we can figure out from there what to do next. We can rest once we get far enough from here.” 

They all nodded but then Felix tensed before running up to him, “you’re bleeding.” 

“What” Sylvain asked and looked down at where Felix was looking and yeah that’s blood alright. Sylvain wondered when _that_ had happened and why he hadn’t felt the literal arrow that was sticking out of his torso but shook his head, applying pressure on the wound. “It’s fine we don’t have time to heal, we need to move now.” 

“You’re not dying on me-“

“I will if we stay” Sylvain replied, his tone left no room for anymore arguing. “We need to move now.” 

Linhardt was the first to start walking forward and the rest quickly followed, though soon everyone was jogging while Ingrid and Sylvain kept their horses at a steady pace so they could stay with the group. Felix stayed right by Sylvains side and Dedue near Dimitri. They all stayed quiet as they kept moving, eventually Caspar and Ashe took the lead and led them out of the forest and into a clearing. The entire group tensed and without speaking up, ran across the clearing, nervous to be out in the open for anyone to attack them. Sylvain and Ingrid on either side of the group to try and cover them with their mounts. 

Luckily for them, no one else attack them and soon Garreg Mach was but a tiny spot in the horizon, even still, they all continued walking until the sun started to set and they were all forced to take cover under a nearby cave, it was wet and cold but at least it provided cover both from the elements and from any imperial force. Dedue carefully carried Dimitri down from Sylvains horse and laid him down on the ground, Mercedes quickly running over to heal any wounds that he could have. Ingrid helped Annette get down and gave her a vulnary to help with the pain until Mercedes could help her out. Ashe and Caspar stayed by the mouth of the cave, keeping a lookout for any upcoming soldier. Felix practically yanked Sylvain off his horse and to the floor. Glaring at Linhardt until he came over to heal Sylvain, the entire time none of them spoke, too tired and overwhelmed to say anything to each other. Comforting one another with small gestures like a hand on a shoulder or small smiles shot from across the cave. Eventually everyone was able to be healed as much as Linhardt and Mercedes could possibly do at the moment and Caspar was able to bring wood to start a fire. 

“I’m glad that we’re all safe,” Mercedes was the first to speak, breaking the veil of silence that had covered them. 

“I am too, I was really worried for a second there,” Ashe admitted. “But I’m glad we got in time.” 

Sylvain shifted in his spot, leaning back on the stone wall and grunting. He had gotten careless in the last half of the fight and the pain he was feeling was evidence of that. Not only had he had an arrow hit his torso, narrowly missing any vital organ, but cracked ribs, burns and cuts. Not to mention that his shoulder injury had reopened during all of that so Sylvain was clearly not doing so hot. However both Mercedes and Linhardt had already used up most of their magic if not all and so Sylvain would just have to suck it up. It would be unfair for him to get completely treated while the others had injuries too. None of the others as bad as him though, even Annette leg gash had been healed completely. On the other hand Dimitri was also like Sylvain if not worse, part of him regretted shooting a spell at him and knew that if he had known Dimitri was _that_ injured he would have never done that but it was necessary and no one could blame him for doing that in the end. 

“Once we get to Faerghus you should all head back to your homes” Sylvain spoke, his words slurred from exhaustion and pain. “Dedue and I will go to Fhirdiad with Dimitri. Edelgard won't attack Faerghus right away so you’ll have time to prepare for when she does.” 

“How do you know this? How did you know about everything that was going to happen in Garreg Mach? I thought you had just been a foot soldier” Ingrid asked, Sylvain did not miss the small hint of anger in her voice. 

Sylvain sighed, “I wasn’t a foot soldier in her army. Technically you could say that I was a general.” 

Every single one of them tensed but Sylvain continued. “They recruited me 2 years ago, found me in the streets and promised me a better life- a better life and a way to get revenge. Worked for them for 2 years and was there for all of their important meetings and planning, got close enough that Hubert and I could actually have been called best friends. Close enough that any plans I made or inputs would actually be heard and considered.” 

Felix shifted, none of them were looking at him anymore. 

“They gave me the chance to steal the Lance of Ruin and even though I met Claude and Glenn there I was still loyal to Edelgard. Had made up my mind to get closer to Claude to help her cause and prevent an outright war… then Remire village happened. She betrayed me by siding with the very people that caused that tragedy. She betrayed my trust and went back on what she had promised me, I gave her a chance to explain why. To convince me why I should fight this war for her instead of for the people I loved and cared for. Tried to get her to talk things out instead of starting this war, I knew by then that Claude would have listened and Dimitri would have too, her cause at first was one they would have sided with - but she didn't even humor the thought of doing something as peaceful as that. Hell bent on war” Sylvain breathed out. 

“I told Hubert to kill me - to kill me because if he didn’t then I would fight against him and stop this from happening.. he couldn’t do it. Had his knife to my throat but couldn’t plunge it in… I left their side that day and went to Claude and told him everything, told him everything they had planned and how they would do it. That’s why I knew what would happen, because I was the one that had told her to attack Garreg Mach in waves. Because I was the one that had set up all the battle preparations for taking down the monastery.” 

“Why didn’t you tell Dimitri then. Why didn't you tell the kingdom” Ingrid asked, her voice quivering and he knew that if he looked towards her that she would have tears in her eyes. Tears he knew would fall once he gave her his answer.

He could keep everything else to himself, give half truths and let that be enough to satisfy them. But at this point Sylvain was tired and he no longer had Claude by his side, he would be in charge of dealing with Faerghus and maybe he was weak, but he at least wanted other people to be there to help lessen the burden. 

“I did,” Sylvain answered, looking over to Ingrid. “I told Glenn.” 

Ingrid's tears did fall like he had guessed. Her face twisting into shock then anger then sadness. “Glenn knew about this?” 

“When he was in Claude’s room it was because he was talking to me. We’ve been sending each other letters since then” Sylvain answered. “He’s been getting everything ready in Faerghus for when Edelgard would declare war, I told him to keep it a secret because back then I was an outlaw after all… he’s the reason why I’m no longer one actually.” 

Ingrid turned away from him, her fist clench and shoulder hunched over. Desperately trying to keep herself together. Dedue shifted before speaking up, “Why do you plan on going to Fhirdiad? Why would you go there instead of Gautier?” 

“Edelgard has people inside of Fhirdiad, they’ll do something - fuck, knowing Hubert’s way of doing things he’ll stage Dimitri for a crime he didn’t commit. Give themselves a reason to execute the future King of Faerghus and take over Fhirdiad right there and then” Sylvain answered. “Glenn is already heading over there as we speak, I told him to go to Fhirdiad once the war broke. Between Glenn, you, and I - we’ll keep Dimitri from dying.” 

“You know who’s going to try and kill him. Don't you” Felix whispered. 

“I do. But that’s something I have to keep to myself right now” Sylvain answered. “Can’t risk Dimitri dying.” 

“You would have let all of this happen if she hadn’t betrayed you” Ingrid whispered before looking at Sylvain with anger and disgust. “You would have fought against your own kingdom if she offended you?! Would’ve stood back and watched her kill Dimitri?!” 

Felix growled, “If you had listened to anything he just fucken said you would have heard him say that he fucken tried to get her to talk to Dimitri and Claude. That this entire fucken time he’s been making it so that we all don’t fucken die and even out there he’s the reason why none of us are fucken dead right now. I’m as pissed as you are that Glenn didn’t tell us about him but grow up Ingrid. Things aren’t black and white like your stupid fairy tales. This is war and Sylvain has just been fighting in it for longer than all of us.” 

Ingrid glared but quickly looked away, bringing her knees to her chest and curling herself inward. Mercedes shifted closer to her and put an arm around her, “we’re all stressed out right now. A lot has happened, it’s fine for us to feel bad but we shouldn’t fight amongst ourselves right now.” 

“Mercie is right” Annette added, “I wont say that I’m all too happy about everything but well... Like Felix said, we’re alive now thanks to Sylvain’s warning and so we should just focus on what’s in front of us instead of what happened before.” 

Everyone nodded quietly until Linhardt broke the silence, “is that why Claude had the professor recruit us all then?” 

“Yeah” Sylvain answered, “tried to save you all but well, some he couldn’t get to in time.” 

Linhardt sighed, “well all he’s done now is extended our lives by a little - left us homeless and made us into traitors.” 

“Lin! What Edelgard is doing is wrong, even I can’t stand by something like that and I don’t usually mind fighting” Caspar mumbled the last few words. 

“If you want you can stay with me” Sylvain responded, “after all I was the one that worked with Claude to make that idea come to life so I'll own up to what I did. Once I finish things in Fhirdiad I’ll have the unfortunate luck of having to deal with my old man and well - after that I’ll have Gautier to take care of. Enough fighting happens there to keep you busy, Caspar, and safe enough for you to sleep I guess” Sylvain said as he pointed to Linhardt. 

“You’re taking Gautier,” Felix asked. 

“Made a deal with Glenn, he made it so that I’m not a criminal and so now I have to shoo my old man away” Sylvain sighed as he closed his eyes. “Hopefully he’ll have a heart attack before I get there…” 

Felix grunted and Linhardt sighed, “well being that we don't have any other choice, I guess we’ll take you up on that offer. You better not make me work Gautier.” 

“Only thing you have to worry about is Caspar,” Sylvain mumbled and smiled when he heard Linhardt grunt and Caspar’s small ‘hey I’m not that bad’. 

“I-I’ll head to Rowe, my siblings are still there and I can keep an eye on things while I’m there” Ashe added. 

“Mercie and I will head back to our hometowns and keep you all updated from where we’re at” Annette added. “We can write to each other to make sure we’re all okay.” 

“I will stay by his highness side” Dedue answered. 

“Sylvain shouldn’t go to Fhirdiad” Felix answered, cutting off everyone that had started talking about how they would talk with one another when they were away. Sylvain opened his eyes to look at him questioningly. 

“I have to” Sylvain answered as he sat up, hissing out in pain but he knew he couldn’t just be laying down for this. “Like I said they’ll do something to hurt Dimitri.” 

“I know, but if Glenn is going there and so will Dedue then you going there will give away the fact that they know about the coup and so they’ll stand down. They won't give you a reason to kill them and so when you do it’ll make you look like a killer” Felix replied. “You’ll be a criminal again and you’ll be forced to hide.” 

“I have to go Felix, if i become a criminal then it’s-“

“Does Glenn know who is pulling the strings in Fhirdiad?” Felix asked. 

Sylvain sighed. “Yes, he and I are the only ones that know apart from Claude” he answered truthfully. 

“Then Glenn will kill them,” Felix answered. “If Glenn kills them he’ll have the backing of the court as well as the fact that as Fraldarius, we’re sworn to protect our king and become his shield. If we find anyone to be remotely suspicious we have the right to execute them on sight. Glenn can kill this person and he will not suffer any consequences meanwhile - you will. Just because you’re okay with sacrificing yourself doesn't mean that it’s the smartest plan.” 

“It’s not so easy as killing one person, there’s a threat of a full blown battle erupting in Fhirdiad if things go south” Sylvain answered. 

“Then I can go with Dedue and Dimitri” Mercedes responded quickly. “I’m just a commoner and also a healer so I can always just say that I tagged along to heal Dimitri’s wounds. I know I’m not as strong as you Sylvain but I do know rescue and so if things get bad I can always get Dimitri out of a bad situation.” 

“I agree with Mercedes, I think it would be best to be discreet about this. With her no one will be alerted to what is going to happen” Dedue added. 

Sylvain clenched his jaw but before he could even reply Felix spoke up, “Just because you’re used to dealing with everything doesn’t fucken mean you have to do everything now. Don’t be stupid and throw yourself in harms way just because youre too stubborn to see there’s other ways to do shit. There’s no need to fucken kill yourself when other’s can step up and do something better.” 

Sylvain sighed before rubbing his face with his hand and mumbling, “Fine fine, but then that means that I’ll have to tell you two who to look out for just in case Glenn can’t get away long enough to do anything. That way at least you don’t leave Dimitri alone with them.” 

“I’m sure everyone here can know who this person is” Linhardt added. 

“He’s right,” Ingrid responded. “We deserve to know too.” 

“It’s not a matter of deserving Ingrid. It’s a matter of shit could get really ugly if this gets out” Sylvain grunted. 

“Do you not trust us then” Ingrid asked and Sylvain hated that she asked that because now he _had_ to tell them. Hated that she was being so difficult about all this, it was expected of course, and even understandable - still didn’t mean that he couldn’t hate it. 

Sylvain scoffed, “fine, you win Ingrid. But I’ll only tell you all on one condition.” 

“What is it?” Ingrid asked.

“No one tells Dimitri.” Dedue and Ingrid both tensed up. Annette and Ashe looked at Sylvain questioningly but the others seemed to be fine with the condition he was asking. “If you can't do that, then I can’t trust you with this information.” 

“Why” Ingrid asked. 

“Because it involves the tragedy” Sylvain answered bluntly and now everyone was looking at Sylvain, thousands of questions floating in their eyes. “I won't explain anything, not until the day I explain it to Dimitri. Not until the day that I can sit him down and tell him everything that I know. Until then, I won't explain more so because of that, Dimitri can’t know. He’s not stable enough to learn about this not now at least. Fuck no one knows about this, not even Claude or Glenn. Only Edelgard, Hubert and I know this, and I intend on keeping it like that until Dimitri hears me out. So if you can’t keep quiet then I won’t say a damn thing.” 

“Then no one but Mercedes and I must know” Dedue spoke up. “It is only fair then, that only the ones involved with this must know. For his highness sake, I cannot let anyone else find out.” 

Ingrid immediately tried to speak against this but Dedue’s glare quickly shut her up. It was rare for Dedue to ever go against anyone or try to order for something to be done a certain way. Because of this, the gravity of his words were heavy and everyone knew to drop the subject right there and then for fear of what would happen if Dedue actually got upset at them. 

Sylvain leaned back on the stone wall, “I’ll tell you once we’re closer to Fhirdiad. For now we should all rest, take turns on keeping an eye out. Once the sun comes up we’ll head out. Hopefully by then Dimitri will be awake so he can tell us all what he wants us to do.” 

Felix scoffed, “as if you didn't already just plan everything out for us.” 

“Mmm bad habit I guess,” Sylvain mumbled as he felt Felix shift to sit next to him, both their shoulders bumping against one another. Sylvain took that as a silent blessing, letting his head fall to the side and rest on his shoulder. 

“I can take first watch” Ashe quickly spoke up causing a chorus of words spoken by the rest. Organizing when they would each take watch and when they would rest. In the end, they all agreed that Sylvain should sleep since he was the most injured and Sylvain didn't have the energy to argue. Closing his eyes and letting himself drift off next to Felix. 

Morning came too quickly and judging by everyone’s grunts, Sylvain was not the only who thought that. Luckily for him Linhardt had enough energy to heal him up some more and so Sylvain, although sore and in pain, was able to get back on his feet and carry on. Dimitri was still unconscious so they all decided to put Dimitri on Sylvains horse, and for Sylvain to walk. Due to her mount's injuries, Ingrid also could not ride on her Pegasus so they were all on foot for now. 

Thankfully, crossing into Faerghus was not a difficult journey and also was not such a long one thanks to their position, by the time the sun started to set they were already in Charon. It was there that Ashe and Annette had to head a different direction to their hometowns. For safety reasons, Linhardt and Caspar decided to accompany them, saying that they would stay in Rowe for a couple of days before heading out to Gautier, giving Sylvain time to ‘clean up the mess that is your family’ (Linhardt’s words exactly.) By the next morning Dimitri finally woke up but kept to himself, muttering to the air and not looking at any of them directly, especially avoiding Sylvain all together, which was understandable, he _did_ knock him out after all. 

Ingrid ended up being the next to leave them, giving small goodbyes and promises to keep in touch before riding off towards Galatea. Felix and Sylvain both silently decided to split up from the main group there, both too tired to deal with Dimitris temperamental mood swings. Felix distracted Dimitri for a while so that Sylvain could tell Dedue and Mercedes who to look out for, both of them did not look surprised by the news; it was mildly concerning but in the end, Sylvain could just wish them luck, give Dimitri a small wave and watch them all walk towards the Kingdoms Capital. Sylvain sighed before mounting his horse and reaching down to Felix. Felix scoffed but took the offer, jumping to sit behind him, both of them staying quiet as they made their way up Faerghus. 

“We’re stopping in Fraldarius” Felix spoke for the first time in hours. 

“Hm? Yeah I’m dropping you off” Sylvain answered. 

“No. We’re stopping to rest and then we’re going to Gautier” Felix grunted. 

“Nooo you’re staying in Fraldarius and I’m going to Gautier” Sylvain chuckled. “Or what, you’re going to ruin that plan too?” 

Felix scoffed, “so what? You’re going to go alone to face your dad that disowned you and tried to have you killed? How the fuck does that make any fucken sense?” 

“Felix, your dad will need you in Fraldarius, especially since Glenn won’t be there” Sylvain sighed. “I know it’s going to suck to meet my dad again but well, we’re at war we can’t be picky about which battles we have to fight.” 

Felix stayed quiet for a couple of seconds before speaking, “My old man can suck it up. It’s his fault anyways that you’re having to deal with this on your own, if he has a problem with it then I don't fucken care. I’m going with you. Even if you say no, I’m going and don’t think I won’t knock you out like you did Dimitri.” 

“You’re too stubborn for your own good.” 

Sylvain didn't have to turn around to know that Felix was smiling. 

~ X ~ 

Sylvain was quiet, really quiet. He was also a nervous mess that was going through a million scenarios in his head of how all of this could go wrong. When he had agreed to stop at Fraldarius for a couple of days he had never actually considered that that meant two things: He would be in the Fraldarius estate and he would have to talk to Rodrigue. He didn't know which one was worse. 

On one hand, the Fraldarius estate was at one point in his life, his happy place. Fuck even to this day all of his happiest memories were in that house. His entire childhood (the good part of it) was spent in those halls! That was where he met Dimitri, Ingrid, and Felix, where he played with them and spent his time falling in love with them. It was his heaven on the days where things got bad. However nowadays it served as proof of the innocence he lost and all the nightmares he had taken place in those walls. It was stupid, he knew they were just dreams and that nothing bad had ever happened in that house and yet he couldn’t get rid of the image of him killing his friends in those halls or the screaming. 

On the other hand, Rodrigue would be there. He had been the closest thing to becoming a father figure to Sylvain and had actually been nice to him. He had even been the one to teach Sylvain how to fish and hunt, and had been the one that had always convinced Sylvains parents to let him stay. Even if he had never been affectionate or very caring, Sylvain didn’t doubt that Rodrigue had always cared for him. Even still, he always let him go back to Gautier despite Sylvain knowing that Rodrigue knew the kind of man his father was. He let himself believe that Sylvain had actually died and had neglected Felix beyond Sylvain’s comprehension. He was flawed, but so was every human Sylvain knew that, even still. He didn’t want to see him. 

But what Sylvain wanted didn’t matter because soon he was riding up to Fraldarius and felt his chest get tighter. It looked exactly the same, nothing had changed - of course nothing had changed, it hadn’t been that many years, but it sure as hell felt like an eternity since the last time he had ridden up to this house. Sylvain breathed out as he led Bergamont towards the stables, taking in all the details of Fraldarius and carving them into his memory.

_Everything was the same, it was still all the same_. 

“You can put your horse there” Felix spoke up as he pointed to an empty stall. “I’ll have someone come around and take care of him, we should head inside for now.” 

“Alright, but warn whoever comes to take care of him that he’s a bit of an asshole at times” Sylvain chuckled as they both got off the horse. Patting Bergamont on the neck, taking his time to grab his things to at least delay the inevitable. 

“Come on, you can get your shit later” Felix grunted, folding his arms and scowling. He knew why Sylvain was being so slow, and had seen how tense he had been ever since they got closer and closer to Fraldarius, even still. It was better to just get this over with now than to drag it out. 

“Fine fine” Sylvain sighed as he walked over to Felix, “lead the way.” 

Felix rolled his eyes before the two walked towards the entrance of the estate, a couple of guards greeted Felix and some very very old faces had to do a double take to make sure that it was in fact Sylvain that was besides him. None of them said anything once they realized he was. Instead they swung the door open for them and went to alert Rodrigue of their arrival. Sylvain stayed frozen by the entrance, forcing himself to remember that this was real, this was not a dream. Nothing bad was going to happen, this was a good place.

Felix grunted and that was all the warning Sylvain needed to look up and find Rodrigue walking towards them. He had aged, looked more tired than Sylvain had ever seen him, even still - he held the same air of a noble he had when he was younger and the same intimidating aura too. It was crazy that despite the fact that Sylvain was now in fact, taller and bigger than him, Sylvain still felt so small next to the man. 

“Sylvain” Rodrigue breathed out as he stepped towards him, a smile on his face. “Words cannot begin to explain the happiness that I feel right now.” 

Sylvain smiled at him and let himself be embraced, hearing Felix grunt and quickly shooting him a glare that clearly told him to ‘play nice’. “I’ve missed this place.” Sylvain replied as he pulled away from him. “I see nothing has changed.” 

Felix scoffed before asking, “Did Glenn leave?” 

“Yes your brother headed to Fhirdiad to stand by Dimitri’s side. This war that the empire has waged” Rodrigue said before shaking his head. “We will be sure to protect Faerghus no matter what. The war council will gather once Dimitri has arrived in Fhirdiad and has had time to recover.” 

“He should be arriving soon then” Felix replied. “We traveled with him until we had to separate, he is with others so he’s safe.” 

“I’m sure your brother will send notice once he arrives,” Rodrigue answered before turning to Sylvain, his face more serious than before. “Glenn told me about the talk the two of you had, about you being willing to step up and become the Margrave of Gautier.” 

_Right to the fucken subject huh? Well fuck, guess this is where Glenn and Felix learned to not beat around the bush on anything fucken hell. No time for pleasantries in war I guess._

“Yes, if it’s necessary then I will do that” Sylvain answered carefully. 

“Good, I’ve grown tired of having to manage both territories” Rodrigue answered as he turned around and started walking to his office, the two quickly followed. “Two months ago we took your father to court for the actions he committed against you as well as other crimes that we found he had taken part in. The council was still debating on whether or not to actually remove your father from power when Garreg Mach contacted us about you and how you had tried to warn your father about Edelgards attack but he failed to listen to you. He is currently in Fhirdiad awaiting his trial.” 

Sylvain tensed, oh he hated how good Claude’s lie had worked for them. Hated that he knew deep down that Claude had planned for this exact thing to happen. It served as a reminder to Sylvain that Claude really was years ahead of him when it came to laying out any foundation for a plan that would take place in the future. It was terrifying how easily Claude could do something like that. 

“At the current moment, I have some men in Gautier to manage the territory however, now that you are here I can hand off all of that to you” Rodrigue said as he stepped forward to his desk to grab some paperwork. “I understand that it has been years since you have had to do anything like this, and i understand if you get overwhelmed but given the state of the country at the moment. I must focus all my time on my territory and keeping Fhirdiad safe. I’m sure you understand.” 

“Yes that’s fine, Glenn has already prepared me for this” Sylvain answered as he grabbed the papers from Rodrigue, instantly getting a headache at the small glimpse that he took of what was actually written. Oh he really was not ready to just be thrown into the wolves right from the get go but it was expected he guessed. 

“Then why don’t you take a seat, I’ll have someone bring us tea and some food for you while we discuss all of this” Rodrigue said as he sat down in his chair. “There is a lot that you’ll need to be caught up on after all.” 

“Thank you.” Sylvain smiled as he sat down and they began to talk well until the sun started to set. 

It would be an understatement to say that Sylvain’s brain was fried. Oh he was not ready to become a Margrave and whatever dumb bitch that had convinced him into thinking that he was, was a fool (Glenn will absolutely be called a dumb bitch the next time Sylvain saw him, he swore to that). Rodrigue had tried his best to ease Sylvain into all the shit he had to do and learn about, had even tried to make small talk in between topics but it was obvious both to him and to Felix that Sylvain had transcended from overwhelmed to a zen like state of mind that made him just smile and nod. Still, Rodrigue ever the gentlest of souls, continued with giving Sylvain more information and even oh so kindly put the heavy burden of giving Sylvain the harsh news that before his father had left, he had managed to kill a really important figure in Sreng during a battle so Sreng had been absolutely ruthless in their attacks on Gautier since then. Just thinking about that was enough for Sylvain to want to bash his head into a wall. Because of course he wouldn't just have to fight _two_ wars. 

Even after Rodrigue had finished relaying everything that needed to be said to him, Sylvain still found himself stuck in the library of the estate, reading papers after papers. It was hell and his brain was such a puddled mess that he didn't even have time to think about all the other things he had feared hours ago. All that seemed like a fucken joke when he looked at the food rations he had in his territory or how many men he had that he could afford to loan out to other territories once Edelgard set her eyes on Fhirdiad. Sylvain was mumbling when Felix stepped into the room, too focused on trying to tally up how many men he would need to leave in the border and how many he could loan out to Galatea because he was _sure_ that they would need reinforcements. Felix sighed before walking up him and smacking him (lightly) on the head. 

“Go to sleep it’s late” Felix spoke as he sat down on the desk, making sure to move all the papers that Sylvain had sprawled out. 

“I wish I could Fe” Sylvain mumbled as he picked up another paper. 

“You can and you will” Felix sighed as he snatched the paper from Sylvains hand, standing up to gather the rest of them. “No use fucken dealing with this all at once. You need to rest.” 

Sylvain grunted as he laid his head on the desk, he was tired but he was also stressed and overwhelmed and knew that nothing that he did would make him stop thinking about how many things he needed to take care of right now. Felix sighed, Sylvain looked a mess and he knew his father had been right to make Sylvain take charge of all of this but it was still hard to watch. It was unfair to Sylvain in every kind of way and everyone knew that, but they also knew that they were at war and Gautier needed a Margrave - desperately needed a Margrave that only Sylvain could become. 

“I’ll help you once we get to Gautier. So don’t go killing yourself trying to do everything right now” Felix mumbled. 

Sylvain smiled though his face was still resting on the table. “I’ll get used to you always helping me out if you do that. Wouldn’t want me to get needy now would you?” 

Felix rolled his eyes, “Come o.. We need to sleep since we have to leave for Gautier tomorrow.” 

Sylvain grunted, “at least I won't have to deal with my old man.”

“Shame. I was planning on stabbing him.” 

Sylvain snorted and that quickly turned into real genuine laughter. “That’s a shame, I might have married you if you had done that for me,” Sylvain chuckled as he looked up just in time to see Felix’s face turn a deep shade of red before turning away from him. 

“You’re an idiot, come on” Felix scoffed before picking up all the papers and walking away. 

Sylvain smirked before running after him, immediately slinging his arm around Felix’s shoulders. “So I’m guessing you already told your dad?” 

“Hmm yeah, told him I wasn’t taking no as an answer so he had no choice” Felix replied as they made their way up the stairs. 

It was familiar this entire scene was so familiar that it hurt. Walking around the house side by side with Felix under his arm, talking about random things as they got ready to head to bed. All they needed was Dimitri and Ingrid behind them talking about the new move Glenn had taught them, Felix scoffing because ‘that’s old news, Glenn taught me that weeks ago’. Then they would break into an argument and Sylvain would just laugh on the side because he distinctly remembered Glenn teaching all of them that move three months ago. 

“Sylvain.” 

Sylvain jumped before turning to Felix and smiling at him, “hm sorry got lost in thought i guess. Anyways at least your dad is letting you come with me.” Sylvain tightened his hold on Felix before dramatically sighing and draping himself over him. “I’m tired Fe, carry me to bed” he whined. 

“You’re too heavy” Felix answered bluntly as the two continued walking. 

“Are you calling me fat?” Felix rolled his eyes, not even dignifying that question with a response. Sylvain sighed again, this time louder and longer. “You would have totally carried me to bed when we were younger.” 

“I recall distinctly never carrying you to bed.” 

“But you _would_ have.” 

Felix sighed before mumbling, “fucken needy bastard.”

“Okay rude” Sylvain said as he straightened his back and dropped his arm from Felix’s shoulder, smirking at the small pout that formed in Felix’s face. “I am not needy, I am just saying that you totally would have carried me before.” 

“And I would have learned that you're too heavy for me to carry the hard way” Felix answered as he rolled his eyes. 

“But it would have been cute anyways,” Sylvain purred, smirking at the shade of red that started covering Felix’s cheeks. “Would’ve made my day, no, my _week_.” 

Felix scoffed, “you find the weirdest shit cute.” 

“I find cute things cute,” Sylvain corrected. 

“Whatever” Felix mumbled as they reached a very familiar door and Sylvain immediately opened it and let himself in, a big smile on his face. 

“It looks the same! Except- except now there’s swords I guess” Sylvain added as he looked over to the corner of the room that had a bunch of swords hung and displayed. Besides that, Felix’s room looked exactly the same and for some reason that made Sylvain extremely happy. 

Everything was where it had always been, the same books sat in the same bookshelves, the desk was still in the same place in the room and Felix still had the same fur rug and little wood figures they had made when they were younger scattered around the room. Sylvain smiled as he took all of this in, falling over and letting himself lay on the bed that smelled so much like _Felix_ , not like the bed in the academy didn’t, but this one smelled like _his_ Felix. The one that he had held and played with all those years ago. 

“Part of me is worried that you never changed your room at all but at the same time I’m so happy you didn’t. I missed this room so much more than you will ever imagine” Sylvain sighed happily as he turned to look at Felix who was just placing the papers on his desk nonchalantly. 

“Don’t see why I would change it, looks perfectly fine to me” Felix replied before turning around to look at him with his eyebrow quirked up. “You have your shoes on my bed.” 

“Ah shit my bad” Sylvain mumbled as he quickly sat up and took off his shoes. 

Felix rolled his eyes before stepping out of the room for a couple of seconds and then returning. “Told them to bring you clothes to sleep in since I doubt you want to sleep without pants on again.” 

“I’ve worn a lot less to bed than that” Sylvain purred and relished in the way Felix’s face turned pink in an instant, quickly glaring at him. 

“Gross.” 

Sylvain didn’t believe him. 

“Anyways, I should go to bed, guessing my room is the one two doors down like always” Sylvain sighed as he stood up and stretched. “See you in the morning Fe.” 

Felix tensed, forcing himself to unclench his jaw and breathe out, looking away from him. It would be way too selfish to ask Sylvain to stay in his room for the night and would hit too close to what had happened before. “See you in the morning.” 

~ X ~ 

It was cold, so incredibly cold. Sylvain could feel his body creak with each of his movements and could feel his bones shake beneath his skin. He had no idea where he was, his surroundings blanketed in darkness that was so unsettling to him. Sylvain carefully walked around, hands splayed out in front of him to try to get a grip on anything that could be there; eventually running into what he guessed was a wall. Sliding his hands on it as he walked alongside it, reaching a corner and then a door. Opening up to reveal the corridors of the Fraldarius estate - he knew now that this was all a dream. 

The door he had opened, quietly shut behind him and Sylvain walked forward, the coldness he felt was only getting worse and Sylvain realized that there had only been one time in his life that he had felt this kind of painfully sharp coldness: the day Miklan had pushed him inside the well. This realization alone caused his body to shiver violently, but it was then that he could hear a door opening somewhere inside the house. Sylvain quietly followed where the noise came from, going up the stairs and finding a candle light illuminating from one of the guest rooms. The coldness was suffocating him now but he kept walking forward until he was at the room that had opened up for him. It was empty all except for a chair that was centered in the room. Sylvain carefully walked up to it but suddenly found that he couldn’t move anymore, frozen in place as he could hear footsteps coming up behind him. Growing louder as they got closer and Sylvain couldn’t even turn his head around to see who was coming. 

It wasn’t until he saw figures walking past him that he was praying and wishing for the goddess to let him wake. To let him wake up right now. He watched as hooded figures tied Felix onto the chair, Felix was dazed, unaware of his surroundings but Sylvain knew where this was going. Knew what he was going to watch and wanted to scream, wished that he could do something to force him to wake up because goddess he wasn’t strong enough to get through this. He was nowhere near strong enough to see something like this. 

The hooded figures stepped away as another pair of footsteps walked up behind him and past Sylvain. If Sylvain had been unsure of what this dream was going to force him to watch he would be sure now as he watched Hubert step closer to Felix, black gloves on and tools being brought to him. If Sylvain could he would be screaming and crying, begging Hubert to leave him alone. To not touch him or hurt him. Instead all he could do was stand and watch. 

“The only way for me to hurt you is through him,” Hubert whispered. “I know this better than anyone. Hurting him is the only way to make you pay for betraying us.” 

And Sylvain knew that he had to be shaking. Wanted to scream and beg. Beg Hubert to not do this, to hurt him instead. That he would do anything to make this stop, he would go back to them, fight for them. Kill whoever they could ask him to kill. He would kill Dimitri, Ingrid, fuck, he would kill Claude if it meant stopping this from happening. But he couldn’t even beg, couldn’t even scream. Was frozen in place watching Hubert grab a scalpel and get closer to Felix. 

Hubert made the first cut - Felix screamed - and Sylvain knew he was in hell. 

He knew that he would never forget these screams or the laughter coming out of Hubert. Had to remind himself that this was a dream that this was a sick fucken dream but even still as the screaming got louder and the blood kept dripping Sylvain found himself unable to keep reminding himself of that. Slowly believing that this was all real and that all the pain and injuries Felix was suffering were in fact happening and all because Sylvain had left Edelgards side. That this was all because he had selfishly decided to stand by Claude's side instead of follow orders and stay with Edelgard. That he had been the one to anger Hubert and that had led him to take his anger out on Felix. Felix who was being broken, stabbed and cut, whose blood was now pooling under Sylvains feet and who was begging for all of this to stop. Begging for mercy that Sylvian knew Hubert would never deliver. That he would be forced to endure all of this because of Sylvain, that this was all because of him. 

Sylvain woke up gasping for air, trying to grasp anything that was around him to ground him in reality and turning his body away from the cold he swore that was still clinging to him. Pushing himself up only to fall off the bed and smashing his back on the nightstand. Dropping all the contents that had been on there and still being unable to breathe properly. Felix’s screams followed through from the dream and Sylvain swore that he could still see Hubert smiling. He tried screaming but couldn’t even bring any air into his lungs much less make any noise. Gasping and shivering, he swore that he was being choked by something. A noose wrapped around his neck that he was trying desperately to rip off his neck but no matter what he did it was still there and he couldn’t breath and the screams got so much louder now. The cold was suffocating him and Hubert was laughing now and Sylvain couldn’t make it stop. Couldn’t make any of this stop. 

“Sylvain- Sylvain stop- stop, breath Sylvain breath” Sylvain could hear Felix’s muffled voice as growing pressure was applied to his wrists. “It’s a dream - it’s just a dream. Breathe, you have to breathe.” 

Sylvain forced himself to focus on Felix’s voice instead of his screams. Forced himself to put all his strength into breathing and the pressure that was on his wrists - a light that led him out of the state he had been. 

“You’re okay, you’re okay” Felix whispered as Sylvain was finally able to look up at him. His hair was down and he was in his sleep wear and his face visibly softened when Sylvains eyes met his. Pulling at his wrist and bringing Sylvain to him, wrapping his arms around him and holding close to him. “Just a dream Sylvie. Just a dream.” 

“I’m sorry,” Sylvain breathed out. “I’m sorry.” 

“You’re fine, you didn’t do anything wrong” Felix whispered as his hold tightened. “You’re fine.” 

Sylvain stayed curled into Felix’s chest, tears rolling down his face. Felix’s arms stayed wrapped around him, holding him tightly and his voice whispering small reassuring words to try and bring Sylvain back down from the dream he had. Keeping him grounded and making him feel safe and warm. The coldness that he had felt melting away with each second that he spent in Felix’s arms. A small hand rubbing his spine gently to calm his shivering body. 

“I’m sorry” Sylvain whispered, voice hoarse. 

“There’s nothing to apologize for,” Felix whispered as he leaned his head down to rest it on Sylvain’s shoulders. “You’re okay.” 

The two spent a couple more minutes like that, Felix would occasionally look over to Sylvain to try and gauge how he was doing. If he had to do more to help him or if he was feeling better now, though the way that Sylvain had buried his face into Felix’s chest made it very hard to figure out. Eventually Felix managed to lift them both from the floor and onto the bed, holding on to Sylvain the entire time and whispering to him. Whispers turned into low quiet humming and that eventually turned into soft touches that lulled Sylvain back to sleep, keeping him in his arms until the two had fallen back to sleep. Both warmed by each other’s presence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felix: I’m moving to Gautier
> 
> Rodrigue: *knowing damn well that his son is gay and has been in love with Sylvain since he was 10 years old and fully prepared to congratulate his son on his engagement* you are?
> 
> Felix: to help with the war, I’m not taking no for an answer.
> 
> Rodrigue: .....
> 
> Felix: I’m going whether you like it or not.
> 
> Rodrigue: ....I expected more from you Felix


	18. Acero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if this chapter seems a little weird and somewhat off, it took me like 5 different times to rewrite this and make it sound okay. For some reason this was the hardest chapter for me to write despite the fact that it’s not the most important one.... don’t know why that happened but like oh well I guess??? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Sylvain woke up to small chatter outside of his door and the sunlight shining down on him through the window. His entire body was sore but that was so normal for him nowadays that he didn't even question it. So tired that he didn't even question the weight leaning on his back or the warmness coming from it, leaning in to it if anything. It wasn’t until he stretched and felt movement that he stopped and fully realized that - _oh fuck Felix is sleeping behind me._

Sylvain was usually a very suave and composed kind of guy when it came to intimate things. Hell, this was not the first time that he woke up with someone sleeping behind him with arms wrapped around his waist. It really was not the first time and yet Sylvain could not stop himself from having a full body blush and for forgetting how to breath because of how overwhelmingly flustered he actually was at the moment. He actually found himself thankful that his stretching hadn’t woken up Felix because he was not sure if he would even be able to say good morning without stumbling his words. 

Of course Sylvain remembered the night before and that the only reason Felix was sleeping besides him right now was because of the awful nightmare he had had, however, his mind, his very flustered and overwhelmed mind, proudly and happily pointed out that even _if_ Felix had stayed with him throughout the night, it did not mean that Felix had to cuddle up to him and hold him as tightly as he was at that moment. Sylvain spent a total of five minutes arguing with himself that this was _normal_ that he was sure that it was just a comforting hold that Felix had on him not a ‘hey we’re cuddling because we’re into each other’ hold. Told himself that even Claude would do this, to which his brain immediately replied with no, he had had many nightmares in Claude's room and not once did he wake up the next morning with Claude clinging to him like if he was a teddy bear. 

Eventually Sylvain was able to come to the conclusion that even if Felix did or did not like him that it didn’t matter because at this point Sylvain was way over his head. That his silly little childhood crush and every other small ‘affection’ he thought he held for Felix was grossly underestimated because in this exact moment where he was able to wake up next to Felix in a calm and nice morning, oh goddess was he hit with the hard truth:

He was madly in love with Felix. 

Granted Sylvain had _known_ that for a while now. Had even mentioned it to Hubert before but it was still a major whiplash to be hit with that knowledge right when you wake up. Life hadn’t even given Sylvain a couple of minutes before bombarding him with a thousand thoughts on how much he loved Felix and how much he wanted to _show_ Felix that he _loved_ him. Because of that, could Sylvain really be faulted for turning around and letting his self control die as he slowly brought his hand up to caress Felix’s face that was so outrageously beautiful and soft thanks to the morning sun? Yes - yes he could be faulted because he completely forgot how light of a sleeper Felix was and how one touch was enough for Felix to immediately open his eyes and catch him in the middle of what he was doing. 

Sylvain immediately tried to lie and say that he was just fixing his hair but what his dumb brain instead said was, “I can get used to this.” 

He was not surprised that he got smacked in the face by a pillow. 

Was not even remotely surprised that Felix didn’t even reply to that and instead just grunted and huffed as he got up and out of the bed. Quietly mumbling something along the lines of ‘if you’re up, get ready so we can eat and head out’ before leaving. There was a couple other insults Sylvain was sure had been thrown his way but at this point he was just relishing over the high blush that had covered all of Felix’s body and the small gasp that had come out of Felix when he had spoken those words, seconds before he had smacked him. To say that Sylvain was in a bliss like state would be an understatement, the smile on his face never left him and even as he got dressed, packed all his things and headed down to the dining room, the smile never left, only grew bigger as he spotted Felix yawning in the dining room, waiting for him. 

Once again, Sylvain’s self control was thrown directly out the window as he practically jumped Felix, wrapping his arms around his shoulders from behind him and bringing him closer to him, “you didn’t tell me good morning.” 

Felix scoffed, though Sylvain did not miss the way he practically melted into his touch, still sleepy enough that he wasn’t as prickly as usual. “Too fucken early for you to be this cheerful.” He mumbled. 

Sylvain laughed, “please, how can I not be cheerful right now?” 

Felix grunted before elbowing Sylvain away so that he could sit down as the house maids brought them breakfast, the two talked about random unnecessary things as they ate, the conversation loose and unimportant. Sylvains mind was more focused on discreetly shuffling his chair closer to Felix and not having him realize that he was doing that. Wasn’t until their thighs touched and Sylvain was able to sling his arm across Felix’s shoulders that Felix looked up confused as to how the hell Sylvain was so close to him if the dumbass had been literally three chairs away from him at the beginning of their breakfast. 

“Good morning boys” Rodrigue called out as he walked into the room, Sylvain had never jumped away from someone as fast as he did then. Way too scared to see how Rodrigue would react if he saw Sylvain being affectionate to his _son_. Sylvain missed Felix’s concerned and annoyed glare that he shot towards him, clearly knowing that the reason why Sylvain had jumped away was because he hadn’t necessarily had a good history with parents being accepting towards him being affection towards Felix but it was still upsetting to see how much it had affected Sylvain when before Sylvain would have never cared to hide it. To see how one minute he’s practically bonded at the hip with Felix and the next he was four chairs away from him nervously looking at Rodrigue. 

“Good morning sir” Sylvain answered in fake politeness. 

Felix grunted, “we’ll head out to Gautier after breakfast. I’ll send a letter to you once we get there. Shouldn’t take too long to arrive.” 

“Hmm, it’s clear skies too so you’ll be fine I’m sure” Rodrigue answered. 

“Thank you for letting us rest here before heading over,” Sylvain added. “As well as for helping me out with Gautier and everything else. I’ll be sure to repay that debt to you one day.” 

Rodrigue smiled, “no need to be so polite with me Sylvain. You’re family, it’s what we do for one another.” 

Felix scoffed and Sylvain threw him a glare before turning back to Rodrigue, “Still, I hope one day I can make it up to you. You’ve all done so much for me after all.” 

Rodrigue smiled before the three settled into steady conversation, well more like Sylvain and Rodrigue talked while Felix grunted and scoffed, occasionally saying something but reverting back to being unimpressed by everything that was being said by his father. Thankfully - because Sylvain was sure that Felix was two seconds from picking a fight with his father, breakfast was finished and Rodrigue was hugging them goodbye before the two went to the stables and got prepared to ride out. 

Bergamont was incredibly pissed off at Sylvain for having left him behind in some random stall without checking on him. Nipping at his shoulder and huffing and neighing at him in protest when Sylvain started saddling him up, Sylvain simply laughed it off and bought Bergamont’s love back by handing him some sugar cubes. The entire time Felix was unimpressed by the situation and quickly saddled his own horse and unceremoniously got on it. Sylvain finally turned to look over to the horse and immediately felt a smile form in his face.

“Is that Lance” Sylvain asked as he walked over to the brown and white gelding. Instantly the gelding looked at Sylvain questioningly before things clicked into place for the animal and he was neighing happily and bobbing his head up and down. Letting Sylvain pet him and shower him with affection. “Oh i missed you buddy! How long has it been? You’re so big now!” Sylvain smiled recalling the first time he had met the gelding. 

For Felix’s 13th birthday his father had promised to give him a present worthy of a knight and so Felix had been so over the moon to get his first sword (because ‘that was what I’m obviously getting Ingy!’) he had not shut up about it for weeks and had annoyed everyone but Sylvain about that. However when his birthday finally came - Felix was looking down a small foal instead of a shiny new sword and was of course, upset about that. He didn't outright say that he was, and of course Rodrigue had not even realized that Felix didn’t like his birthday present, but everyone else around him could see how defeated he was about getting a horse instead of a sword. Especially since Felix had never cared for _horses_. 

Of course, Sylvain, always being Felix’s hero, had immediately walked over and started saying how jealous he was of Felix and how cute the foal was. Making it sound like getting a horse was the coolest most amazing thing anyone could get (which, in Sylvain’s opinion, was the truth). Felix’s small frown instantly turned into a proud smile and the two spent the rest of Felix’s birthday spending time with the foal and picking out names for it. Felix demanded the horse be called something cool and ‘badass’ like sword smasher or death bringer… Sylvain and Glenn were able to convince him to call the foal Lance because at least that wasn’t so… bad….

Still, Felix sucked at riding horses and knew nothing about caring for them. Glenn also was not that well trained on horses and knew enough to care for his own but when he got his first horse it was a fully trained and grown mare not a tiny foal. Dimitri and Ingrid liked horses but knew nothing about actually taking care of them since they both came from families that believed that horse maintenance could be learned later on in their adolescence instead of at the current moment. And Rodrigue was way too busy to help them care for the foal so the only one Felix could turn to was Sylvain. Sylvain who had been taught how to care for horses since he was 5 years old and had been forced to care for his, his brothers, and his father’s horses for years now. Of Course he didn’t mind helping at all, if anything he was excited to help Felix learn to love horses and eventually he knew this would mean that they would be able to go riding together in the future. 

This of course, meant that for the first year of Lance’s life, Sylvain had been very _very_ present to the point that once the gelding turned a year old, Felix had trouble having Lance listen to him instead of Sylvain. That had caused a small argument between the two until Glenn so graciously pointed out that it was Felix’s fault for not being so present in Lance’s practices and care and was instead too busy practicing his sword techniques. This led to Sylvain finding Felix in the stables more often and eventually even led to Felix agreeing to go riding with him. (Of course this didn’t mean that Felix suddenly became a cavalier or anything, he was still deathly serious about becoming a swordsman). 

Sylvain smiled at the memory of them both raising and training Lance together all those years ago. “Missed you buddy, was worried that Felix wouldn’t shower you with all the love you deserve.” 

Felix rolled his eyes as he desperately tried to tell his mind to _stop being jealous of his horse_ just because he gets to be kissed and pampered by Sylvain and he doesn’t. It was ridiculous honestly, in Felix’s opinion, how quickly he got jealous of a stupid fucken horse. “Come on, we don’t have all day.” 

Sylvain chuckled before stepping away from Lance and mounting his own horse. It was only now that he could see Lance and Bergamont together that he realized just how _massive_ Bergamont was. His hooves were twice the size of Lance’s and his body wider and had more muscle to it, towering over Lance in an intimidating way that made Sylvain realize why Claude had been so scared of his horse. 

“Your horse is stupidly big” Felix mumbled as he kicked his horse forward, setting a nice steady pace for them to take as they rode to Gautier. 

“He’s a war horse,” Sylvain replied. 

“Lance - is a war horse; yours is a monster” Felix responded and got Sylvain to laugh. 

“Bergamont is a beautiful little horse, how dare you” Sylvain gasped dramatically as Felix simply rolled his eyes at him. 

“Little?”

“The tiniest.” 

“You’re fucken delusional” Felix scoffed but a small small slowly formed on the corners of his lips. 

Sylvain, still in the state of mind that has relinquished all self control and has practically decided to see just how far he can push something until it ends up burning him, motioned his horse closer to Felix and leaned forward with a smirk on his lips. “Is that a smile I see? A tiny little smile?” 

The smile dropped and was instead replaced with a glare and a scowl, both directed at him. “Fuck right off Sylvain.” 

“Ouch and here I thought I was Sylvie.” 

The way Felix’s face turned a deep crimson red added years to Sylvains life. Watching the scowl and glare suddenly turn into wide open eyes and mouth stumbling on words as Felix was overwhelmingly flustered, truly did make Sylvain feel like all his traumas and fears mattered so little. Made Sylvain feel so incredibly greedy and selfish because he wanted nothing more than to continue to fluster Felix and live in a world where he could just continue to watch his cheek be tinted by soft shades of red and his eyes darting around, averting eye contact, while he tried to regain his composure. 

_He’s so unbelievably cute._

“I’m going to deck you in the face” Felix managed to mumbled, the red blush fading into pink. 

“Aw come on Fe, you know how much I love when you call me Sylvie” Sylvain purred as he leaned closer to Felix. 

Part of his brain was screaming at him to, you know, chill for a second, to not over step his boundaries because it had been years since he and Felix actually spent time together and just because he selfishly wanted to be with Felix didn’t mean that Felix wanted the same thing. Certainly did not mean that Felix was okay with flirting and affection like he had been in the past (if anything all those months that he spent watching over Felix in Garreg Mach made him very aware of how much Felix hated affection and attention). And yet…He. Could. Not. Stop. 

“Goddess you’re insatiable” Felix replied though there was no harshness in his words and certainly was lacking the kind of bitterness Felix’s insults usually held. 

“Always for you Fe” Sylvian winked and the minute those words left his mouth he regretted them. That was way too forward and hit way too close to Sylvains actual feelings towards Felix. Of course, he acted as if what he had just said was nothing and moved on to talk about Lance and how the gelding had been doing but deep down he was screaming at himself and beating his stupid selfish desires to a pulp. Especially when Felix had been almost forced into a daze when he finally had processed Sylvains reply but by then Sylvain had moved on and was determined not to talk about what he had just said. _Determined._

Luckily for Sylvain, Felix had also never been one to keep a conversation going and so soon the two fell into steady silence as they continued their journey to Gautier. It, unsurprisingly, did not take long for them to reach Gautier and had Sylvain not had the kind of week that he had, he was sure that he would be acting the same way he had when he had come back all those months ago. However what he was feeling now was more akin to numbness and exhaustion rather than the anger and anxiety he had felt before. Sylvain knew that it was because his father wasn’t there, his brother was dead, and according to Rodrigue, his mother had moved out when his father had been arrested which meant that hellish place was more of an empty shell than anything. So as they rode up to the estate, Sylvain was unsurprised to find the place practically abandoned except for the few Fraldarius men that wandered the halls. 

It was weird walking into his childhood home and not being allowed to actually cope with being back there. To not be given some room to breath and was instead bombarded with paperwork and meetings, the Fraldarius men more than happy to just throw all the work to Sylvain and head back home. And he could see Felix having to hold himself back from yelling at them for being so quick to run away from here but Sylvain didn’t fault them. Not when he was looking at the mess that was “his” territory - and nothing Felix could say to Sylvain right now was enough to stop him from burying himself in his work, focusing on paper work and meetings instead of actually taking a second to focus on the fact that he was living in his old home again. That he was a margrave and that Felix was literally living with him and that there was a _war_. He didn’t have time to think about all of that, his mind going into a trance as he dealt with everything that was being thrown at him. 

Thankfully for Sylvain, word got around in Gautier that he was not only back but was now the new Margrave and Sylvain quickly found old staff members of his estate coming back, wanting to work for him again (it was then that Sylvain found out that most of them had quit after his father had lied about him dying, unable to work for a man like apparently). Sylvain found himself thankful that at least these few people had cared about him enough to stay by his side and even be willing to return once he came back (of course the tiny ever present Hubert replica in his brain forced him to do a background check on all the staff members and only allowed people he had known from when he had lived here before to come work for him, there was a war after all and he really didn’t want to deal with spies in his own home). 

It was a blessing having house staff again though, not because Sylvain wanted maids or butlers or even his own personal chefs, he had spent enough years alone to no longer need that kind of privileged lifestyle, but since he was so busy it was nice just having to focus on work and not worry about the house being cleaned or having to cook (because no matter how many times Felix tried, his cooking was atrocious). It was also nice being able to have people come and talk to him and treat him nicely. Nice seeing old faces come up to him and tell him that they’re proud of him and that they’re happy he’s in a better place now. Had Sylvain not been as busy as he was currently, he would even humor the idea of having a dinner party for everyone in Gautier to celebrate but alas, he was busy. So busy. 

Sylvain was finding out that being a margrave _sucked_. Every morning he was waking up to more reports of what was happening in the Sreng border and what their food and weapon supply were like. Then after breakfast he was traveling over to the actual Sreng border to talk to his men there and see how things are for himself. While he was there he would hear more reports about Sreng conflicts from commanding generals and captains located there. It had admittedly taken a few days for all of his men to respect him, being that he was younger than most of them and also wasn’t technically professionally trained (sitting in Garreg Mach classes as a dog did not count sadly). However all it took was for them to see Sylvain in battle one time while the border got attacked during his visit for them to all become loyal to him (a lot of them also thought he was more caring and understanding than his father had been and liked him purely for that reason alone). 

After dealing with the border Sylvain would ride back to read more reports about the current state of Gautier (hearing from the people living in his territory and any other future soldiers who were training to join the fight against Sreng). It was during reading those reports that he would quickly eat his dinner in his office, unbothered by everyone else until Felix would come join him. 

Felix was the eternal blessing to Sylvain’s life he swore, while Sylvain was busy dealing with getting Gautier in order, Felix had taken on the task of keeping up to date with the war against the empire. Sending letters to their friends and keeping close contact with Glenn (who was still in the capital and had yet to make his move against Cornelia). Of course Felic would just handle the information and organize it neatly, he knew that Sylvain ultimately had to be the one to make decisions on things. Still it was nice that Felix was taking care of that end if even to at least get rid of useless information for him. 

Of course Felix living with Sylvain had inevitably caused rumors to roam around - didn’t help that Sylvain had gotten into the nasty habit of telling Felix to have all of their ‘meetings’ after dinner which meant that their conversations would lead way into late at night and they would both inevitably just end up sleeping in Sylvains room. Obviously nothing ever happened (except for a few flustered moments where Sylvain would have to will his mind to get out of the gutter). Still, rumors spread and they weren’t necessarily bad, if anything a lot of people seemed happy for Sylvain (these were the same people that had been there when he had been kicked out) but it was still so weird being asked about what his ‘partner’ was doing. Or “oh my lord your fiancé left to gather some supplies, said he would be back by the afternoon” (the rumor of them being engaged was specifically the hardest one for Sylvain to cope with because of how _right_ it felt). But funnily enough no one ever said anything like that near Felix, or from what Sylvain had seen, it was of course because Felix was prickly as all hell and refused to humor any of the staff with pleasantries and spent all his time helping Sylvain or training. Sylvain didn’t mind it honestly, the staff had gone from being treated like absolute shit from his father to now having to deal with Felix just huffing a good morning and ignoring them - they were fine. 

Eventually though, true to their word, Linhardt and Caspar arrived at Gautier. The both of them looked shocked to see that Felix was with him but after one particularly mean glare, they relented. By then it had already been 2 months since Sylvain had become the Margrave and so everything was finally stable enough that Sylvain could now focus on the actual war and also take some time to be with his friends. Linhardt and Caspar had never hung out with Sylvain, obviously, but the two quickly made themselves at home and became people that Sylvain enjoyed talking with. He found that the two of them were nice for morale, weirdly enough. Caspar was always excited about everything and anything and had a lot of passion for doing good, while Linhardt kept things realistic but was weirdly caring about all of them. It was nice having them around, it felt weirdly right to have those two living with them. 

Of course, there was a war going on and so Sylvain did have to inevitably put the two to “work” (only Linhardt complained). He started slowly sending Caspar off to the Sreng border to help with fighting there since that was something that Caspar excelled at and also the empire had yet to make any moves against Faerghus and so Sreng was their only current problem. Caspar was more than thrilled to be able to help in that regard and every time he came back from the border he was boasting about how strong he was getting and how much better he was at fighting now (his words not Sylvain’s), which led to Felix pouting for a whole two days before Sylvain ultimately sent him off too because only those two idiots would be competitive about _fighting_. That led to Linhardt and Sylvain being the only ones left in the estate for days on end sometimes though neither minded. It was nice and quiet when it was just the two of them, and Sylvain found that Linhardt sarcasm was fun here and there. 

Of course Linhardt wasn’t scot free either, Sylvain put him to work helping out any of his men that were seriously injured and required Linhardt’s kind of expertise. He also evened out the “shitty work” he made Linhardt do (though Sylvain would argue that healing people was not shitty but Linhardt objected to that) by asking him to research more into crests and what would happen if someone could “hypothetically” put crests into other people. He of course didn't tell Linhardt that that was exactly what had happened to Edelgard and so many others, or that the reason he was having him research into it was because he wanted to be sure Edelgard couldn’t become some weird dragon monster like Rhea now that she had two crests inside of her. He simply put it as something that he and Hubert had been looking into before the war had happened and he didn’t want Hubert to: “find something out that I don't know about”. Though he didn't have to give much of a reason because Linhardt was already willing looking into this like a mad man now that the idea had been implemented in his head. 

Those three weren’t the only ones that Sylvain ended up putting to “work” though. Ashe had actually decided a couple of weeks after Linhardt and Caspars arrival, to come visit to make sure that they were doing okay, unfortunately for him Caspar was out with Felix dealing with some bandits that had shown up and Linhardt was way too focused on crest research to hang out with Ashe. Of course Sylvain didn’t let Ashe be alone and took it upon himself to become a perfect host for him and take the day off to be with him. This led to the two talking _a lot_ and for Sylvain to ultimately find out that Ashe was not as innocent as he looked and that he had a bit of a… shady past. Which then led to Sylvain jokingly mentioning that Ashe would be a great spy with his history and how good he was at keeping secrets to which Ashe actually admitted that he wouldn’t mind having to do something like that. 

Two days later and Sylvain was setting up spy networks all throughout Faerghus. It was tricky and a bit of a bumpy road given that he couldn’t personally go out and do it himself, but Sylvain had been taught how to set up spy networks by the one and only Hubert Von Vestra and so all he had to do was teach Ashe those same things and slowly the two started building a very good spy network that even Sylvain knew Hubert would be weirdly proud of. Of course that was kept between Ashe and him alone, no use telling other people about it since that would just cause unnecessary leaks that Sylvain did not want to deal with at the current moment. Though he was sure that both Felix and Linhardt could sense that something was going on with how often Ashe either visited or wrote to him now and how the letters had gone from normal standard letters to now letters that were made up of weird numbers and sayings (Sylvain honestly was surprised how quickly Ashe picked up encrypting letters). Still, with an added spy network, Sylvain felt more at ease and was visibly less anxious since he could now see what was going on in Faerghus. (He also had the startling realization that he was becoming Hubert and had to ask Felix if he looked like a spider to which Felix was entirely confused about but Sylvain just had to be sure that he wasn’t becoming that much like Hubert). 

Of course Sylvain wasn’t the only one doing things for the war. Glenn from all the letters Sylvain had gotten from him, was stupidly busy in the capital. Forced to deal with all the nobles there that were frantic about the war but also kept an eye on Dimitri who apparently was getting worse every day in terms of mental health, still, Dedue was there to help Glenn out with dealing with Dimitri, and Mercedes had stayed in the capital so she also helped occasionally. They were sadly, finding it hard to be able to take care of Cornelia since apparently she was weary of being left alone with Glenn. Sylvain hated that she was still there but knew they couldn’t act at the current moment or at least Felix and Glenn weren’t letting him act on anything, saying that: “As long as she wasn’t doing anything towards Dimitri she could stay for now.”

The only ones Sylvain had no direct contact with were Dedue, Ingrid, Mercedes, and Annette - though Felix was in contact with them (well most of them, Dedue never wrote according to everyone) and said that they were fine for now; just preparing for the worse. Sylvain did temporarily think about doing something with them, but had to remind himself that “no Sylvain you are not in charge, technically that’s Dimitri. Stop trying to control everything.” - It was…. hard to do that. But even if he wasn’t ‘in charge’, Sylvain still had a lot of shit to do and so he was extremely busy with everything. So busy actually that there were days where he would forget to eat or not leave his office for hours, if not for Felix and the occasional remark from his staff, Sylvain would have worked himself to death. That or he would have starved and then they really would be in a shit situation. 

Either way Sylvain on most days had his mind fully focused on work and being able to manage everything that he needed to do. Because of that Sylvain was completely unsurprised when Felix walked into his office with a scowl as he took note of the fact that Sylvain had not moved a single inch since he and Caspar had headed out to the Sreng border to take care of some issues that had come up. 

“Take it that things went okay,” Sylvain asked as he pulled out one of Ashe’s letters. 

“You need to stop overworking yourself.”

Sylvain chuckled, “you know that I have to do all of these things. If I don’t do this then who will?” 

“Well for one: the boar, you know - our soon to be king, can be that one to deal with half the shit you’re dealing with.” He scoffed

“You’ve read Glenns letters, he's not… doing good,” Sylvain mumbled before reading Ashe’s letter, holding his hand up to stop Felix from talking before rereading it again and again.

“What?” 

“I’m going to have to go to Fhirdiad” Sylvain mumbled before quickly pulling out papers. “Things came up and I-I have to go there.”

Felix frowned, “Why? What does the letter say?” 

“Just some things that I have to tell um, Dimitri personally,” Sylvain lied as he started looking through his drawer for something.” 

Felix glared at Sylvain but after noticing that Sylvain was more preoccupied with whatever he was doing, he slammed his hands on his desk getting his attention on him and growling, “Don’t lie to me.” 

Sylvain grunted, “I’m not lying Felix. This is just something that I can’t just…”

Felix leaned forward, his glare only getting harsher by the second. Sylvain sighed, he had quickly learned that he hated making Felix mad and that as much as he wished that he was the kind of person who was a leader and maybe even “dominant”....that was a bold face fucken lie because all Felix had to do was tell him no, or stop, sometimes just look at him a certain way and Sylvain would practically be on his knees and do whatever Felix wanted him to do. Maybe Sylvain should find that concerning or maybe it was normal given everything he had gone through, but all Sylvain knew was that now he was sighing and giving in to Felix’s silent order

“They spotted Seteth and Catherine near Charon,” Sylvain mumbled. “Said a whole battalion was with them. The remaining knights of Seiros I’m sure.” 

“Who spotted them?”

“Informants, it's fine” Sylvain waved him off as he started rubbing the bridge of his nose, an incoming headache fastly approaching him. “If they’re near Charon that means they remembered what Rhea told them to do, which means we can consider them allies. They’ll head over to Fhirdiad themselves and once they do Co- the people that want Dimitri dead will make a move. Mercedes left Fhirdiad already since so much time passed and Glenn can’t get near them anymore so before you start getting pissed about me getting involved, I gave your plan 3 months to work, but it didn’t so now I’m going to do things my way.” 

Felix‘s glare was back and even deadlier than the one before, “stop doing all this shit for the boar, this isn't your kingdom to run Sylvain. If the boar hasn’t figured out that people want him fucken dead then that’s on him. It’s not your job.” 

“Both you and I know that we can't just stand by and let him be killed, no matter what’s happened between us and him — we can't just do that,” Sylvain answered. 

“So you’ll sacrifice yourself for him then? How is your plan any better than mine” Felix growled. 

“Well for starters you keep thinking that I’m going to get sacrificed which I’m really not going to do'' Sylvain snapped back before leaning down to grab the things he had been looking for beforehand. “I feel like a lot of you keep forgetting that yeah I sided Edelgard before, but she wasn’t the one that I _worked for_.” Sylvain continued as he fished out the small box that he had been looking for and laid it on his desk before looking up at Felix, “I worked for Hubert Von Vestra. This won't be the first time I kill someone in secret.” 

Felix glare only got more intense. 

“We’re at war Fe, I have to do whatever is necessary, you know this” Sylvain half begged. 

“You're right, we are at war, but Gautier is also at war with Sreng and you can’t hope to manage both wars at once Sylvain. You’ll die before you manage winning either war” Felix responded, his words harsh and cold, but even then Sylvain knew that there was concern hidden between them too. 

“So then what do you want me to do?” he asked. 

Felix frowned before looking away from Sylvain, thinking about what they could do at the moment but Sylvain knew that Felix wasn’t an idiot. Knew that despite how much he acted like he didn't care about Dimitri dying that it wasn’t true. That they were running out of time and that his plan had indeed failed. Sylvain sighed before standing up and leaning over his desk, gently putting his hand on Felix’s cheek to force him to look at him, rubbing his cheek with his thumb. 

“I’ll be gone for only a couple of days and I’ll have Glenn there with me, I won't do any sacrificing okay” Sylvain whispered before smiling at him. “You’re right, I can't manage everything so I promise that this is the last thing I’ll do for Dimitri, after this I’ll just relay information to him and that’s it. No more making my own decisions and plans - okay?” 

Felix sighed, leaning into Sylvains touch and closing his eyes, “tell Dedue as well, and sneak into Fhirdiad. If they find you there they’ll immediately do something stupid and i dont want you to fight. Or they’ll blame you for the death of whoever you’re going to get rid off.” 

“So all basic rules for an assassin?” Felix immediately glared at him before Sylvain chuckled, “alright alright, I promise I won’t get caught and that I’ll tell Glenn AND Dedue about what I’m going to do.” 

“And you’re also stopping for tonight” Felix added which immediately made Sylvain groan. “Don’t think I wont fucken knock you out to force you from taking the night off.” 

“I feel that I made a mistake by knocking Dimitri out in front of you because now that’s your go to threat now” Sylvain mumbled before stepping away from Felix and sitting back down on his desk. 

Felix was right though, it had been months since Sylvain took a night ‘off’ and even longer since he decided to let other people take care of things instead of him. He seriously missed Claude (sometimes, regrettably, even Hubert) because he knew that at least with them around he could split the work into two. Of course he could do that to Felix but now that he had gotten used to sending Felix to Sreng it would put a dent in their defenses and he also knew Felix enjoyed being able to get stronger and being on the ‘move’ instead of sitting down and dealing with paperwork. So yeah, he had been overworking himself recently, Sylvain would admit to that. Mix that with his ever growing inability to say no to Felix (especially now that _he_ was literally going to have to be the one to leave him alone for the first time since they arrived at Gautier) and well, Sylvain was putting his stuff away. 

“You’re lucky that I love you,” Sylvain mumbled and once again found himself wanting to kill himself right there and then.

“What?” Felix asked, having been distracted by his own thoughts. 

Sylvain slammed his face on the desk, “I said that you’re lucky that I’m tired.” 

Coward - a true coward was what Sylvain was in his opinion. He could easily just admit what he had actually and confess to him but he also knew that he did not have the guts to go that far. Despite how much everyone thought the two were together they _weren’t_ and Sylvain doubted that it would happen anytime soon if it ever did happen. 

“Of course you’re fucken tired, you work yourself to death” Felix scoffed before walking towards the door, “now come on. Lets go before the sun sets.” 

“Go where” Sylvain asked as he looked up from the table. 

“Just fucken follow me” Felix growled before walking out of the room. 

Sylvain sighed before getting up and quickly running after Felix was completely unsurprised that Felix had led him to the training area in the estate and was quite frankly a little upset that this was how he was going to spend his night _off_ but then again, Felix was cute so guess he wouldn't complain that much. Helped that Caspar immediately entered the room and took the place of Sylvain so Felix and him could train their little brains out. Sylvain happily sat next to Linhardt and watched the two take training a little bit too seriously… 

“Boyfriend forced you to come out of your room?” Linhardt asked as he yawned. 

“Yeah, told me that I need — w-wait I’m sorry, b-boyfriend?” Sylvain asked, his eyes blown wide open and he was sure that his face was bright red. 

Linhardt took a couple of seconds to look at Sylvain questioningly before connecting the dots and burst out laughing. Falling over to the ground, gripping his stomach, and snorting - his laugh borderline hysterical. 

“What?!” 

“You’re such a fucken - holy shit” Linhardt wheezed as Felix and Caspar now stopped training because Linhardt laughing like he was now was not a common occurrence at all, which raised a lot of questions as to why he was laughing. Questions that Sylvain himself wanted to know too. 

“Why are you laughing” Sylvain breathed out in slight annoyance. 

“You mean to tell me that you - you have been living with Felix all these months, sleeping in the same bed as him and you - holy fucken shit - you guys hug and hold hands oh my goddess- you-you’re telling me you aren’t even dating?” Linhardt explained between laughs, wheezing out some of the words and wiping away tears. 

“Wait you guys aren’t dating?!” Caspar exclaimed and Sylvain could hear Felix punching him but at this point Sylvain’s soul had transcended up past heaven and fastly approaching nirvana. He knew his face was the exact shade of red as his hair and knew that his heart was literally about to have a heart attack. Had he had this conversation just with Linhardt he would be able to manage but because he was so loud and because Caspar was even louder — Felix was dragged into his and all Sylvain could do was close his eyes and smile. Hoping that this was embarrassing enough for Felix to walk away and give Sylvain the chance to bash his head into the nearest wall. 

“I thought you guys were engaged!” Caspar exclaimed. 

“We’re not - who the fuck told you that?!” Felix growled. Linhardt was still laughing uncontrollably and Sylvain was still frozen in place, more akin to a statue than an actual person. Felix grunted before grabbing his training sword and smacking Caspar, forcing the smaller man to stop what he was going to say and get back to sparring with Felix. The entire time Felix was furiously trying to ignore the way his face was blushing or how his heart had stopped beating when he had heard what Linhardt had said. 

“You have to realize how this looks Sylvain, or are you really that much of an idiot that you hadn’t realized that you two are practically dating” Linhardt asked, regaining his breath. 

“Fucken hell Lin we’re not-“ but Sylvain cut himself off. Linhardt had, unknowingly (or more accurate: knowingly), caused Sylvain to realize a lot of things. His heart started to beat faster at the realization that the way Linhard talked to him about Felix was not new to him which had caused him to casually reply. That this conversation had happened more times than he could remember when they had been younger. Sylvain was left looking back at _everything_ and felt breathless. 

Sylvain can distinctly remember all the times that Felix would call Sylvain - Sylvain, and for him to immediately pout and ask Felix to call him Sylvie instead because he liked that nickname so much more. Can distinctly remember him always being touchy and affection, hugging Felix, holding his hand, and even kissing his cheeks, forehead, hand, when they got older he would even kiss his shoulder whenever he stood behind him. Which led to Sylvain remembering all the times when they got older when he would come over to visit him and the two would spend all their time sitting close to each other, hand in hand, whispering whatever they were saying and for him to shower Felix with compliments and telling him how much he missed him. How Sylvain would shamelessly flirt with any girl in front of Ingrid and Dimitri but the minute he would notice that Felix was there he would ignore whoever he had been trying to woo and instead focus all of his attention on him. How Felix would get mad at him for doing that and refusing to show him any attention until Sylvain was apologizing and telling him that he only cared about Felix and that he promised to never do that again. 

Sylvain’s stomach twisted into knots and his heart started beating uncontrollably, Felix and Caspar sparring is nothing but white noise for him as the chilling realization settles through his skin, past his bones, and into his very core. - _Felix and he had practically been dating their entire lives._

The two continued sparring and Linhardt laughing, all the while Sylvain was two seconds from hyperventilating because yeah, Felix and him had sure as hell never made anything official, fuck he was sure that even Felix had been completely oblivious about what they had been when they were teenagers. But oh now that he was older and had seen his friends get into relationships, had learned what being a _couple_ intelled and what dating actually was. Oh it hit Sylvain with the force of a million horses. He couldn’t even be mad that no one had mentioned it because looking back at it now people _had_. 

All the times that Sylvains family would chastise him for being affectionate to Felix. The maids in Fraldarius lingering stares and small comments all sounding weirdly like, “I’m sure you’ve missed him a lot but trust me once the honeymoon stage is over you’ll enjoy the time away from him!” Or even more horrifying, how Felix’s dad one day had told them both that he didn’t want them to close the bedroom door so he could keep an eye on them. At the time they had no idea that Rodrigue was referencing doing things like _that_ and instead just thought he didn’t want them to be alone with Felix’s growing sword collection. Oh god Sylvain was now realizing why Rodrigue had been completely unsurprised when Felix said that he was going to spend time with Sylvain in Gautier. How if anything, he had probably expected more from them.

Fuck now he understood why it had hit Felix so hard when he had left. How apparently Felix had come to hate Ingrid and Dimitri for having ‘moved on’ faster than him, claiming that it was because they had never cared for Sylvain but it was never that - it had never been that. It was just that they were Sylvain’s friends and so they mourned for him as a _friend_ meanwhile Felix mourned for him as his unofficial boyfriend, his partner, his first _love_. 

“Pretty obvious once you start looking at it huh” Linhardt asked, a small smirk on his face. 

“I’m going to kill myself” Sylvain mumbled as he laid down, face forward, and wished for the earth to consume him because knowing that they are and have somewhat always been a _thing_ did nothing but make things so much harder for Sylvain because even if he had come to that realization it didnt mean that Felix had and knowing Felix he would just get overwhelmed and then refuse to acknowledge that for _years_. 

“Well at least you know now so do with that information as you will” Linhardt answered before yawning. 

Sylvain ended up not enjoying the rest of his night off, too caught up on the thought that, _holy shit I unofficially dated Felix when I was younger._ Even once dinner came around and all four of them talked about other things and even once Sylvain had to tell Caspar and Linhardt that he would be leaving to Fhirdiad and to help Felix take care of everything here in Gautier. Even once he got into bed ready to sleep so that he could head out tomorrow, he did not stop thinking about that. Cursed for eternity with that knowledge, and Sylvain knew it was dramatic of him to think like that but it was the _truth_. 

Did not help that Felix was sleeping right next to him and that now that Sylvain was awake in bed instead of his usual ‘head hits the pillow and I’m out cold’ routine he’s noticing how close Felix sleeps next to him. How slowly his body is reaching out to him and how horrible it feels to have to hold himself back from just getting closer and cuddling up next to him — slotting their bodies together and falling asleep in each other’s arms. Sylvain was unsurprised when the sun started coming and he had yet to sleep. 

Sylvain sighed before slowly getting out of bed and quietly moving around the room so as to not wake up Felix. Quietly grabbing a paper and writing to Felix:

_Fe sorry for leaving without saying goodbye, you looked too cute to wake up honestly. Also it's better if I leave without anyone knowing for obvious reasons that you already know about. I’ll make Glenn send you a letter when I arrive at Fhiridiad and yes I will also tell Dedue don't worry about it, I’m a man of my word. Always have been, at least when it comes to you. If Ashe sends any letters while I’m away leave them in the drawer with a lock on it, the key’s where you always used to hide when we were little and we played hide and seek. If things act up in Sreng send Caspar and a battalion out to deal with it, everything else you can do what’s best, I trust you. Take care and don’t miss me too much okay?_

_\- Sylvain_

Sylvain smiled before carefully placing the letter under of Felix’s sword where he knew he wouldn’t miss and took a couple of seconds to look at Felix, really wanting to kiss him but ultimately knowing that that would wake him up (and also that’s creepy since they’re not dating) and walked out of the room. Quietly grabbing a couple of things to eat on the road as well as other things he had prepared the night before that he would take. Making sure to go to his office to grab the box from his desk and headed out to the stables. Bergamont seemed unamused at being taken out this early in the day but Sylvain refused to take any other horse that wasn’t him and so the two headed out. 

He tried his best not to look too out of place, deciding to wear leather armor and a cape to hide his physique. Having Bergamont just saddled instead of armored, and strategically placing his bags and blankets to cover any of his weaponry (deciding to leave his relic since he was trying to sneak into the palace and the lance was way too big for something like that). Thankfully, no one stopped him or paid him any attention, even after crossing past Gautier and into Itha, he wasn’t bothered by anyone. Sylvain thought about stopping for the night but after doing the math to figure out how long it usually took for someone traveling on foot from Charon to Fhridiad, Sylvain spurred his horse forward. Bergamont was used to traveling long distances without stopping for too many breaks, Sylvain had traveled all of Fodland on him after all, so the journey to Fhirdiad went smoothly and soon Sylvain found himself in the capital.

But his luck ran out like it always did and Sylvain was left to realize that something was seriously _wrong._ He couldn’t tell what it was but something felt off and it was driving him insane. However it didn’t take long for him to figure it out, riding into Fhirdiad he was immediately met with people talking about what was soon about to happen, flyers put all around the capital, and riders ready to deliver the news to other parts of Faerghus. 

_Prince Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd was to be executed for the murder of his uncle tomorrow evening._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Linhardt: It’s hilarious how stupid Sylvain can be, he can’t even tell that Felix likes him. They both have spent their whole childhoods together and yet he can’t even tell that his best friend is crushing on him. Poor Felix, must suck to be him. 
> 
> Caspar: ....Yeah....Wouldn’t know how it feels to be Felix.... not even a little haha


	19. Munsell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvain and Glenn are totally best friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I’m not that happy with this chapter. Kind of going through a hard core writers block and also the time skip zone is hard to write since not that much info on it yah know? But I hope you enjoy it anyways!

Sylvain read the flyer again, praying that this wasn’t real that this wasn’t actually happening but he knew that it was. Deep down Sylvain knew that this was true, knew that this was going to happen no matter what he did. Sylvain had already known of what would occur — had even discussed this with Claude back before the academy was attacked and so he had seen this coming but even then, Sylvain felt like he was falling. Falling and unable to grab anything to prevent him from reaching the bottom, from crashing and dying. Because nothing he could do would stop this from happening now. 

Sylvain quickly spurred Bergamont towards the forest area near Fhirdiad, close enough that Sylvain knew he could get to him if he needed him, but also far enough that he would be able to hide him as he snuck into Fhirdiad Castle. Dismounting him and tying him to a nearby tree, loose enough that if Bergamont needed to run away he would be able to get away. He quickly started taking all of his supplies out of his bag, gathering as many things as he could. Slamming his bag on the ground and picking up a box that he had stashed there, a box that he knew now he should’ve opened many weeks ago. 

“Fuck fuck FUCK” Sylvain growled as he slammed the box on the ground and opened it. Looking down at the contents of it, it had been months since he had used any of these things. Even still, he knew how to use them all, knew how to use every single vial of poison that he had, knew how to use the knives and daggers he had carefully sheathed, all coated with poisons he was so familiar with. Yes it had been months since he had done any underground killings or infiltrations but that didn't mean he didn't know how to do them. He wasn’t as good as Hubert, will never be as good as him, but he was good enough that he knew he would be able to get into the castle and get Dimitri out before anyone could stop him. Knew that he could kill everyone that stood in his way and save him, even if Fhirdiad was no longer a place of safety for them. He cursed himself for being so stupid as to wait this long to do something about Cornelia. Taking off his attire and changing into the one that he used to use for his espionage missions. “Should’ve known never to fucken depend on Glenn for jack shit, should’ve fucken remembered that I can never hope for anything from him” Sylvain chuckled to himself as he started strapping on all his weaponry. Clenching his jaw as he placed the box back where it went and grabbed the small vial ink he had and started drawing sigils on his skin, he would have preferred having something other than ink so that he could be sure it wouldn’t smudge but at the moment it was either this or carving the sigils into his skin and he was desperate, yes, but not to that point yet. 

He was quickly getting more and more upset. Scared that he wouldn't be able to get to Dimitri on time and unreasonably mad at everyone that told him to wait on doing something on his own. At the current moment he couldn’t help but be pissed that any of this was even happening. For crying out loud had he done his plan, they would not be losing Fhirdiad and they would not have to save Dimitri. He understood everyone’s reasoning for wanting to do the other plan, he did, he really did, but he couldn’t help but feel bitter at them for telling him to stand back and let Glenn take care of this shit. Couldn’t help but be even more pissed at himself for allowing them to talk him into letting this happen. 

“Okay Ber, stay here and I promise that I’ll come get you” Sylvain whispered as he patted Bergamont’s neck gently before warping away from his mount. Getting as close as he could to the castle and then immediately mumbling the incantation to turn into a dog. It was weird using this spell for something actually espionage related instead of how he had made use of it in Garreg Mach, but then again he was thankful he had been able to test it out back then. If not he wouldn't have known the limits to the spell as well as the fact that he could in fact transform into a dog without losing any weapons or items that he had on him as a human. 

He quickly ran across Fhirdiad, taking note of how there were more guards patrolling the streets than he ever remembered from all of his times he had come here as a child. Luckily for him, the structure of the city had obviously not changed since his last time in the capital and he quickly made his way towards the castle. Sneaking past guards and walking past the gates. A giant part of him was glad that animals walking in and out of the castle had always been a constant occurrence for the palace. All of the Blaiddyd family had always loved animals and so the guards had always been told not to disturb them, who would've thought that was going to help him out now? 

A giant part of him was desperately trying to figure out how any of this happened. How Glenn and Dedue had let this happen even after Sylvain had warned them about Cornelia plotting something like this. What must have happened that things ended up like this? But at the current moment Sylvain couldn’t focus on that, couldn’t keep getting angry at things that had already passed — had to put his attention on saving Dimitri instead. He did hope that nothing bad had happened to Glenn or Dedue but he also knew that Dimitri mattered more, a horrible thought but a factual one. 

Once he got closer to the palace, he quickly moved to the shadows and transformed back into a human, placing his hand on one of the sigils he had drawn on his thigh, pouring dark magic into it and successfully silencing his magic, still being able to perform it but now no one would be able to sense it or hear it. “A sigil that’s been passed down the Vestra bloodline” Hubert had proudly told him, funny how many Vestra secrets Sylvain had now. 

Carefully he walked through the shadows and closer to where he knew the dungeons were located. Avoiding the guards and making note as to how many there were around and what directions they were patrolling. Three walking clockwise, five counter clockwise, three forward, four backwards, two up on the towers in the east, and another two in the west. He cursed silently at how many there were before turning the corner and waiting a couple of seconds for the guards to shift to the right before warping to the entrance of the tunnel that descended into the dungeon. 

Carefully leaning on the wall, hiding in the shadows and waiting for the guards to shift again before descending down the steps. Quietly pulling out one of his daggers and crouching low. Descending until he came up to the first pair of guards that were right by the mouth of the cell block. Sylvain took a deep breath, these were Faerghan men: soldiers from his home. It felt wrong having to kill his own people, but Sylvain knew that he had to do this. If he didnt take care of them now it would only cause more problems for them when they inevitably tried to escape. 

He breathed out slowly before sliding closer to one of them, using the shadows as a hiding spot before quickly shooting a miasma towards one of the guards at the same time as he dug his dagger into the throat of the other. In three seconds both men were on the floor and Sylvain was glad that the sigil he had activated worked since there was no trace that black magic had been used. He quickly pushed the two guards to the wall, hiding them as best as he could before descending further down. Repeating the same maneuver whenever he came across any more guards, taking note of how many he was disposing off and where he was hiding their bodies. 

Fourteen guards later and Sylvain was finally faced with a row of cells. Quietly walking past each cell, looking into each one to see any sign of Dimitri, if the cell was empty Sylvain would move past it. If it wasn’t… the Vestra way of espionage was to leave no man behind to serve as a witness and that had been successfully ingrained into Sylvains mind... He took comfort in knowing that these men were probably criminals and continued forward. 

Walking further into the room until he heard the rattling of chains before a low pained voice spoke out, “Who's there?” Sylvain breathed out in relief as he walked over to where the voice had from, looking over to find that Glenn had been the one to call out to him. 

“It’s me” Sylvain whispered as he ran up to him, reaching down his pockets to grab his tools to pick the locks of the cells. 

“Sylvain?” Glenn whispered before looking up at him. Sylvain took note of all the bruises and cuts around his face and the bags under his eyes, he was sure that he had been down here for what must have been days, and he didn't have to look too much to know that he had most likely been tortured. 

“Where is Dimitri,” Sylvain breathed out as he worked on unlocking Glenn's cell. “What happened?”

“No forget about me” Glenn spoke out, his voice panicked and rushed. “Dimitri and Dedue managed to escape yesterday, I was able to cover for them while they ran away but I don’t know how far they got. Go find Dimitri.” 

“Obviously I will,” Sylvain hissed as he struggled to open the cell door. 

“Forget about me dammit. You must find him first” Glenn snapped at Sylvain. “I failed to protect him despite knowing what would happen — he can’t die Sylvain, fucken forget about me.” 

Sylvain sighed as he finally opened the door to the cell, quickly running over to him and getting to work on undoing the chains that were on him. “You didn’t fail him, you made it so that he was able to escape and that’s the most we can hope for right now. I’ll find him but I’m not leaving you down here either, like hell I can leave you down here.” 

“God dammit Sylvain, forget about me!” Glenn snapped as he flinched away from Sylvain. “Dimitri matters more than me, I’m sure that you know this. You of all people should know how important it is to keep him alive so stop wasting your fucken time here.” 

“I do know dammit” Sylvain hissed. “Just like I know that he’s strong enough to keep himself safe or how Dedue would do anything to protect him. I can't let you die here Glenn. You might be ready to fucken kill yourself for Dimitri’s sake but if you die down here it’ll hurt the people I care about and like hell I’m going to let that happen.” 

“It is my duty to protect him, if I die then so be it” Glenn answered and something about the way he spoke those words unsettled Sylvain. Something about how willing and sure he was about letting himself be killed for Dimitri didn't sit right with him but he couldn’t think more about it. Unlocking the rest of the restraints on Glenn and standing up. 

“Yeah well kill yourself later then,” Sylvain replied. “You might be okay with dying but if you die it’ll hurt Felix and Ingrid.. and they’ve suffered enough already.” 

Glenn glared at him but once Sylvain stretched his hand out to him, he took it — letting himself be lifted to his feet but immediately stumbled to the wall, lacking the strength to keep himself upright. Sylvain carefully placed his arm around Glenns waist and quickly dragged him out of the cell. The two quietly made their way back up, Glenn sparing a few glances to the sides and taking note of all the bodies that Sylvain had taken care of, but keeping any comments or thoughts to himself though he didn’t hide his distaste for what he had done. Focusing more on walking and trying to get out of here than the ethics of Sylvain killing innocent men. 

“Go to the left right here,” Glenn whispered as they both got closer to the mouth of the dungeon. “There’s a hallway that leads to the outer part of the castle, so there shouldn't be too many guards there.” 

Sylvain nodded as they quietly walked down the hall, occasionally Sylvain would have to push Glenn to the side and dispose of any guard. Each time Glenn would simply look away and ignore the foul taste in his mouth, he was a knight and he valued virtue and honor more than anything. Senseless killings was never something he enjoyed, especially killings done in the shadows, but he knew that Sylvain had to do this, knew that there was no use complaining about this to the person that was saving him. 

“What side of the wall is this?” Sylvain asked as they approached a door, Sylvain quietly placing a hand on his wrist and activated another sigil on his body. A sigil that allowed his adrenaline to keep pouring through his veins, keeping him alert and unfazed by fatigue. 

“East side, not so many guards here, two by the door, and three by the towers” Glenn answered. 

“Can you warp,” Sylvain asked. 

Glenn chuckled dryly, “even on a good day I can only warp about a feet or two.” 

Sylvain frowned, silently wishing that Glenn was as stupidly amazing as Felix and Ingrid made him out to be. That he was capable of everything instead of being a normal man who had his limits. He sighed before adjusting his grip on Glenn but then letting him go and got in front of him, lowering himself a little, “then jump on my back, we’re going to have to make a run for it.” Glenn scoffed but at this point Sylvain was tired and so if he shot him the same glare he always shot Felix whenever he would get annoyingly stubborn well…. Glenn ultimately climbed onto Sylvains back so he would say it worked. And he could only roll his eyes at the silent curses that fell from Glenn’s lips, leave it to a Fraldarius to still worry about their pride in a situation like this. 

He carefully adjusted his grip on Glenn before opening the door and slipping outside, staying in the shadows to quickly make count of the guards. Breathing out a small thank you to the goddess when he noticed that the guards on the tower were facing away from them and the other two foot soldiers were nowhere to be seen. Sylvain quickly breathed in before, squeezing Glenn’s thigh before dashing forward. It was only once they were by the wall that he heard someone call out to them and the other guards be alerted of them, but by then Glenn was already pointing his hand towards the castle walls and using Thoron to blast a hole through it. Sylvain quickly jumped past the debri and ran out of the castle wall and into the woods. 

Occasionally he would turn around and fire dark spikes or miasmas towards the soldiers that ran after them, unable to depend on Glenn for help since the one Thoron spell had exhausted all of his mana. Luckily for them both, most of the guards quickly lost sight of them and the few that followed were too slow to catch up to them. Sylvain was honestly surprised at how fast he was running being that he was carrying a full size man on his back and that he had never been one to have any stamina for running (he was a cavalier after all). 

Luckily for him, the east side of Fhirdiad was near where he had tied Bergamont and so after more running and a lot more panicked looks to check behind them. Sylvain spotted his mount and called out to him. Using his command to signal that he was in danger, Bergamont immediately pulled his reins free from the tree and ran to him. Sylvain practically threw Glenn on to his horse behind climbing on and spurring Bergamont away from Fhirdiad. 

“Where did Dimitri say he was going?” Sylvain asked as he kicked Bergamont to run faster. 

“Didn’t really have the fucken luxury to discuss that” Glenn growled, though his words held no bite since he was so exhausted and in pain. 

“Then we’re heading back to Gautier” Sylvain cursed. He really wanted to go out and look for Dimitri but if it had been a whole day since he had escaped — well he could be anywhere in Faerghus. That or he could be in hiding and there would be no way for Sylvain to be able to find him. It was best now to regroup and reconsider what to do next. 

“No. We have to look for him” Glenn yelled out. 

“We will but like I said, I’m not letting you fucken die” Sylvain yelled back. Glenn cursed about something but Sylvain was officially ignoring him. 

He had never gotten along with Glenn and now that they were older that was still very much the same sadly. Didn’t help that Sylvain, being the childish bastard that he was, was pety enough to blame all of this on Glenn since he had told him that he had Cornelia handled. Clearly he didn't and clearly most of this was his fault (that wasn’t the truth but currently it’s what he _felt_ was the truth). 

Eventually Glenn’s cursing quieted and Sylvain felt pressure on his back as something leaned on him, a quick look back and he found Glenn unconscious behind him. Clearly he had not been in the right condition to perform magic, much less run around and yell at Sylvain. But once again, leave it to a Fraldarius to be stupidly reckless. Sylvian sighed, before turning to face forward and spurring Bergamont on, changing directions from riding out to Gautier to Fraldarius. Glenn needed medical attention at the moment and as awkward as it would be to ride up to Rodrigue with one dying son, he figured Rodrigue would understand. Or at least he hoped he would since Rodrigue was the most understanding of all their family.

Thankfully, Fraldarius was a thousand times closer to Fhirdiad than Gautier and by the time Bergamont was starting to get tired, it was night time and Sylvain could see the lights of the estate. He gently motioned Bergamont forward, giving him small praises and affections until they made it to the front of the estate. 

“Get Rodrigue! Tell him Sylvain Gautier is here,” Sylvain yelled out to the guards in the front before dismounting and grabbing Glenn. Carefully placing his arm under Glenns, and dragging him towards the door. One of the guards quickly ran inside while the other helped Sylvain with Glenn as the two stepped into the estate. 

“Sylvain?” Rodrigue asked as he walked into the hallway but immediately ran up to them when he saw Glenn, “What’s going on? Quick get him to the doctor!” 

“A lot” Sylvain groaned as other guards grabbed Glenn from him and took him away, a couple of white mages running after them. “Did you hear about Dimitri?” 

“Yes, I barely got the news this afternoon, I sent a message to the capital and tomorrow i was going to head there myself to stop this,” Rodrigue responded as the two followed after Glenn. 

“Yeah well too late” Sylvain breathed out, his adrenaline had faded out a long time ago and he was feeling extremely sore and tired. “By the time I got there it looked like Glenn had been incarcerated for days, and by what he told me, Dimitri managed to escape yesterday.” 

“Incarcerated?” 

Sylvain stretched but immediately groaned in pain, he forgot how sore he got whenever he used any of those fucken sigils, definitely forgot how sore his body got whenever he used his transformation spell. “He was in the dungeons when I got there. Not sure what happened, couldn’t ask much after all. We’ll have to wait on Glenn to explain.” 

Rodrigue cursed under his breath before turning to one of his men. “Gather a search party, i want everyone out and looking for Prince Dimitri. No one rests until we find him is that understood?” 

“Yes sir.” 

Rodrigue nodded before turning to Sylvain. “Let me get someone to look you over, I’m sure you’re tired.” 

Sylvian quickly shook his head, “news of Dimitris execution will spread. I have to be in Gautier when that happens,” he sighed. “I can only imagine how Sreng will react to this.” 

“Yes… but you said Dimitri escaped,” Rodrigue frowned. 

“He did, but it wont stop them from announcing as such anyways” Sylvain answered vaguely. “I’m sure the empire will love taking Fhirdiad over now that Dimitri is out of the picture.” 

Rodrigue breathed in and closed his eyes, Sylvain could only imagine what he was currently thinking. What was going on in his mind and the thousand curse words that he was wanting to scream out (he was Glenn and Felix’s father, and despite Sylvain never having heard him curse, deep down he knew that he was as bad as those two if not worse). He slowly breathed out before turning to Sylvain. 

“I understand. I will lend you another mount then, I am sure yours is tired. Once Glenn wakes I’ll send a messenger to you with your horse and I’m sure Felix will be able to come back here with mine” Rodrigue answered. 

“That will be greatly appreciated” Sylvain sighed, as much as he wanted to keep Bergamont near him, he also knew that he had pushed his poor horse too much the past couple of days and had to let him rest.

Rodrigue nodded before leading him to the stables, letting Sylvain use his own personal stead and thanking him for bringing him his son before Sylvain rode off. He was incredibly tired and wanted nothing more than to have taken Rodrigues offer of staying but he had spoken truthfully about Sreng and the announcement of Dimitri’s execution. He knew that he had to be back in Gautier as soon as possible. That and now that news of Dimitri’s upcoming ‘execution’ had spread, he was sure that Felix must be an absolute mess and wanted nothing more than to ease his worries. Tell him that Dimitri had escaped and that things would be okay. That and Sylvain selfishly just wanted a hug right now because he knew once he let everything settle and the weight of all the lives he had to kill hit him, alongside the knowledge that his plans were crumbling, would be enough to cause him to break. 

Sadly, Gautier was unnecessarily far away from Fraldarius and by the time he was approaching it, the sun was already rising and Sylvain was finding it harder and harder to fight off sleep. The only things keeping him awake were his aching body and paranoia. Spurring Rodrigues horse forward and forcing himself to stay focused on the growing figure of his estate the closer he got. Willing his body to stay together and composed until he was riding up to his estate, carefully climbing down and telling some of his men to take care of the mare. 

It was early enough that the estate was quiet but also late enough that when he stepped inside there were already some maids cleaning and talking amongst themselves. He must have looked as worse as he felt because they immediately ran over to him and helped him into the dinning room, telling him to stay put while they went to fetch “the Doctor” aka Linhardt and “the Mister” aka Felix. Sylvain simply nodded and thanked the, before leaning back on his chair, rubbing his eyes and groaning. 

“Here you go” one of the older maids said as she placed a teacup in front of him.

“Thank you Marina” Sylvain breathed out with a smile before taking a sip of the tea. Bergamont with honey, he really did need to do something as a thank you for his staff. 

After a couple of seconds Sylvain heard fast paced footsteps approaching him before the door was being opened. “Sylvain” Felix called out as he ran into the room, immediately sighing in relief when his eyes landed on him. 

“Morning Fe” Sylvain mumbled as he smiled at him. 

“You look like shit” Felix frowned as he walked over to him, Sylvain immediately reached out to him and grabbed his hand. “Did you get hurt?” 

“No, just tired” Sylvain mumbled as he closed his eyes, bringing Felix’s hand to his face and kissing it. His exhaustion hitting him full force now so everything that he was doing wasn’t fully processing in his head, wouldn’t stop him from regretting all of this later on but at the moment he found comfort in these small actions. “Really tired.” 

“Did they go get Linhardt?” Felix asked as he sat down next to Sylvain, letting him keep a hold on his hand. 

“Yeah, but I doubt he’ll wake up” Sylvain breathed out as he let go of Felix and looked over to him. “Things okay here?” 

“Nothing happened while you were gone, at least not at first…” Felix answered before frowning. “Got news about Dimitri.” 

“Hhhmm yeah I figured” Sylvain sighed before taking another sip of his tea. “When I got there I saw the flyers. Managed to sneak in but only Glenn was there by the time I got inside. Says that they managed to get out but your dad is supposed to send us a letter by the time that he wakes up and explain more about it. He was pretty hurt when I got there” Sylvain answered. Felix frowned, clenching his jaw and his body tensing but before Sylvain could say anything more, both Linhardt and Caspar were walking into the room. 

“You look awful” Linhardt mumbled as he walked over to Sylvain and started begrudgingly checking on him. “Smell like shit, look like shit — used a shit ton of magic too.” 

“Haha sorry about him being grumpy, not used to waking up so early” Caspar smiled. 

“That’s fine” Sylvain breathed. “Caspar do me a favor, gather some men and head over to the border. Something tells me they’re going to try some shit today and if you’re there it’ll be easier to deal with.” 

“Just Caspar,” Linhardt asked as he poured white magic on Sylvains small wounds. 

“If you’re down to help him you can go,” Sylvain answered. “Felix has to do something else.” 

Linhardt frowned, “fine, not much I can do for you anyways. You just need to rest and you’ll be fine.” 

“Thanks,” Sylvain smiled as the two headed out of the room as quickly as they had entered. “Your dad’s going to need you back in Fraldarius, he’s sending all his men out to look for him and I still need to figure what exactly happened.” 

Felix scoffed, “how ironic that I have to help him look for someone no.” 

Sylvain sighed before grabbing Felix’s hand again, “Fe. This is Dimitri we’re talking about. I know how you feel about him and about all of this… but this is Dimitri.” 

“I know” Felix mumbled, looking away from Sylvain. “You need help here though so I’ll be back soon enough.” 

“Don’t. That’s what I have Caspar for,” Sylvain smiled. “He might be a bit young and dumb on some ends but his dad is the Minister of Military Affairs so he knows how things work when it comes to war and you have to admit he’s strong and has good instincts when it comes to fighting.” 

“He’s a dumbass but fine,” Felix mumbled before turning to him. “Is Glenn okay?” 

“Pretty beat up like I said but he’ll be fine” Sylvain answered. “Made sure that he would be okay, but you might still want to send a letter to Ingrid about it. I’m sure she’ll be worried sick about all of this.” 

“Fucken dumbass, he had one fucken job and he couldn’t even do that” Felix mumbled. 

“He’s fine Fe, he’s fine” Sylvain reassured because he knew that the only reason that Felix was saying those things was because of how genuinely scared he got for his brother and his well being. Sylvain made a mental note not to tell him how willing Glenn had been to die for Dimitri. Only thing that would do would be to make Felix either pissed off or scared.

“You need to sleep, knowing your dumbass you haven’t slept at all” Felix answered with a glare. 

“Guilty” Sylvain chuckled before finishing the rest of his tea. “A small nap before I have to get to work. Your dad said he would send a messenger this way today, when that happens you can wake me up before you head to Fraldarius.” 

“Just sleep, I’ll take care of everything else” Felix answered as he stood up and practically dragged Sylvain to his room. “I’ll come get you once the messenger comes.” 

“Thanks” Sylvain mumbled as he turned to Felix and wrapped his arms around him, burying his face on the crook of his neck. 

“Clingy” Felix mumbled as he hugged him back.

Sylvain smiled, tightening his hold on him. “Is that even new?” 

Felix scoffed, “not even a little.” 

~ X ~ 

True to his word, Rodrigue ended up sending a messenger to Gautier with Bergamont besides him (he was incredibly pissed off for being left behind). The messenger handed over a letter to Sylvain that had been written by Glenn explaining how he honestly had no idea how things went so wrong. That he had been with Dimitri one day and then lunch time came around and that was all he remembered before he woke up chained up to a wall and with Dedue and Dimitri besides him. That after two days, Dedue was able to get out of his restraints and get Dimitri out but while they were trying to get Glenn out, the guards caught them and the two ended up running away after Glenn told them to leave him behind. It was disheartening that Sylvain wasn’t given any more information but at least knowing that Dimitri had made it out alive was enough for him for now. Sylvain wrote to Glenn that if he needed help to contact him and another letter to Rodrigue extending the same offer. Both letters were taken to them by Felix who begrudgingly rode back to Fraldarius that night. 

Unsurprisingly (and to Sylvains greatest displeasure) Felix ended up staying in Fraldarius to help look for Dimitri. He wrote as much as he could to Sylvain but was obviously far busier looking for the prince than to humor Sylvain. Obviously, Sylvain missed him and it didn’t help that the minute Felix was gone his nightmares came back with the force of a thousand suns but Sylvain knew to keep to himself. Focusing on work and being able to handle everything that was falling apart around him instead of crying over the fact that Felix was no longer with him. 

Thankfully, Sylvains random reassurance to Felix had become true and Caspar quickly became someone that Sylvain could rely on above everyone else. Taking the initiative to do certain things for Sylvain and even going as far as to share any information he had about Adrestian military strategies and combats that Sylvain had never had the chance to learn. Linhardt of course helped, but Sylvain quickly learned that Linhardt had never bothered to pay attention to politics or anything really. If it wasn’t crest research, Linhardt didn't bother with learning anything else and so Caspar quickly became the one person that spent the most time in Sylvains office. 

Caspar was an unlikely hero that Sylvain constantly relied on in these times because now that Dimitri was gone, the empire was finally attacking Faerghus with the force that Sylvain had of course predicted but still hated. None of the empire forces had been daring enough to attack Fraldarius, much less Gautier, but they were slowly chipping away at the other territories. With the announcement of Dimitris “death”, Faerghus split in two almost immediately. Territories that wished to survive sided with the empire and the few that remained loyal to the kingdom began their fight against Edelgard. 

With Dimitri gone, the Faerghus nobles that rebelled against the empire all scrambled to gain a footing in the war. Fighting off as many soldiers as they could and reaching out to other territories for help. It quickly became evident not only to Sylvain but everyone else that the only territory that had enough manpower to fight against the empire was Gautier and Fraldarius. And Fraldarius was currently busy trying to look for Dimitri and was spending all their men to do that, because of this Sylvain was constantly getting letters from other lords and nobles, trying to ask for aid from him which Sylvain would give as much as he could though there were moments where he would have to write back and tell them that all he could send was supplies at the moment since he still had to keep the Sreng border in check and couldn’t afford to send out all of his men. The war against the empire was a losing battle and it was obvious to everyone, even still, Sylvain knew that all he had to do was hold out. Hold out until Claude was able to stabilize the alliance and fight against the empire alongside the kingdom. Not to mention that Sylvain was still looking for Catherine and Seteth to ask for their assistance but with news of Dimitri’s ‘death’ he wasn’t surprised that they had disappeared from Faerghus. Even still, Sylvain held on and kept fighting. 

Before he knew it two years had already passed since the war had been waged and only the eastern territories of Faerghus continued fighting against the empire. By this point Ashe had come to live in Gautier since House Rowe had decided to side with the empire. Sylvain was thankful that he was here and that despite that some of the territories in Faerghus had sided with the empire, their spy network was still intact and so he was able to send Ashe along those routes to keep up with information and figure things out that could be of aid to them. It was during this time that Ingrid finally reached out to Sylvain for help in Galatea which he immediately gave to her, making sure to write to her at least once a week now that he knew Galatea was being attacked by the empire. Going as far as to send Caspar over to Galatea to help fend of the empire, but thankfully Caspar soon returned to him, saying that Glenn (or “Ingrid’s weird fiancé”) had gone over to Galatea to fight in his place. It shocked Sylvain that Glenn had decided to go help Ingrid instead of continuing to look for Dimitri but then again, she was his fiancé and he did love her so he figured it made sense. 

Still now that Glenn was in Galatea, any chance of Felix returning to Gautier died and even the letters the two exchanged started getting further and further apart. But Sylvain couldn’t even be upset about that as his focus was fully on the fight against the empire now. Carefully laying out the foundation to let Claude’s counterattack work; fixing up his spy network, fortifying any holes in their defense, and gathering as much information on the empire as he could as well as expanding his spy network into the empire and the alliance. Going as far as teaching some of his men how to perform the spell to transform into an animal so they could sneak into empire base camps. Surprisingly, he came to find out that it wasn’t just turning into dogs, it apparently was based on a person and now Sylvain wanted to desperately teach Felix the spell to see what animal he would turn into (he bet it would be a cat, Caspar said wolf, and Linhardt said a rat). 

In the third year of the war the empire finally started attacking Gautier and Sylvain was forced to actually fight. Though the forces were weak enough that there were times that only Caspar and him had to go out and dispose of them, it still unsettled Sylvain how close they were getting to him. After the third attack on Gautier, Sylvain started sending out his men to build traps and fortifying forts to try and lessen the chances for them to attack Gautier directly; digging up old methods that were catalogued in Gautier archives to fend of Sreng and using it against the empire (Sreng might know how to get around those defenses but the empire sure as hell didn’t). Doing that immediately turned the tides to Sylvains favor and soon he was able to spread those defenses down to Galatea and Conand. 

Still, the empire was winning and all Sylvain was managing to do was keep the rebel territories from falling. Even then, every battle that they won felt like a blessing to Sylvain and he found himself sharing a drink with Caspar every time they successfully stopped the empire from taking all of Faerghus. He learned to find small pleasures during these times. Small pleasures with every letter Ingrid sent, every visit from Ashe, and every small news he got from Felix. Small pleasures in the way that Caspar always managed to make Sylvain laugh until he was snorting or the in-depth conversations he had with Linhardt. Yes it was war, but Sylvain could be honest and say that this had also been the most comfortable he had been in years. 

The main problem however was the fact that they could not find Dimitri — there were obviously reports that they all thought were about him and even Sylvain found himself going to certain areas that he thought the prince would be in, but he was never there. Had it not been for Fraldarius' constant reassurance of finding the prince and all the efforts they were putting in to find him, Sylvain was sure that all of Faerghus would have already given up on ever reuniting the kingdom. 

“Have you heard from Felix” Caspar asked as he messed around with the map of Fodland that Sylvain had set up. 

“Last I heard from him he was in Galatea with his brother to check up on things there according to Ingrid” Sylvain answered as he continued to tally up how many soldiers they had available to move out. 

“He hasn’t talked to you personally?”

Sylvain shrugged, “he’s...busy”. 

If Sylvain was honest it was upsetting that Felix hadn’t personally written to him in months and that he only knew what he was up to thanks to Ingrid or Glenn. Hell the last time that Felix had gone near Fhirdiad the only reason he found out about it was through his spy network. And Sylvain understood that this was war and that writing letters was a luxury that not many people had the time for, mix that with the fact that Felix had always sucked at keeping touch with people even when they were younger and so Sylvain wasn’t surprised that Felix hadn’t personally talked to him in what was now 5 months. It still hurt though, still hurt a lot that Mercedes talked to Sylvain more than his own best friend, but he was fine. He was _fine_.

“Want me to go find him and bring him here? I can force him into a headlock, I’m better at grappling than he is” Caspar smiled. 

“No no” Sylvain chuckled. “As much as I love that you’re ready to become my knight in shining armor, I will have to turn down the offer.” 

“Alright but just say the word and I’ll haul him back here” Caspar responded before standing up and stretching. “Anyways I should probably check on Lin, I think he’s been in his room for the past four days without moving.” 

“How’s that going? Any of my tips help” Sylvain asked with a smirk. 

Caspar immediately looked away trying to ignore the way that his face was starting to gain color, “Um I mean I-I took him out to eat but he didn’t really care much but the food was n-nice!” 

“Hmm, did you give him the flowers?” Sylvain asked. 

“....”

“You forgot the flowers didn’t you?” 

“....I should go check on Lin” Caspar mumbled as the blush got deeper and was looking away before he saw Sylvain be more disappointed at him. 

Sylvain simply shook his head, he loved Caspar, almost like a little brother even, but boy was he dumb when it came to dating and trying to get the guy he liked to notice him. Which Sylvain understood that he was also in the same situation as him but that was only because he was a coward and hadn’t made his move, had he been more courageous he would have already made a move on Felix and it would have at least come through as him trying to ask him out on a _date_ but he wasn't, goddess he wasn’t. Worst part was that after one very very drunk night, Caspar was fully aware of Sylvain’s situation and probably pitied him as much as Sylvain pitied Caspars one sided affection towards Linhardt. 

“We’re gonna die alone aren’t we?” Caspar mumbled, making Sylvain sigh. 

“Fuck it, if we’re not married by the time we’re 40 let’s get married” Sylvain joked making Caspar laugh. 

“Oh yeah a big grand wedding is what we need,” Caspar chuckled. “We can come into the hall on wyverns and battle cries.” 

“Instead of rings we can exchange axes” Sylvain smirked. 

“Fuck yeah dude!” Caspar smiled. 

“See you when we’re 40 sweetheart” Sylvain winked as he lifted his cup to cheer. 

“That’s an awfully long time till the wedding” Linhardt's voice spoke up immediately causing both Caspar and Sylvain to jump and turn to the door. Linhardt looked completely unamused by everything and like he needed a good nap. 

“Well obviously it’s because the wedding will be so amazing we have to start planning it now” Sylvain answered as he swung his arm over Caspar’s shoulders. “Everyone will remember it, mark my words!” 

Caspar could only laugh at Sylvains theatrics making Linhardt sigh, “well congrats on the engagement truly. You’re both perfect for each other, anyways we have guests” Linhardt yawned as he pointed next to him where Ingrid Glenn walked into view. Felix quickly followed behind them with a frown and a very unnecessary death glare directed at Caspar. 

Sylvain immediately perked up and the smile on his face was wide and crooked, if he was a dog at the moment his tail would be violently swinging. “Holy shit Fe you didn’t tell me you all were coming over” Sylvain exclaimed as he ran over to Felix and immediately hugged him, not even questioning why Felix looked like he was currently planning to decapitate Caspar. 

“Fucken clingy shit” Felix groaned as he hugged Sylvain back. 

“Goddess I’ve missed you Fe” Sylvain ignored him, mumbling as his grip on him tightened, burying his face in the crook of Felix’s neck. “Missed you so much Fe.” 

“Wasn’t even gone that long” Felix mumbled. 

Sylvain immediately gasped and stepped away from him, clutching his chest dramatically. “That long? Felix it’s been two years!” 

Felix rolled his eyes, “not that long.” 

“He says that but the entire time he’s been bitching about not being able to come here” Glenn replied, smirking when Felix turned back to glare at him. 

Sylvain smiled, “well I’m glad you brought him back” he answered before turning to Ingrid and immediately going over to hug her. “Ing I’ve missed you!” 

Ingrid chuckled as she returned his hug, “missed you too, sorry I haven’t been able to come to visit. My father has needed me in Galatea.” 

“Hey it's a two way street Ing” Sylvain smiled as he stepped back from her. “I didn’t go down there to visit either so don't worry about it.”

“You’re a margrave Sylvain. Highly doubt you can just go wherever you please” Ingrid replied. 

“You’ll be surprised by that,” Linhardt mumbled as he walked over to the couch in Sylvain’s office. “Both you and Caspar are still banned from that bar though so guess you can't go everywhere.”

Instantly Ingrid was frowning at Sylvain who could only put his hands up in defense. “Hey I’m not the reason we got banned!” 

“Oh yeah we are banned from there huh” Caspar laughed. “Forgot about that one!” 

“Sylvain you’re a margrave! You should be setting an example!” Ingrid scolded. 

“Oh he did, he broke the guys arm and leg by body slamming to the floor” Caspar chuckled as he remembered that night. “Basically threw him across the room! It was so cool, I’m sure everyone took notes on how to do that.” 

“Shut up Caspar” Sylvain hissed before turning to Ingrid. “In my defense Caspar started the fight, it was my duty to end it.” 

“By breaking someone’s bones” Glenn asked with an amused smile on his face. 

“Yes, by breaking someone’s bones” Sylvain replied mockingly before sticking his tongue out at Glenn, making Linhardt snort in the background. 

“Hey that creep was looking up that girl's skirt and he wouldn't stop so I punched him” Caspar responded. 

“Seeeee, it was a valiant reason” Sylvain answered as he leaned on Caspar. 

“Well I’m glad that it seems you at least have Caspar as a friend” Ingrid sighed. 

“Oh don’t get me started on that,” Linhardt groaned. “They’re two dangerous dumbasses that combined still dont have the brains to know how to bake a cake. Them becoming best friends is by far the worst thing that’s ever happened for us all.” 

“Wow Lin, you jealous of our growing relationship” Sylvain teased, feeling very triumphant when Linhardt shot him a small glare. Even if it was not smart to get on the bad side of his number one healer- if it helped Caspar out, he was willing to do that. 

Of course Sylvain was too busy teasing Linhardt that he did not realize the way that Felix was practically killing Caspar in his mind. Even when Caspar shifted, feeling very uncomfortable with the way Felix was looking at him, Sylvain continued to smirk at Linhardt. Painfully unaware of how both Glenn and Ingrid were both trying to not laugh at how obviously jealous Felix was starting to get. 

“Anyways, as much as i would looooove to keep talking about all the times Caspar and I have had fun, I’m sure you’re all very tired” Sylvain said as he finally turned back to the three of them and smiled. “I’ll have my staff prepare dinner for you all and we can catch up.” 

“Well actually, we’re only here for official business” Glenn responded and immediately doubled over when Ingrid elbowed him mumbling what must be very stern words about having manners and playing ‘nice’. 

“Yeah figured” Sylvain sighed. “Lin, can you go to the kitchen and ask the staff to bring us all dinner. We can eat here while we talk.” 

“Why me” Linhardt groaned as he had finally managed to get comfortable on the couch. 

“How many soldiers do I have positioned in the Sreng border?” 

Linhardt groaned loudly before standing up. “Fine but that couch is mine.” 

“Good boy” Sylvain cooed as Linhardt walked out of the room. 

“...it’s 32 right?” Caspar whispered. 

“34 but you were close” Sylvain patted his back before walking over to the bigger table he had in his office. Thankfully, Sylvain had rearranged his room recently to have a table with 8 chairs so that it would be easier for Sylvain to talk to all of his commanders at the same time and so everyone had a chair to sit in comfortably. 

“So what can the great Margrave Gautier do for you” Sylvain smiled as they all sat down, unsurprised that Felix decided to sit next to him. 

“Really sucking your own dick huh” Glenn scoffed. 

“Glenn!” Ingrid yelled out, her face flushed which made Glenn laugh. 

Sylvain leaned forward to retort that comment but immediately cringed, “Ah shit wait I can’t say that when Ingrid’s here” he mumbled to himself making Caspar chuckle quietly. 

“Say what?” Ingrid glared, already offended despite Sylvain having held his tongue. 

Sylvain shrugged before turning to Glenn, “at least my dick’s getting sucked unlike yours- haven’t gotten past hand holding have you?” 

Ingrid’s face went from offended to complete bright red and completely thrown off. Flustered way more than Sylvain had ever thought possible, quickly hiding her face with her hands as she kicked Sylvain under the table. Glenn on the other hand was stunned by the statement and completely unprepared for that kind of retort and was left looking like a fish out of water. Felix’s laugh was the only thing that broke the awkward silence of the room as he doubled over and laughed hysterically. Banging on the table as he made no effort whatsoever to hide the fact that he was laughing at them both. Sylvain let himself smile at the fact that he had succeeded in all the areas of being able to talk back to someone appropriately. 

“I hate you” Ingrid yelled out as she leaned over and smacked Sylvain’s head. 

“You’re the one that wanted to know what I was going to say!” Sylvain chuckled before leaning back on his chair again. 

“And you stop laughing” Ingrid yelled at Felix who could only wave her away as he continued to laugh. 

“Is he wrong though” Felix wheezed and that immediately made Sylvain and Caspar laugh which in turn made Ingrid turn a deeper shade of red. 

“Fuck right off Lix” Glenn hissed as he threw something (Sylvain was not sure what) at Felix. 

“Okay okay, I’m sorry. I’m sorry” Sylvain breathed out. “Won’t say something like that again.” 

“Better not” Ingrid mumbled as she desperately tried to get her face to cool down. Glenn was still glaring at Felix. 

“Anyways, what can I help you with?” Sylvain asked again. 

Glenn glared at him for a couple of seconds before relenting. “We need to know how many men you have at your disposal, my father needs more men to look for Dimitri.” 

Sylvain tensed and plastered on a fake smile. He had known that this day would come, even still he felt really singled out at the moment what with having a room full of people that were willing to do anything and everything to get back their king. 

“Wait” Caspar spoke up as he leaned forward to look at Glenn questioningly. “We’re fighting a war right now. You know that right?” 

“Of course I know that, that’s why we need to find Dimitri as quickly as possible” Glenn snapped back.

Sylvain relaxed a little, at least Caspar was on the same page as him. “What Caspar meant is that my men are already thinned out as it is. I’m fighting two wars, Glenn, I have Sreng and the empire to fend off.” 

“This is Dimitri, we're talking about Sylvain,” Ingrid frowned. 

“I know that, but last I remember, and correct me if I’m wrong” Sylvain answered as he leaned towards her. “My men are the only reason Galatea hasn’t fallen. Are you telling me to pull my men from there and have them look for Dimitri?” 

“That’s not what I meant. What I meant-“

Felix scoffed cutting Ingrid off, “Don’t bother, I already told them and Rodrigue all of this, they’re just idiots who don’t know when to stop.” 

“Felix” Glenn whispered, a warning on the edge of his words. Felix simply turned to glare at Glenn. The two caught in an internal battle, arguing with one another through stares alone. 

Sylvain could only sigh as he leaned back on his chair, letting his mind wander and try to figure out anything to try and lighten up the mood of the room. Make it so that they could talk civilly instead of fighting. He looked around the room for anything to try and comment on, eventually looking over to see Glenn was still glaring at Felix, it was weird Sylvain thought. How much Glenn looked like Felix and yet how ugly he was compared to Felix. Letting his mind wander on this thought for a couple of seconds. 

_No he isn’t ugly but he’s also not handsome….kind of looks like a mangy rabid cat…. would look cute if he tried combing his hair and took care of himself but since he doesn’t…. he looks like he belongs in the trash. Yeah. Trash cat. That’s what he is. A trash cat. Meanwhile Felix is a nice regal black cat - those fancy cats that cost hundreds of coins because they’re so beautiful and deadly. Mmhhh yeah Felix is regal, Glenn came from a tras-_

“Would really appreciate it if you stopped dissecting me Gautier” Glenn’s voice broke Sylvain out of his thoughts. 

Sylvain shook his head slightly before looking at Glenn who was trying very hard to figure out what exactly was going through the Margraves mind. Why he had gone suddenly quiet and hadn’t participated in the conversation for a while. 

_Gross even his glare lacks the beauty Felix’s has._

“You know you really don’t look like Felix” Sylvain mused as he rested his chin on the palm of his hand. 

“What” Glenn asked, genuinely confused. “What the fuck does that have to do with anything?” 

“A lot actually,” Sylvain sighed. 

“Stop being weird and focus on what we’re talking about,” Ingrid breathed out, exasperated by Sylvains train of thought. 

“You know most people would say that politely” Sylvain cocked his head to the side. 

“You’re insufferable” Glenn mumbled. 

“So I’ve been told… by Felix — multiple times. And by Ingrid too… honestly you need to get creative with the insults, everyone’s just about used that one on me” Sylvain shrugged. 

Glenn squinted at Sylvain, bordering anger and severe confusion. “Did you hit your head? Is he okay?” Glenn asked Caspar who could only shrug because he was as confused as everyone else in the room. 

“No, not that I recall.” Sylvain mumbled as he continued to look Glenn over. 

“Then why the fuck are you being weird” Glenn asked.

“Hhmmm, just you don’t look like Felix” Sylvain sighed. “Like… you’re trash.” 

“...Excuse me,” Glenn gasped. “The fuck do you mean trash?” 

“Like you probably have rabies.” 

Silence.

“This is a dream that’s what this is” Glenn immediately mumbled to himself. “A fever dream where I just got told that I had rabies.” 

“You look like you have rabies,” Sylvain corrected, it was then that Caspar lost complete control and began laughing hysterically, Felix tried to hide his chuckling and Ingrid looked dazed. 

“Dear Goddess give me the strength to not murder this man” Glenn mumbled as he scrunched his eyes close. 

“Hey hey look, I’m just saying that while you’ve been glaring and stuff I’ve noticed a few drastic things - like you know… that you look like a cat with rabies” Sylvain shrugged. “But that’s _fine_ , some people are into that kind of look. I mean take Ingrid for instance I’m sure she thinks you look wonderful.” 

“He doesn’t look like a cat with rabies,” Ingrid mumbled. 

“How- how are you such an idiot but also the smartest person I’ve met? How does that- how is that-“ Glenn mumbled as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I feel like I’m having a seizure.” 

“Isn’t that a sign of rabies?” 

Sylvain did not dodge fast enough and was immediately hit by an ink bottle directly on his face. Groaning out in pain as Glenn mumbled more vague threats his way and Caspar and Felix were trying desperately to control their laughter. “Anyways, rabies aside-“

“I do not have rabies-“

“I don’t have the manpower to lend. At the moment all my spare men are at Galatea or the Sreng border however if either of those sides calm down — you have my word that I’ll send some over to Fraldarius” Sylvain answered with a smile. 

“I hate that you just used rabies to try and control the conversation” Glenn spoke flatly. 

Sylvain shrugged, “It was either that or me fawning over how pretty Felix looks with short hair now and I’m pretty sure that Felix would have killed me if i started listing all the ways his face brightens up my day-“

A second ink bottle was thrown towards Sylvain and he was unable to dodge in time for that one too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sylvain: hey hey!
> 
> Glenn: what?
> 
> Sylvain: ....
> 
> Glenn: ....
> 
> Sylvain: bitch


	20. Verdoso

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy shenanigans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi sorry for the long wait in the update and also the not so long update, finally beat out that writers block so I’m back in business everyone. Hope you’re ready for a shit show!

Sylvain was in a peculiar situation if you could call that. A simple game of cards had somehow gotten so out of hand that he was now wrestling not one, but TWO drunken people into their rooms. Who would have thought that Fraldarius men were lightweights?! Sylvain certainly didn't! He would have never pulled out the alcohol if he knew he was going to spend his night corralling a bunch of drunk toddlers into their rooms. 

“You really only have yourself to blame for this,” Linhardt had said the minute Felix puked for the first time that night. “Contrary to everything you know, Sylvain, not everyone can drink alcohol like if it’s water.” 

Bastard hadn’t even helped Sylvain out when the time came to get everyone to their rooms. Simply grabbing Caspars hand before the two walked away to leave Sylvain to clean up after his friends. He would get them back for this, oh he would. 

“I can manage Glenn,” Ingrid sighed as she watched her betrothed down another shot of alcohol (or so he thought, Sylvain had wisely replaced the liquor with water when no one was looking). “Not the first time he’s gotten drunk, trust me.” 

“Why is he so angry” Sylvain mused as Glenn threw the cup across the room and then yelled something that sounded a lot like “fuck you and your mom” but the words were too slurred to completely make that out. 

“He’s a Fraldarius” Ingrid stated as if it was the most truthful thing to say. Which it was, but that certainly opened another can of worms. One that Sylvain was not in the mood to dissect if he was being honest. 

Sylvain sighed as he turned around to find Felix not only glaring at Sylvain but also pouting? Oh heavens above Felix was pouting at him and it was so unbelievably cute. “Sylvie, ‘m tired. Let’s go to bed” Felix huffed and Sylvain was not a strong enough man to get through this. He would rather handle angry stupid Glenn than _needy_ Felix. He had his limits and that was having to deal with Felix wanting him without being able to properly shower him with affection and love. 

“Alright Fe, right now. Let me just get everyone else to their rooms” Sylvain chuckled nervously as he turned to Ingrid who was only grinning at him. 

“Let’s go to bed?” She asked, quirking her eyebrow up at him. 

“Oh he’s just drunk” Sylvain laughed as he eyed the swordsman in question. Angrily glaring at him for not doing what he asked just yet. 

“Sooo” Ingrid mused, a teasing smile on her face. “I’m guessing you two are official?” 

Sylvain could only laugh. “Please Ingrid. You would be the first to know if that were the case.” 

“So then it’s just physical,” Ingrid frowned. 

“Goddess no” Sylvain quickly answered. “The most I’ve done is hug him, maybe kiss his hand.” 

Ingrid sighed, “leave it to you to be the dumbass that doesn’t make a move on the one person that matters.” 

“You know me, a dumbass through and through” Sylvain joked. 

“Sylvie” Felix spoke, causing Sylvain to look over to him again and find the swordsman leaning on the wall by the door, waiting for Sylvain. His eyebrows scrunched together even more than before. “Said ’m tired.” 

“I know Fe” Sylvain sighed as he walked over to Felix and grabbed his hand. Dragging him to sit on his office chair while he handled everything else. “Let me help Ingrid real quick then we can sleep.” He answered before walking over to Ingrid who was unfairly, in Sylvain’s opinion, looking at the two fondly. 

“I think you should tell him Sylvain,” Ingrid whispered with a smile. “I for one know that he loves you too.” 

“I’m his friend of course he does” Sylvain chuckled though he could not ignore the way his heart was racing. Ingrid not only knew Sylvain well enough to know he was in love but Sylvain wasn’t so foolish to think that she was lying when she said that Felix loved him too. Maybe he did, maybe Sylvain’s self hatred was the only thing keeping the two of them from finally being happy with one another. Or maybe it was, as Sylvain had just said, a platonic love built over the course of their lifetimes. 

“No Sylvain, _I_ love you as a friend” Ingrid answered as she grabbed his hand. “And I’m not asking to spend the night with you even if it’s just to sleep.” 

Whatever words Sylvain wanted to reply to that heavy load were quickly lost to him as he suddenly felt himself being shoved to the side and hit the floor with an unnecessary amount of force. Looking up to find a very pissed off Glenn glaring holes into him. 

“Do not touch her” Glenn growled and all Sylvain could do was laugh because oh god was he in danger. 

“Stop that” Ingrid sighed as suddenly Glenn was being smacked in the head and grimacing at the pain from it. “You’re being ridiculous Glenn.” 

Sylvain shook his head as he stood up, grabbing a key from his pocket and throwing it over to Ingrid. “It’s the room with the dark brown door. Had it set up for you two. I would help but I genuinely think he might bite my head off.” 

“Yes he sadly sucks like that” Ingrid mumbled but still managed to look at Glenn fondly as he was now sulking on the side. 

“Goodnight Ingrid” Sylvain smiled. 

“Goodnight, and Sylvain I’m serious.” Ingrid spoke up. “We’re at war and…. I just don’t want the two of you to regret anything.” 

“We won't,” Sylvain smiled as he watched Ingrid grab Glenn’s hand and drag him away. The black haired man immediately wrapping his arm around her waist and kissing her as the two left Sylvain’s eyesight. It was cute, Ingrid was always too shy to do anything more than hand holding and all Fraldarius hated public displays of affection so it was reassuring to know that Ingrid was loved, even if it was by some rat mongrel that had a bad attitude. 

“Sylvain” Felix snapped Sylvain out of his thoughts, his cute pout now a full blown death glare. He was back to standing up, his arms crossed over his chest and his hip leaning out all in an attempt to look intimidating but the blush that covered his face didn’t really help sell that very well. 

“I’m going I’m going” Sylvain chuckled as he wrapped his arm around the smaller man's waist and laid a kiss at the top of his head. “And you say that I’m needy.” 

“Shut up, I’m tired” Felix grumbled but made no move to walk away. Simply letting himself melt into Sylvain’s arm and Sylvain didn’t doubt that if it were humanly possible, Felix would be purring right this instance. 

“Let’s go to sleep, Fe” Sylvain whispered as he led Felix over to his room. A routine he hadn’t been able to partake in for two years now, relishing in watching Felix go pliant under his touch as he helped the swordsman out of his amore and boots, lifting his arms up as Sylvain put on his sleepwear. Letting him sit on the bed as Sylvain quickly changed into his night clothes, keeping an eye on him as he struggled to undo the bun on his head. 

“Need help” Sylvain chuckled as he walked over to him, moving his hands away and starting to untangle the hair, staying silent for a couple of seconds before speaking up. “Why’d you cut it?” 

“Mage hit me, fried part of the hair” Felix mumbled. 

A frown quickly replaced the calm happy expressions that had been on his face. “A mage?” 

“Yeah, dead now” Felix continued. “Didn’t do much other than that.” 

“..I’m glad” Sylvain breathed out as he finally managed to undo the bun and ran his fingers through raven hair. Carefully undoing the knots that his fingers ran into, smiling at the small pleased breath that escaped Felix's lips. 

“Missed you” Felix spoke so quietly that Sylvain would have missed it if he hadn’t been so close to the other man. 

“I missed you too Fe” Sylvain smiled as he nudged the swordsman so that he could slide into the bed, not even being fully under the covers before Felix was already resting his head on his chest, his arm gripping his waist. All Sylvain could do was smile as he readjusted them before blowing out the candle. Letting himself be selfish as he ran his fingers through Felix’s hair, holding him close to him. 

“I don’t want to leave tomorrow” Felix mumbled, curling himself closer to Sylvain. 

“Then don't,” Sylvain answered selfishly. Felix was drunk, drunk enough that Sylvain knew the chances of him remembering all of this was 5 to none. He would most likely wake up confused that he was in Sylvain’s bed but then not think about it — not talk about it. They hadn’t in the entire time that Felix had lived with him after all. That wouldn’t be changing anytime soon, Sylvain could safely guess that much. “If you don’t want to leave then you can stay here.” 

Felix sighed, the arm around Sylvain’s waist tensing. “Not that easy.” 

“I know Fe, I know” Sylvain mumbled as he laid careful kisses on the other man's head. 

He knew all too well that Felix wouldn’t be able to stay with him. They were at war and Felix was a general of Fraldarius. Glenn was busy in Galatea so Felix had to be out there, had to put his life on the line because Rodrigue was selfish enough to risk his own son's lives if it meant having the chance to find a lost prince. And Sylvain was selfless enough to not do anything to stop that. If he was more selfish he would have already locked Felix up where no one could hurt him. If he was more selfish he would have let Gautier fall and run away with Felix. If he was more selfish he would not be wishing for tonight to last forever because when morning came, this dream would end. 

Felix said nothing, simply let himself drift off to sleep in Sylvains arms. Leaving the red head to curse the goddess for making the nights so short this time of year. Praying that tomorrow Glenn would wake up with a hangover so bad that they would delay their leave. But he knew it wouldn’t happen, come morning Felix would leave again and only Sothis herself would know when the next time he saw Felix would be. If he was a more selfish man he would know the answer to that question, force that answer to be sooner. But he wasn't. He was a coward. 

“I love you” Sylvain whispered into Felix’s ear. Knowing that the words would never reach him. Knowing that those were words spoke only because he knew Felix would never know they had been said. He was a coward and he was fine with that. A coward was just okay for him. 

Sleep eventually took Sylvain and with that the rest of the time he had left with Felix. But that was fine too. All good things had to come to an end after all. Of course that didn’t mean that come morning when the sun showed through the window that Sylvain expected to suddenly have his bedroom door slammed opened by the one and only Glenn Fraldarius. 

“Wake up you cocksuckers” Glenn spoke as he yanked the covers off of both Felix and Sylvain. 

“Glenn” Ingrid sighed as she ran over to try and stop her betroth but by this point Felix was sitting up and Sylvain was left reeling at the cocksuckers part of Glenn’s statement. 

“Come on, we have shit to do” Glenn continued as he walked over to the window and opened the curtains. “While we were sleeping the ground froze over, we won’t be able to leave tonight but that doesn’t mean we can’t work.” 

“It means exactly that” Sylvain grunted as he turned over and buried his face into his pillow. “Fuck off, Margrave’s orders.” 

Glenn rolled his eyes as he looked over to his little brother who was sleepily blinking away his fatigue. Yawning and mumbling something, his hair was a rat's nest and he reminded Glenn of those old wired haired cats with the way he was glaring into nothing but also looking absolutely confused of where he was or who he was if Glenn was being honest. “You with us Lix?” 

“Fuck” Felix mumbled as he stifled a yawn. 

“Ask that from Sylvain later” Glenn answered nonchalantly, smiling at the way Felix’s face burst into vivid red. “Anyways Gautier I’ll be in your office, we need to discuss supplies and battle tactics.” 

Sylvain would rather do literally anything else but that, if he was being completely honest with himself. Just because he was usually a morning person did not mean that he was okay enough to get into work mode right off the bat. Usually it took hours before Sylvain made it into his office to start his day. Linhardt convinced him into thinking that sleeping in was the greatest thing a human can do for their mental health, he was starting to agree with him. 

“Gautier” Glenn spoke, eliciting a groan from Sylvain who only curled himself more into his pillow. “Gautier.” 

“Glenn let him sleep” Ingrid sighed, “he was up taking care of Felix last night. He needs the rest, plus like you said. The ground is frozen over, we have all day to get things handled.” 

Glenn scoffed but Ingrid shot her lover a very scrutinizing look and so he immediately relented. One time his father had jokingly told him that a happy wife was a happy life, and although he did believe that, loved Ingrid so much more than he could explain and her smile alone could brighten up his day. He was also very aware of the fact that an angry fiance meant immediate danger for himself. 

“Fine, but I will talk to him by the end of today, even if I have to pry him out of Felix’s hands” Glenn sighed. 

“Good luck with that” Ingrid chuckled before taking pity on Felix who still very much looked dazed out of his mind, bringing him a glass of water and putting it near him before pushing him back to lay down. “Go to sleep Felix, you’re tired.” 

“No ‘m not” Felix grumbled but immediately curled himself closer to Sylvain. 

Ingrid only shook her head before grabbing the blankets that Glenn had unceremoniously yanked off and covering the two boys with it again, laughing quietly when Felix got even closer to Sylvain. His eyes were scrunched shut but even then he was looking for the warmth that radiated from the redhead. 

“We’ll wake you once breakfast is ready” Ingrid smiled as she pushed Glenn out of the door and quietly closed it behind them. 

“Your brother called us cocksuckers” Sylvain mumbled, his mind still stuck on that insult. 

Felix only grunted as a response, his hands curling in on Sylvain’s shirt and tugging the redhead closer to him. After two tugs Sylvain understood what he wanted, turning over to wrap the smaller men in a hug, bringing him close to his chest and tucking his head under his chin. Sighing as Felix readjusted himself until he was comfortably squished into the redheads frame. 

“How’s the hangover” Sylvain whispered. 

Felix hummed for a couple of seconds before shifting to look up at the Sylvain. “Head hurts.” 

“I’ll have Lin look you over then” Sylvain answered as he pushed some of Felix’s hair out his face. Quirking his eyebrow up in question when Felix glared at him. “What?” 

“Nothing” Felix replied but continued to glare. 

“Fe” Sylvain breathed out as he hugged the boy tighter. “What?” 

Felix groaned, “nothing… just — just thinking.” 

Sylvain shifted to smile at him, his mind still drunk off of sleep and the happiness he was feeling of being able to spend time with Felix. “Thinking about what?” 

Felix immediately looked down, his cheeks gaining a tint of pink as he leaned closer to Sylvain. Letting his head rest on Sylvain’s chest. It had been a long time since he had felt so safe first thing in the morning. Had been a really long time since he felt that he could put down all of his walls and be himself for someone, Felix wasn’t even surprised that Sylvain was able to do that for him. He should have never been shocked that the redhead could make him feel like this if he was being honest. He had taken it for granted when he lived with him because Glenn had not been joking when he said that Felix constantly complained about being out there instead of in Sylvain’s arms. He would give anything to stay in his arms and that realization alone shook him to the very core. He shifted, taking slow steady breaths before speaking up, his mind too soft under Sylvains fond stares to think about the repercussions of what he was about to say. 

“Let’s get married.” 

Sylvain did not at all mean to laugh, but he did. It was the first thing his stupid brain thought to do because the rest of his body was still in shock over the words that had escaped Felix’s mouth. Unable to fully comprehend what Felix had said and it was only once Felix was looking at him questioningly, his body tensing that the reality hit Sylvain like a miasma spell. 

_Let’s get married._

The words were said so casually, so normally. The same way Felix has asked him to go sparring or go eat, like if it was the most natural thing to ask of him. As if marriage wasn’t as intricate and serious as it actually was. But he said it like that either way. Those words had left Felix’s lips, there was no denying that even if Sylvain’s mind refused to believe this was happening. Even if his brain was telling him that this was all a joke or worse: a dream. That there was no way that Felix would not only reciprocate his emotions, but love him enough to want to spend his life with him. Felix hadn’t just proclaimed his affection or even his attraction to Sylvain, no, by bringing marriage into this he had just told Sylvain that he saw this as a long term thing. Not a one night stand or a three month fling, he intended on keeping Sylvain by his side until death tore them apart. 

“Do you mean that?” Sylvain breathed out, his voice nothing more than a whisper. His eyes searching Felix’s face for any hidden lie, for any sign that this was all fake. That this wasn’t real, an imposter, a prank, anything other than the reality of what was going on. But Felix only smiled, his face softened as he brought his hand to cup Sylvains face, closing the gap between them and it wasn't until his lips met Sylvain’s that the reality came crashing down on him. 

He loved him back. 

It was like a damn broke inside of him, his hands immediately clinging to Felix’s body as his lips moved with his. The first initial kiss had been nothing short of timid — shy, their lips barely touching. But the minute Sylvain’s mind caught up with his racing heart, his lips were on Felix’s again, hungry and desperate. Pulling out gasps and groans from Felix as he pulled the younger man closer, clinged to him, needed him, craved him. A part of Sylvain woke up now with Felix’s confession, a part that Sylvian had neglected and ignored for years, a part he had determinedly killed off for as long as he could remember was now alive now and it was starving. 

“I love you” was the first thing that came out of Sylvain’s mouth, falling out as easily as the breath that escaped him. Repeating it like a mantra as he kissed Felix again and again, hand clutching him, grounding him. Felix’s hand grabbing fist fulls of his hair as he kissed him with the same intensity that Sylvain was feeling. His teeth nipping at Sylvains bottom lip and nails raking down his back. It wasn't sexual, no, it was desperate. Years of separation bringing this out of the two of them. Years of mourning one another and the fear of losing each other once more was what caused the kisses to become so crazed and uncontrollable. Only stopping to breath but even then their mouths quickly found each other again, be it their lips or the skin on their necks or the sharp corners of their jaws. Years of desperation finally able to flourish into the flower that they could call love. 

“So beautiful, so perfect Fe” Sylvain murmured into Felix's skin, leaving a trail bruises up his neck; too high for the turtlenecks Felix wore to hide them. “Love you, love you so much.” 

Felix gasped, clutching onto Sylvains shirt, pulling him closer to him as if that was even possible with the way the two of them had practically melted into each other. “Syl, please.” 

“Anything Fe, anything” Sylvain breathed out, kissing his jaw and then bringing him a slow kiss, pulling away only enough to speak. “Anything you want I’ll give you.” 

“Want you,” Felix answered, his hands moving up until he was cupping the redhead's face, bringing him down for another kiss. “I want you” he mumbled, not bothering to pull away to speak the words. 

Sylvain moaned, immediately changing their position so that he hovered over the younger man, his hands trailing all over Felix’s body, lips unable to stay away from him. It was addictive to kiss him, Sylvain knew there was nothing he could do to stop himself at this point. Not as if Felix wanted him to stop judging by the way his legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer and grinding up on him. The movement causing the two to moan into each other’s lips. Their kisses becoming hungrier, deeper, hands roaming freely under shirts that would soon be forgotten. Sylvain’s breathed hitched as Felix mouthed over his pulse point, a hand drifting down— 

“Sylvain?” 

The two immediately froze, Sylvain’s breath hitched, waiting for the dreaded moment when Caspar inevitably barged into his room like he always did every morning to give him his morning report and find the two tangled up in eachothers arms. Damn him for being such a consistent and good soldier! 

“I have actual news about Sreng! I’ll wait in your office” Caspar continued before his footsteps echoed away. Sylvain could only groan before slouching forward and nuzzling his face into the crook of Felix’s neck. Judging by the way that Felix was tense, he could already guess what he was going to say. 

“You should go hear the report” Felix spoke and Sylvain could only groan louder, making the younger man smirk. “You’re the margrave after all.” 

“Why does that only matter for these kinds of things” Sylvain mumbled, his hands sliding up Felix’s torso, unwavering in their destination. 

“Sylvain” Felix gasped, squirming under his touch before his hands gently pushed the man off of him. “Later.” 

“Fine” Sylvain sighed before sitting up, making the mistake to look down at Felix. His lips kiss swollen, neck covered in love bites and bruises, his hair sprawled over the pillow like a black halo. His eyes immediately squinted at Sylvain, a blush dusting his cheeks. 

“What” Felix asked, unused to being stared at the way that Sylvain was looking at him. There was both fondness and hunger in his eyes, and Felix really was debating murdering Caspar before the end of this trip. It was getting harder to not grab Sylvains shirt and continue where they had left off. 

“You’re beautiful” Sylvain whispered as he kneeled down to kiss Felix again, pulling away quickly despite how much it pained him. “So beautiful.” 

“You’ve said that already” Felix grumbled but the redness of his cheeks only grew brighter. 

Sylvain chuckled, “yeah and I’m gonna keep saying it” he whispered before going back down to kiss him. “Gonna say it until my throat is hoarse.” 

“You’re unbelievable” Felix murmured, his hands clenching on Sylvains shirt, pulling him down for one final kiss before pulling away and sitting up. 

“Maybe” Sylvain grinned as he wrapped his arms around Felix’s waist, pulling the man closer to him. Laying kisses on his cheeks and jawline. “Maybe I am.” 

Felix rolled his eyes but the smile that was on his face was one that Sylvain knew would be ingrained into his mind for as long as he lived. “You need to go talk to Caspar.” 

“I know.” 

Felix scoffed before shoving a hand to Sylvains chest, pushing the man away as he stood up from the bed. “Then you should probably get dressed dumbass.” 

“I mean I am free to roam my house however I please so everyone should consider themselves lucky I even wear pants” Sylvain grinned and chuckled when he heard Felix’s exasperated scoff. “I am!” 

“Get dressed,” Felix said as he threw Sylvain a shirt and pants. Turning around to change into his clothes as well. Sylvain could only chuckle as he finally relented and got himself as presentable as he could. Felix had shown the same kind of mercy he had shown him, there was no way to hide the marks that littered his neck. But he found that he didn't mind that at all. 

“I meant it” Felix spoke, turning back to look at Sylvain, his eyes focused and unwavering. “I meant what I said Sylvain.” 

A smile quickly grew on Sylvain’s face, he slowly walked over to Felix, bringing his hand up to cup the right side of his face, his thumb caressing the soft skin of his cheeks. “And I meant it when I said that I would give you whatever you want.” 

Felix smiled, “Then you know what I want already.” 

Laughter left Sylvain’s lips as he leaned down to kiss the swordsman. “I will, I promise.” 

True to his word Caspar did have actual news on Sreng instead of his usual reports. Their scouts had spotted an army heading towards the border and Caspar guessed that by sundown tomorrow there was going to be a siege under way, it was fine however, Gautier was prepared for that. But just in case Sylvain would be sending Caspar out there himself to make sure that Sreng didn’t over power them. Now more than ever Sylvain could not have Sreng over power them, if Gautier fell the empire would use that to their advantage after all. Still, Caspar obviously did not talk about Sreng for as long as he should have, the boy was practically vibrating in his seat the entire time he was giving his report, his eyes skimming down to Sylvains neck. The excitement clearly present in the boy's eyes. 

“Yes Caspar?” Sylvain finally spoke as his commanding generals left the room to get things ready for Sreng’s attack. The three had been kind enough to at least keep their questioning stares to a minimum, then again, they had also said that they were happy that the ‘Mister’ was back in Gautier so he was sure the rumor would spread soon enough if it hadn’t already. 

“It happened didn’t” Caspar breathed out, his grin wide and open. “You and Felix?” 

“Yes.” 

“Congratulations man!” Caspar exclaimed as he forced Sylvain into a bone crushing hug. “I’m so happy for you dude, you deserve this!” 

“Thanks” Sylvain groaned as Caspar finally let him go. 

“Really I’m happy for you man! Oh wait till I tell Lin, we can all go out to celebrate” Caspar beamed. 

“You’re forgetting about Sreng.” 

“Ah fuck.” 

Sylvain laughed, “when this over we will, I promise.” 

“Alright well, I’ll go get Lin and get ready for the attack, I’ll come to you before we leave.” 

“Thanks” Sylvain breathed out as the man walked out of his office giving Sylvian the time he needed to finally reel in what happened that morning. A smile spreading across his face at the memory of it all, he felt like a teenager that had just gotten his first kiss with the way he was blushing at the thought of how soft Felix’s lips had been against his. Goddess above it was absolute paradise. Pure bliss in the way that he had kissed him. 

“You look stupid Gautier” Glenn’s voice broke through Sylvains thoughts. The man in question smirking at Sylvain, feeling a sense of pride in finding the redhead absolutely beaming in solitude. 

“Well excuse me” Sylvain rolled his eyes, sitting down on his desk and motioning Glenn to sit in front of him. Might as well get this war thing over with so he can spend his day in _peace_. 

“Guessing by the mauling you gave my brother that I can expect you to meet with my father to ask for Felix’s hand” Glenn casually commented, smirking at the way Sylvains face fell. 

Goddess above he was going to have to ask Rodrigue for Felix’s hand. Not that he needed that to marry Felix but as a Faerghan it was only common manners to do that. Everyone did that, and the Faerghan blood that ran through his veins certainly was telling him that he _had_ to do that. It just felt like he had to even if it meant having to be alone with Rodrigue and be forced to be scrutinized by the duke. Sweet Sothis show him mercy; he was already shitting himself at the thought of doing that. 

Glenn laughed being able to see the sheer panic that was written on Sylvain’s face, “if it makes you feel better, he probably expects it.” 

“That doesn’t make me feel better” Sylvain sighed into his hands. 

“Well then suffer, anyways I’m here to give the honorary big brother threat” Glenn sighed before leaning forward and grabbing Sylvains hand. “If you hurt my brother I will personally shove the lance of ruin so far up your ass that you’ll be tasting the crest stone for years.” 

“Duly noted.” 

“Good” Glenn spoke before his face softened. “I’m happy for you Sylvain. You deserve this.” 

Sylvain chuckled, feeling nervous at how genuine Glenn was being. “So I’ve been told, can’t really see how but thanks I guess.” 

“Sylvain I mean it, you deserve this. You deserve to be happy even if that means marrying my snot nose brother who forgets to shower sometimes” Glenn smirked. 

Sylvain blushed as he looked down, laughing nervously, “you’re being really serious right now and I don’t know how to feel about this honestly.” 

Glenn chuckled before letting go of Sylvain’s hand. “Well of course I am, I just got told by my brother that he’s engaged the hell else am I supposed to do? Joke about this?” 

Oh that immediately knocked Sylvain on his ass in a way he never knew possible. _Engaged_. Not just ‘we’re together’ not just ‘we’re a thing’ or ‘we’re dating’ no. Felix went and told Glenn that they were engaged. He was engaged to him, he was engaged to Felix Fraldarius. 

Self doubt settled in like a familiar friend almost instantly. In a blink of an eye Sylvain’s smile shifted to concern. He wasn’t enough for Felix, he deserved the world and Sylvain couldn’t give him that. He couldn’t give Felix everything he could ever wish for, he wasn’t a good enough man for that. He wasn't a good man, period. Felix deserved the world and Sylvain was nothing more than broken useless— 

“Sylvain” Glenn spoke, his hand once again grabbing Sylvains, squeezing it hard enough to bring the younger man back into focus. “You’re allowed to have this.” 

“N-No, no Glenn I-“

“You’re allowed to have this” Glenn repeated, squeezing his hand harder. His eyes staring into Sylvains, Felix hated eye contact but for some reason this Fraldarius loved it. “I know what you’re thinking. You think that you’re not good enough for this, that you can’t have this but you can. Listen, I love Felix, he’s my brother and I know him better than anyone else, that’s how I know that he wants this. Has wanted this for as long as you have. You both have waited long enough, and you deserve this. Contrary to popular belief, you’re _allowed_ to be happy Sylvain. Because if there is someone, _anyone_ , that deserves to be with my brother it’s the mother fucker that gave up everything to keep him safe. No one can deny that you love him Sylvain. You deserve this.” 

“He deserves so much more than I can give him,” Sylvain whispered. 

“I don't know, giving him a whetstone might just be enough to keep him happy” Glenn smirked as Sylvain let out a small chuckle. “But seriously, whatever you give him is enough. Trust me. He loves you. Even if he acts like a little bitch sometimes.” 

Sylvain chuckled, “he’s just prickly that’s it.” 

“Yeah see that’s why you’re engaged to him and no one else” Glenn mused, softening in the way that Sylvain smiled once again at the mention of the engagement. “But hey, if you need time to get your shit together don’t be scared to tell Felix to chill it with the marriage crap. Even if you two have been in love for years, you’re allowed to have a dating period if you want.” 

Sylvain smiled as he shook his head, “no, I can’t see any other way to live than by his side honestly. Might just have to wait until I can talk to Rodrigue and fucken hell — until i actually get him a ring fuck.” 

Glenn laughed, “well you might want to relay that bit of news because Ingrid and him are literally trying to figure out what church is close enough to take a trip to and get you both married by the end of tonight.” 

“Wouldn’t that be something, Felix and I married after one day of being engaged, meanwhile how long has it been for the two of you?” Sylvain joked. 

“Haha very funny Gautier, it’s only taking forever because of Ingrid’s dad, if i could have it any way I would be the one taking a trip to get married tonight. No use being engaged anyways, feels like a waste of time” Glenn answered. 

“Something tells me that’s a Fraldarius thing.” 

“Oh yeah my old man proposed to my mom during dinner and the next morning they were married. So trust me, my dad would not mind if you just skipped a couple of steps” Glenn smiled. 

“We’ll see” Sylvain smiled in a way that Glenn had never seen him smile. Pure and genuine and Glenn would never admit this to anyone out loud but it warmed something inside of him to see Sylvain this happy. To see how far he had come from. He deserved this. He deserved this more than anyone Glenn knew. 

“Yeah, we’ll see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felix, bursting into Ingrid and Glenn’s room: I’m either getting married tonight or committing a murder, either way, congratulate me bitches 
> 
> Also don’t tell me that Felix would give any thought to dating, homeboy has like two brain cells and the patience of a deranged cat. He ain’t got time for dating or being someone’s fiancé, it’s either we homies or we married, no in between for him. Also rating is subject to change depending on how the next chapter comes out. Just a heads up.


	21. Viridián

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Millennium Festival

They did not get married that night, not like it really surprised Sylvain if he was being honest with himself. Of course his generals would come running into his room telling him that Sreng had some imperial soldiers on their side and had bigger numbers than them. Of course Sylvain had to put on his armor and leave that very second alongside Caspar, leaving Linhardt to take care of everything in the estate. Only being able to give Ingrid and Glenn a hug, and a promise to Felix that he would make it up to him before kissing him goodbye. Obviously Felix tried to go with them, even Ingrid offered her assistance but Glenn thankfully was the voice of reason. Saying that now more than ever, they should head back to Fraldarius to make sure that they weren’t under attack either despite the frozen ground. Ingrid relented, Felix on the other hand took more convincing. Stubbornly not wanting to leave Sylvain’s side and saying that he would head over to Fraldarius by himself when he finished helping them in the Sreng border. It hurt, but Sylvain had to tell him no. 

That day Sylvain was even more cruel to the enemy soldiers, he was angry — of course he was fucken angry. He had had the best morning of his entire life and the chance to even marry the man of his dream but war would never let Sylvain do that. War was not kind like that and so Sylvain was not kind either in the way he fought that day. No one mentioned it of course, no one pointed out the fact that Sylvain had ruthlessly wiped out half of the enemy's troops and turned the tide despite the fact that they had been obviously outnumbered. Rumor had spread of course about how he had been forced to leave his partner behind, how they had even been thinking about getting married that night. No one mentioned it because they saw the way Sylvain’s eyes drifted to where the Fraldarius mountains were and the pain hidden beneath them. 

War was not kind even once Sylvain and Caspar managed to get back to Gautier. Getting news from Linhardt that the empire had executed a bunch of well known nobles, the tide of war turning against their favor. But now with the knowledge that Sreng was backed by the imperial army, Huberts idea Sylvain guessed, he couldn’t afford helping anyone else anymore. He left his troops in Galatea out of loyalty for Ingrid but had to pull the others and place them in the border. Leaving Caspar stationed there permanently until the attacks lessened — they never did. 

Sylvain would spend days in the border now, forced to soil the land in blood both from his own men and the men from Sreng. He was tired, he was so tired. He never had the chance to do anything but fight now, he hadn’t even realized that until one day after returning from the border that he found letters piled up on his desk. From Mercedes, Annette, and Ashe, all them congratulating him on his engagement — all of them sent out three weeks ago. But that was not what hurt the most, no, what hurt were all the other letters that were from Felix, most of them short and just reports of what was going on in Fraldarius and the search for Dimitri. But the letters quickly morphed into more desperate attempts to get a reply back from Sylvain, going as far to ask him if he was okay because he was worried for him since he hadn’t heard from the redhead in weeks. 

Linhardt stayed stationed outside of Sylvain’s office as the redhead destroyed it. Throwing chairs and books across the room, letting his anger and frustration out on his surroundings. Linhardt merely told any house staff that walked by to check on the margrave to keep walking. _‘Ignore the screaming, ignore the banging, he’ll be okay. He’ll be okay.’_ But Sylvain wasn’t, he wasn’t okay and this war was taking a toll on him finally. The scars that littered his body grew every day, his bones and muscles creaking more and more each day. He had enough, he wanted all of this to be over, to be able to just fucken breath for the first time in years but of course he was never given that option. He was Margrave Gautier afterall, he was expected to handle this burden alone. 

A year passed this way, with Sylvain’s anger and frustration getting the better end of him. With response letters sent out weeks after receiving the letters, scars piling up, and more blood spilled on his land. It was horrible, it was painful. Maybe that was why he felt nothing when both Caspar and Linhardt walked into his office one day, shy smiles on their faces, clear guilt in their eyes. 

“What is it” Sylvain asked, shocked by how tired his voice sounded. How long had it been since he had slept properly? How long has he been stuck in his office?

Caspar turned to look at Linhardt, hesitation clear in his eyes, waiting for his friend to nod, giving him encouragement to speak whatever was on their minds. “We’re planning on traveling to Garreg Mach.” 

Sylvain breathed out, closing his eyes. “Okay.” 

“Okay? That’s it” Caspar asked hesitantly. 

“Yeah, you’re not my men, you’re my friends that I’ve let live here. Friends that have helped me out as much as you could. If you want to leave, that’s fine.” Sylvain sighed, looking up at the two from where he was sitting, plastering a smile on his face to make this easier for the two of them. “Though I will tell you this, Garreg Mach last I heard was overrun by imperial soldiers.” 

“We know,” Linhardt replied. 

“We just — back in the academy we made a promise to everyone to meet up there for the millennium festival. Maybe no one will be there but… I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if they did show up and we weren’t there” Caspar smiled shyly. “You understand, don’t you?”

Sylvain nodded, he remembered Claude mentioning that to him one time. A conversation that happened 5 years ago, he can’t remember exactly what had happened to bring that up but he remembered it well. Remembered how serious Claude was about meeting up with the golden deer there even if the war did break out. Sylvain smiled, “tell Claude I say hi then.” 

“You can come with us, you know” Linhardt spoke. “I’m sure Claude probably even expects you to be there.” 

That made Sylvain laugh, “yeah? And who would be left to take care of Gautier then?” 

“You have generals that can take over while you’re gone, I mean wasn’t it always the plan to meet up with Claude?” Caspar asked. 

“Yes, but” Sylvain hesitated. “If I leave now I can’t guarantee that Gautier will be safe.” 

“But if you leave now, you’ll be doing something to end the war, not just to stall it,” Linhardt answered bluntly. “Was this not the plan Sylvain? Was that not why Cas and I have been here the entire time? To wait until Claude made a move?” 

“It was.”

“Then what changed.” Linhardt spoke up, raising his voice. That alone made Sylvain tense. “We have not fought this war with you for this long only for us to be forced to fight against you Sylvain. Are you with Claude or are you with Faerghus?” 

That was a loaded question and Linhardt knew that. Sylvain five years ago would easily answer that he was with Claude, had been from the start. Faerghus had been something he was willing to sacrifice so easily, but now. Now he couldn’t just ignore the people of this kingdom, he couldn’t just chalk them off as a necessary sacrifice not now that he had governed this land for so long. Not now that he had fought so long to keep Faerghus safe from the empire. 

“I am not telling you to give up on Faerghus” Linhardt spoke up, his voice softer than before. “Was it not yours and Claude’s plan to get together and take back Fhirdiad, to ally the kingdom and alliance to fight against the empire?” 

It was. That had always been the plan. That was why he had tried to save Dimitri, why he had even come to Faerghus instead of staying by Claude’s side in the alliance. Faerghus was done for, but that didn’t mean they weren’t going to save it. Yes Dimitri was still gone, yes, leaving Gautier would leave Faerghus open to Sreng attacks, but it also meant that he could save this kingdom with the help of the alliance. He would destroy his lands for the sake of Fodland. This wouldn’t be the first time he would destroy something for the sake of saving others so why was he hesitating? 

_Felix_.

Sylvain chuckled as he rubbed his face with his hand, that’s right, Felix. That’s why he was hesitating. Felix and everyone else... they would never forgive him for turning his back on Faerghus and siding with Claude. They would think him a traitor and a liar, but that wouldn’t be new, he had been called worse. And in a way, he was fine being called that. He was fine because Claude was going to fix this, Claude promised him that he would fix this. 

But that was 5 years ago, it had been a long time since Claude had made him that promise. A long time since Sylvain had even heard anything from the man. He knew of course that he had become the leader of the alliance and that he had managed to make it so that the empire wasn’t focusing all that much of the alliance, all things they had planned. But a bitter part had slowly started to grow inside of Sylvain the past few years, the kingdom and the alliance were supposed to be allies, they were supposed to do this together. Yet Claude never sent any word to him. Yet Claude had stayed quiet and out of fighting, a cruel part of Sylvain even thought of the fact that Claude had probably never had to soil his hands with the blood of imperial soldiers. Why would he anyways? Faerghus had been the empire's personal punching bag these past 5 years after all. This war wasn’t affecting the alliance, at least not yet. 

Yes Faerghus was done for, only surviving by a thin margin these past few years, but anger settled in like a familiar friend inside of him — Faerghus could have been saved a long time ago. If Claude had backed up the kingdom, if Claude had been a true ally, then all of the men that have died in Faerghan land would have been able to live. It had been 5 years of Sylvain doing everything to try and keep Faerghus afloat for Claude to come and fix this with whatever he had been working on all these years and yet where was he? Five fucken years and Sylvain hadn’t even heard a single thing from the man. 

“If you want to go then leave. I’m not leaving Faerghus. Too much blood has been spilt for me to run away. If Claude still wants to follow the plan that we made then he can send a letter to me.” He said before looking up at the two men. “Until then, the only way that I’m leaving Gautier is in a casket.”

“You didn’t answer my question” Linhardt spoke, his jaw clenched and his hands balled into fists by his side. “Are you with Claude or are you-“

“Sylvain” Caspar spoke up, cutting off Linhardt. “I’m mad too you know. Mad that Claude hasn’t done shit to stop this war, I’m out there after all. I see all those people that die. Hear them all begging me to tell their wives and kids that they loved them with their last breaths. I’m mad too.” 

Caspar breathed in before walking forward, closing the distance between him and the redhead. “But as mad as I am at Claude for not helping, I know he’s our only chance to stop this. To make it so I don’t have to carry the weight of a dying man's wish on my shoulders anymore.” 

A shallow breath escaped Sylvains mouth as he looked down at his hands. When had they started shaking? When had he gotten that scar? They looked so worn down from the passage of time but he was only 25. Fuck. He was only 25. 

“I won’t stand here and say that I know how you feel, I don’t even want to begin to think about how it feels to be in the kind of position you’re in. The burden of the choices you have to make” Caspar continued. “But don’t you think it’s time? Time for someone else to do all the planning? For you to be given orders and only forced to follow them? You didn’t sign up for this Sylvain, you’re not a leader. You shouldn’t be forced to be one.” 

Caspar looked down at the redhead, concern in his eyes. Both him and Linhardt had been the only ones to see just how much all of this was affecting Sylvain. He wasn’t a leader and they didn’t mean that as an insult or to say that he didn’t have the qualities to be a good leader. No. When they said that, they meant that Sylvain didn’t have the heart to make tough decisions. He was too empathetic, too kind, despite how much Sylvain tried to hide those things it was clear to everyone around him. Being a leader was destroying the redhead and that was something Caspar couldn’t stand watching anymore. 

It was something even Sylvain had known for a long time. Because this had never been the plan, he was never supposed to be the guy that controlled Faerghus. That was supposed to be Dimitri and after that it was supposed to be Claude, not him. He was a war general and a strategist not a leader. He knew that and there were nights where he stayed up until the sun rose up where all he did was curse at Dimitri for vanishing. Curse at Claude for abandoning him. He wasn’t a leader and every night he begged to have one.

He didn’t want any of this anymore. He wanted to be able to breathe even if it was just for one day. 

“Claude” Sylvain whispered before looking up to Linhardt. “You asked me who I’m with… my loyalty is to Claude.” 

Immediately Caspar and Linhardt smiled at the red head. And Sylvain knew that he would still carry this anger towards Claude until he saw him. Knew that this decision would be one that would haunt him and hurt him until he could see the fruits of his labor. One that he would regret if things didn’t go according to plan. But it was a decision that needed to be made Sylvain realized. He had sworn his allegiance towards Claude many years ago, it was too late to back out of that now. Plus, he was all he had left. 

“Get General Alster” Sylvain spoke to Caspar, “the two of you can head over to Garreg Mach first, I have to make a stop before that.”

Linhardt smiled, “we’ll wait for you. If they really do show up in Garreg Mach, I’m sure they won't mind if we’re a day or two late.” 

Caspars excited hollering was enough to make Sylvain feel like he did the right thing. Watching the two men smile at him before heading out to prepare for the trip warmed his heart even if it felt like he was ripping to shreds at the thought of having to leave all of this behind. Obviously, he would have to go to Fraldarius and talk to Felix. A letter wouldn’t be enough for this, no. Sylvain loved him too much to leave with only a paper for an excuse. He would apologize obviously, an apology for leaving Faerghus, for leaving him. And he would make a promise to him, a promise to come back to him, to stay alive. It would hurt, it would hurt more than any wound he had suffered in the 5 years of this goddess forsaken war but it was fine Sylvain had to tell himself. This was all in order to create a world where he would finally be able to wake up with Felix by his side. A world where he could marry the man he loved and spend his life with him until they both died old and wrinkly. 

“We won't stay in Fraldarius for long” Sylvain spoke as he mounted Bergamont. “I just have to do this in person but we’ll head out afterwards.” 

“Hey I don’t mind, never been to Fraldarius so I’m just gonna sight see” Caspar smirked as Linhardt rolled his eyes. 

“As long as I get to eat somewhere comfortably I’m fine with that” Linhardt sighed. 

Sylvain could only chuckle before the three made their way to Fraldarius. It was only a few hours away and in retrospect Sylvain could have gone alone and then come back but Caspar and Linhardt insisted on going. He knew why of course, knew that they were worried he was about to get dumped by the man he loved because of this or worse. Get hurt by Felix’s words of anger, words that Sylvain expected and would gladly take. He was leaving him after all, it was only fair to suffer through getting pricked by Felix’s thorns. 

The conversation stayed to a minimum and thanks to Fraldarius terrain, they were able to sneak past the borders without encountering any Imperial soldiers. It didn’t take long until Sylvain saw the familiar estate of Fraldarius before him. Only then did he hesitate, pulling on the reins to slow down Bergamont. He didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to tell Felix that he was leaving him to fight alongside Claude. Not now that he finally had him. 

“I’ll go get him” Linhardt spoke up. “I’m sure it’ll be suspicious if the Margrave shows up unannounced after all.” 

Sylvain could only nod, looking away as Linhardt rode on ahead. Feeling Caspars hand on his, forcing the redhead to look up at the man. He was smiling, a small comfort in what he was supposed to do now. Small but so appreciated. He didn’t say anything of course, over the years Caspar had learned when to hold his tongue and when to voice his thoughts. He knew now that nothing he could say would calm the storm that was brewing inside of Sylvain’s mind and so he stayed there with the redhead. Nothing but a small comfort. 

It didn't take long until Sylvain saw a familiar splot of blue ahead of him, he wished it had taken longer. That it could have taken years before he had to do this, but as the blue got closer Sylvain realized that it wasn’t Felix that was coming to meet with him. With shaking hands he let go of his reins and climbed down his mount. Handing the reins over to Caspar and walking off into the woods, it was the only place he could be given any privacy after all. And he stood there, thinking over and over again as to what he could say to him. What he could say to explain that he was doing all of this for him, that this was all for them. He couldn’t figure out how to word that without it sounding like an excuse. 

“Sylvain?” The word alone punched the breathe out of him and Sylvain could only look up at the sky. It was going to rain soon, how poetic. 

“Glenn,” he whispered as he heard the man approaching him, only once he looked back down did he find himself looking at the man. “I was expecting Felix.”

“Sylvain?” Glenn asked, his face scrunching up into concern. A year had passed since they last saw each other, months since their last letters. He knew something had been wrong the minute Linhardt had walked up to the estate asking for Felix to speak to him privately. Knew something was wrong the minute his face fell when he told him he wasn’t here at the moment and that he would take a message. 

“I’m guessing he’s out on a mission” Sylvain breathed as he reached out to run his fingers through his head, trying to hide the way his hands had started shaking. 

“What’s wrong?” Glenn immediately asked, stepping closer to the man. Eyes searching his face for an answer to why he sounded so pained. 

“I have to leave Faerghus” Sylvain answered, he had never been good at keeping anything from Glenn after all. “I have to go.” 

Glenn brows pulled together, “Why?” 

“Claude” was all Sylvain could say as he watched the realization hit Glenn’s face. One word was all he spoke and yet Glenn suddenly understood why Sylvain was looking at him like that. Why Linhardt and Caspar had been outside waiting for him. 

“You don’t have to do this” Glenn whispered, his shoulders tensing when Sylvain immediately shook his head no. “We have news as to where Dimitri is, that’s where Felix is right now.” 

“It’s too late Glenn. Both you and I know even if you find Dimitri, he won't be able to save Faerghus anymore,” Sylvain whispered. 

“You don’t know that” Glenn answered bluntly, anger replacing the concern that he had felt for the man. “So what? You’re just going to turn your back on your country? Turn your back on Felix?!” 

“I’m doing this for Felix” Sylvain snapped back, his voice lowering to a growl. “Everything I do is for him, Glenn. Everything I have _ever_ fucken done is for him so don’t you fucken dare look at me and tell me that I’m turning my back on him.” 

“If you leave now you’ll be fighting against him,” Glenn answered, looking straight into Sylvain’s eyes. 

A shaky breath escaped Sylvain’s lips. “I know.” 

Glenn’s jaw tensed before he looked away from the red head, hands balled into white knuckled fists. Not even a week ago had he been there to hear Felix ask his dad for their mother’s old engagement ring. A surprise for Sylvain the next time Felix was going to go out to see him. Glenn let out a shaky breath, Felix was supposed to go see Sylvain today he realizes. He was supposed to but his father sent him out on the mission instead. Felix had even managed to get Annette to come down to Fraldarius so when he went to Gautier they could finally get married since Annette was the only one Felix knew he wanted to be there. They were supposed to finally live with each other and be together. 

“Be selfish for once in your goddamn life Sylvain. What do you want?” Sylvain immediately closed his eyes but Glenn launched forward to grab him by his shirt, shaking him until he opened them again. “What do you want!?” 

“For Felix to be safe.” 

Glenn's face contorted into pain as he looked away from the red head, dropping his hand and stepping away, “he’ll never forgive you for this” he whispered. Only then did Sylvain’s wall come crumbling down and he felt a lone tear trail down his cheek. His words ringing in the back of his mind. _‘Be selfish for once.’_

“I know, but he’ll be safe” he whispered. 

Sylvain didn’t even know how to be selfish, but he guessed that he was already doing that in the way that he walked away from Glenn without saying good bye. In the way that he grabbed the reins from Caspar and mounted his horse without saying a single word to his friends. He guessed that he was being selfish as he rode off without looking back at Fraldarius. 

He realized now why he hadn’t been selfish before. It wasn’t worth all this pain. 

They stopped at Gautier only to load up more supplies and to stop for lunch before they departed. Looking over to his estate one more time before riding off. Obviously he left all of his men with the orders to watch the place until he came back, they knew of course that it would be while and he could see the hesitation and fear in their eyes that their magrave was leaving but he guessed that there was something in his eyes that made them all trust him. Trust that he would be back with this war over and done with. They were all too good for him if he was being honest. 

Thankfully, the ride to Garreg Mach was without problems, as if the goddess herself was giving them mercy this one time. Not once were any of them forced to draw their weapons, being able to travel in peace. Thankfully Caspar kept up the good spirits since Sylvain hardly spoke throughout the journey. The silence only being filled by Caspar and Linhardt talking about random things they could come up with. But even in the silence, Caspar would turn to look at Sylvain and reach out to him, grab his hand. Sylvain couldn’t even be bothered to smile at the man, his face void of all emotions. Keeping his mind on the ride ahead and the work that needed to be done once he was with Claude. Anything to help him not focus on the fact that he was betraying his homeland by joining Claude. That he was betraying Felix. But things will be fine, they had to be. That’s what he told himself at least when he felt the tears streaming down his cheeks late at night. 

After four days of traveling, they finally spotted Garreg Mach, it was in as bad of a condition as Sylvain expected it to be if he was being honest. The walls crumbling and the ground beneath them covered in debris and overgrown weeds. It had been abandoned for the better part of five years, the only inhabitants were desperate people hoping to find anything valuable in the walls of the academy to sell. The imperial army had made a residence in the academy last Sylvain heard from his spies, however, judging by the alliance flags that now hung on it’s walls. Sylvain guessed that the empire no longer had a foot hold on this territory. 

“Guess we missed the reunion” Linhardt mused as he stifled a yawn. “Hopefully they don’t think we’re enemy spies or something.” 

“Highly doubt that” Sylvain chuckled dryly as they rode up to the monastery gates, stopping close enough to the guards that they could announce themselves, but far enough that they could ride off in case they were mistaken as the enemy. 

“We’re here to talk to Claude Von Reigan,” Sylvain announced. “Tell him that it’s Sylvain Gautier.” The guards immediately looked tense, Sylvain didn’t blame them, he was a Faerghus noble after all, but eventually one of the guards slipped away to hopefully go and grab Claude or whatever alliance noble was taking refuge in the walls of Garreg Mach (but Sylvain could safely bet Claude was here). 

“They’re taking forever,” Linhardt grunted. “I’m fucken tired.” 

“They just left Lin, give them a minute. Garreg Mach is huge after all” Caspar responded with a laugh. 

Linhardt simply sighed as they continued to wait. Caspar growing anxious by the second and squirming around in his seat, Sylvain didn’t blame him. Part of him was growing more and more anxious about being rejected but he had to keep his face neutral, goddess knows how quickly Caspar would panic if he knew just how high the probability of being turned away was. At least Linhardt looked like he was preparing himself to be turned away, Sylvain liked that about the man. Always expecting the worst to happen. 

The worst did not come if the opening of the gates were any clue to that. Instead of being rejected Sylvain was greeted to the sight of a familiar yellow cape and professor approaching them. Followed by faces that had grown more mature over the course of the five years, immediately Caspar sighed in relief and Sylvain was able to plaster on his signature friendly smile as they got close enough that Sylvain would be able to talk to them. 

“It seems that we’re late” Sylvain spoke and instantly Claude’s laughter filled the space between them. 

“Just by a day” Claude responded as they all stood in front of them, a safe distance still between them. That was expected of course, there was a high ranking Faerghan nobles and two ex-empire nobles in front of them after all. 

“Professor” Caspar exclaimed happily. “I’m so happy to see you!” 

The professor immediately smiled before walking forward, bridging the gap between them and breaking the tense air. Caspar immediately jumped off his horse to greet the professor and Linhardt sighed as he did the same. Sylvain could only smile before climbing down, staying further away from the nice little reunion. 

“I am glad to see you are all okay” the professor spoke, looking over to Sylvain and catching him in a piercing gaze. Sylvain immediately hated that and quickly looked away towards Claude who was approaching him. 

“Missed you Syl” Claude smiled before reaching out and hugging the redhead. 

“Missed you too” Sylvain mumbled before pulling away. “Really missed not hearing from you at all these past 5 years.” 

Claude immediately flinched before chuckling nervously, “that’s fair. That’s more than fair.” He spoke before looking him up and down. “I’m surprised it’s just you guys.”

“Yeah, well, you forget how loyal Faerghan’s usually are” Sylvain answered bluntly. “But sacrifices need to be made for war isn't that right?”

Claude's eyes immediately shifted down, his expression saddened and pained for just a fraction of a second before he turned over to Sylvain. “I know but I wish you wouldn’t have been forced to do that.” 

“Yeah well life's a bitch what can I say, just know that you’re cleaning up the mess in Faerghus I’m fucken beat” Sylvain sighed as he crossed his arms behind his head. “Take it from here oh faithful leader.” 

Claude laughed, “well I’m sure you’ll catch me up on everything soon enough. Anyways come on, I’m sure you’re all tired.” 

“Yes I can go for a nice nap” Linhardt replied as they all walked forward to greet the rest of the golden deer. They had all changed in their own ways (Lorenz was the biggest fucken shock to Sylvain because oh wow he’s hot now) but apart from that Sylvain kept to himself. He had only known these people as a dog so it’s not like they knew much about him or him about them plus he wasn’t in the best...mood... But he was polite and said his hellos, made a comment here and there. Basically stood there as eye candy while Caspar and Linhardt got reacquainted with everyone. 

Either way, Sylvain quickly found himself being able to joke around with them and join them in the festivities of having everyone back and fully reunited. Still, he obviously kept himself close to Caspar and Linhardt, Claude being too busy with the other matters to humor him at the moment. It was during this time that Sylvain was able to talk with Petra since she also felt more at ease with other ex black eagles members. She was nice, and obviously pretty, had Sylvain been in a better mood he might have humored that fact but given the fact that he was trying to drown himself in alcohol as discreetly as he could, he would leave that for later. She mainly talked with Caspar but even still she had been curious about Sylvain for a while apparently and so she did not hold back in her curiosity. Mainly it stemmed from her not knowing anything about Faerghus or Sreng and so most questions were about that. She had especially gotten terrified when Caspar explained to her that during winter in Gautier you couldn’t be outside for longer than 15 minutes before you started showing symptoms of hypothermia. That had been fun to explain to her. 

“You cannot pay me enough money to spend winter in Faerghus” Claude’s voice spoke up as Caspar was retelling the first time Linhardt had accidentally locked himself outside of the Gautier estate during winter in search of a good napping place (one of many times…). 

“It’s not that bad,” Sylvain answered as he took another drink. 

“It is sounding very bad to me” Petra spoke up, her eyes concerned about everything she was hearing, making Sylvain laugh. 

“But hey, sorry to interrupt, but I’m hoping to kidnap this one for the rest of the night” Claude spoke as he slung his arm across Sylvain’s shoulders. 

“Go right ahead, I’ve had enough of him for the past five years,” Linhardt yawned. 

“Wow rude” Sylvain gasped but still stood up from his spot. “You love me and you know it” Sylvain winked before walking out of the dinning hall, the monastery obviously in an absolutely shitty state but at least it was good enough for them all to call it their base of operation apparently. 

“You look good, didn’t get to tell you that before” Claude spoke as the two walked over to the pier, sitting down. Sylvain already pulling off his boots to let his feet in the water. 

“Same goes to you, love the beard” Syvlain smirked as he unceremoniously threw his boots behind him and kicked the water with his toes. 

Claude chuckled as he joined Sylvain, “Thanks, Hilda _hates_ it. Says I look like her brother now.” 

“I don’t doubt that” Sylvan chuckled before looking out into the pond. He never had gotten to be here as a student but even then he felt sad to see the state of the monastery. The couple of months that he had spent here had been good for him and fun so seeing that this was nothing more than rubble hurt. He didn’t even have the heart to go look at the greenhouse, he could see the collapsed roof and walls. He was sure it looked even worse on the inside. 

“I’m glad you’re here,” Claude whispered in Almaryn. “I was worried you wouldn’t come. Wouldn’t have blamed you if you hadn’t honestly.” 

That made Sylvain laugh before replying in the foreing tongue, he had a heavy accent and in his time away from Claude his vocabulary suffered but he still practiced in secret so he hadn’t forgotten the words. “I almost didn’t. Really pissed off at you.” 

“I know, and I’m sorry… I’m sorry you had to leave” Claude whispered before sighing and speaking in Fodland. “Heard the great Margrave Gautier had his hands full with Sreng.” 

“I couldn’t even breath if I wanted to,” Sylvain groaned as he rested his chin on the palm of his hand. “I was thrusted into that shit without warning too. Haven't had a chance to myself in years.” 

“I’m sure, I’ve heard Faerghus is pretty bad,” Claude responded. “Sorry I couldn’t send people out there to help.” 

“I’ll forgive you for that eventually,” Sylvain admitted. “I heard the alliance lords haven’t been the kindest to you after all” Sylvain smirked as Claude groaned. 

“It’s been hell honestly” Claude mumbled. “I’ve tried just about everything to unit them but they still refuse to see my way of thinking.”

“Yeah I’m sure” Sylvain sighed. 

The two stayed quiet for a couple of seconds before Claude shifted in his place, “Dimitri-”

“He’s alive,” Sylvain answered immediately. “He escaped Fhirdiad before the execution thanks to Dedue and Glenn. He’s missing, though I have my guesses as to where he is.” 

Claude stayed quiet, his eyes unfocused on the night sky in front of them. Sylvain knew that there were a thousand other things running through Claude’s mind. Knew that despite everything, Claude cared for Dimitri — had more than he would admit to anyone. The news of his execution must have broken something inside of him but at least now Sylvain hoped that knowing he was alive, it would help mend that tear if only a little.

“I’m glad” Claude whispered before turning to look at Sylvain. “Tomorrow you can catch me up on everything about Faerghus, I promised you that I would make Fodland better, and I promise you now that I’ll save the kingdom. You have my word.” 

“You better” Sylvain whispered, “that’s why I’m here after all. But I do have sad news, I don’t have much of anything on my side. Really have been getting my ass handed to me repeatedly by the empire.” 

Claude chuckled, “haven't we all? But that’s fine, like I said, tomorrow we can talk about that.” 

“Oh and here I thought you were kidnapping me for the rest of the night” Sylvain lifted his eyebrow. 

Claude smiled shyly at Sylvain, a hint of remorse in his eyes. “Well I kind of need you to do something for me.” 

That immediately made Sylvain laugh loudly, before turning to the man with a smirk. “Not even a full day and you need me. Wow, Khalid, you tyrant.” 

Claude rolled his eyes, “I got reports from Seteth that imperial spies had been making a camp near Garreg Mach for some time. I managed to clear out the area but both you and I know that our dear Hubert had a lot more than just spies in there. Wouldn’t be shocked if he had a couple of things hidden here and there.” 

Sylvain sighed, “and why must I be the one to take care of that, isn’t Lysithea a master mage?” Sylvain asked though at this point it was more to be annoying towards Claude, he knew why. He was the only one that knew how to dismantle Huberts sigils and figure out how to even get any hidden information out of Hubert’s stuff (if there were any to begin with). Still, Sylvain was lazy and he had just gotten here today. He wanted a nap, he learned too much from Linhardt these past few years. 

“You know why” Claude sighed. “I promise that I wouldn’t be asking this from you unless I was sure that there really was a reason for you to go. I can’t have Hubert coming here to personally pay us a visit either and something tells me that if he finds out you’re here, he might think twice about coming here to retrieve whatever he left behind. You don’t know it, but he’s as weary of you as he is of me, if not more.” 

“I know I know I’m just messing with you,” Sylvain sighed as he stood up and put his boots back on. “Hubert only hates me because he taught me too much, he knows he fucked up in that regard.” 

“Obviously” Claude laughed, “but apart from that I don’t want to drag the others into this kind of… business.” 

“Oh I’m sure” Sylvain chuckled. “You owe me one though, and I better get the nicest room in Garreg Mach for this.” 

“I’ll do you one better, I’ll have a surprise just for you once you finish up with this” Claude chuckled as he stood up. 

“Well then lead the way” Sylvain bowed dramatically and laughed at the snort that came out of Claude. Luckily for Sylvain the spy hideout Hubert had made was right by Garreg Mach and so he and Claude could easily walk there without getting fatigued or needing to grab their mounts. It was late enough too that no one really noticed them sneaking out to do this which Sylvain guessed was why Claude had waited so long to get him to deal with this. 

Thankfully, Claude didn’t ask many questions when Sylvain suddenly lowered himself to the floor and started muttering incantations. Definitely had to hold his tongue when Sylvain cut a slit into his hand and used his blood to break the entrance sigil. But his eyes never drifted away from Sylvain, taking into account every little thing that the man was doing, memorizing the words that slipped out of his mouth. A silent bystander to the things Sylvain was doing to make sure he didn’t accidentally trigger one of Hubert’s multiple traps. Eventually, after what must have been an hour, Sylvain had disarmed every single sigil in the hideout. 

After that Sylvain could actually get to work in figuring out if there was anything worth noting in the hideout. It was meticulous and time consuming and after an hour of that Claude eventually said his goodnight and left him alone to take care of this. It was weirdly fun however, it had been a while since Sylvain had a ‘puzzle’ to figure out and he always had loved Hubert’s puzzles. Unsurprisingly, there wasn’t much information to be gathered from this hideout, or at least that’s what it looked like at first glance but after four hours of analyzing every text Sylvain found himself staring down at a journal that had Hubert’s handwriting, it was encrypted obviously so Sylvain had no clue what the words that were written actually meant but there were a lot of sketches and sigils drawn out that tied the journal to things concerning the Rhea. Didn’t take long for Sylvain to realize that this journal held most of Hubert’s research about Seiros and the church’s past. The five hours Sylvain had spent suddenly became worth it in his eyes. 

After that, Sylvain didn’t really care that he didn’t find much else. Yeah he found some information about imperial troop supplies that were stashed away in Garreg Mach and about some secret passageways hidden throughout the monastery that they would definitely have to close off but for the most part, the journal was the only thing that mattered in his eyes. And that led Sylvain to the thing that he had been the most excited for, Claude said to make it so Hubert knew he was there. Gave him total control of what to do about this hide out and so Sylvain being a master of being a little shit, decided to activate one of Huberts sigils that would warp an item over to Hubert’s own personal quarters and send a nice bag of Bergamot tea to him. The message would come loud and clear to him after all, and Sylvain was childish enough to do something like that. All that was left for Sylvain to do was to set up his own protection and warding sigils around the hideout and lock it up for the day. He would let Claude decide whether or not they should destroy it after all. 

Sylvain yawned as he walked back to the monastery, journal in hand. The sun was already up and judging by its position, Sylvain guessed that he had missed breakfast. But he didn’t really care about that, all he wanted was to find Claude, give him the rundown of what he found and then take a fat nap. Luckily for him the minute he stepped into the monastery he could hear the one and only Claude. Sylvain sighed before turning the corner finding both Claude and the professor walking down the courtyard, deep in conversation. From what Sylvain heard the professor had been asleep this entire time which Linhardt envied viciously, but that meant they weren’t up to date with everything. He guessed that the professor was still reeling over everything despite the calm and composed face they were putting on.

“Claude” Sylvain called out as he walked up to them, the two stopping and turning over to him. 

“You’re covered in ink, Sylvain,” Claude chuckled. 

“Happens” Sylvain shrugged before looking over to the professor and back to Claude with a questioning look. 

“They can know about this,” Claude answered immediately and the professor simply nodded at that. 

“Found simple things” Sylvain shrugged as he started his report. “Secret passageways that need to be blocked off, supplies stashed away, you know the usual. Only thing worth noting is this” he spoke as he lifted the journal up for Claude to view. The man immediately snatched it up and flipping through it his brows furrowing. 

“It’s coded” Claude grunted. 

“Won’t be hard to decipher it” Sylvain shrugged as he crossed his arms behind his head. 

“That symbol. This is tied to Rhea” The professor spoke softly. 

“That’s what I’m guessing too,” Sylvain answered. 

“Well then for now this stays between the three of us, wouldn’t want Seteth to find out about this” Claude spoke as he handed the journal back to Sylvain. “I’m sure you’ll be able to figure this out.” 

“Yeah i guess” Sylvain spoke as he stifled a yawn. “Don’t expect too much from me though.” 

Claude immediately rolled his eyes, “uhuh sure, anyways how tired are you? Tired like you’re going to pass out right now or-“

“Get me coffee and I’ll be functional” Sylvain answered immediately before smiling. “Not the first time I work through the night.” 

Claude simply shook his head as the three walked away towards one of the empty offices in the monastery. According to Claude it had been Jeralt’s back in the academy days which, as Claude whispered to him, was why the professor looked so at ease in it. But it had a door with a heavy lock and walls thick enough that no one could eavesdrop so the three settled down to actually talk about everything before they would inevitably hold their first war council with the rest of the deer. Thankfully for Sylvain, the professor was a man of many wonders because coffee was magically in front of him and he was able to power through his exhaustion and tell Claude and Byleth about the actual condition that Faerghus was in. 

The more he spoke the more he saw the concern cover Claude’s face which was understandable in hindsight. Faerghus was in every kind of way, done for. No way to salvage that shit show but Sylvain was going to force Claude to keep his word about saving it either way. The professor also seemed very adamant about doing everything to make sure that the kingdom would be saved, going as far as to even say that they didn’t want to lose any more students to this war. Sylvain forgot that Byleth was actually a genuinely good person for a second if he was being honest with himself. Still, the report wasn’t giving anyone any good news and the only good things that Sylvain could offer were from the things he had gathered through his spy network that he had infiltrated into empire lands. That instantly got Claude to perk up and three hours later Claude had managed to get most of everything that Sylvain knew out of him, everything was broad and summarized of course but it was good enough for the man to know what to do next. 

Thankfully, Byleth decided to show Sylvain mercy then and say that this would be enough for today and that he could go to sleep now. A quick thanks and another chug of coffee later, Sylvain was walking up the stairs of the dormitory with a key in hand. Claude had apparently found an empty room in the hallway that had never been used by anyone during the academy years so it was, as he said, meant for him. But as he walked towards it he stopped short, right in front of Felix’s old room. The door was broken and all Sylvain had to do was climb over some derby to get inside. Whoever had been here had properly raided the room of anything valuable and made a mess of the entire thing. What once had been so familiar to Sylvain, had been so closely tied to Felix, now looked like nothing but chaos. All Sylvain could do was walk over to the old mattress and sit down, looking around at the bones of what was once Felix’s place of comfort. Five years ago he slept with Felix in this bed. 

Five years ago in this bed Felix asked him to stay with him — Sylvain hadn’t even noticed he had been crying until he felt water droplets hit his hand. He was quiet of course, it had been a long time since he had yelled or screamed when he cried. All he did now was let silent tears stream down his face as broken sobs left him. Only being able to curl forward and hide his face in his hands as he let the weight of everything come crashing down on him. Five years ago Felix asked him to stay with him. 

Yet Sylvain left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, pointing at the _angst with a happy ending_ tag: didn’t forget about you mother fucker, I’m coming for your bitch ass


	22. Pino

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Battle at Ailell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so uh sorry about the fact that this chapter is kind of... off?? Kind of. So initially this chapter and the next one was going to be one behemoth of a chapter but I decided to split it instead and so because of that this chapter is feeling a lil bland so I’m sorry about that but it just felt right to split it instead of keeping it together. Also I finally know how many chapters i should be having for this fic before it’s fully finished! It might change if I have to decide to split a chapter like i did for this one but yeah! About 30 or so chapters so we’re almost there folks!

The days pass by in a repetitive motion after the first day. Time flowing despite the turmoil inside of Sylvain’s mind and heart. But this was war, war does not stop simply because one man did not hold on to the things he cherished tight enough to not lose them in the whirlwind of chaos. There were battles to be fought and people to kill similar to the battles lost and the people that were buried. War did not care about one’s mental standing or whether or not they were holding on. War only cared for blood. 

It was not uncommon for Sylvain to walk down the halls of Garreg Mach with a light buzz in the back of his head and that night's cheapest liquor in his hand. To everyone it was just healthy drinking, a way to spend some time outside of the war and with friends. Nothing more than just a way to have fun in their eyes. There were a few exceptions of course, Linhardt's careful eyes quickly picked up on Sylvains habit. And after one night of running into Byleth after having sported 2 bottles, they also kept a watchful eye on him. But to everyone else, Sylvain was just having fun. He was drinking to lighten the mood instead of the truth which was that he drank to forget. 

Like clockwork he would go out and come back with wobbly tumbling legs, unable to even keep himself upright as he climbed up the stairs of the dormitory and into the walls of his room. Or what should be his room, a nasty habit of his had been created since the first night in Garreg Mach. Felix’s old room now his eternal coffin where he laid until morning drinking away the pain and letting silent tears free just until the sun came up. Come the next morning he would wipe away the hurt and walk back into his own room, burying down everything from the night before and starting all over again. 

And just like every night before, Sylvain was completely unsurprised that he woke up to the familiar pain coming from his shoulder before the sun was even fully out. Most days he would be able to ignore that old injury, only really paying mind to it when it was getting cold or it was about to rain. But leave it to his constant bad luck to make it so that the pain was more excruciating now that he was in Garreg Mach, the chance of climate and altitude a recipe for agony. Groaning loudly he stood up making his way out of the torn down room and into the one that had actually been meant for him, sitting on the bed and grabbing his bag to search through his stuff. Linhardt had so graciously figured out a salve that helped for these certain occasions after the fiftieth time that Sylvain had asked the healer to use his magic to make the pain lessen on his shoulder. Only downside to the salve was was that it always managed to make Sylvain drowsy enough that he would definitely be knocking out until lunch time and that’s if someone woke him up. He figured that he was allowed a nice long nap and spread the medicine over his shoulder, only taking 15 minutes before he was knocked out completely. 

And he would like to say that he slept peacefully, though it was mainly because he didn’t dream at all and when he woke up he felt like he hadn’t been dragged through rubble. However, he could not say the same as to how he had been woken up, judging by the sun that was rising in his window, he was actually shocked that he was already being woken up so early but then again, war never let you sleep in. Sylvain could only yawn as he blinked away the fatigue and tried to zero in on the yelling that had woken him. He could hear Claude’s voice though so he guessed it was probably just an argument? Or maybe excitement, Sylvain wasn’t sure. Either way not his business, Sylvain thought as he allowed himself to lay back down and close his eyes. His yawn being cut short when he startled as his bedroom door was slammed opened. 

“Sylvain council room now” Claude spoke as he rummaged through the redheads' stuff to help him get dressed. 

“Fuck why” Sylvain mumbled 

“Things have come up,” Claude explained to him as he threw the man clothes. “You’ll figure it out when I make the announcement, for now, get dressed.” 

With that the man ran out of his room as quickly as he had barged in and Sylvain was way too groggy to really think much about what he had said. Grumbling quietly as he dressed himself in his usual attire and making sure to at least not look like he had cried himself to sleep the night before (he had but nobody needed to know _that_ ). After some more fixing, Sylvian could say that he at least looked fuckable in certain angles and made his way to the council room. Running into Petra and Leonie on the way and having a small conversation until they walked into the room and took their spots, Sylvain sitting right next to Caspar with Seteth in front of him. 

“Everyone here” Claude asked as the room doors were closed and locked. The man looked around the room, everyone glaring at him for having woken them up so early in the morning without a heads up the night before. 

“Claude you better have a good reason for cutting my beauty sleep short” Hilda groaned as she stifled a yawn. 

“I do!” Claude chuckled as he sat down and spared a glance towards Byleth before clearing his throat. “I have two set of good news.” 

Leonie shifted, “And what exactly is the good news?” 

Claude smirked, “I got word from the hero of Daphnel, she wishes to side with us in our efforts to fight off the empire. And is asking for us to join up with them in Ailell.” 

“Lady Daphnel will join us” Lorenz asked, clearly shocked by the news. “I’m sure that will cause some kind of unrest among nobles in the alliance..” 

“Yes that’s why she’s meeting us outside of Alliance territory so that the round table nobles don’t find out about her joining our cause though I doubt they’ll be against fighting the empire once we prove to them that we have the capability to defeat Edelgard,” Claude explained. 

“I am assuming that she will bring men and supplies” Lysithea spoke, to which Byleth quickly nodded. 

“Yes from the letters she has sent me, it is not a great deal of men but enough that it will swing us towards the right direction” Claude added. 

“Since we are on the topic of men” Lorenz spoke up once more before looking over to Sylvain. “Will your men also be joining us?” 

Sylvain shifted, a careful crafted smile on his face, “Yes and no, at the moment my men are fighting off Sreng forces that threaten to invade Gautier which means that I currently won’t be stationing them outside of Gautier. However, if we are low on men, I am willing to sacrifice my territory for this war.” Lorenz immediately nodded, his face kind and generous at the honesty that Sylvain demonstrated and the loyalty to their cause. 

“What is the second form of good news?” Hilda asked as she leaned forward. 

“I have begun talks with the rebel forces in Faerghus, thanks to Sylvain’s involvement over the years it has been going smoothly enough. At the moment they are still not willing to side with us completely since they are preoccupied with protecting Faerghus and trying to reclaim the capital. But I have scheduled a meeting with Duke Fraldarius to talk about future plans.” 

Sylvain perked up, his heart lurching forward at the mention of Fraldarius. He smiled, willing his voice to stay even despite the anxiety he was feeling at the moment. “A meeting?” 

Claude smiled, “at the moment I’m still working things out but I’ll let you all know once it’s been decided.” 

Sylvain breathed out, his chest tightening. This was good, this was _more_ than good. This meant that Claude and his plans from 5 years ago were coming to fruition. The minute the kingdom agreed to join them, Edelgard will have no choice but to surrender to them. Granted, this still caused Sylvain to feel short breathed, he hadn’t forgotten Glenn’s words to him the day he left Faerghus. Hadn’t forgotten the fact that he had chosen the alliance over the kingdom. They would be allies yes, but that didn’t hide the fact that Sylvain was still a traitor in their eyes. 

Claude continued, “I was hoping to meet Duke Fraldarius alongside his men in Ailell, to keep our alliance a secret and give ourselves more time to prepare. This way we can join up with two forces right away and not be side tracked with having to travel to Faerghus a second time. However, I have yet to hear his response to that offer.” 

“As for the kingdom army” Seteth spoke up, looking directly at Sylvain. “What exactly can they offer, I am sure that without a leader it has been very hard for the rebel forces to stay intact. Not to discredit the support of the kingdom army, we need the men and supplies afterall, I am merely trying to gauge how much this will move the tide to our favor.” 

Sylvain opened his mouth to answer but Byleth quickly stepped up, “the kingdom army has information regarding Lady Rhea.” 

“What” Seteth asked, his eyes widening as the rest of the room shifted around their seats. All now clearly intrigued by what else Byleth could be elaborating on. On his side Sylvain was also leaning forward and eyeing the professor warily. Last he knew, the kingdom had jack shit about Rhea and was actually in complete shambles without Dimitri. Rodrigue and him were the only reason why Faerghus hadn’t gone up in smoke these past 5 years. No one in Faerghus had the time or the resources to look for Rhea or any information on her. 

“The kingdom army came into possession of a journal that depicts information about Rhea and we think it might even give us answers as to where she could be,” Claude added and suddenly everything slotted together in Sylvains mind. He could only smirk at Claude and Byleth for pulling this shit. It took balls and honestly he was kind of proud that Byleth had it in them to lie to Seteth to his face like that. Then again Sylvain was from Faerghus so he figured that they hadn’t technically lied. 

“When are we heading to Ailell” Seteth immediately asked, his demeanor drastically different than before. More desperate and anxious to finally get news of Rhea’s whereabouts. 

“The end of this month” Claude smiled, “So for the remaining days until then we’re all going to prepare for our journey to Ailell, it should be a secret and we shouldn’t run into any problems but just in case I want you all to be ready to head out to battle if the worse case scenario happens. Byleth will be meeting with every single one of you throughout the month to try and gauge where your skill level is at now after all of these years.” 

“Will we be doing anything else apart from that?” Caspar asked. 

“There are smaller missions that I will be taking on throughout the month however it is strictly optional if you wish to join me since I know a lot of you will have a lot on your plate this month” Byleth spoke as they snuck a glance towards Sylvain. 

“What about battle preparations for this mission?” Linhardt asked. 

“I will personally take care of that alongside Byleth” Claude answered. “I will also be having Sylvain help me since we will be meeting in Faerghus territory that neither Byleth or I are familiar with. That and he can give us insight as to what to expect from the empire forces that are stationed in the kingdom since he has been the one dealing with them all these years.” 

“Is there a chance for the Kingdom to use this against us?” Lysithea asked. “Like them telling the empire about our meeting?”

“No” Sylvain answered immediately. “Even if Duke Fraldarius did not wish to ally himself with us, Fraldarius men are too prideful to do something as underhanded as selling someone out. They would just attack us right out and no — before you say that this is war and that that could be different I would like to point out the fact that Duke Fraldarius has no way to benefit from going against us at the moment and helping out the empire. Edelgard took our capital and attempted to execute our king. No Faerghan will give up the chance to cut her head off or at least make her life a little bit more unbearable.” 

“Even you?” Leonie asked. 

Sylvain chuckled lightly as he leaned back on his chair. “Especially me.” 

“Edelgard waged war not just against the church and the alliance but also Faerghus, even if Duke Fraldarius doesn't have good intentions the enemy of my enemy is my friend” Claude smiled as the people in the room slowly nodded, anyone else that had any concerns keeping them to themselves for the time being. “Okay well then you’re all dismissed. I’ll meet up with all of you throughout the month to check on things and hear any complaints you might have” Claude smiled as he looked directly at Lorenz who could only scoff and roll his eyes at the man. 

“Well I’m starving” Raphael laughed before being the first to stand up and walk out, Ignatz and Leonie following behind him. 

Sylvain sighed as he stood up, stretching his arms up as his mind started wrapping around the probability of having the alliance and kingdom armies allied with one another. There was still a long way to go but if the kingdom accepted Claude’s offers, Sylvain was sure that they would win this war. The three forces joining up together will overpower Edelgards reign, he was sure of it. 

“Sylvain stay a bit yeah” Claude smiled as the room slowly emptied out, Sylvain shrugged as he sat back down, waiting for Lorenz to finish saying whatever he was saying to Claude (alliance problems probably). And eventually the room finally was empty except for Byleth, Claude, and him. The professor walked to the side to fetch a tea kettle and cups, preparing tea for them to drink while they probably had a very long and extensive conversation, Sylvain guessed. 

“When did you start talking to Rodrigue?” Sylvain asked. 

“Last week I sent a messenger, if I’m honest I wasn’t expecting him to reply so quickly,” Claude smiled as Byleth sat down, handing out teacups to each one of them. 

“Yeah honestly I get that, then again he’s not an idiot. He knows where Faerghus stands right now and if you promise him that the kingdom will stand strong and complete by the end of this he won’t hesitate to work together with you.” Sylvain explained as he dropped two sugar cubes into his tea. 

“I guess that’s something for you to talk to him about once we meet up with him since Rodrigue specifically asked for you to be present for that exchange in the letter” Claude explained as he took a sip of his tea. 

“Asked for me” Sylvain cocked his head to the side. 

Byleth nodded as Claude took another sip before placing the cup down and sighing. “There were certain...requirements that he wanted us to meet in order for us to even talk to him much less get into an alliance with him.” 

There was something in the way he was wording it that rubbed Sylvain the wrong way. “What requirements?” He asked hesitantly, his voice slow and spaced out. 

“One of the requirements is that once we clear out a path, we will help them take back Fhirdiad” Byleth explained to which Sylvain simply nodded, he could’ve guessed that much. “Another is that they will be the ones to take Edelgard’s head.” Sylvain nodded at that too, all reasonable and expected requests.

“The last major request is that they want us to hand you over,” Claude spoke. 

“I- hold on” Sylvain mumbled as he frowned. He knew the implication of that request. He wasn’t an idiot that would mistake this as just a simple ‘we want our friend back!’. No. This meant that once the alliance was over, once the alliance or the kingdom army decided they were through with being friendly with one another — Sylvain would fight under the Faerghus flag. Rodrigue wasn’t asking just for Sylvain to be with them, he was asking for Sylvain to pledge his allegiance towards Dimitri instead of Claude. That if it came down to it, Sylvain was expected to kill Claude. 

“I know” Claude sighed as he took another sip of his tea. 

“I do not think that the kingdom will fight against the alliance” Byleth spoke up. “I believe they simply want you on their side because you have been on their side the past 5 years. It is more out of comfort than an actual threat to us. That and as a Magrave, you are a high level member of the political climate in the kingdom.” 

“Yeah you’re right” Sylvain mumbled as he scratched the back of his neck. That and he could guess why exactly _that_ had been a demand. Rodrigue liked him but not that much. No. There was only one Fraldarius that was brazen enough to demand something like that and risk an alliance if it wasn’t met. A stubborn Fraldarius that was willing to wage war to get back the things his little brother lost. “What did you tell them?” 

Claude stayed quiet for a couple of seconds, his eyes casted downwards as the grip on his teacup tightened only slightly. Enough for Sylvain to already know the answer to that question. Enough to know everything. Sylvain sighed, “When we meet them will we just be talking to them or can we expect for them to come back to Garreg Mach with us?” He asked instead, giving Claude a way out of the awkward conversation of practically selling his friend out in order to win the war. Sylvain didn’t fault him of course, he would do the same too if he had been in his spot. 

“They’ll come with us to Garreg Mach but only until we take back Fhirdiad, but things might change if they end up finding Dimitri. Rodrigue says he will speak more about it once we meet up with him but for now that’s the plan. We’ll wing it after that” Claude smiled. 

“Yeah guess winging it hasn’t failed us yet” Sylvain smiled as the two started questioning Sylvain as to what to expect with Rodrigue and how to properly handle him. It took a lot longer than Sylvain could’ve ever guessed and their time only grew once Claude asked about Hubert’s journal, making it pretty clear that Sylvain would have to have something about it to keep their lie told to Seteth a little truthful. He could manage that he said despite the fact that that night when he walked into his room he knew that he hadn’t even figured out the first ten pages much less any of the actual worthwhile pages. 

Thankfully no one really bothered him throughout the rest of the month, of course he would attend all the meetings and accept any request for dinners or training that any of them asked from him but for the most part he stayed to himself as he tried to figure out the journal. Only taking a break to ride Bergamont around Garreg Mach to keep the horse fit and entertained. Sometimes Leonie or Caspar would join him on those rides but usually Sylvain took them at such odd times that he was alone. It was fine, he used that time to try and think back on all the lessons Hubert had given him about breaking codes. Eventually he managed to translate the first 20 pages by the last week of the month, but by then at least he had figured out that this journal _was_ about what Rhea was and the powers she had. At least he thought, it would be enough to placate Seteth for now. 

Taking the last few days of the month to actually get out of his room and mingle with the others. Finally accepting Lorenz’s request for tea with him only for the two of them to argue with each other only 30 minutes in… Sylvain should’ve known that was coming, Claude had warned him after all. Still, Lorenz and him quickly agreed to disagree and Sylvain went on his merry way. Spending some time with Linhardt and Caspar, then training with Petra. Drinking tea and gossiping with Hilda and Marianne. It was nice to catch up with them all and know what kind of people they were. Of course a lot of times the conversations weren’t all too meaningful (except with Caspar and Linhardt), but Sylvain wasn’t really shocked by that. He was new to them after all. Still it certainly helped him from not going out into town and drinking himself to sleep every night, certainly made it hard for him to keep doing that when Linhardt told whatever the fuck he did to Caspar who was suddenly very willing to hang out with Sylvain every night and practically tuck him into bed to make sure he wasn’t out ruining his life. It was nice but also didn’t really help his mood or guilt but he figured nothing could help that. 

“The journey will only take at most 2 days” Claude spoke as all of them gathered around the entrance of Garreg Mach, all suited up and ready to head out. “Once we get there we’ll immediately leave so that means that we’ll be back in four days. Since it’s just to meet up we’re not taking that many things or people with us. Only the Professor, Seteth, and I will have battalions. The rest stay in groups of at least two or three. Byleth already talked to you about where she wants you stationed and what group you’re with. Any questions?” 

“Yeah do I need my dad to sign my permission slip to go on this field trip or can we just head out already” Sylvain joked and that earned him a few chuckles from the crowd and for Claude to roll his eyes at him. 

“If you guys have nothing then lets move out” Claude smiled as everyone with a steed got on their mounts. 

Bergamont in true Bergamont fashion, stuck out like a sore thumb and really just proved to Sylvain that he was indeed a behemoth of a horse. He would never admit it out loud since he had just about fought with everyone and told them that he was just big because he was a war horse but now as he was next to both Leonie and Lorenz who had horses and Flayn’s Pegasus, it was getting hard to justify that. Especially when Claude’s and Seteth’s wyverns were there to prove that yeah they were bigger than the stallion but holy shit not by that much. 

“Just like good old times huh” Caspar spoke as they all walked forward, both him and Linhardt had been grouped up with Sylvain for obvious reasons that weren’t shocking to him at all. The three had spent the better part of 5 years fighting side by side with each other, if anyone was compatible with Sylvain’s fighting it was those two (and Felix but that was a wound Sylvain was not going to pick at today). 

“Do me a favor, Sylvain” Linhardt yawned. 

“What” Sylvain lifted his eyebrow, it was rare for Linhardt to ask much from him so he was pleasantly curious as to what it could be. 

“Scoot over” Linhardt spoke before unceremoniously climbing Bergamont and sat behind Sylvain, immediately resting his face on the redhead’s back. “Wake me up when we get there.” 

Caspar and him could only laugh at the man, because they should’ve known he wouldn’t want to march the way everyone else was. The rest of the journey was uneventful, time filled out with Caspar and Sylvain talking about whatever came to mind. That was one thing he loved the most about his blue haired friend, he could talk about anything with him and have the conversation _last_. The two had once spent a whopping 6 hours talking about boots. Boots! It was great, as someone that didn’t know how to shut the hell up, Sylvain loved that about his friend. 

Thankfully the journey to Ailell was without any problems, only one being that Hilda’s cot had gotten torn and wet during the journey and like the gentleman that Sylvain was, he offered her his. She gladly took it and Sylvain felt no remorse when he walked into Claude’s tent that night and laid on top of the man. Successfully smothering the man under his weight and laughing when Claude genuinely struggled to get him off of him. It was nice and playful and exactly what Claude needed since Sylvain had yet to see the man actually take some time off of being a leader and do something to smile about. He figured that him sharing his cot was enough of a moment to make the Almyran man smile. 

A smile that stayed on his face as they continued their journey the next morning, but that was quickly killed off when they stepped foot in Ailell. They had had only a second to talk to themselves when the first arrow was shot down onto them. Chaos ensued after that, all of them scrambling to fight off the surprise attack. They wore Rowe colors and Sylvain cursed under his breath. He had had spies in Rowe before he had left to Garreg Mach, he should’ve kept up with his spy network in the kingdom. Maybe then he would’ve been able to know about this attack and prepare for it because now they were all on the defensive. Byleth, Claude, Lysithea, and Raphael were supposed to be the spearhead, the front lines in their formation. But because of the commotion and the enemy forces that had snuck up behind them, they were pinned in place. Distantly Sylvain could hear the other groups trying to take down as many as they could to try and get to the enemy commander but there were far too many soldiers than they could’ve ever expected. 

A yell snapped Sylvain’s attention back as he watched Caspar fall to his knees, an arrow sticking out of his calf. It wasn’t deadly and Linhardt was already healing him, but Sylvain could tell that the arrow had gone right through the bone. Caspar wouldn’t be able to stand on that leg until he was properly healed. 

“Take Caspar and retreat” Sylvain yelled out to Linhardt as he cut down an oncoming swordsman. 

“And what about you” Linhardt asked as he was hauling Caspar up, the boy looking pale from blood loss already.

“I’m spearing through to the front, someone has to take out the commander” Sylvain answered, Linhardt’s eyes instantly narrowed. Unpleased by Sylvains answer but a groan for Caspar was all it took for the green haired man to nod before running off somewhere safe to take care of his friend. In that moment, Hilda came into view beside him. She had also been separated from her group and Sylvain called out to her. “Back me up yeah?” 

Hilda eyes him questioningly before understanding what he was asking from her and running towards the direction of the enemy leader, swinging her ax down on the poor bastard who was blocking his way, crushing his skull with horrifying accuracy. Sylvain’s grip on his relic tightened before he kicked his horse forward, running past Hilda and the other men she was taking down. Sylvain lifted his hand up as he summoned magic to it, sending Ragnarok towards his side and using that destruction to keep running forward. Slicing down as many empire soldiers as he could and shooting out any spells that he knew to the opposing forces. But the numbers weren’t lowering at all, the minute he would cut down one soldier it would be replaced by another instantly. Distantly he could hear Claude saying to hold on that Judith was coming to help them out but Sylvain couldn’t see her yet. Couldn’t see anything past all the soldiers he was fighting against. 

The cuts and wounds on his body started piling up as he shot miasma ball after miasma ball. He was completely surrounded and he could hear Hilda still fighting behind him, somehow the two of them had gotten separated as they had moved forward. Sylvain cursed under his breath as he activated his crest, swinging to the side and watched multiple men fall only for him to have to dodge an incoming mage’s attack. There was no end to the amount of men that were attacking them, at least it felt like there was no end. 

That was Sylvain’s thought before he felt the force of Thoron hit his chest, caught between dodging a javelin or that spell. The force of the spell propelled him off of his horse, the wind being knocked out of him and leaving him unable to do more than roll over to put some distance between him and the enemy soldiers. His sight was coming in and out, double vision and blurry as he held tightly on his lance. Bergamont was making noises nearby, distressed and in pain. Sylvain prayed that the horse would run away and safe himself because if someone didn’t deserve to die I’m this inferno, it was him. 

Sylvain dodged as a sword and launched forward, paring the attacks with his lance until finding an opening to slash him down, breathing in for a second before having to repeat the process again with another soldier. The noises around him slowly started to fade out as exhaustion started to take over, his body sluggish and in pain from all the attacks that he was taking on. He shot out a death spell and then ragnarok, running forward and striking down any soldier that came his way. He was a cavalier, fighting on foot wasn’t his forte but at least he was good enough to be able to stay alive for now. 

His breathing was getting more shallow, he guessed when he got hit with Thoron that some of his ribs had cracked, he wouldn’t be surprised if there was some internal bleeding going on inside of him this very moment. Weirdly enough that thought didn’t scare him, his body so tired and exhausted that it had come to accept the possibility of dying in this battlefield. He wouldn’t even be sad about it if he was being honest, he hadn’t ever expected to get to the age that he was in the first place. Or that he would have survived this long into this war. At least he had managed to make do with all of the parts that he had to do in order for Claude to keep going with this war because of course Claude would win. He would win today just like he would win this war and Sylvain could only grit his teeth as he shot out another ragnarok spell. The only one that would die today would probably be him and he was okay with that. 

“Enemies behind us” Sylvain could hear one of the imperial generals yell out. “It’s alliance forces!” 

Sylvain laughed at the same time as he launched forward to cut down another soldier. Looked up just in time to see the flags of House Daphnel appear before the horizon, the numbers they had would be enough to turn things around. Sylvain let himself smile. They would be okay. 

He was snapped back into focus when he heard a scream, turning back in time to see Marianne fall on her back as an enemy lancer took his stance to impale her. Hilda was screaming behind him and he could hear the other golden deer screaming too. Desperate to save their friend but unable to move any closer to her. It almost seemed as if time slowed down for him, Daphnel soldiers were here, they were here and they would win this battle. All Sylvain had to do was hold out until they came to help. That was all he had to do… But holding out wouldn’t save Marianne. 

It was funny, he thought — _Daphnel soldiers showed up but that had changed nothing at all._

He took a breath in, _it was fine. It would be fine_ , he whispered to himself as he lifted his arm up, activating his crest as he threw the Lance of Ruin forward and left himself completely open to attacks. The empire soldier was impaled by the relic before being able to hurt Marianne. He watched as Marianne turned towards his direction, her eyes widening in fear before screaming something out and Sylvain could only smile at her as he felt the edge of an axe wedge into his back. _It’s fine_ , Sylvain thought as he stumbled forward, barely having enough strength to turn around and send a miasma towards the axe wielder before falling on his knees. _It was going to be fine_ , was all Sylvain could think as he watched his own blood pool below him, the axe still wedged into him from behind. _Everything will be just fine_ , he watched as four enemy soldiers closed in on him, time only getting slower as he watched them all lift their weapons, two more steps. Two more steps and they would cut him down and end it all. But that was fine because he knew that Marianne was okay, knew that no one else would die today. Knew that despite the sneak attack, everything worked out just fine. 

_If we die, we die together._

His crest activated once more as Sylvain willed himself to stand up. The men pushed back by the force of his crest, giving him the time that he needed to be able to get back on his feet and gather up the last bit of magic he had left in him to shoot out a death spell. The force of the spell sending him back, the corners of the flames that came with it burning his skin the same way the ground beneath him had burned his leg when he landed on the fire covered floor of Ailell. 

Then a wyvern landed right next to him, arrows shooting down any of the remaining soldiers. By this point the blood and exhaustion finally got to Sylvain, unable to even look up to see who had killed the empire forces. But that was fine, he thought as he felt hands lift him up, opening his eyes to find Marianne muttering out healing spells. She was pretty, she would even be prettier without the tears running down her face, Sylvain thought before everything went black. 

_”Sylvie” Felix spoke, his voice hoarse from crying and his cheeks stained with tears. “Don’t leave.”_

_“I’m sorry but dad said we have to leave today, but I promise I’ll be back” Sylvain smiled big enough to show his teeth despite his father telling him to stop doing that since it was embarrassing. But he was young and he didn’t care about the two huge gaps in his teeth or about what he looked like, the idea of caring about his appearance only implanted in his mind by his parents not by his own insecurities._

_“How long will you be gone” Felix sniffed, Sylvain’s smile always enough to placate the small boy._

_“Just a little while” Sylvain whispered. “You won’t even notice I left.”_

Sylvain woke up with his face smothered into his pillow, groaning loudly as he shifted his head to look to the side. His eyes immediately landing on Claude who was sitting by the bedside table with papers sprawled all over his lap. A smile slowly creeping on his face as the man had heard the redheads groan. 

“Morning, how’d you sleep?” Claude smiled as he gathered all of his papers and stacked them on the table before leaning forward. 

“I can’t fucken breath” Sylvain mumbled as he blew a strand of his hair out of his face. “Hate sleeping on my stomach.” 

“Given your injury you kind of have to” Claude smiled apologetically. “Good news is that you won’t have to worry about that soon, I think you have one more healing session before you’re given the okay to leave.” 

Sylvain groaned, “how soon?” 

The man rolled his eyes at the redhead’s complaining, standing up to grab something away from Sylvain’s line of sight. Returning with some pillows and helping Sylvain shuffle around until he was able to sit up without hurting his back injury. “Just one more week and that’s it.” 

“Fuck’s sake a week? Claude I’d rather die” Sylvain grunted as he let himself take a drink of water. “The fuck am I supposed to do until then?” 

“Work on our journal” Claude smirked as he pulled out Huberts journal from his pile and threw it to Sylvain. “You’re out of commission for a while Syl. You really outdid yourself this time with that injury, Linhardt says he’ll be surprised if you’re in good enough condition for our next move.” 

“Next move? Wait hold on, how long have I been out?” 

Claude’s eyes shifted to the side as he let a sigh escape his lips. “A week.” 

“A WHAT?!” 

“Calm down,” but Sylvain was far from calm. A whole week, that wasn’t something to gloss over. Especially if he was still suffering some consequences from the injury even now. He had known that he had really threaded the needle back in Ailell but this was something else entirely. 

“Holy shit” Sylvain whispered. 

“Yeah so next time don’t do anything so stupid okay” Claude scolded though his eyes were filled with concern and worry. “Can’t have you kicking the bucket just yet. So take your time healing, focus on that. I would prefer if you came with us to our next battle but I would prefer even more if I didn’t lose my best strategist so early in this war.” 

Sylvain chuckled, “I’m not dying anytime soon. I can’t die yet.” 

“I know.”

He breathed in, “So what’s the next move? I’m assuming I’m the only one that got hurt?” 

“Yeah, and as much as I hate that you got hurt I think I can speak for all of us golden deer when I say thank you. Thank you for saving Marianne.” 

“No need for thanks, we’re all a group aren’t we” Sylvain smiled. 

“Yeah we are” Claude chuckled. “To answer your question our next move is to take the great bridge of Myrddin. I’ve already started preparations for it, we’ve even had multiple meetings amongst ourselves while you’ve been out. Byleth and I will come to hear your thoughts out as we get closer to that date.” 

Sylvain whistled, “Oh I’m sure you’ve been having the most pleasant conversations with Lorenz about planning to do that.” 

“Nothing short of delightful” Claude smiled and Sylvain couldn't help but laugh at how forced the smile was. 

The rest of the month was spent in extreme boredom and annoyed pain. True to Claude’s word, it took Sylvain a whole week before he was dismissed from the infirmary and allowed to sleep on his back again (which was something he had never thought he would cry happy tears for but he sure as hell had cried when Linhardt inevitably told him as such). After that all Sylvain could do was train to get himself back into shape, he hated that of course, desperately tried to weasel his way out of that but Claude had been cruel to put Leonie in charge of that. She was heartless with what she did to push Sylvain to the edge. 

He did eventually manage to talk to Marianne after one night where he was in the stables checking up on Bergamont (who was sporting a cool scar on the side of his face that made him look even more mean than before). She was genuine and tried to get Sylvain to promise never to do that again, to which Sylvain did not. Telling her it was what friends did and that it was alright, she didn't need to worry about that. She still offered to take care of Bergamont and Sylvain had to reluctantly let her do that since he knew she wouldn’t stop until she “pay him back”. 

Unluckily for him, his injury hadn’t healed enough that Claude and Linhardt felt that he was ready to go back into battle. He certainly did try to say that he could head out, that he was fine and that he kind of really needed to be part of these major battles. But then Marianne stepped in and said that she wouldn’t mind staying behind if it meant that Sylvain wouldn’t be lonely and how the fuck could Sylvain keep being difficult when she did something like that? It sucked and he could only grit his teeth as he watched everyone else head to Myrddin. He was left under orders to figure out everything about Huberts journal and to get back into shape so that next time he didn’t have to be on the side. There was of course some level of fear that Sylvain felt as the figures disappeared, a fear that stayed with him the remaining days that they were all away from Garreg Mach. What if someone got hurt? What if someone died? He couldn’t handle that kind of news especially when he had stayed behind in the comfort and safety of the walls of the monastery. That fear only grew stronger 6 days later when he watched the group all come back, a soldier running up ahead to ask Marianne for assistance in saving someone’s life. 

“Who’s hurt?” Sylvain asked as he ran over to the group, Marianne trailing besides him. 

“I am not sure” the soldier hesitated and Sylvain had to push back his annoyance as they ran over to the group, Flayn immediately kicking her Pegasus over to meet them halfway. 

“How bad is it” Marianne asked as Flayn climbed down, clutching someone’s body in her arms. Struggling enough for Sylvain to get the memo and head over to help her with the person. Instantly he froze in place — this wasn’t anyone on their side. 

“Claude says to heal him enough that he survives” Flayn gritted out as both her and Sylvain practically ran through Garreg Mach, Marianne already muttering out healing spells. 

“Who is this?” Sylvain whispered. Taking pity on Flayn and slinging the person over his shoulder and carrying him completely as they climbed up the steps to the infirmary. 

“Ferdinand” Marianne answered. 

Sylvain’s body immediately started shivering, unable to hide that it was from exhaustion of carrying a full grown man once he dropped him on the bed. Marianne quickly gathered other nurses to help her heal the wounds on the redheads body as Flayn tried to explain what had happened to cause the injuries on the man, but Sylvain didn’t care to hear the explanation. Walking over to where Ferdinand was laying, his eyes drifted down to the other redhead's hand. One silver and black band on his ring finger, a promise of a future together with the person they loved — with the person that loved him back with the force of a hundred suns. 

He could only let out a shaky breath as he took a step back from everything before him.

Sylvain was not ready for Hubert’s wrath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Claude: ah yes, time to sleep in the comfort of my own tent and get some much needed alone time and relax~
> 
> Sylvain: knock knock bitch, it’s cuddling time


	23. Cerceta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gronder Field

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick warning, this chapter contains depictions of violence and blood and injuries. Not overly graphic but enough that I’ll just give the heads up.

Ferdinand Von Aegir was not exactly what Sylvain had expected. 

The first couple of days that the man had been locked inside the Garreg Mach infirmary only Marianne and Claude were allowed inside. The group had unsurprisingly split into a sort of civil war among themselves during this time. Some on the side of wanting to treat their old school mate with hospitality and care, finding kindness in their hearts for a man that had sided with their enemy and giving him a second chance. While the others weren’t so nice, some even saying that they should have Ferdinand in a dungeon cell instead of the room that Claude had put him in. 

None wished for the redhead to die. 

Sylvain on his side was in a weird spot. He didn’t know Ferdinand, this was the first time he could finally put a face to the name after all. He hadn’t gone to school with him like the rest of the others. He hadn’t been a mentor or a friend to the redhead. Sylvain could even guess that Ferdinand only knew of him due to the whole relic stolen debacle and even then something told him the man didn’t care about rumors enough to listen very closely. Everyone knew this of course, everyone knew that Sylvain had no clue who Ferdinand was and constantly tried to talk to him about the man. The first night that Ferdinand had come, Caspar and Linhardt had tried to tell him everything about Ferdinand, trying to keep their friend in the loop and give him enough information about the Adrestian man since they knew Sylvain despised not knowing about something. Then the fighting and arguing broke out among each other and suddenly the group was split in half. Caspar, Linhardt, Petra, Flayn, Lorenz, and Raphael were all for giving Ferdinand a second chance. Hilda, Leonie, Seteth, Lysithea, Ignatz, and Marianne were all for keeping Ferdinand locked up until the war finished. The professor and Judith stayed neutral and Claude couldn’t vote.

Suddenly Sylvain was being recruited to either side and he was caught in an… ‘interesting’ position. 

Because yes he had never met the man but Sylvain _knew_ Ferdinand. For a whole year he had heard just about everything about that noble both the good and bad. No one knew this of course, no one knew that Sylvain knew about Ferdinand because Hubert had been sporting the most obsessive crush over the redhead. Why would they know that? Yes Sylvain had eluded to knowing Hubert, had even told Claude they had been friends but not once had he actually shared with anyone just how close he had been with the man. Mix that with the fact that Sylvain seriously had not thought that Hubert’s school crush would be vital to you know, a _war_ , he just never brought it up. But now it was too late to bring this up and so he was left sitting in his chair pretending that this was the first time he was figuring out that Ferdinand was a paladin, pretending that he didn’t know Ferdinand had named all of his horses over tea flavors and that the reason Bergamont was _Bergamont_ was because of Ferdinand. Still Sylvain was grateful that he had in a way been put into this position because it had allowed him one single thing. 

A whole day to spend with the man in solitude. 

The reason for that was so that he could accurately judge the kind of character that he was before putting in his vote as to what they should do with the man. After all, he didn’t know him so how could he judge whether he should be forgiven or not? No one seemed against the idea and so Sylvain was given the golden key and found himself sitting in the same room as the other man with no one around to hear or see what they were doing (courtesy of Claude who not so subtly hinted to him that maybe he should use ‘Vestra’s teachings to get information on the empire.) 

“You know you’re a lot prettier than I imagined” Sylvain mused as he started preparing water for tea. Ferdinand didn't even flinch at Sylvain’s voice, simply staying put in the spot he was in. Sitting cross legged on the sofa by the window, looking away from him and keeping his expression blank. 

“Then we redheads are pretty aren’t we” Sylvain smirked and then immediately sighing when Ferdinand’s face made no change. Of course this man would be difficult to talk with, why was everyone in Adrestia so unapproachable! At this point Sylvain was starting to think that maybe Caspar was born outside of the empire since he was the only Adrestian he had met that was immediately friendly to people (Petra was nice but she also wasn’t friendly just polite). 

“I’m making Bergamot tea if you want some” Sylvain sighed, the redhead made no move to look his way.

And well, Sylvain could play this game. Ironically enough Ferdinand was actually playing a game with him that his dear Hubert had played with Sylvain many years ago. It happened during his training, the Vestra man trying to teach Sylvain the best interrogation tactics and what to do if someone was being uncooperative. Vestra’s used violence but Sylvain found that he had a far better way at making people crack. 

“So since you’re not wanting to really talk to me and I am a vastly superficial man that clearly dabbles in vanity here and there. I do hope you don’t mind if I just vent for a minute, a dear friend of mine once told me that I shouldn’t keep things bottled up in my chest and to speak to people about what’s going on in my head and so I’m going to take the liberty of burdening you with this for a few minutes.” 

The tea was still scalding hot but that didn’t stop him from taking a sip of it before continuing. “I’ve had to recently start living in my old home — well recently would be wrong I’ve been there for five years but you get the gist — Anyways, I’ll let you in on a little secret about my current mental state about living in my childhood home once again after been kicked out in the streets like a dog because ah yes, sorry before that I should catch you up first with my past so that you can understand my current thought process.” 

Another sip. 

“So my father hated me. Goddess above he hated me, i was a naive weakling if I’m being completely blunt right now. Yeah you could argue that oh no Sylvain you were just a little kid, a child, being weak was fine. But it sure as hell wasn’t if that led to me getting kick out to the streets while it was fucken raining. _Fucken raining_ because we really need to up the theatrics on my childhood trauma. But no sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself. Anyways, my dad hated me but my brother hated me even more, to be completely honest with you I have no idea why but then again I’ve been told by a lot of people that I am just a very easy person to hate which hurts. I act like it doesn’t hurt to be told that but it truly does. I won’t say this out loud, but I just want people to like me. I want everyone to like me so much that it’s honestly so exhausting at times. Of course I disguise my self hatred in vanity. My desire to be loved because no one in my family ever loved me is also disguised as a form of whoreing myself around since at least having sex with some faceless girl can allow me the pleasure of being held whereas the only physical touches I got from my family was my brother’s fist in my face… I really am just trying to cope with everything but of course _no one_ sees that.” 

Sylvain leaned back on his chair. “Actually no, I take that back. One person saw that, one person saw through all of my bullshit and you want to know what happened to them? I fucken broke up with them! Not officially no that would’ve been the smart thing to do but if I am one thing, that is stupid. After years of pining and longing I finally got engaged to the man that I have loved since I was 10 years old and what do I do? Join the opposing fucken side of this war, because ah yes fighting the love of your life on the battlefield sounds like a spending idea if you ask me. Duh. And I left without even talking to him so at this point I’m hoping that he kills me when he sees me, Goddess knows I deserve his sword going right through me…. fuck I wish I could’ve at least slept with him before I died, what I would give to have his swor-“

“Goddess above!” Ferdinand exclaimed as he turned to look at Sylvain, exasperated by the man. “How on earth am I even supposed to understand half of the issues you are dealing with when you will not stay focused on one topic? You first started with living in your childhood home and then to you father and _then_ to your self hatred wich then turned to this ex lover you had and I refuse to stand here and hear you speak about how you wanted to have said ex lover have sex with you before at least knowing the history between said man and yourself. Really, have you never told someone a story before? You cannot go from the introduction to the conclusion expecting people to understand!” 

_Well that was definitely a different reaction to what Hubert had had when Sylvain used this method on him._

“I apologize my mind is a bit of a mess.”

“That is in a way understandable” Ferdinand walked over and grabbed the teapot from Sylvain, opening it to inspect the inside and immediately scrunching his nose up in disgust. “By the goddess this tea is— your mind really is in disarray, okay” Ferdinand sighed as he threw the tea away and began preparing another pot. Taking his time to do it ‘properly’ before sitting down in front of Sylvain, serving him and then sighing once more. “How about we start first with your ex lover and make our way back okay?” 

Usually Sylvain would never humor the idea of opening up to someone about _Felix_ of all people, however, Sylvain had learned over the years that people are more willing to trust you with their own secrets if you yourself share some secrets with them as well. In a way talking about Felix would be beneficial to the cause since they were on the topic of ‘fiances’ and Ferdinand just so happened to be engaged to quiet a man. That and Ferdinand was just a really nice guy to talk to. Yes he was very dramatic and Sylvain could clearly see why Hubert had hated him so much in the beginning of their ‘relationship’ but he could also see why everyone that was willing to give this man another chance were trying so hard to do just that. 

That and Ferdinand sucked at lying. 

“It is a rather difficult position that you have put yourself in Sylvain, siding with Claude despite knowing that you will have to fight against your betrothed. I must say I could never do something like that even if it was for the good of the world” Ferdinand sighed defeatedly. 

“I find that hard to believe when you’re so noble.” 

A smile. A compliment. All necessary and highly effective. Ferdinand primed up like a high class Pegasus, knowing it’s beauty and grace more than anything in the world. Some would call it vanity, but Sylvain knew it was just genuine pure pride that he had. The kind of self love that everyone should strive to have, not to be toxic but to be better to oneself. 

“I guess you can say that we all have our faults, though I will admit that my own romantic endeavors were as complicated as yours in their own way.” 

“You can’t tease me with that and then not explain what you mean” Sylvain smirked, leaning in. 

“Yes I suppose after everything I have told you it is only fair that I share my own love life” Ferdinand sighed as he messed with the ring on his finger. “I used to hate my fiancé, thought that he was the most vile human being and i will say although i love him now, he truly was horrid back when we were in school. I hardly think he even had friends back then for how crude and distant he was with everyone!” 

_He had one friend but, keep going._

“But he and I especially crashed, we could not be in the same room without arguing with one another — looking back at it now I have no idea how we went from that to how we are now. Now if i see him i can hardly keep myself from showering him in affection!” 

_Oh what I would pay to see that._

“Though I guess you can say that it all changed once the war was waged…. at that time I hadn’t been trusted enough by him and I made him pay for that in a way. I distanced myself from him and even when he tried to throw jabs my way or make me get annoyed in the same manner he always got me before I didn't humor him. It hurt me that he had kept everything hidden from me and so I didn’t let him in for a whole year… I guess it freaked him out that i was doing that — serves him right though. That was the most hurt I have ever felt honestly.” 

“You never thought about leaving him? Leaving completely?” 

Ferdinands brows furrowed, teeth catching on his lip as his shoulders tensed. Sylvain understood, it wasn’t an easy topic to talk about. Much less when you’re technically considered a prison of war in the enemy's own campsite with no way out of the situation. He understood and even sympathized with the man, he really did. And weirdly enough Sylvain felt like he saw a little part of himself in Ferdinand. He was what he assumed he could’ve become if he hadn’t had an older brother or had been cynical. Born with the weight of crests on his shoulder and a responsibility to inherit their families role in their respective countries. Sylvain mulled his next words over, the nice and pleasant atmosphere he had created would surely suffer from him bringing this up. But he guessed that he owed Ferdinand this much since he had genuinely heard him out and let Sylvain talk his ears off about Felix for what must have been at least 3 hours now. 

He sighed, putting his cup down and leaning back on his chair. “Bergamont. That’s what I called my horse when Hubert gave him to me, it was so shocking honestly. To think Von Vestra of all people was the type of person to give someone a horse to try and cheer them up… I don’t know why it was shocking looking back at it now, he wasn’t cold hearted honestly.” His words caused Ferdinand to suddenly look at him with eyes wide open and mouth agape, but Sylvain continued before he let the redhead interrogate him about his time with Hubert. “Yeah he was an ass and looked like a mongrel on a good day but he never let you stay by his side unless he cared — funny enough he regretted giving me that horse the minute I said I was naming it Bergamont just to piss him off. He was livid for days because he knew I was teasing him by doing that, but how could i do anything but tease him? I mean you should have seen how annoyed he was that you named your priced mare chamomile — I couldn't help myself ” Sylvain smiled, a genuine smile. It had been years of hurt and anger towards that man but that was still a fond memory of his. Bergamont was one of the biggest blessings in his life and he would forever be grateful to Hubert for being the one to give him that horse even if the two were now enemies. 

“He’s more careful now with who he lets by his side” Ferdinand whispered, his eyes drifting away from Sylvain. There was hurt and anger in his words and at least that answered Sylvain’s question as to whether or not he knew about his and Huberts friendship. He didn’t doubt that Ferdinand hated him for betraying Hubert in his own way. 

“That must mean he doesn’t let anyone by his side then, since he was so paranoid even back when we had just met” Sylvain mused as he looked up to the ceiling, breathing in slowly. “There’s days that I miss him... as stupid as that sounds. He was nothing short of a gremlin but at least he was funny — entertaining even. Loved getting him all flustered because it would crack that shell that he had around him and he was able to actually act like a person instead of just a Vestra sworn to serve Edelgard. I think I cherished those moments the most. When it was just Hubert that I was talking to, not Hubert Von Vestra.” 

“You do not deserve to miss him.” Ferdinand’s voice was quiet, hurt and saddened. There was a shyness to it, as if he didn’t want to speak those words to Sylvain but he still wanted him to know that. To know that his betrayal had hurt Hubert in a way. 

“Maybe I don’t” Sylvain whispered before looking down and directly at Ferdinand. “But I wasn’t the one that pulled the first punch. You can’t tell me that you were okay with what happened in Remire Village? That you’re okay with what they are doing now without even humoring the idea of attaining peace without talking to others. Tell me, are you really okay with spilling so much blood at the whims of someone who let herself become fueled by hatred? Because the Ferdinand that I heard about from Hubert himself would never hesitate to tell Edelgard his distaste with her methods. The Ferdinand that was described to me cared for the people and not for the country — is this war for the people or is it for an emperor?” 

“My loyalty is with the empire…” Ferdinand answered as he looked away from Sylvain, his hair covering his face in a curtain of sun stained strands. His fists curling into itself so tightly there were crescent moon markings all over his palms.

“I’ll let you in on my little secret Ferdinand” Sylvain spoke as he leaned forward, his chair scraping against the floor as he grabbed Ferdinand’s hand. “I do not fight this war for any country. Be it the kingdom, the alliance, or the empire — I could care less who wins. I fight this war for the person that I love and for the future I hope to have with him. If he were to tell me today that he was going to go and side with Edelgard... I would join him in a heartbeat. I would put away all of my morals and all of my fears for him… I guess you can say that you and I are similar like that aren’t we? — Only difference is that our lovers are asking different things from us.” 

With that Sylvain pulled away from him and looked towards the door, eyes turned away from the man. His voice came out quieter than before and more shy. The same way Ferdinand had spoken before. “...I will tell you another secret Ferdinand... I do not plan on letting neither him or Edelgard die for this war. They saved me and gave me a purpose when everyone else spit on me and threw me to the dogs. I don’t — I cannot stand with them and I never will. But you have my word that I will not let them die for this pointless war. Ferdinand — fuck — I cannot take this from Hubert no matter how much anger I have for him now. You will have your happy ending. I promise you that you will... even if it's the ending the two of you weren’t expecting.”

The sharp breath from Ferdinand felt like a thunderous sound to him. That had been the first time he had ever admitted that aloud, the first time he had ever realized that was how he had actually felt towards them. A silent wish that had been growing inside of him ever since he had called Hubert a coward and told Edelgard that he no longer stood with her. He had never worded it, had never even let himself think about it. Forced himself to continue being angry at the two and how things ended between them and him. Okay with always feeling a hollow hatred towards them. He had been okay with that, had forced himself to be okay with that. And yet the minute he was with someone that cared for the two who betrayed him with the same loyalty he had once upon a time, he couldn’t deny that he wished for that. Couldn’t deny the kind of pain he felt at hearing everyone talk about wanting to kill Edelgard and her ‘shadow’. 

“You mean that…?” Ferdinand’s voice was breathless, his lip trembling slightly in comparison with the way his hands were shaking. 

“The both of them are idiots,” Sylvain chuckled. “But I guess I can sit here and say that I know what it feels like to be loyal to them despite that.” 

Ferdinand Von Aegir cried a lot that night. And in between sobs he told Sylvain everything he needed to know about the empire and their future plans. Told him everything that they would need to know in order to defeat the empire. By the end of the night, Sylvain was hugging the man goodbye before walking out of the room and straight towards Claude’s where he relayed all the information he had acquired. Claude of course was curious to know what Sylvain had said or done to cause the man that had been so distant and adamant in not betraying his country, to suddenly fess up all it’s secrets. Sylvain told him that he was just honest with Ferdinand, he felt there was no need to relay everything that was said in that room to Claude. Wouldn’t really help anyone if they knew what Sylvain had said back in that room. That would stay between Ferdinand and him. 

The next day during the next war meeting, Claude announced Ferdinand as an ally that would, however, remain in the current room he was in until he proved his loyalty some more. It was a nice middle ground for everyone and so the fighting ended right there and then. Thanks to Ferdinand’s information they were all able to come up with their next move and soon everyone began making preparations to head out to Gronder Field as a way to launch their first formal invasion on Adrestia. Sylvain was the only one that felt left out in the whole nostalgia of having a battle that occurred in that place once again. But at least they were only fighting against Adrestia so in a way the nostalgia only came from fighting in that place and not from the three academy houses rejoining in a bloody way. 

Still, everyone was careful with the way they trained and studied. The entire air in Garreg Mach tense with the knowledge that they were going to be invading Adrestia for the first time the entire war. It was scary for a lot of people, this meant that the alliance could no longer feign innocence in the war after all. But it was a necessary tactical move and Sylvain found himself spending most of his nights with Byleth and Claude trying to come up with the best formations for the upcoming battle. Everything was triple checked and each plan had at least two back up plans. They would not be making the same mistake that they had made in Aillel. They would not be caught off guard. 

Or that was the plan until they got a message when they marched closer to Gronder Field that scouts had spotted a third army with blue banners approaching the field as well. 

“Fuck, _fuck_ ” Sylvain gritted out as he cut down the imperial soldier infront of him. Looking around to see the absolute madness that had unfolded before his very eyes. All the plans they had put in place, all the formations and safety nets, all of them useless. Nothing but a sad joke. The minute they walked into Gronder to find not only Edelgard in front of them but also Dimitri, Sylvain should have known that hell was about to be released upon them. The sight of Dimitri should have come as a shock to him. The sight of Edelgard and Hubert should have come as a shock to him. And the sight of Felix should have definitely come as a shock to him. But none of them did, his mind numbing itself enough to keep him alive as the three armies collided and became one mass of destruction.

He could barely hear anything apart from his own breathing, the sounds of screaming and explosions surrounding him the same way the smoke covered his sight. The fire that was spreading towards the woods only caused everyone to stay huddled in the middle of the field, the ground bathed in the blood of countless people the same way it was scorched by dark magic. If Sylvain was ever asked what hell looked like, he would figure that it was this. This was what hell looks like. _This was what hell smelled like._

Sylvain turned and kicked Bergamont forward, jumping over a wyvern body as he launched ragnarok in front of him. The lance of ruin was thrashing in his hand, thirsty for more blood and Sylvain could only oblige as he swung the relic down on another incoming paladin. Bringing the blade down from his shoulder to the hip, Sylvain could only mutter an apology as the man fell to the floor and he kept riding forward. Distantly he could see his allies around him, all of them covered in blood and ash, as to whether the blood was from them or from injuries, Sylvain couldn’t know. All he knew was that they were alive and that was enough for him to be able to keep moving forward. 

“Sylvain!” 

He looked around until he saw Raphael and Caspar charging forward, Caspar looking at Sylvain pleadingly before turning to look ahead to the pyre in the middle of the field. Standing on top of there was a purple haired girl, she looked absolutely terrified as she was being cornered by kingdom men. Distantly Sylvain could also see imperial soldiers getting their fire spells ready. 

They aimed to sacrifice her to kill the others. 

There were no other words needed, he knew exactly what Caspar was asking from him. Immediately he kicked his mount forward, knowing that he would get to her first before the rest would, jumping over any debri and dodging as many attacks as he could before grabbing one of his javelins and throwing it forward, impaling a kingdom soldier as the girl shot the other two down. Her face turning to him with pure fear as she reached to her quiver for another arrow. 

It was then that Sylvain was thrown back by the force of the fire. Falling off of Bergamont and groaning on the ground. His vision blurred around the edges as everything muffled except for the piercing ring in his ears. Distantly he could hear a girl screaming and what must be Caspar yelling. He was disoriented and even as he managed to get the strength to sit up all he could do was watch as Caspar jumped straight into the fire and was consumed by it. Fear immediately struck him as he tried to stand up, clawing at the ground and pushing himself up on unsteady legs. Yelling for his mount to come back to him but not seeing him anywhere in sight. He cursed loudly before running forward, the crest stone on his relic pouncing with the beat of his heart. 

He ran forward, the ringing in his ears not helping him figure out if there were any enemies approaching him or any cries for help. Moving purely on instinct and narrowly dodging whatever he could with just eyesight alone. He needed to get to Caspar, he needed to get to the pyre. Then a blood curdling scream erupted through the grounds and Sylvain’s blood froze over as he turned to watch ahead of him. 

In a pile of decapitated and mutilated bodies was Dimitri. Swinging Areadbar down and crushing a man's skull with ease. His eyes were unfocused but distantly Sylvain swore he could hear him howling and growling. He was nothing short of a demon as he screamed again, charging forward and it was only then that Sylvain felt his blood begin to pump boiling hot under his skin. He watched as Dimitri swung his relic down and a scream was dragged out of Sylvain’s throat as he saw the relic cut into a familiar form. 

His body was moving on it’s own before he could even process it, a promise on the back of his mind and a guilt that took over him as he ran forward. His eyes solely focused on Dimitri as he jumped over the dead bodies littering the ground. The earth shook with every explosion and his body ached with an intensity he knew had been caused by that other explosion. But all he could do was keep running forward as he watched Dimitri dodge an attack, massacring all the other mages in his path. Deadly focused on getting rid of his prey. Going as far as to attack his own men and cut down alliance soldiers. He felt no guilt on spilling everyone’s blood as long as it meant he would be able to kill. 

And to Sylvain he had never been more afraid.

His hand shook as he raised it up and let the magic flow from his shoulder to his fingertips, watched as magic expelled out of him in the form of fire and surrounded Dimitri. Corralling the beast in a circle before he turned around, his eyes locking onto Sylvain’s before launching forward. From afar he could hear someone curse at him, a familiar threat on a familiar tongue. But Sylvain didn’t turn around to look, couldn’t afford to turn around and look at the man he once called his friend. Couldn’t afford to turn stop and question how wrong it was that he was protecting the enemy. All he could think about was making sure that Hubert didn’t die by Dimitri’s hands as he fired a miasma ball forward, the spell crashing on the floor and causing dust to pick up. Blanketing him in a fog of ash and dirt as he tried to move around the dust cloud only to feel a hand grab his wrist and yank him down, rolling away just in time to see Areadbar stab down into the place he had been before. 

Sylvain was on his feet immediately and had to block Dimitri’s next attack at the same time. His bones screamed at the amount of strength behind each of Dimitri’s attacks. Only being able to block the attacks and keep his stance steady enough that he wouldn’t be knocked back. Both relic’s crashed with a thunderous sound as the bones they were created with writhed in pain, the crest stones screaming in unison for the thrill of the fight. Sylvain could only grit his teeth as Dimitri looked at him the same way a predator looked at a prey. There was no recognition for him on his end. Sylvain doubted that Dimitri had ever even recognized anyone at all. 

He quickly activated his crest, pushing Dimitri back enough that he could start attacking instead of just blocking. Swinging the lance of ruin down on Dimitris shoulder and narrowly missing. The two of them getting into a steady stream of attack, block, attack. He could only grit his teeth as Dimitri finally activated his crest, the relic smashing onto his and for a split second Sylvain thought that his lance was done for. Surprisingly enough it withheld enough that Sylvain could push Dimitri back, not having enough time to inspect the weapon or even get any distance between him and Dimitri. He had injured Dimitri, had struck him enough times that he should be as worn down as Sylvain but then again. A cornered animal doesn’t care about his injuries. 

“I will have her head even if I have to smash yours into the ground.” 

Dimitri’s voice caused Sylvain to freeze for a split second. It was still the same voice from before, the same that had belonged to him for so many years. But it was wrong, it was so wrong because that voice before would have never uttered those words. Would have never growled or howled the way that Dimitri was doing now as he kept attacking Sylvain.

 _This was all wrong_. 

“Dimitri, stand down! I don’t — I don’t want to do this! Please” Sylvain begged, a tear streaming down his cheek as he could no longer attack Dimitri, only able to block and pray that this would stop. But the man before him didn’t care about what was being said to him. Sylvain doubted that he had even heard any of the words that had come out of his mouth. Too crazed and focused on killing to be able to hear his friends pleas. 

“I don’t want to kill you! Please don’t make me kill you,” Sylvain pleaded, his body shaking from both exhaustion and pain. His mind thinking back to all the times that he had hugged Dimitri when they were younger. All the days the two spent together as Sylvain taught him how to ride a horse or what was the best way to climb a tree. Those memories cracking and breaking with each thrust of Areadbar. 

It was in that exact moment that his foot slipped on mud and he was falling back as Dimitri was launching forward. He could hear his name being screamed, he could hear the lack of explosions or the smell of dark magic. Distantly he could make out the beating of wyvern wings and the hooves of a horse on the battlefield but that wasn’t what he was focused on. All he could focus on was Dimitri’s eye. 

They had always been Sylvain’s favorite part about his face. So honest and pure. Now all they were filled with was hatred and pain and that broke something in him. Five years ago he had given up on Dimitri, and had told Claude that he wasn’t worth saving. And then he failed to save him from Cornelia despite knowing what she was going to do to him. He had had so many times to save him and yet he hadn’t done it. This was his punishment he figured, his punishment for not saving him — for failing him as a friend. 

Then a Banshee spell hit Dimitri sending him flying, the force pushing Sylvain to the ground as well, his body screamed in pain. He coughed up, noting that the blood that was on the ground hadn’t been there before. His mind slowed down as all of his senses caught up to what was going on around him. Shifting his body to be able to look to the side, finding Dimitri on the floor covered in his own blood, a dark figure approaching him. Instantly Sylvain was on his feet, launching forward until his entire body was on top of Dimitri’s like a scared lioness protecting her cub. His eyes glaring down at the same emerald green eyes from so many years ago. 

“I won’t let you kill him,” Sylvain breathed out, blood trailing from his forehead down to his cheek and neck, his voice worn down from yelling and screaming. 

“You want to kill him yourself?” Hubert spoke, his voice filing Sylvain’s blood like poison. “Is that why you got involved?” 

Sylvain didn’t have an answer for that, didn’t have the right words to explain to Hubert that he had protected him as a friend. Not as an enemy commander or as a kingdom loyalist but as Sylvain, the man that had once shared coffee with him late at night. He couldn’t possibly hope that anyone would understand why he had done that. Part of him wished that Hubert did kill him right here and now — in a way it would make the guilt that was filling his heart go away. 

Green eyes pierced down on him, the air around them filling up with dark magic as the mage lifted his hand up. Coldness filled the space as Sylvain lowered himself onto Dimitri, using all of his body to try and cover the prince and protect him from what was coming. “You look at me as if I don’t have the capabilities to kill you both this instant.” 

Distantly Sylvain could hear someone screaming out for him. Others yelled for Dimitri but all he could do was keep his eyes on Hubert, his body shaking from exhaustion and Dimitri’s blood pulling underneath him. The battleground was covered in too much ash and smoke for him to see around him but he guessed that the battle was almost over. He guessed that judging by his position that the empire was the one coming out victorious. In a way he wasn’t shocked, the minute he saw that Dimitri was nothing more than an animal it should have been expected that the kingdom army would do nothing but add onto the bodies piled in the war. 

He couldn’t help but find it a bit humorous the situation that he was in. He had given up on the kingdom, pledged his allegiance to Claude and turned his back on his king. And yet here he was, facing down an old friend that he knew had no qualms killing him, the only person in Fodland that would never hesitate to kill when it actually came down to helping Edelgard’s cause. Facing him down to protect the king of Faerghus, a country he was supposed to no longer care for. A country he had _betrayed_. But that was wrong too he guessed. He wasn’t doing this for Faerghus, just like he hadn't protected Hubert for the empire. He was a dumbass, that was what he was. A loyal stupid fool that kept trying to save all of his friends even if it meant dying in the process. He protected Hubert because he cared for the man. And now — now he was protecting Dimitri because this was once a boy he had loved with his entire heart and more. 

“Your leader killed my love, I have no more mercy to show any of you.” 

Then everything burned black. 

_”Dimi?” Sylvain asked as he walked over to the small boy, he was shaking but Sylvain knew it wasn’t because of the snow that was outside._

_“I’m sorry” Dimitri sniffed as his shoulders slouched together. Pulling his knees up to his chest and curling himself inwards until he was nothing more than a small ball._

_“Dimi he’s fine, he knows that you didn’t mean it.”_

_”I hurt him Syl! I hurt him this time and I’ll hurt him again next time” Dimitri yelled out, turning to look at the redhead with fear and pain in his eyes. “I can’t control my crest and I-I’m going to hurt everyone that gets near me.”_

_Sylvain frowned “no you won’t, you wanna know why? Because you care, you care about your friends and you care about what happens when you hurt people. Which means that you won’t do it again. Now that you know you hurt Fe you know not to do that again. People that care don’t hurt others.”_

_”Just because I care doesn’t mean that I can stop it.”_

_”It doesn’t but at the same time it means that you’ll make sure not to do it again” Sylvain smiled._

_”I don’t want to hurt anyone” Dimitri mumbled, Sylvain promptly wrapped his arms around the blonde before smiling at the younger boy._

_“Well you won’t be hurting me! I’m older so you’ll never be able to hurt me.”_

_Dimitri frowned, “That’s not how it works”_

_”well I’m older so obviously I know better than you. I mean, you spar with Glenn all the time and he doesn’t get hurt right? And you’ve never hurt me either so it’s just that simple,” Sylvain shrugged._

_”....I guess...” Dimitri mumbled._

_”So don’t worry too much okay? As long as Glenn and I are around, you won’t have to worry about hurting anyone ever again.”_

Sylvain screamed, pulling enough magic that was inside of him to warp both Dimitri and him away from the black fire that had engulfed them. Falling on the ground and hearing his shoulder snap out of its socket as Dimitri landed on top of him, trapping the redhead under him. The smell of burnt hair and skin in the air as Sylvain wheezed and coughed. He couldn’t see past Dimitri’s fur cloak but he could hear the silence in the air, he hadn’t really thought about where he wanted to warp to but based on his injuries and how little magic he had left he could guess that he wasn’t very far from the actual battle grounds. That and the smell of death was still very present where they were. 

“Dimi” he gritted out, using his good hand to try and push the man off of him to no avail. Fear immediately overtook him. Dimitri wasn’t moving, he was sure he had taken most of the blunt force of Huberts attack but Dimitri had already been really injured. He cursed as he started shaking the blonde violently, “Dimi, wake up. Wake up dammit! Fuck! _Fuck_!” He shoved at him and tried to move himself out of the man but he was heavy and Sylvain was injured and tired. Having drained all of his magic and endured all those attacks finally taking a toll on him as he continued to shove at the prince. “Wake up dammit!” 

The blonde didn’t even flinch at all the shoving and yelling, unconscious and limp on top of the redhead. Sylvain cursed some more as he felt his chest start to tighten, the weight of the man making it harder for him to breath. At this point he was more focused on pushing Dimitri off to be able to survive than to check on him. Kicking his feet and thrashing around, shoving him without care and cursing until the blonde finally slid off of him. The deep breath he took made him cough violently, turning his body around so that he was on his knees as he started to retch. There were numerous reasons why he puked, all of which Sylvain pushed to the back of his mind for now as he took a look around him. 

He was still in Gronder Field. He could tell that much by the burnt up trees and ash covered sky. He guessed that he was closer to the edge of Gronder and that alone made him tense. Once the battle was over, scouts would come this way to check for stragglers, that was inevitable. He cursed, again, as he crawled over to Dimitri, bringing his hand up to check his pulse and sighing in relief. It was there, weak, but there. 

What proceeded next was a lot more cursing as Sylvain forced his body to not only stand up, but drag Dimitri up and sling the blondes arm over his shoulder as he began to drag him away from where they were. His dislocated shoulder made everything so much harder and Sylvain grimaced at the fact that it was the _same_ shoulder that had gotten injured by Jeritza years ago. That was bound to be a fun recovery that he was not looking forward to. 

“I swear if you wake up and try to kill me” Sylvain groaned as he dragged the blonde through the woods at a snail's pace. It frustrated him but this was really all he could manage with all the cuts and burns all over his body, not to mention the inevitable internal bleeding from having been right next to so many explosions. He figured that the fact that he was even walking was a miracle in itself. 

“The thing’s I do for you little shits, at this point Ingrid is the only one that hasn’t gotten me nearly killed” he grunted as he adjusted his grip on the prince. Taking a couple of seconds to catch his breath before continuing to walk. He didn’t have a destination in mind, nor did he have a plan, he just assumed that walking would be better than not walking. 

Dimitri stayed a limp dead weight the entire time, had Sylvain not been constantly checking his pulse, he would have assumed the prince was dead. Though based on the shallow breathing and blood trail, Sylvain assumed that he was going to be dead very soon if he didn’t find a healer. He grunted as he tripped on debri, nearly falling over and having to readjust Dimitri once again. His body screaming out in pain as he kept on his journey, the smell of burnt flesh and magic getting thicker with each step. It was just Sylvain’s luck that he had been walking towards the battle and not away from it. At this point it was too late to turn back and so Sylvain braced himself for the worst as he got closer to the edge of the woods. 

The battle grounds were quiet now as Sylvain broke through the line of trees. The battle was over and Sylvain walked hesitantly as he looked around for any sign as to who had won the skirmish but everywhere he looked there was just blood and fire. Red, blue, and yellow mixed in the piles of bodies that were scattered around the ground. He swallowed as he took note of all the death that was around them, his gaze flickering in every which way, desperate to see more than just this destruction and feeling his hope die with each second that he couldn’t find any kind of peace in this field. 

Distantly he could hear voices, his shoulders tensing as he walked closer to the noises but still making sure to stay out of sight. There were 2 out of 3 possibilities that would be good for both him and Dimitri. It was a high probability but he still didn’t want to risk being discovered just yet. Stepping carefully and as quietly as he could as he got closer, his shoulder immediately untensing when his eyes caught sight of a white wyvern, her rider standing by her side ordering men around. 

“Claude!” 

The man instantly turned towards him, his face immediately flooding with relief as he turned to one of his men to tell him something before running over to the two of them. “Holy shit you’re alive Syl.” 

“Barely” he gritted out as Claude took hold of Dimitri’s other arm, helping Sylvain drag the prince over to where Claude’s wyvern was. 

“We saw Hubert shoot you both down, we thought you were dead” Claude breathed out, his voice shaky and hoarse. 

“Probably would’ve been if I hadn’t warped away” Sylvain admitted, keeping to himself the strange thought he had of why Hubert hadn’t tracked them down after he had done that. “What happened to Hubert?” 

“Warped away after shooting you both down, then ran off with Edelgard. She got injured and retreated and since I’m the only lord still standing I’m going to assume we won” Claude smiled as they dropped Dimitri on the ground, Sylvain’s knees immediately buckling and causing him to fall too. Claude opened his mouth to say more but immediately closed his mouth as he turned to the side. Sylvain following his gaze to find Glenn and Ingrid running over to them, a mixture of both relief and dread hit him. 

“Dimitri” Glenn yelled out as he kneeled out on the floor, hands inspecting Dimitris body to make sure that the blonde was okay. A sigh of relief left his lips once his fingers touched his pulse point. Sylvain opened his mouth to speak but arms immediately wrapped around him as a face nuzzled into his neck. 

“You’re alive, thank the goddess you're alive” Ingrid breathed out, tears falling onto Sylvain’s neck causing him to tense. 

“I’m okay Ing, I’m okay” Sylvain whispered as he brought his arm up and hugged her back, the girl crying in his arms as her she clung onto him. 

“We tried to get to you, w-we tried to get to you both but we were so far away” she sobbed. “We could only watch, we could only watch-” 

“It’s okay, we didn’t die. We’re fine” Sylvain reassured her, laying a kiss on her head as he hugged her tighter. “We’re fine, we’re alive.” 

She sobbed, a cry leaving her lips as she shook in his arms. Reminiscing of all the times when they were smaller and Sylvain had to calm her down. He could tell she was scared, deadly terrified of almost losing her friends and all he could do was whisper to her that he was fine and hold her. Hold her and let her hear his voice until she calmed down enough to pull away and look over to Dimitri who was being healed by Glenn. Both Sylvain and him shared a glance, tense and fragile. Months ago Glenn was the one to paint Sylvain as a traitor in his mind. Months ago Sylvain told him that he was siding with Claude. Months ago he told Glenn he was letting go of Felix. 

“Sylvain!” 

His head immediately turned towards Felix’s voice as his heart beat increased. The swordsman ran over to him with Mercedes and Annette trailing behind him. A blue cape flowing behind him and raven hair threading through the wind. Sylvain breathed in sharply, the fragility of the moment not lost to him. Any other day he would have gotten back up on his feet and ran over to him. Any other day he would have yelled out to him and cried from happiness at being able to have him back in his life. But this wasn’t any other day. They weren’t reuniting after leaving to go on an errand, no, Sylvain left and this was their reunion after—

“He doesn’t know.” 

Sylvain wouldn’t have even heard the words uttered by Glenn had it not been for how close they were spoken to him. A whisper in his ear before the older man pulled away to continue tending his prince. The words sinking into his skin like a blade, gutting him and bleeding him out of all he was worth. Time speeding back up to normal as arms wrapped around his shoulders, the familiar spell of pine needles flooding his senses. 

“You’re alive” Felix breathed out, his hand buried in Sylvains hair as his other arm clung onto his back. Pulling the redhead closer to him, “You’re alive.” 

“I’m sorry,” Sylvain breathed out. He wasn’t sure what he was sorry about. There were too many things that he had done to him to consider a simple sorry to be enough. Had fucked up too many times that all he could feel now was guilt as he felt his love cling to him.

“You fucken idiot, you’re such a fucken idiot.” Hand cupped Sylvains cheeks as lips met his. Desperation and fear bleeding from the younger man with each kiss that he laid on Sylvain’s lips. And Sylvain is many things but selfish is one that he’s becoming more and more each day. Wrapping his arms around the younger man and kissing him back with the same desperation. Months of yearning and grieving kicking in and making the redhead hold on to him for dear life. Guilt seeping into his bones and burrowing inside of him, but he was selfish. He was selfish in the way that he kissed every part of Felix’s face, leaving a trail of kisses down his neck and up his jaw. Hand clinging on to him, pulling him closer and closer. The selfish part of him saying that he deserved this, he had almost died, he had almost died and kissing Felix reminded him of how good it was to be alive. The guilty part of him knew he didn’t deserve this, knew that if Felix knew he left, that he had chosen to leave him that he wouldn’t — 

“What the hell were you thinking fighting the boar and Hubert at the same time?! You could’ve died” Felix yelled, snapping Sylvain out of his thoughts. Fingers that had been threading his hair now yanking him away so that he was under scrutiny of the swordsman's glare. 

“Dimitri would’ve died,” a half truth. Good enough to fool Felix for now.

“I don’t give a shit if the boar had fucken died” Felix snapped. 

Sylvain smiled, “You don't mean that.” 

Felix’s eyes immediately drifted away, his jaw clenched as he took a breath in before whispering. “You promised me.” 

“I know” Sylvain whispered back, “But I didn’t die Fe. Everything turned out fine.” 

The younger man scoffed, “yeah being roasted by a miasma spell sounds fine to me” he spoke with an edge before turning back to glare at Sylvain again. 

“It was pretty anticlimactic honestly” Sylvain joked but Felix immediately glared at him, fingers tightening on his hair. 

“Don’t fucken joke about that! You almost died idiot! If you hadn’t gotten away you would've burned to death and all because you wanted to play fucken hero. All because you and your stupid brain can’t fucken go one day without putting yourself in danger because you cant fathom that your life means something!” 

“Fe-“

“No! Shut up!” Felix was screaming now, hands letting go of Sylvain as he pushed himself away. “I am not going to let you sit there and joke about this! I had to watch as all you could do was look up at Hubert before- before- _Fuck_. You were going to die Sylvain. You were going to fucken die.” 

“I know and I’m sorry. I really am Fe. I never meant to almost die but I don’t regret what I did. I had to step in. You know that I had to step in” Sylvain breathed out. 

“You’re an idiot” Felix mumbled as he looked away from the redhead, willing the tears that were threatening to spill to go away. He wasn’t about to cry in front of anyone. “You’re such a fucken idiot.” He repeated before turning back to look at the redhead. Sylvain could only lift his hand up to him, the younger man hesitantly reaching out to hold it. Pulling him closer until Felix's head rested on his shoulder. “Don’t you ever fucken do that shit again or I swear to the goddess that I will cut your head off and feed it to that thing you call a horse.” 

Sylvain smiled even though he knew this wasn’t the end of this conversation, but that was for future Sylvain to deal with he thought as he pulled Felix’s hand to his mouth and kissed his knuckles. “I’m not. That was the worst experience of my life, I would not recommend.” 

Felix scoffed, “good, glad you suffered. Asshole.” 

“I’m sorry guys” Annette's voice spoke up, causing the both to stop and turn to her. “But you see, Dimitri doesn’t have any open cuts but there’s still a puddle of blood on the ground and I’m guessing it might be from that” she explained as she pointed towards Sylvain back side, a gash in his armor and a cut that Sylvain hadn’t even know was there. Then again he had too many injuries to really notice one tiny cut (okay not tiny but the point was made). 

_“Oh.”_

“Don’t ‘oh’ you idiot” Felix snapped as he pushed himself away to give Annette room, her hands already seeping out healing magic onto Sylvain. 

“We should really get you to a medic tent Sylvain, I’m not really sure how you’re standing honestly. And Mercedes is busy with Dimitri and I’m not that good at healing” she muttered. 

“I’ll be fine— stop looking at me like that Felix, I’m fine.” 

“You’re not” Felix gritted out as he stood up, looking around the area. Frowning at the upcoming figures. “Your friends are coming this way.” 

“My what?” 

“How’s the happy couple doing?” Claude smiled, (and when the hell had he snuck away?!). “Brought Marianne here, Linhardt is busy with Caspar but everyone else has injuries that can wait a bit. Figured that since you got roasted like a pheasant that you should get some good healing action.” 

Felix scoffed as Sylvain asked. “Is Caspar okay?” 

“He’ll...he’ll get better.” What Claude wasn’t going to mention right now was that he had third degree burns all over his body and that Linhardt had been healing for the past 2 hours with no avail. He wasn’t dying, but he wasn’t healing either. But throwing that information out to Sylvain right now when he was as unstable as he was would do more harm than good. 

“I hope so” Sylvain muttered, sensing there was more than Claude was saying but trusting that there was a reason for withholding information from him. 

“Um” Marianne whispered as she turned to Sylvain. “We’re going to have to bring you to a tent. Your armor is getting in the way and I can’t see the extent of your injuries like that.” 

“Well, when a pretty lady like you is asking me to undress — _OW_ , Annette?!” 

“Stop that” Annette chided, leaving out the fact that Felix had been two seconds from killing both Marianne and Sylvain. Sylvain deserved it to some degree but poor Marianne was just trying to do her job. 

“Alright well up you go” Claude spoke before lifting Sylvain off the ground without any warning, hell the redhead hadn’t even heard him walk behind him. Only felt the force of being pulled up and then his arm was over his shoulders. 

“I’ll run ahead and get everything ready” Marianne spoke before running towards the tents, Claude shifting Sylvain around before turning to look down at Glenn and Mercedes. 

“You can bring Dimitri over to the tents too, or better yet, there’s an empty tent all the way to the far right. I’ll send Marianne and any other healers your way when I can” the man smiled, walking away before waiting for a response. Seconds later Felix was on the other side of Sylvain, arms gripping his waist to help carry him off to the tents. 

“I can walk you know.” 

“We know” both spoke in unison.

Sylvain chuckled, “okay well don’t mind me then. Won’t ever turn down a chance for getting babied.” 

Felix rolled his eyes as Claude chuckled. “I’ll leave the pampering to Felix” Claude spoke as they stepped into the tent. Based on the occupants, he figured this was the ‘generals’ tent. Lorenz, Lysithea, and Raphael all were in separate beds, the three unconscious and covered in bandages but looking pretty alive thank the goddess. Sylvain flinched in pain as Claude adjusted his grip, Felix immediately glaring at the man as they walked him over to an empty bed. 

“Where’s everyone else” Sylvain groaned as he sat down. 

“Out getting rid of stragglers or helping heal” Cladue explained as he stepped away, looking around the room. “You four as well as Caspar are the most injured. The one that is the most injured however is our Adrestian prisoner” he added the last words with air quotation marks. “Bernadetta. Never met her but she’s nice. She’s in the same state as Caspar.” 

“Purple hair?” 

“Yeah.” 

“I’m glad” Sylvain mumbled, not bringing up the fact that he had been there to watch her go up in flames. He was glad that he was alive but if she’s in the same condition as Caspar then Claude really had been keeping his true condition hidden from him. Being compared to someone that got exploded was never bound to be a good thing. 

“I have more to do but I’ll check up on you later. I’m sure Felix here will take good care of you” Cladue smirked at the swordsman before walking out of the tent. 

“Fucken annoying.” Felix grumbled as he glared towards the direction Claude walked off to. 

“He’s not that bad” Sylvain chuckled as he tried and failed to get his armor off. 

“Fucken — stop stop, I’ll do it” Felix swatted his hand away. Unclamping the armor slowly and meticulously taking it off. The two staying quiet as nimble fingers pried Sylvain out of the metal casing. Each piece thrown haphazardly onto the ground. 

“Do you know if my horse is okay” Sylvain asked quietly, lifting his arm enough that Felix could take off his undershirt, blood and grime making it so it was more like peeling it off. 

“Don’t know.” That instantly made him frown. “I’ll look for the beast when Marianne gets here to heal you.” 

“He’s not a beast” Sylvain smiled, looking up at Felix and admiring him. He was covered in dirt and dried blood but he still looked so beautiful. Better than memory served him right. During their time away from each other Felix had cut his hair shorter which as painful as that was for Sylvain, still looked really good on him. And he still had enough hair that Sylvain could maybe hope he can braid later on in life so that was good too. 

“I missed you.” 

“I know” Felix threw the last remnants of his armor and top layers to the side, gathering them up in his arms and piling them in the corner for them to deal with later. Nodding to Marianne as she walked into the room with bandages and medicine.

“You’ll come back right,” Sylvain selfishly asked. 

“Obviously.” He answered before stepping out of the tent. Sylvain could only sigh as he let healing magic lull him into unconsciousness, wondering why he had ever allowed himself to become so selfish when all it was doing was hurting both him and everyone around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bergamont: Fuck this shit. I don’t get enough sugar cubes for this, I’m outta hear boys
> 
> Also what do you _mean_ I can’t have Sylvain get injured every battle? Do you know who you’re talking about? Sylvain ‘I’m gonna sacrifice myself for others’ Gautier would never be caught dead walking out of a battle without a near death experience.


	24. Persa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo long time no seeeeeee. Sorry for the really late update but life happened and I had to take a break from writing to get my shit together but life is not as hectic anymore and I am able to get back on schedule! I even made sure to write two more chapter for this fic just in case life happens again! 
> 
> But anyways heads up for this chapter there is a dream that contains blood and stuff, kind of like previous chapters level of “gore”. There is also a hint at sexual stuff but it’s a fade to black kind of thing.
> 
> But uh yeah, sorry for the long wait! But we’re getting closer to the end now boys so buckle up, this chapter is a nice breaking point before the next ones come up so I apologize if you were expecting the level of intensity like the last one but this chapter is more of a setting up stuff chapter.

Distantly he can hear screaming, or he thinks that he can hear screaming but in all reality it is more so that he sees the way the faces of the soldiers contort. Jaws opening up to the sky, tears streaking down their cheeks as they call out to the goddess for one more second. One more second to live. Sylvain does not hear their screams, but feels them deep in his bones. 

Feels their pain and their sorrow as he looks around the blood soaked field. Faces blending to the same agony, spears staked into the ground like makeshift gravestones, the bodies of the fallen beginning to decay in the heat of the sun. He can see the way the limbs of the dead begin to lock with rigor mortis, his own arms and legs hollowly locking deep within in a show of camaraderie for those who didn’t make it out alive. 

Every step he takes the blood under his boots squelches, the smoke in the air a fleeting reminder of the fires that had scorched the ground with the same hatred everyone had felt in the brief moments before passing. And even still Sylvain can’t really hear anything apart from the beating of his own heart. Gronder field had never felt lonelier than it did right now. Alone he walked the field, not a single person in sight that remained a part of the living. Even still, he kept walking, a force pulling closer and closer to the center. His own heart beating faster and faster with each step. Slowly the screams that had been so muffled were getting louder and louder, as if he was underwater, slowly getting closer and closer to the surface. 

One. Two. Three steps and then suddenly everything was deadly silent. Even his own heartbeat, a ghost of a memory. Slowly his mind recognized what it was that he was seeing, an image so painful carved into his eyes. Poetically tragic in the sense that it felt so wholly unreal and yet so painfully correct. As if this was the only logical conclusion for fate to take.

Ten. Ten spears he counted. Ten spears all staked into the ground, impaled right through flesh and bone. Had it not been for the spears, the pool of blood beneath would have surely brought everything down. Crumbling in the same way that he felt his mind do at this very moment because before him, staring his cold lifeless eye deep into him, was Dimitri. The spears pierced into his back and chest all a sick work of art made of lines and sharp edges. Still the king’s head did not bow down even in death. Even when his knees had hit the floor and his arms had lost all sense, his head bowed for no one. 

There was a scream that ripped the silence that had settled into Gronder Field, a deep guttural howl of pain and agony. A mourning so intense that it shook the very heavens with its pain. Only once Sylvain’s knees hit the ground did he realize the scream had come from him. That the water he had felt hit his face was not the rain nor the blood of those he had slain, but tears. He could not control himself enough to stop the next scream that left his body. 

All the while the prince did not move, could not move. The goddess had taken him from Sylvain, he was gone to the world and now Sylvain also looked up at the sky, his howling now aimed at the same goddess that everyone else had called to. 

_”Will you miss me?”_

Soft voice, plucked right out from his memory. Sylvain looked down, blue eyes meeting his. Kneeling in front of him was the prince, small no more than ten years old, his hair reaching his shoulders and his clothes pristinely cleaned. All sins washed away from his pale innocent skin. 

_”Will you miss me now that I am gone?”_

“I have missed you for years,” Sylvain whispered, his own voice foreign even to him. The small boy tilted his head to the side, his eyes looking into Sylvain’s as if looking for any semblance of truth. “I always missed you.” 

_”You left”._

“I know” he sobbed out, tears spilling down his cheeks. That alone forced the smaller boy to frown, lifting his hand up to wipe them away and he couldn’t help but notice how cold his hand was. 

_”You gave up.”_

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” 

_”You never gave up.”_

The small prince turned then to look back at his older self, the blood now soaking into the ground. Leaving a stain so dark that it would never leave the land, a ghostly shadow never to be washed away again. He stood up then, leaving Sylvain on his knees as he walked over there. His small body looked even more fragile now that it was besides that of his older body. Even still they had the same hair and the same eyes, the same skin and the same lips. He was so different and yet he was the same man that Sylvain had loved so fiercely. 

_”You didn’t give up on Felix. Or Ingrid.”_

“I’m sorry…” Sylvain was begging now, the tears in his eyes no longer controlled. Sob after sob leaving his body as each tremor caused a pain to settle deep in his bones. He was on his hands and knees now, looking up at both of them, a king dead and a prince abandoned. Every breath he took was a beg for forgiveness and every tear that rolled down his cheek was a reminder of the guilt that was ingrained deep in him. 

_”Why? Didn’t you love me too?”_

“I loved you, I loved you so much please. Please believe me. You meant the world to me” the words ripped out of his chest, his own heart now displayed out on his sleeves. Gutted and bleeding, Sylvain looked up at his king, “I loved you too.” 

_”No. No you didn’t.”_

Sylvain woke up out of breath, his chest heaving as tears threatened to roll down his cheeks the same way they had in his dream. A shuddering breath left him as he shifted in the bed, nuzzling his face into the pillow and trying to will his thoughts away. Even still he couldn’t forget the image of Dimitri dead before him. Even still he couldn’t stop hearing the words that had left the small prince’s lips. 

“Sylvain?” 

The smell of Bergamot was the first thing that hit him when he realized where he was. After that was the feeling of his hair being touched, gentle fingers passing through the strands of his hair, gently combing out the tangles in it. Then he heard the humming, a simple light tune, four notes repeating in different verses but all hummed by the same familiar voice that once had hummed to him many years ago. Sylvain breathed out, the hand in his hair stilled for a second before returning back to what it had been doing. 

“Morning” Felix whispered as Sylvain slowly opened his eyes, the younger man the first thing he saw. 

“Morning beautiful.” 

Felix rolled his eyes though his lips quirked up slightly before frowning in concern, “Bad dream?” 

Sylvain hummed quietly, slowly willing his arms and legs to move to see how he was feeling. He was sore, obviously, but apart from that he felt completely fine. Oh the wonders of healing magic and it’s ability to make a man keep going despite almost dying the day before. 

“yeah but I’m better now thanks to you” he purred, lifting his hand up to card his fingers through Felix’s fringe, pushing the hair back slightly. “The bangs are cute.” 

“Thank Annette for that, when we met up first my hair wasn’t like this. I had just cut it with a knife and let it be, she fixed it up for me” Felix explained, pulling away slightly, instantly Sylvain grabbed his shirt, that action alone caused the younger man to smile. “Not leaving you, you dork.” 

“You’re still too far away for my liking” Sylvain replied, pulling Felix closer but the other man just pried his hand off despite Sylvain’s very convincing pout. 

“You need to eat. Brought you food and tea” Felix shook his head, standing up to grab those things from the other side of the room… room? Immediately Sylvain was sitting up despite how much that sudden reaction hurt. He wasn’t in a tent anymore. 

“How- What” Sylvain looked around, his brain trying to tell him that he was in the Garreg Mach infirmary but yet he couldn’t comprehend that. He had been in a tent, he had been in Gronder Field when he fell asleep and this wasn’t Gronder Field _at all_. 

“Syl it’s okay” Felix immediately spoke up, sitting back down on the chair next to his bed and placing the food on the bed stand. “We’re in Garreg Mach now. You were out for two days, since you used up all your magic your body went into sleep to heal that.” 

“What? Two days? But I wasn’t that hurt— how?— what?” Sylvain mumbled still frantically looking around until Felix grabbed onto his hand, grounding him. Sylvain closed his eyes then, breathing in slowly and letting his mind focus on one thing at a time. He breathed out, “where my horse?” 

Felix immediately fixed him with a flat stare, “really? That’s the first thing you ask?” 

“I don’t think you realize how much I love my horse.” 

Felix simply scoffed, “he’s fine. Hurt but fine. Marianne has been taking care of him so you’ll have to talk to her about the exact details.” 

Relief immediately flooded his mind, enough that he was able to lay back down and sigh. “I’m glad. I was scared that I lost him.” 

“Hardly think that monster would die from one measly wound” Felix rolled his eyes before handing him a bowl of soup. “Eat. You need it.” 

“Oh no it appears that suddenly I am too weak” he gasped dramatically, putting his hand up to his forehead to up the theatrics. “Oh how ever will I be able to eat this soup” he whined before looking over to Felix with a hopeful glint to his eyes. 

“I’m not feeding you.” 

He sighed dramatically, “you’re too cruel to me Felix. After everything I went through you can’t do this—“ 

“Shut up and eat.” 

He sighed even more dramatically but relented and started eating his soup. Was it childish to want your significant other to hand feed you when you are not only injured but woke up from a shitty nightmare? Yes, yes it was. Did that stop him from wanting that? No, no it did not. He silently pouted at Felix, looking more and more like a kicked puppy until Felix groaned at him. 

“You’re being ridiculous” Felix hissed but was already sitting down on the bed, his knees hitting Sylvain’s hips and his face facing his. 

“Only with you sweetheart” Sylvain purred, immediately Felix scrunched up his nose in disgust. “Dear?” Same face. “Baby?” Now he looked like he wanted to kill him. “My love?” Instantly Felix’s face turned a deep shade of red and the soup was long forgotten as Sylvain put it to the side grinning from ear to ear. “My love.” 

“Shut up idiot” Felix huffed, grabbing the soup and stirred it with the spoon. 

“What if I don’t want to? Are you going to make me?” He immediately got his forehead flicked. “Okay okay, soup” he chuckled before opening his mouth and surprisingly enough, Felix did actually feed him instead of just doing it one time and that was it. Of course Sylvain wasn’t complaining, if anything, he was beaming and sighing with such content that he was sure if he was a cat he would be purring so loudly right that moment. 

“There, fucken weirdo” Felix mumbled as he stood up to put the empty bowl somewhere else, the back of his neck a deep shade of red. 

“And yet you still love me” Sylvain smiled at Felix, the younger man mumbling something under his breath before sitting back down on the bed. And right by Sylvain making it a perfect excuse for the redhead to wrap his arms around him and pull him closer. 

“You’re clingy” Felix huffed but leaned closer to Sylvain. 

“I missed you” Sylvain mumbled, kissing Felix’s shoulder. 

“Your dream…. you were calling out to Dimitri” Felix whispered hesitantly. Sylvain didn’t mean to immediately groan at what he said but he had either way, the older man tensing up at the reminder of what he had dreamt. “It’s the first time you ever call out to him in your sleep Sylvain.” 

“It was a fucked up dream. It’s fine. I’m fine” Sylvain lied. And lied terribly apparently because Felix quickly pulled away to frown at him. 

“Don’t lie to me Sylvain.” 

“I’m not lying, I am fine. I—”

“ _Don’t lie to me_ ” Felix repeated, his voice sharper than before. Sylvain could only sigh as he laid back on the bed. 

“I really am fine Fe” he mumbled before looking over at Felix. He was unimpressed and was frowning at him now which only made Sylvain sigh even more. “Okay fine. The dream was fucked up and I hated it. Is that what you want me to say?” 

“No. But it’s better than you lying” Felix huffed. “What was it about?” 

“Something tells me if I say that it doesn't matter, you’ll be mad.” 

“You’re right, I will be.” 

“Fine” Sylvain huffed, he didn’t like sharing his dreams. He especially hated sharing dreams that he knew was in a weird way caused by his past traumas or fears. What had Petra told him? Dreams were windows to his heart? Yeah, that was bullshit and he hated it but he guessed if someone should have access to that window it would be the man that loved him despite everything. 

“Dreamt that Dimitri died in Gronder field. And that I didn’t get to him— didn’t save him” he explained, scratching at his arm. “Dimitri was there too, little Dimitri like probably 10 year old Dimitri. Kept asking me why I gave up on him — it’s fine really i know it’s just a dream. Not much else to it other than that.” 

“He didn’t die.” 

“I know that.” Sylvain felt ridiculous now because he was right, Dimitri hadn’t died so there wasn’t really any need to be panicking about the dream. 

“He didn't die” Felix repeated, but his voice was softer than before making Sylvain look up at him. “He didn’t die because you _did_ save him.” Felix grabbed his hand then, his eyes drifting down to look at the bed. “Even though I fucken hate that you almost died protecting someone like _him_ … you did save him. He didn’t die because of you.” 

“I know that” Sylvain mumbled, “but i just— there was no need for him to get in that position in the first place. If i had been there to help him, if I had stopped him from getting executed and—“ 

He was quickly cut off by a hand cupping the side of his face, the hand forcing him to look up at Felix. “Don’t go down that path. It won’t get you anywhere good.” 

“Easier said than done Fe” he breathed out. 

“Sylvain, you've done enough. You’ve done enough for all us, especially for him” Felix’s voice was soft but confident, grounding in the way that Sylvain had come to appreciate during their time apart. “The boar is going to owe you and Glenn his first born child because you two are the only reason Faerghus isn’t fucken dead. I don’t think you realize just how much you have helped all of us out.” 

“I could have done more Felix. I could have—“ 

“And I also could have done more and so could Ingrid. We all could have done more but there’s nothing we can do now” Felix sighed. “There’s nothing we could have done to stop this.” 

“I know but… I-I gave up on him Felix. I gave up on him on Faerghus— fuck Felix I left. I left all of you to join Claude and I-I gave up on all of you” he breathed out shakily, tears threatening to spill as he closed his eyes to stop him from seeing whatever look Felix had on his face. Which was why he jumped slightly when he felt lips on his forehead, a careful hand slowly threading through his hair, 

“Glenn never told me that you left, or at least the reason you left. I think that he thought it would be easier— better for us if I didn’t know” Felix whispered. “What you and him forget is that I’m not some stupid child that can’t put two and two together. That you decided to go with Claude even if that meant having to fight against us.” 

Panic quickly grabbed onto him, snapping his eyes open to look at the younger man with desperation, “Felix I swear that I didn't—“ 

“Sshhh” Felix kissed him again. “I know that you didn’t do this to fight me or to leave me. I know you left to end the war, if anything the only thing I’m pissed about is you leaving without me.” 

“I didn’t want to,” Sylvain whispered, his hands grabbed onto Felix’s shirt, clinging to him. “I didn’t want to, I swear.” 

“I know” Felix whispered, his finger gently caressed his cheek. “I love you. That hasn’t changed even slightly.” 

He breathed in shakily, leaning forward to hide his face in the crook of Felix’s neck. “I don’t deserve you.” 

“And I don’t deserve you either” Felix huffed, playfully yanking at Sylvain hair. “So you’re fine. We both are. Stop thinking of the worst case scenario.” 

“You deserve the world.”

“I deserve a goddess damn nap” Felix huffed, making Sylvain chuckle slightly. “But either way. You’ve done enough and there isn’t a single reason for you to feel any kind of guilt.” 

“There’s plenty of reasons to feel guilty” Sylvain breathed out, leaning forward to rest his head on Felix’s shoulder. “You can’t say that there isn’t any reason for me to feel guilty when we’re at war.” 

“You know what I meant,” Felix huffed. 

“I do” Sylvain breathed out, kissing Felix’s shoulder again before speaking up. “If you want a nap I know the perfect place for you to sleep.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Best place in town.” That earned a small chuckle from Felix before the man decided to humor Sylvain and actually get into bed with him. And although Sylvain had just woken up, just being able to have Felix in his arms again was enough to lull him back into sleep, this time void of any kind of nightmares or bad memories. He woke up what must have been a couple of hours later with the bed empty, immediately he frowned at that as he sat up to look around the room until his eyes landed on Annette who was sitting on a chair beside him. The girl dead asleep with a bit of drool going down her chin. Sylvain instantly smiled at the scene, he knew that Felix must have asked Annette to stay and watch over him while he did goddess knows what. The sentiment was cute even though he had wished Felix would have just woken him up and told him he needed to leave, still, it was cute. 

He sighed, it was late. He could tell by the moon in the sky and the way everything was eerily silent. The logical thing to do was to stay in bed until Felix got back but he felt antsy. His legs kept kicking out and his mind kept racing for a reason he couldn’t really understand, still too groggy to fully comprehend why he was so anxious. It wasn’t until he looked to the side of his room and found his relic propped on the wall that the memory of ten lances stabbed down into a king that he knew why he was anxious. 

“Dimitri” he whispered, immediately swinging his legs out of the bed, flinching a little at the way his body ached. Talking to Felix had helped, helped more than he would ever admit but his dream still haunted him and he just needed to see Dimitri, needed to see him _alive_. Maybe that would cause this anxiety to go away, maybe that would help fix the guilt he felt even if just by a little. With that he stood up and practically ran out of the room, the halls of Garreg Mach were eerily empty devoid of even guards. This he figured was a good thing since he was sure that Felix would kill him if he found out he was walking out of his bed at this time of the night. Felix was actually going to be livid now that he thought about it...

He still didn’t stop. He kept walking, picking up his pace and not even bothering to turn around and see if there were others around. At the moment the only that he was focusing on was in the direction he was walking to. He couldn’t be a hundred percent sure that where he was heading was the right place to go to but it was just instinct and childhood memories that kept him walking that way. 

_”You didn’t give up on Felix. Or Ingrid.”_

Sylvain didn’t think that he could hate himself more but yet he did. Every time those words rang out in his mind, self hatred grew deeper and deeper in his chest. The roots wrapping around his insides and strangling him from within. 

He had to blink away the tears that were threatening to spill as he rounded the corner and walked down the bridge that led to the cathedral. His breathing picked up and his legs ached from disuse but still, he kept walking. Climbing over debri and stumbling here and there until he pushed open the doors to the church and stepped inside. It was as empty as it had been the last time he had been in there. The windows shattered, and pillars destroyed. The moonlight the only source of light in the cathedral, illuminating the now abandoned place of worship. Though it wasn’t as abandoned as it had been most nights, standing in the middle of the room was Dimitri, his head hanging low, distantly Sylvain could hear him muttering under his breath. And yet the words still echoed in his mind and so with a deep breath he stepped deeper into the building until he was standing in front of the prince, no — his king. Only then did the muttering stop.

“Dimitri.” 

A beat and then Sylvain had a hand wrapped around his neck, Dimitris' breath close enough to his face that it made his hair sway. His lone eye filled with rage and disgust, looking down at him from where Dimitri had towered over him. Still. He was alive. And Sylvain didn’t care to die by his hands, all he cared about were the words that he had wished he had spoken to the little boy standing in the blood soaked field. 

“I loved you too” Sylvain spoke, his voice hoarse from the way that Dimitri was strangling. Even still, he felt the way Dimitri’s hand flinched at his words. 

“I loved you just as much as I loved Felix and Ingrid. I know that you probably don’t believe me, why would you? I left you and I abandoned you but that is for me to regret until the day I die. But I did love you because you were my friend. My family” he spoke, swallowing shallowly before continuing. “I wasn’t there for you when your parents died, I wasn’t there for you when Felix drifted away, or when Ingrid and Glenn moved on with their lives. I wasn’t there for you when the empire attacked the monastery and I wasn’t there for you when Cornelia imprisoned you. I wasn’t there for you…. You needed me then but I didn’t come to you. At that time you didn’t need advisors, you didn’t need classmates or a professor, you didn’t need friends. You needed a family. You needed someone to come and help you, and I’m sorry that I never did.” Dimitris’ eye widened as his hand fell down to his side, stepping away from Sylvain, his face a mixture of pain and confusion as his eye darted down to the floor. 

Still Sylvain continued, “that was my job after all. Whenever Felix cried, I came running to him and held him in my arms until he smiled again. Whenever Ingrid needed someone to get rid of her nightmares, I came running and stayed with her until she finally could fall asleep again. And whenever you got overwhelmed, I came running to you. To grab your hands and humm old nursery songs until you remembered how to breathe again. I took care of the three of you, and I loved the three of you. But I failed you three. I wasn’t there for either of you when you needed me the most and that’s just something that I will have to learn to deal with.” 

He breathed in slowly, “But that didn’t stop me from caring about you three. Didn’t stop me from loving the three of you, and yeah. It’s very fucken obvious that I love Felix, and I know that I’m also obvious with how much I care about Ingrid. But Dimi” he whispered, the familiar nickname causing the blonde to finally look up at him. “I love you as much as I love them.” 

Dimitri took another step back, like a wild animal unsure of whether to run away or hide. Sylvain didn’t mind the reaction, and knew that it was well deserved. Knew that it must have been years since Dimitri had even had someone talk to him like this, much less heard anyone say that they loved him. That thought alone broke his heart but right now Sylvain knew he had to take things in small careful steps. Knew that for now, the words he said would have to be enough for today. He smiled at the blonde before taking a step back, nodding at him slowly in a form of goodbye before turning around and making his way to the cathedrals entrance. 

“You” Dimitri spoke suddenly, his voice a mere whisper but the church walls made the word echo right into Sylvain’s bones. “Your voice has haunted me for years. Begging me to kill those that hurt you.” Sylvain turned back then, Dimitri was no longer looking at the floor but to the broken statues that surrounded them. “You still are asking me to do that…” 

He breathed out slowly, someone somewhere would probably laugh at being told that he had been haunting his old friend but Sylvain knew better. Knew exactly what Dimitri meant and what it felt like to be in his spot. 

“You haunt me too sometimes” those words caused Dimitri's head to snap towards Sylvain, the redhead smiled at him patiently. “You, Felix, and Ingrid. Mainly in my dreams. Sometimes I think I still see my brother, when I swing my relic I swear that I can hear him scream.” It felt odd to admit that. To say that out loud when he never even acknowledged it on most days. 

Dimitri’s eyes looked Sylvain up and down, searching his face for any kind of mockery or lies. When he found none the blonde simply looked away and back to the corner that he had been looking at before. 

“You always asked me to kill Miklan.” 

“He’s dead now” Sylvain whispered, words hollow. 

“He is.” 

“But I am not.” 

Dimitri still kept looking at the corner, from where Sylvain was standing he could not see his face but he hoped that it was at least not as pained as it had been before. That maybe knowing that Sylvain was here and alive had brought him the same kind of comfort that it had brought Sylvain when he walked into the cathedral and found the king without spears in his back. 

“You are not.” 

Sylvain nodded, though Dimitri couldn’t see him doing that action. Turning back around and pushing open the doors to the cathedral. Stopping before he stepped outside, “I’ll still be alive even once I leave this room. If you need to make sure of that, just come find me” with that he stepped outside to the cold night air. 

He breathed out, his hands shaking and his heart beating uncontrollably. And yet he knew it wasn’t from being afraid, knew that it wasn’t from him feeling anxious. If he was honest he had no idea why he was feeling this way but deep down he knew that it wasn’t a bad thing. He smiled to himself, feeling a little more whole now that he had spoken those words to Dimitri. 

It was still ridiculously late though so he started making his way back to the infirmary, yes he was curious as to where everyone was (most specifically Felix) but he also knew better than to leave his bed without given the okay to leave it by Marianne (woman could be scary when she wanted to). Plus he also didn’t want Annette to get in trouble for not properly keeping watch over him and so he pushed down his curiosity as he wandered around Garreg Mach. 

“Sylvain? Sylvain!” He heard someone call out to him causing him to turn around and find Ferdinand running over to him. That brought two questions to his mind, one: why was Ferdinand wandering around. And two: why did Ferdinand look a complete and total mess. 

“Ferdinand” he spoke hesitantly but before he could say more Ferdinand was grabbing onto his shoulders and looking at him with the kind of desperation Sylvain had never seen from the man. His hair was unkempt and there were bags under his eyes, the usual princely persona that he had was nowhere to be found. 

“Sylvain, please you have to help me,” Ferdinand begged. “Bernadette told me that everyone in Adrestia thinks that I died. Hubert thinks that I was killed and you have to help me you have to—“ 

“Whoa whoa calm down” Sylvain quickly interrupted, looking around the courtyard to see if anyone was around. Yes he had promised Ferdinand that he was an ally and that he wasn’t planning on hurting either Hubert or Edelgard but that didn’t necessarily mean that it was okay to just be talking this casually about it where others could walk in on them. “Come on, let’s go somewhere else first alright?” 

Ferdinand nodded his head before walking away towards where Sylvain assumed the man was now staying since he was able to walk around freely. That place was the dormitories though it was the first floor and not the second. The long haired man quickly opened the door and let Sylvain into the abandoned room. 

“Sylvain” Ferdinand breathed out, closing the door behind him. “The empire does not know that you spared me, and I’m sure they do not think that you spared Bernadetta either.” 

“Oh I am very aware of that” Sylvain chuckled dryly. “Hubert so kindly made sure to try and get his revenge on me.” He could still remember how angry and hurt Hubert looked at him before setting him ablaze. 

“I have to return back to the empire, I have to let Hubert know that I’m alive” Ferdinand quickly spoke up. 

“You know I wish that was an option but Ferdinand the minute you leave you’re a traitor and no matter what I or anyone else says, will hide that fact. We won’t be able to spare you” Sylvain looked at the man. 

“Then so be it! I cannot just stand here and keep letting Hubert believe that I— how would you feel if Felix thought you were dead?!” The minute those words left Ferdinand’s mouth the redhead immediately looked like he wanted to take them back. “I-I’m sorry. I forgot that you…” 

“That I was dead to him for years,” Sylvain answered calmly. “Look...I get it. I do. But you have to understand that if you leave right now that Claude will not hesitate to kill you.” 

“It is destroying him, Sylvain. That is why he attacked you the way that he did. I know him, _I know him_. He would have spared you, he would have tried to reason with you because deep down he knows that your goal aligns with his. But he thinks that you killed me and it is killing him. Bernadetta tells me that he has not eaten in days, that he is crueler than before.” Ferdinand whispered, his eyes tearing up with each word he spoke until finally tears began to stream down his cheeks. “ I cannot just stand back and keep letting him be in pain, I love him too much to do that.”

Sylvain breathed out slowly, “you can’t leave Ferdinand. You’ll actually die if I let you go.” 

“Then do something else!” Ferdinand yelled out in frustration. “You promised me that you would do everything that you could to save Hubert, if he keeps believing that I am dead he will kill himself! The only thing he would have worth living is Edelgards goddess damned war and he will die for it no matter what you do!” 

“I can only do so much!” Sylvain snapped back before turning away and breathing in shakily. “I am only one person Ferdinand. Keeping you alive right now is the best thing for Hubert and that means not letting you go right now.” 

“Then you tell him” Ferdinand gritted out, his voice pained enough to make Sylvain turn around and look at him. He was still crying but he could also see how angry the paladin was. “Then you tell him that I am alive. Nothing is stopping you from doing that.”

“Except the obvious reason of me being killed the minute I step into Adrestia.” 

Ferdinand laughed, a cruel and hollow sound. “Do not think that I do not know of everything Hubert taught you. That you are the only other person in Fodland that knows what he knows. If you wanted to get into Adrestia you would be able to do it.” 

“It is a suicide mission.” 

“You gave me your word” Ferdinand spat out. The two somehow having gotten close enough to each other that Sylvain’s nose was barely brushing against Ferdinand’s. The other man glaring at him despite the tears that were still streaming down his cheeks. 

“I did” Sylvain breathed out. “I did and I will keep it. Just not by going through some suicide mission” he sighed taking a step back and running his fingers through his hair. “Look. I will try and send Hubert a message, one I know he can’t ignore. If that doesn’t work then I’ll talk to Claude. Okay?” 

“Claude does not care whether Hubert dies or not.” 

“Maybe. But he’s the key to you both getting out of this alive” Sylvain whispered before walking over to the door before stopping and turning to look at the man. “Ferdinand if I wake up tomorrow and you’re gone. Do not expect me to help you. I made you a promise but you also made me one too. Break yours and I break mine.” 

“It is not a matter of me not keeping mine, but of you keeping yours” Ferdinand growled. Sylvain sighed before walking out of the room and closing the door behind him. 

Goddess he was tired. He had just woken up and was already dealing with bullshit. He clenched and unclenched his hand before walking away. He knew he had to keep the promise he had made to Ferdinand not just for Ferdinand’s sake but also because he knew that if Hubert found out that his betrothed was alive that it would be easier to achieve peace. Talking to Edelgard would be easier too if she knew that her friends weren’t getting killed and instead spared, that Claude was not as bloodthirsty as she or Dimitri was. Of course that was easier said than done. Talking to Hubert equaled to a suicide mission. And even talking to him didn’t guarantee total success, the man was so paranoid and hellbent on the bad in people that Sylvain was sure that Hubert would never believe him unless he saw definite proof. 

“You know, Felix is just about to wage war on Leicester because he can’t find you” a voice interrupted his thoughts. The redhead turned around to find Claude leaning on the wall smiling at him. “Glad to know you’re feeling okay enough to walk around though.” 

“Khalid” Sylvain breathed out, not even being able to feel any kind of relief from seeing the man. Immediately walking over and grabbing his arm to pull him closer, whispering in his ear. “We need to talk about Ferdinand.” 

“Why?” 

Sylvain leaned closer, “he thinks about escaping to let Hubert know he’s alive. He apparently found out that people think he died and that was why Hubert was so hellbent on killing me. I talked him out of it and I doubt he’ll do anything but… I gave Ferdinand my word that I would try and save Hubert. He expects me to talk to him and tell him about how he’s still alive.” 

Instantly Claude tensed up, his jaw clenched and his eyes turned sharper. “Thanks for telling me this…” 

He pulled away then, “no use keeping secrets from the man leading me.” Though he understood what Claude meant by that, in retrospect he could’ve kept all of that to himself. He could have dealt with everything by himself without telling the man about anything that was going on between him and Ferdinand and maybe in another life he would have done just that. But right now, so late in the game? Sylvain wasn’t stupid enough to do things without being given the order to do them. 

“Do you think the chances of Hubert being nicer will increase if we let him know about Ferdinand?”

“If he believes us yeah. Key word in believes us” Sylvain sighed. “Honestly, the only way that can be done is either by him seeing Ferdinand or…” 

“Or?” 

Sylvain breathed in slowly, “or we meet up with him. Face to face.” 

Claude sighed, looking over to the side, lost in thought before shaking his head suddenly. “Alright, I’ll figure out what to do” he breathed out before smiling at Sylvain. “I’ll let you know what I end up doing. For now go back to your room before Felix seriously decides to assassinate me.” 

Sylvain chuckled, “I wish I could say that he wouldn’t but I’m pretty sure that he would kill anyone that even looked at him a little funny.” 

“I hate that you somehow managed to say that like a love struck fool” Claude laughed at him before patting him on the shoulder. “He was heading to the dining hall before I caught up with you.” 

“Alright, thanks,” Sylvain smiled at him before walking towards that direction. His mind was still racing but not as much now that he had lumped the responsibility to Claude. Yes, now he felt guilty that he had put more stress on the poor man but well… he was their leader after all, it was kind of his job. Still, he would make sure to give Claude some kind of present as a ‘thank you’ for doing everything that he was doing. 

“Oh there he is!” 

Sylvain heard Ashe’s muffled voice as he turned the corner and found the rest of the blue lions all gathered in the dining hall, Felix already walking over to him with a glare that could kill men. 

“My love! Have I told you that-“ 

“Shut the hell up,” Felix snapped at him before standing in front of him with his arms crossed over his chest and the glare only getting deadlier. “Where the hell have you been?!” 

“Talking to Dimitri” half truth. That would work. Probably the best answer he could give him instead of ‘plotting a suicide mission with Ferdinand’. 

“The boar? Why the hell— are you insane?! He could have killed you, you dumbass!” Wrong answer, Felix was now livid. 

“Whoa whoa let’s calm down Fe, obviously he didn’t kill me so no need to get mad. Dimitri would not have killed me.” 

“You are literally the number one person he has tried to kill in the past 5 years apart from Edelgard!” 

“That is valid but-“ 

“But nothing! Sylvain why the hell would you think that was a good idea” Felix breathed out, exasperated by the man. 

“You know why” Sylvain groaned, instantly Felix’s face got softer, the man quietly saying ‘oh’ as he took a step back. “Look I just — I needed to see him. Sorry for making you panic but it’s fine. He didn’t even try to kill me, we just talked and that was it.” 

Felix frowned, “hardly doubt it was a riveting conversation.” 

Sylvain burst out laughing taking a step forward to wrap the younger man in his arms, “have I told you that I love you today? You and all of your prickliness?” 

“You’re an idiot” Felix huffed wiggling out of his arms to glare at him. “Don’t leave like that again.” 

“I won't, I won’t” Sylvain smiled at him before turning around to find that the others had already started to walk away, probably to go to sleep for the night. He made a mental note to apologize to Annette because he was sure Felix had the best conversation with her when they found out he had sneaked away. 

“Anyways where were _you_?” Sylvain turned to frown at the man. “You also disappeared on me.” 

Felix scoffed before turning to walk away, Sylvain following him closely. “War council. Glenn and Claude agreed on our next move after two days of the two being man babies. We’re going to head out to Fhirdiad later this month.” 

“Well shit” Sylvain mumbled. “It is the logical move to make at least now that both armies are together.” 

“Yeah well it makes no difference to me as long as we get closer to ending this fucken war” Felix sighed. 

The redhead turned to look at him then, he looked tired but not from exhaustion but just tired of this war. That was more than understandable, especially since Faerghus had been fighting a losing war and that was more draining than anything else. He smiled at him, slinging his arm over the younger man's shoulders and pulling him closer to him. 

“War’s almost over, love. Just a little longer” he whispered into the crook of Felix’s neck. Felix just sighed, shaking him off enough that they could keep walking but didn’t shake him off to the point that Sylvain’s arm wasn’t on his shoulder anymore. That alone caused Sylvain’s heart to swell as the two walked over to the dormitory. 

“I’ve been crashing in your room” Felix spoke as they walked up the stairs. “Since mine’s unlivable.” 

“Both you and I know that you’re always welcomed in my bed” Sylvain purred, earning him a small jab to the gut as Felix pulled away to unlock their door. 

“How do you make everything sound like that?” Felix glared at him but there was no heat to it. The two stepped inside and to Sylvain’s horror— it was a mess. 

“My love, my sweetest buttercup honey cake, baby dearest, the love of my life” Sylvain started speaking before turning to Felix with a strained smile. “Why the hell does it look like a wyvern stampede ran through here?”

A small blush dusted over Felix’s cheeks. “I was gonna clean it up” he mumbled as he quickly started piling up his clothes into his arms. “I thought you wouldn’t get out until tomorrow.” 

Sylvain sighed, “you’re _lucky_ that I love you” he shook his head as he helped Felix clean up the room enough that it wouldn’t give him a headache. The entire time Felix just grumbled under his breath about Sylvain being too much of a clean freak for his own good. Sylvain countered that by grumbling about how Felix didn’t know how to put clothes away. In the end the two just ended up bickering mindlessly until the room was clean and Sylvain was laying in bed. 

“I don’t think this bed is big enough for the two of us” Felix mumbled as he started changing out of his clothes and into his sleep wear. And well, Sylvain was a simple man with simple desires, could he really be blamed for staring while the man he loved changed right in front of him? The answer to his question was in the way Felix frowned at him before throwing his shirt at his face. But Sylvain didn’t miss the way Felix blushed and he definitely did not miss the hint of hunger in Felix’s eyes when he had noticed that he was being looked at. 

“If you ask me, I think we can fit if we get real close and personal” Sylvain winked. 

“You’re ridiculous, you were just bed ridden” Felix huffed, sitting down on the bed despite Sylvain patting his lap for him to sit on. 

“Only for you” Sylvain purred, leaning forward to kiss Felix but a hand to his face stopped him. 

“You already used that line, come up with new material Gautier.” 

Sylvain gasped, “how dare you criticize me for my lines! You know just because of that I’m going to get even more ridiculous and cheesy.” 

“Please don’t.” 

“Then make me.” 

“I’m not falling for that one” Felix smirked at the redhead before laying down on the bed. 

“Why not?” Sylvain purred, leaning down to kiss Felix’s cheek, slowly leaving kiss trails down until he was kissing his collar bone. “Won’t hurt to fall into a trap here and there.” He smiled at the way Felix’s body shivered under him. 

“You realize there’s people sleeping near us right” Felix spoke, though Sylvain could tell the man wasn’t pointing that out to stop him but to merely point out the obvious. 

“Then guess we’ll have to be extra quiet” Sylvain mumbled, shifting so that he had Felix under him, lowering himself so that he could trail kisses down Felix’s chest. The younger man’s breath hitching slightly. 

“You’re the worst” Felix hissed when Sylvains hand slowly went down to squeeze his thighs. 

“Missed you Fe,” Sylvain whispered, pushing himself up to kiss the side of Felix’s jaw. “Been thinking about you every night.” That earned him another shiver before Felix tilted his head to capture his lips. 

“You talk too much” Felix spoke before suddenly Sylvain’s back hit the mattress and Felix was the one on top of him with a grin. The younger man settled himself in between his thighs, one hand grabbing his waist and another sneaky hand getting closer to the upper back of his thigh. “Less talking” Felix mumbled before leaning down and Sylvain was more than happy to oblige. 

~ X ~ 

“The least you could do is wear a shirt that covers your neck” Ingrid groaned at Sylvain, the redhead just laughing at her blush. 

“Aw but I like how I look. Kind of makes me feel like I’m owned” Sylvain grinned and that earned him a kick to his shin from the blonde as she blushed and stammered. 

“What you and Felix do on your own is between the two of you. Please for the love of all things holy do not ever tell me what goes on behind closed doors.” 

“Oh well since you so nicely asked what happened last night. Felix had a first hand look at my nonexistent gag refle—“ 

“SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP” each word was punctuated with a slap on his arm from Ingrid. Sylvain could only laugh and run away into the dining hall, turning back to wink at the blonde who was now a deeper shade of red than his hair. 

“You cannot tell me that you expected anything else from me” he laughed. 

“Yes! Yes I did!” Ingrid huffed as the two walked over to grab their lunch. “Seriously Sylvain, I really do not need to _know_ what you and Felix do. Quite frankly the idea of you fucking Felix is one that I—“ 

“Oh, I was not the one doing the fucking.” 

“SYLVAIN.” 

Sylvain barked out a laugh, thanking the cooks before grabbing his tray and walking over to the table. Ingrid, despite how much she was glaring at him, still sat with him. “Come on Ingrid, you’re acting like you’re soooo innocent but you can’t tell you and Glenn have never— holY SHIT YOU AND GLENN HAVE NEVER?!” 

“SHUT UP” Ingrid yelled this time kicking his knee but no matter what she did it would not hide the way that she was blushing from head to toe. 

“Ingrid please tell me that I am wrong.” 

“What I do is my own business!” 

“Oh Ingrid sweetie you cannot tell me that—“ 

“We have!” Ingrid snapped at him before slapping her hand over her mouth and looking around to see if anyone had heard her. Luckily for her no one had any clue what they were talking about so no one was looking. She sighed, before turning to glare at him. 

“So little Ingrid is not that innocent huh?” 

“You are the last person I want to have this conversation with” Ingrid hissed at him. 

“Alright alright” Sylvain chuckled, lifting his hands up. “But you know this means that you and I are now officially part of the club.”

Ingrid frowned, “what club?” 

“The Fraldarius dick suckers club.” His shin nearly broke that time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sylvain: *walks out of his room covered in hickeys*
> 
> Felix: Hehehe mine
> 
> Fun fact I had written that smut scene but decided against adding it because it didn’t feel right for this chapter since so many things were happening already. But somewhere in my laptop I do have the long lost files of Sylvain Jose Gautier having the time of his life

**Author's Note:**

> Go yell at me on [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/wrathiess)


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